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I don't do well in new social situations...

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
I've always been shy. Interacting with people is always difficult for me... I like people, but I don't know how to interact with them. It's like I'm from another planet or something.

Anyways, after I finished school, I kind of lost touch with most of my social network. Now I need to meet new people.

Recently, I have also become more serious about practicing Buddhism.

So I figured I should put the two things together and start going to a Buddhist center. I found one that seems interesting and they're having their regular meditation / teaching evening tomorrow night. I honestly cannot find any possible reason why I shouldn't go.

Well, I'm kind of nervous about it. What if I can't fit in? What if everyone else knows each other and totally ignores me?
Ok, I don't even know what I'm nervous about anymore.
So far religion has been mostly a private thing but I am really feeling the need to share and learn from others. I guess the fact that it's important to me makes it even more stressful.

Still, I should go. What's the worst that can happen?

Can someone kick me in the behind?
post #2 of 18
It seems to me the least scary place in the world to go would be a Buddist center. Tell yourself you don't ever have to do it again, but you should try it this once.

I'll be waiting to hear how it goes, so don't disappoint me. Good luck!
post #3 of 18
I'm sure you'll do fine! A religious place is the best spot to get to know new people because you have the same beliefs and points of view on life. Just act like yourself! I'm shy too, and I usually wait for people to come to me. I'm sure you're a very likable person so just wait for people to come up to you and start a conversation. Just chat about life, your kitties () , religion, etc. I'm sure it will be lots of fun!

Good luck!
post #4 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
It seems to me the least scary place in the world to go would be a Buddist center.
well, you never know. I could get mugged by a monk!
(bad Marie!! that's a very un-Buddhist thing to say! )
post #5 of 18
I don't know much about Buddhism, but my impression is that one of its fundamental tenets is to be kind... so I think you've chosen a very safe place to go.

I spent the first 35 years of my life being shy and fearful to the point of social paralysis. Finally, I realized that I was making a very fundamental mistake: I was painfully focused on myself and my inadequacies, when I should have been focusing on everybody else!

Now I walk into a room with a big smile and immediately find a way to get somebody started talking about himself (everybody's favorite subject ). Even with total strangers, you can always say something like, What a pretty ring! Is that a family heirloom? It's amazing how much more relaxed you become when you turn your attention on the other person and stop scrutinizing yourself!

And gosh... you asked what if everyone knows each other and they ignore you... but more likely, they all know each other and will be thrilled to have someone new to talk to!

You're such a pleasant person here on TCS -- I'm sure you'll do just fine at the Buddhist center. Have a wonderful time!
post #6 of 18
Awwww Marie, you will be fine

Try it at least this once..I'm sure it will be great
post #7 of 18
I think that's a great idea! I'm not a very sociable person but i've been desperate to find a coven around here, i'm kinda on my own. I think it will be wonderful for you to meet new people that you already have something in common with, it could make the transition a whole lot easier.
post #8 of 18
I can't say that I've ever been anti-social or shy. I've always been very outgoing. I think the key to remember is, don't think about what other people think of you...it's what you think of you that matters!
post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlights mom View Post
I'm sure you'll do fine! A religious place is the best spot to get to know new people because you have the same beliefs and points of view on life. Just act like yourself! I'm shy too, and I usually wait for people to come to me. I'm sure you're a very likable person so just wait for people to come up to you and start a conversation. Just chat about life, your kitties () , religion, etc. I'm sure it will be lots of fun!

Good luck!
thanks. I guess having something in common will help start conversations. Actually, I've never really been to a religious place before (aside from going to church for funerals, baptisms and so on.) I guess it will be an interesting experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
I don't know much about Buddhism, but my impression is that one of its fundamental tenets is to be kind... so I think you've chosen a very safe place to go.
that's true. I'm sure they must be very tolerant of beginners.

Quote:
I spent the first 35 years of my life being shy and fearful to the point of social paralysis. Finally, I realized that I was making a very fundamental mistake: I was painfully focused on myself and my inadequacies, when I should have been focusing on everybody else!

Now I walk into a room with a big smile and immediately find a way to get somebody started talking about himself (everybody's favorite subject ). Even with total strangers, you can always say something like, What a pretty ring! Is that a family heirloom? It's amazing how much more relaxed you become when you turn your attention on the other person and stop scrutinizing yourself!
that's GREAT advice. Why did no one tell me that a few decades ago?

Quote:
And gosh... you asked what if everyone knows each other and they ignore you... but more likely, they all know each other and will be thrilled to have someone new to talk to!

You're such a pleasant person here on TCS -- I'm sure you'll do just fine at the Buddhist center. Have a wonderful time!
Thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
Awwww Marie, you will be fine

Try it at least this once..I'm sure it will be great
Thank you


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoriana View Post
I think that's a great idea! I'm not a very sociable person but i've been desperate to find a coven around here, i'm kinda on my own. I think it will be wonderful for you to meet new people that you already have something in common with, it could make the transition a whole lot easier.
Thanks.

Well, I guess I HAVE to go now, or else you're all gonna get on my case!
post #10 of 18
Don't feel bad about being shy. I am exactly the same as you! I am alone most of the time (but that has a lot to do with being an only child) and I am just horrible at socializing. All my good friends are either busy or not close by so I pretty much march to my own drummer. Sometimes by choice and others not.
Just remember, there will be people that do know each other, but that is common in any social situation and if you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to go again! But I would think that a religious setting would be the least stressful and people tend to be more open to welcoming new people. Let us know how it goes!
post #11 of 18
OK I'm really kind of a shy person IRL. Here's what always helps me out:

Will you ever wonder about what would happen if you didn't go?

If you continue to ponder going, then you are wondering. So at least try it in baby steps, attend once, twice, and see how things are even if you don't say much to other people. Several years ago I decided to try Tae Kwan Do and joined for a month. I would say hi to people but never initiated conversations. Then one day I had some psycho chick text message me 15 times in one day, 5 of those times were during class. That was the ice breaker for the girls lockerroom and I. They all thought she had a few issues

Good luck and you'll do just fine!
post #12 of 18
so, i am going to go with
what if people like me,
what if i have fun

you wont know until you try

I can do the social thing, i dont like it, in fact i hate it. For me its because i really want nothing to do with alot people, lol if it was not for thewife, and the internet, i could go days without speaking to a another person and not care.
post #13 of 18
Thread Starter 
well, I'm back!

It went fine. The only problem I had is that I got there late and the meditation session had already started. When I walked in the room at the entrance was empty. I just read the signs posted and followed the instruction.... I took off my shoes, put a donation in the donation jar and waited to enter the meditation room until the bell rang. Ok, actually, I ended up waiting 4-5 bell rings before working up the courage to enter.

So for the two hours I was there, we did sitting meditation, walking meditation, more sitting meditation, reading from Buddhist texts and then open discussion. The people were nice and quite welcoming.

I'm sure I'll go back soon.
post #14 of 18
woot!!! glad you went.
post #15 of 18
I'm so glad things went well. I'm like you..if going to a place where I know no one, I will purposely get myself lost (in my own home town) to try to delay it. It usually ends up better than I thought it would, but I'm not good at meeting new people. I can actually panic. I really admire you for going and I'm so glad you had a good experience! I hope you go back!
post #16 of 18
Oh it sounds so peaceful! I hope everything went well and you'll keep going there. Congratz to you!!!
post #17 of 18
I'm so glad it went well for you!
post #18 of 18
way to go! You did it! I am painfully shy, too (believe it or not). If not for the internet, well, ya know. You were so brave! Let us know it it goes from here on out
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