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How To Accept Gifts Graciously (An Exorcise in High, Sexsist Sarcasm)

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
DISCLAIMER: This is irony.

Gift 1: Power Tool
"Thanks, hon . . . a pneumtic hole puncher. Finally I can get those . . .uh . . .holes punched . . ."

Gift 2: Sports Related
"Alright, Bruins tickets. Being a male, I would enjoy this kind of brainless thing. Perhaps you would like a new apron or a typewriter so you can bone up on your secretarial skills?"

Gift 3: Car Parts of Car Accessories
"Window scraper. Good. I mean, we've already got, like, three, but you can never have too many car-related things, right? By the way, for my birthday, I'd like a hood ornament from a 71 LeBaron. No cake, no romance, just that little, metal hood ornament."

Gift 4: Grill or Other Cooking Appliance
"But honey . . . cooking is your job."

-Ryan
post #2 of 25
LOL!
post #3 of 25
hey, i thought guys love "guy things" as presents. The commercials on t.v. sure make it seem that way
Guess it does go both ways as far as gift giving goes.
post #4 of 25
Funny! :LOL:
post #5 of 25
Thread Starter 
Wow, I really thought that post would get me lynched! I had a whole defense planned for the madding crowd. I'm really glad no one was offended. I was only trying to be funny.

Coco - Anything you see on TV was put there by a marketer. These people weave reality, they bend the truth beause they want to make you buy things. If they set up dividers, visually create social classes within sexes and races, then they can easily separate groups into marketing demographics. This makes it easier to sell to specific people, and makes people believe that men and women are really separate sub-groups of the same species. In truh, men and women are very different, but we are also much alike. All humans are united in their one ultimate need: comfort. Not happiness necesarily, just the illusion of stability. We want things to be easy. Marketers give you that. They divide things into groups and say, "Alright. These people are separated by this. You can't by this for thisd group, because they will always dislike it." 1+1=2, black and white, no deviation for the pattern. Easy right? Easier than trying to figure out a person's individual personality. This type of classification illiminates individuality and makes humanity into one, big, easily manipulated herd.
Of course, most people don't look closely enough to see this manipulation. We trust the meda. Why?
Because we don't know who runs it.
They wouldn't broadcast lies? Distort the truth and thus distort our view of human society simply for the purpose of selling us products, would they?
Yes.
The say, "It's not hurting anyone. It's just leading them a little bit."
I swear I'm not some kook conspiracy theorist, I just know a little bit about marketing . . . real marketing. And just like they say about Taco Bell: "Once you've seen behind the scenes, you'll never trust it again."

-Ryan
post #6 of 25
My Bill is a diesel mechanic. I would NEVER buy him a tool, as a present. HE would never get me a vacuum cleaner.
post #7 of 25
Ryan~

Hilarious! I especially loved the one about the grill. Being a mostly female crowd, we do post our share of 'male bashing' jokes. It's great to have at least one person taking up for the 'other team'.
post #8 of 25
Ryan, I can see you have a good sense of humor! Most of us here aren't easily offended, we recognize something funny when we see it. This is why I always give a wish list, and ask for a wish list, so my s/o and I could be happy with our gifts. I would only give power tools if requested to. This year, he is getting a metal detector and a handmade sweater. He has wanted a metal detector for several years.

You are so right about marketing. It makes everything look so simple, and makes us believe that it is like that.
post #9 of 25
Thread Starter 
I asked for video games and DVDs! There's some more irony for ya!
Being in the music biz, everything I'd love to have is ridiculously expensive. 12 string guitar, Wah pedal, Voice One vocal processor with pitch-correction, etc. So, I try to ask for Christmas gifts that aren't going to break any budgets.
There was an article in Cat Fancy this month about men being cat people. Like it was some surprise. I believe feline love knows no boundaries of sex or race.

As to my sense of humor . . . I did stand-up comedy for a brief period, and I also write humor essays. I come from a long line of funny guys.

Speaking of the media, those metal detector commercials always crack me up.
"My wife thought this metal detector was a silly investment . . . till she saw this RING!"
"Thanks, husband. Nothin' says lovin' like jewlery you dug out of the ground by the interstate."
I've always wondered why anyone would want a metal detector. I mean, they're cool and interesting, but I think metal-detecting is kind of a weird hobby. To each their own, though.
-Ryan
post #10 of 25
All I can say is Dan, my s/o is a weird kind of guy! I bought him a used detector from ebay, just in case he never uses it. He also would like an acoustic guitar, but it will have to wait. He has an electric and a concert grade classical at the moment.
post #11 of 25
My husband used to work for the company behind that commercial. Metal detecting can be fun and rewarding, but you also dig up a great number of nails, a ton of mineralized dirt, bottle caps and tin cans! We used to go over to where the rodeo was held after it was over with and use the machines to test them. Always managed to find something interesting. But it kills your back and it is a guessing game trying to figure out how deep to dig and making sure you dig carefully enough to not destroy what you are after.

Their latest prototype is pretty cool, with a digital screen that shows you what is below ground before you dig. One year, it had snowed and this lady called and said she had broke down on the highway, changed her tire, and lost her expensive wedding ring. Mike went out with her that evening with the machine and a flashlight and found her ring in under a half an hour. That was pretty cool. BTW the man in the commercial besides being a lousy actor (because he isn't) is not married and the ring was taken out of the museum of found items that is in the front lobby of the business.
post #12 of 25
My son, Mark, has dropped some not-so-subtle hints about amps and guitars. I know nothing about these items. His wife, Sam, straightens him out, right away: "We're pregnant with twins, you idiot!"

Next birthday, I'll do the same as last: a gift certificate from the Guitar Center.
post #13 of 25
Quote:
Originally posted by Thirtysilver


Speaking of the media, those metal detector commercials always crack me up.
"My wife thought this metal detector was a silly investment . . . till she saw this RING!"
"Thanks, husband. Nothin' says lovin' like jewlery you dug out of the ground by the interstate."
-Ryan
OMG!!! That just cracked me up! I was laughing out loud and almost spit my drink all over the computer screen!!! Too funny!! :laughing:
post #14 of 25
Thread Starter 
One year, my step-brothers all got metal detectors for their birthdays (I got pants).
The youngest found a handle off a carving knife . . . that was pretty weird. Aside from that, they came away empty-handed despite hours of walking around the park swinging those things. I think, maybe, they weren't using the devices correctly.

Hissy -That's so cool that your husband worked for the company that did the metal detector commercial! Small world, eh? I always wondered . . . who are these people? Who is this metal detector man? Now I know someone with an inside mind.

They had Museum of Found items? What type of stuff was in it? I've heard of such a place . . . I thought it was an actual big-deal musem in CA.

Kaktl8e - If yo've gotany questions about amps, guitars, or other musician-type stuff, I'd be glad to help out. I'm not an expert or anything, but I have done a lot of shopping around. Just ask!

Bren -I'd love to have a concert grade classical git-fiddle. What kind does he have?

-Ryan
post #15 of 25
It's a Yamaha, it really is a beautiful instrument.
post #16 of 25
Thread Starter 
As I posted before, I love Parker guitars. Parker sells an electric classical guitar called the Spanish Fly. It's really amazing. It has the nylon strings and all.
-Ryan
post #17 of 25
Thanks, Ryan. I think that I'll stick with the gift certificates. Turns out, that Mark had had his eye on a new strap and the certificate paid for it.

He plays, bass, lead and drums in a garage band. They play small gigs and civic functions (Fourth of July, etc.) He's, alsao, into Christian rock.
post #18 of 25
Thread Starter 
I bought a strap for $25 once. Mnths later, I saw the same strap for sale for $40! I couldn't believe it! It turns out they hiked the price because the back of the more expensive strap was blue, while he strap I paid for as brown on the back.
Maybe I'm wrong but . . . who's going to see the [b]back[/i] of the strap?

Are you into Christian rock, Kat?
post #19 of 25
About the museum, it is pretty awesome.There are lots of treasures there. Gold coins from shipwrecks, old guns, including muskets, jewelry, antique tools, all the metal detectors from the very beginning including the first one that was made out of wood.

Mike was involved in helping to design a metal detector that would detect land mines but not set them off. That was interesting. There were four guys on that project.
post #20 of 25
Not really, Ryan. I confess to liking the old-time gospel, that I was raised on.

As for Rock, in general, I gave up on rock 'n roll, when disco came in. I like big band, '50s and '60s rock and country. Bill and I have enrolled in a country dance class: waltz, two-step and swing. I know how to dance but he doesn't (yet). We start, next month.
post #21 of 25
Thread Starter 
I've got varied musical tastes. I can listen to death metal, Acoustic rock, Pink Floyd, and Elvis in one sitting. I also like some rap. I like music! I like listening to the chord changes and the tonality and the lyrics. Mostly, I like this because I tend to judge the quality of the music in my head.
I don't really like Christian rock. I may if I were Christian, but that's not all of it. I don't understand why a songwriter with some talent would decide, "There is only one thing worth writing about, and I refuse to write about anything else." It seems like a waste to focus all your talent on writing about one thing when life,emotion, and the human condition are so complex. To throw out such compelling concepts as blind rage, revenge, and bitter pain is to eliminate reality from your music.
I do like the Chistian band Jars of Clay. Their music is very good, the guy's voice is fantastic, and they write about more than just religion.

Hissy, it sounds like your husband is a very important guy! Imagine how many lives that mine-sweeper device has saved.
-Ryan
post #22 of 25
Quote:
Originally posted by Thirtysilver

I don't really like Christian rock. I may if I were Christian, but that's not all of it. I don't understand why a songwriter with some talent would decide, "There is only one thing worth writing about, and I refuse to write about anything else." It seems like a waste to focus all your talent on writing about one thing when life,emotion, and the human condition are so complex. To throw out such compelling concepts as blind rage, revenge, and bitter pain is to eliminate reality from your music.
-Ryan
I think it is because blind rage, revenge and bitter pain are not what the Chrisitan concept is all about. I'm not going to get into a debate about Christianity with you or anything, but I think that Christian music is supposed to be "uplifting" for the spirit, not a downer.
post #23 of 25
Thread Starter 
Christian musicians need a broader definition of what is "uplifting."

Let's take the Lord of the Rings, for example. Think of the hatred of the orcs, the evil of Sauron, the darkness and death of war. In the end, good wins out of nearly insurrmountable evil. A song isn't necessarily a downer just because it has bad stuff like rage in it -it can be victorius, heroic, or it can be bittersweet. I find a good story about heroism or vindication to be very uplifting. I wrote a song recently called "Reign of Grief." The first verse goes:

Where is my righteous vengeance?
When comes my Reign of Grief?
Where is the shadowed stranger with his furious blade unsheathed?

The song is about someone who feels like his torment and pain in life have gone unavenged. He doesn't just want mollification, he want retribution. He wants to believe in justice and fairness; but he understands that, often, bad deeds go unpunished and the good suffer needlessly. This, I believe, is realistic. I know that Christian rock isn't about revenge, but I think that cutting the darkness of human emotion out of your song-writing repertoire limits the range of life and realism your lyrics can convey.
-Ryan
post #24 of 25
"Vengeance is mine sayith the Lord"

"If you don't like Chrisitan music, just don't listen to it, sayith Debby"
post #25 of 25
Thread Starter 
amen to that, debby!
-Ryan
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