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Do you talk about your past?

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Weird question I know.. but this was brought to my attention today so I was trying to get other opinions on it..

I talk about my past a lot... not in like a dating sense, but just random things I used to do like dinering with my friends until all hours the few times we were jobless... or the random roadtrips that always landed us somewhere unexpected.

In a way I guess it makes me feel less adult. I mean now what do I do? Work for hours to pay a mortgage, then clean a house, make dinner... I'm not exactly living the high life here I have fun now too... but I also like remembering those fun times I had.

I guess they're just fond memories for me so I think about them often... and what you think about, you tend to talk about. But it really seems to bother DH. Like tonight we went to see a play and one of the actors in it had an uncanny resemblance to one of my friends brothers (who, btw, is also an actor... but I don't think it was him). I mentioned it to him during intermission and he got all mad... said something like he wanted this night to be about us so why do I have to bring my past into it. I didn't think mentioning that this guy reminded me of someone was a big deal... but I think to DH it was.

I didn't think it was so odd until DH started getting irritated by it. So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is... am I the only one that does this? And if you do it too, does your SO get bothered by it?
post #2 of 23
hmm not really, i may bring something from my travels or such. Or if i think it relates to something we are talking about.

but over all i get accused of not saying enough.
post #3 of 23
I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about things from "back in the day" (that's how I refer to my younger, responsibility-free days). But, my DH was part of those days, so we can go through memories together. If you talk about it a lot, maybe your husband feels like you aren't having as much fun now as you did back then? The male ego is a fragile thing (my mom always said that and it is the truth!)
post #4 of 23
To me your dh seemed to be jealous, maybe he thought you fancied the guy or something! Yes Male ego is so fragile!
post #5 of 23
Thread Starter 
Well if he didn't know that I assume all men in musicals are gay, I'd think you might be right.

(I know they're not *all* gay, but the odds are in my favor )

But it's not like that... it's like... oy this is hard to describe...

Like we'll be talking about... I don't know... let's say halloween costumes... and I'll say something like "you know they have this halloween parade in NYC every year... I went once and the costumes were so cool... " and he gets really quiet and starts to get this frustrated look on his face like "... she's talking about her past again..." or sometimes it's "... she's talking about NY again..."

It's almost like because I moved down here and am in FL now, I should automatically forget about everything that happened to me while I was raised in NY and never speak of it again. It just seems so odd... but to him, I'm 'living in the past'...
post #6 of 23
You know what? My best advice to you is to just be yourself and stop worrying so much about what your husband thinks about what you say.

You shouldn't feel like you need to walk on egg shells or be afraid of saying something out of fear that your husband will get that "frustrated" look.

Just be yourself. If he has a problem with the way you talk or the things you talk about, that's his issue to deal with, not yours.

Stop giving him so much control over you. We all have a history and we all have experiences that we have lived through prior to meeting our SO. You shouldn't feel bad about talking about it. Now of course if you were always talking about the "fun" you had with ex boy friends he might feel you are comparing him to your past lovers, but for him to get upset when you just mention having gone to a halloween parade or something is pure nonsense.

Maybe he has some experiences in his past that he isn't proud of and thinks because you are so open about your life before having met him, that you will start to probe into his life before you.

Eitherway, it's his issue to deal with, not yours Never feel bad for being yourself
post #7 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
You know what? My best advice to you is to just be yourself and stop worrying so much about what your husband thinks about what you say.

You shouldn't feel like you need to walk on egg shells or be afraid of saying something out of fear that your husband will get that "frustrated" look.

Just be yourself. If he has a problem with the way you talk or the things you talk about, that's his issue to deal with, not yours.
Oh its totally true and I'll be me regardless! I'm not the type to kowtow to anyone... and honestly I wouldn't have even thought much about it until he finally said something tonight. It caught me off guard, so I was just trying to figure out if this is not something other people do because I always thought sharing experiences was just part of general conversation and perhaps I was wrong.

But no, don't worry... I'm a strong willed opinionated PITA and I know it And I'll be me no matter what.. promise
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
I didn't think it was so odd until DH started getting irritated by it. does your SO get bothered by it?
I talk about my past now and again, and if Gil didn't like it he could go whistle because my past is a big part of my life.
post #9 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about things from "back in the day"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
I talk about my past now and again, and if Gil didn't like it he could go whistle because my past is a big part of my life.
See that's exactly what I thought...

Good good. Thank you for the second opinion. I didn't think I was crazy, but it's nice to have confirmation Next time he does it I am so going to call him on his BS.
post #10 of 23
I agree with the others, nothing wrong with you, that sounds normal
but maybe he has some stuff to deal with internally
post #11 of 23
There's a difference between talking about the past and living in the past. Talking about the past is nothing...merely just recalling memories.

However if you're living in the past (calling up old friends that you haven't talked to since high school to hang out), then well, he's allowed to be irritated. That's just a sign of not being able to let go.

Since you just talk about it don't worry. There's nothing wrong with it. B and I do it with each other (although I guess I wasn't as cool as he was )
post #12 of 23
Mom does this with her friends and I find it funny. I love hear the stories over and over again. Men just can't seem to understand or deal with it I guess. DH gets tired of the same stories.

I think talking about past experiences keeps your memories fresh
post #13 of 23
Experiences from your past are part of what shaped who you are TODAY.
post #14 of 23
I never really thought about it. I don't think I bring it up too often. I really only do so when I feel it relates to what we are doing or discussing. I know he does it as well, so we aren't fussed either way.

Maybe your DH think that you regret moving to Florida. I know you have mentioned having a few issues adjusting. Maybe he thinks when you bring up your past you are resenting or regreting your choices of the present.

Honestly, I would sit him down and ask him why it frustrates him so much. There has to be a reason. Hopefully he will be open with you and share it, but men, in my experience, like to keep their insecurities to themselves and just let their frustration show.
post #15 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by adymarie View Post
Maybe your DH think that you regret moving to Florida. I know you have mentioned having a few issues adjusting. Maybe he thinks when you bring up your past you are resenting or regreting your choices of the present.
Oooh ohohohoh this is a good theory.

I have had a bit of trouble adjusting.. I mean the wildlife is nutty here... and I don't really know anyone (downside to working at home ) I never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense! I mean I do like it here, but with the amount I freak out over bugs or hurricanes I could see where he could think I might be regretting it.

Interesting... I'll have to pose this question to him...

Thanks!
post #16 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom View Post
Oooh ohohohoh this is a good theory.

I have had a bit of trouble adjusting.. I mean the wildlife is nutty here... and I don't really know anyone (downside to working at home ) I never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense! I mean I do like it here, but with the amount I freak out over bugs or hurricanes I could see where he could think I might be regretting it.

Interesting... I'll have to pose this question to him...

Thanks!
I am glad that I came up with something that may be useful. He may not want to bring it up with you...be gentle.
post #17 of 23


Yup-sure do! And I dont see anything wrong with it!! DH does it as well.
post #18 of 23
I don't see anything wrong with it, either. As long as you aren't repeating the same stories over and over to the same people.

I talk about my abusive childhood a lot on this board... it helps me deal with it. Some of my friends know about my childhood but I've never really elaborated to them.
post #19 of 23
I love talking about my past..and always do if it is warranted..

My ex was kinda the same...but it was because he was jealous of me having fun with other people..so that was his issue
post #20 of 23
We do it all the time. DH and I have been very happily married for 5 yrs and we STILL like talking about everything we did/saw on our honeymoon in Hawaii. We can remember all of it like it was yesterday
post #21 of 23
The hubby and I both talk about the past. We also call it "back in the day." We did a lot of fun stuff. Some of our "back in the day" stories overlap. Without them, we wouldn't be who we are. We've heard each others stories a billion times, but I still like hearing his. He must still like mine, he never says anything anyway.

I think part of it--for us--is we live so far from our friends, and there really is no "scene" here. No clubs. Not even any bars close enough to safely go drinking ("back in the day" we lived within walking distance--no worry of drinking & driving). No concerts ().

"Back in the day" was fun, before we had to be "grown ups." Before we had to dress and act a certain way. Lately I think we've been too serious, and are trying to get more relaxation time (camping, going on small weekend vacations, etc). Like we used to.
post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e View Post
Experiences from your past are part of what shaped who you are TODAY.
If it was every 5mins fair enough but I think it would be a bit odd not to talk about past experiences, friends etc.
post #23 of 23
Hello

I have to agree with everyone here you should be able to talk about your past without feeling guilty some men can be insecure .

You should sit down with your DH and talk but remember he might say to you there isn't anything wrong but don't give up if he decides to hold back .
We talk about our past because we have one we both had different lifes before me met I believe it is good to talk about things from your past with each other the last thing you want to hear him say to you is why didn't you tell me.
if you share all other parts of your life together then You should be able to talk about anything.....He should be your best friend.
Good Luck and I hope your talk goes well.

Lori~
Heaven
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