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What a bombshell to drop on me!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I was just fussing over Figaro. Mom says "you'll be a wonderful mother someday!"

I have no desire to have kids. There are enough on this planet already(sorry to be so cynical). I mean, though, I was kissing Figgy all over, wiped a little food off his face & chin, smoothed his fur, then went back to smooching him. Mom just stared at me....

If only I could make her understand I don't want kids!
post #2 of 26
But Nat, you already ARE a good mommy! You're a great mommy to your critters, and a fantastic foster mommy.
post #3 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
But Nat, you already ARE a good mommy! You're a great mommy to your critters, and a fantastic foster mommy.
Exactly! Thats the best kind of mommy to be!
post #4 of 26
Some mothers are so set on grandkids. I know plenty of 'older' people who never had kids and plenty my own age who never want kids. It's too bad if she can't respect you decision.... but I agree that your already a fantastic meowmy and you shouldn't ever have kids because it's expected of you.
post #5 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I was just fussing over Figaro. Mom says "you'll be a wonderful mother someday!"

I have no desire to have kids. There are enough on this planet already(sorry to be so cynical). I mean, though, I was kissing Figgy all over, wiped a little food off his face & chin, smoothed his fur, then went back to smooching him. Mom just stared at me....

If only I could make her understand I don't want kids!
How old are you? Our daughter has a very promising career ahead of her, working with such starts as Tom Cruise. She was the assistant director on Mission Impossible 3 and is looking forward to directing her first film. She is 27. DW keeps carrying on about the room we have in our house that will be our grandchild's. She is our only offspring and I know I will never be a grandfather simply because her career would come to a screeching halt. I have come to accept this but DW goes on and on about this. I know exactly what you are talking about, believe me. But you know, if you were the mother, you would probably be doing the same thing. That's just the way it is. Right now, the "grandchild's" room is the cat's room. And that is almost a certainy to remain that way.
post #6 of 26
I swore up and down I would never have kids. LOL I wanted to only have furry kids. But things changed. I always hated when my mom gave me that look and then said that. It drove me up a wall. Now Im 20 divorced and have a 3 month old baby that my ex convinced me to want. I love Ari to death but Im not having ANY more skin kids. I preffer the furry kind. LOL
post #7 of 26
Thread Starter 
I'm 20. If I do decide I want kids, I've got plenty of time. I do not necessarily forsee skin kids....I forses alot of fur kids, though!
post #8 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I was just fussing over Figaro. Mom says "you'll be a wonderful mother someday!"

I have no desire to have kids. There are enough on this planet already(sorry to be so cynical). I mean, though, I was kissing Figgy all over, wiped a little food off his face & chin, smoothed his fur, then went back to smooching him. Mom just stared at me....

If only I could make her understand I don't want kids!
When the time comes for you to have that conversation with her, here's what to do. Simply ask your mom what it is that she wants for you. Ask her if the answer is for you to be happy. When she says yes, that's what I want, tell her you're happy she said that. Then, just tell her that having children is not in your life plan and that by not having any, you will be happier than if you have children.

That's what I did with my parents, and it went over very well with them because I was being honest with them. (It did help, however, that my sibling already had 3 children).

Bottom line - if you don't want kids, don't ever feel pressured to have any because that would simply be the wrong reason for having children.
post #9 of 26
my mom basically knows that she's only getting grandkitties out of me although, I won't say never, if I meet the right guy I could be persuaded, but as I'm 29 this guy better hurry up and appear!!
post #10 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sadie's Mom View Post
When the time comes for you to have that conversation with her, here's what to do. Simply ask your mom what it is that she wants for you. Ask her if the answer is for you to be happy. When she says yes, that's what I want, tell her you're happy she said that. Then, just tell her that having children is not in your life plan and that by not having any, you will be happier than if you have children.

That's what I did with my parents, and it went over very well with them because I was being honest with them. (It did help, however, that my sibling already had 3 children).

Bottom line - if you don't want kids, don't ever feel pressured to have any because that would simply be the wrong reason for having children.
Good plan! My big brother is having a baby in the very beginning of November. My mom is so thrilled.

I honestly do not really want to pass these genetics on to anyone. Way too much family history of mental illness, cancer, & diabetes.
post #11 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by babyharley View Post
Exactly! Thats the best kind of mommy to be!

Your mom can have kitty grandkids! Even better.
post #12 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
But Nat, you already ARE a good mommy! You're a great mommy to your critters, and a fantastic foster mommy.
I agree!
post #13 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
my mom basically knows that she's only getting grandkitties out of me although, I won't say never, if I meet the right guy I could be persuaded, but as I'm 29 this guy better hurry up and appear!!
same age and everything...

Nat

I am nearing 30 which to me just means I am almost a REAL adult( not grown up) ... When asked if I have kids , yes they have four legs and tails or Fins...

My mom doesnt want me to have kids( ty LORD ) and said well if you ever want try fostering
post #14 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
If only I could make her understand I don't want kids!
well that is no big deal, if you dont.
your feelings may or may not change as you get older.
i know people who did change there minds, and a couple that did not.
post #15 of 26
Well, I think your mother should respect your decision. Kids are right for some people, and wrong for others; it depends on the person and their opinion. I am only 13 so I have plenty of time to think about this! But I just have this thing about furbabies. I guess because (I love other kids, and even babies and toddlers, but...) animals are so much BETTER than us. They don't lie, steal, cheat, back-stab, hate people. They protect themselves, the people they love, and follow their instincts. They are just so much BETTER than people. They don't tell your secrets, they don't hold grudges, they don't tell you your doing something wrong; they listen. I could go on and on and on and on and on and on.... I think that if and when I find the right guy, I'll probably have atleast one child. But I will always have animals! The 2 souls I know I can always turn to, depend on, they won't lie or stagger under the burdens I offer them, is God and furbabies. I will always have dogs, cats, guinea pigs, hamsters, birds, etc, etc.

But I respect everybody's opinion on this and think your mothers should too.
post #16 of 26
Awwwwwww Nat You are a good meowmy Mommy is a different story Well for ME it would be anyway
post #17 of 26
Just nod your head iin understanding when she talks to you about it, then do what you want. No sense in arguing about it with her.
post #18 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by KuntryKitty View Post
Animals are so much BETTER than us. They don't... steal,... they don't hold grudges...
I'm going to have to respectfully, but zealously, disagree with you on those points! But, yes animals are better than us!


White Cat Lover - I think it's perfectly fine for you not to want to have kids. It's perfectly normal, too. I'm 24, and while I do want to have children someday, I am extremely happy just to be "Mommy" to Loki and Possum right now. I don't want to have kids until I am at least 30, but that will give me a window of probably 8 years since the women in my family go through menopause early. That's the chance I will have to live with, though.

Now, I do feel I should warn you. In a few years you might feel very differently. My mother did NOT want kids at all, until suddenly she did at age 28. She had us 20 days after she turned 30. She had been married to my father since she was 22. She did not like children and still doesn't, but she likes her children. I am definitely not saying that this will happen to you, but if, when you are older, you feel differently, like my mom did, that's normal and okay, too.

Tricia
post #19 of 26
I've had my father ask me when I'm going to have children too. My mother understands it, as blunt as it sounds.. she never wanted me and certainly never wanted another. Besides, his wife's eldest daughter is popping them out left and right, that should satisfy his need for grandkids.

When he asks I tell him I have furry children and that all the pets keep me busy enough.

And I do agree with what you said in the first post, why add to the population indeed. There are so many children out there without homes.
post #20 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I'm 20. If I do decide I want kids, I've got plenty of time. I do not necessarily forsee skin kids....I forses alot of fur kids, though!
You are so young! Your feelings may or may not change. I never saw a hairless c-a-t in my future (was a die hard DOG lover =) So just focus on what you are good at, taking great care of your fur kids.

Short story, my female siblings had human mothering instincts from the time they were young. I wanted to play with boy toys; I never played with dolls or the like. They had names picked out for their kids. They dreamed of getting married and starting a family. I liked kids but did not plan my future like that, instead I lived in the moment I had back up names for all my pets. Since I was born I have loved animals and taken care of many and did the best job I could.

At about age 23? 24? (can't remember exactly) a strong mothering instinct hit me, it was strange, like a real biological clock. It was odd but I suddenly knew wanted to have kids. I was excited about having kids. I could see myself being a good mother and enjoying it very much. Suddenly all those kids in the world looked more adorable than ever. I still didn't have the urge to marry or pick out names or anything.

Now I am older and married to a wonderful man and still have a house full of animals that I adore and we have yet to have kids. But I know I want them when the timing is right with our careers and finances. The mothers in our families want us to have kids now, but we are living our life and waiting for the perfect time. No sweat, just enjoy your wonderful animals.

Moms are moms, that is their job to say stuff like that, no biggie
post #21 of 26
Thread Starter 
Someday I could have kids, but my mom will not accept that I may never have kids. It's something she's always been pushy about. My little sore spot. I'd like her to accept that I may not have kids, but even if she doesn't.....I sure am not going to have kids just for her! I think one SIL & bro have their baby things will be much better, she's just getting old & wants grandkids NOW!
post #22 of 26
tell her you need to get old enough to date before you can think about kids?
(yea yea i know you are old enough, just tell her that)
post #23 of 26
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
tell her you need to get old enough to date before you can think about kids?
(yea yea i know you are old enough, just tell her that)
I've never even been on a date before! I wonder if she thinks I can reproduce asexually(sp?)?
post #24 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I've never even been on a date before! I wonder if she thinks I can reproduce asexually(sp?)?
lol well, ask her if she wants to you get married first, or will any male do?

i remember i once told my grandmother i was gay cause she always was bugging me about getting married(hmm i dont think she beleaved me, but she did stop bugging me about getting married)
post #25 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
I've never even been on a date before! I wonder if she thinks I can reproduce asexually(sp?)?

Just ask her what street corner she'd recommend you to stand on in order to get her grandchildren AND the money for their college educations!

No offense, but your mother is nuts to want you to start thinking about having kids at age 20! She should be thanking her lucky stars that she had a daughter smart enough to avoid an unplanned teenage pregnancy. Like I said, I'm 24, and my mother is still celebrating the fact that my sister and I didn't get ourselves knocked up, and she's happy she doesn't have any biological grandchildren (she now has a step-granddaughter who is 12).

I understand your frustration; it's none of her business at all whether you decide to have children or not. Even if you did have children, that is no guarantee that she would be allowed to have anything to do with the child.

If she brings up the subject again, you should flat out tell her that you feel it is none of her business and you will not be discussing it with her from here on out. Then if she brings it up again, ignore her and change the subject or leave the room.

Tricia
post #26 of 26
My mom used to nag me about having kids - I got married 5 years before my sister. At the start we weren't ready, then we had fertility issues. Whenever my mom, gramma or grand aunt asked me I'd give them the same reply "if I wanted to hear the pitterpatter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cats".

We wanted kids, but never thought that we would have them due to my fertility issues - now I have 2. Whatever you decide - your cats are your kids!!!
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