I'm not the marrying kind?!

Hey you know what she is like a Nat on a piece of fruit that you swat at .......It seems like your a threat to her and the reason the worker said that was probility to just shut her up .....

Women never forget things so maybe he said nice things about you in the past and she got jealous so to keep pease he told her that . Maybe he was just repeating his conversation with the ex to you at lunch.

Hey let's face it some women can be so caddy..........

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I used to think I was not "the marrying kind," at least not after my first ill-considered foray at 19... but for the past ten years or so, I've been SO the marrying kind! Just give me a chance!

Seriously... I really think I could be such a great wife, if only someone would come along for me. There's nothing in the world I'd love more than to make a comfortable home for my family, to share a life and support one another's hopes, to... to... to stand by my man!

But with one exception (and he's married, and was once my boyfriend), every man I know views me as a great friend, someone who can make him laugh, someone he can talk to about anything in the world, someone who'll always be there for him... but not marriage material. Not even DATING material!

Okay, I'm overweight -- but I'm not HIDEOUS. Why? WHHHYYYYYYY???

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Dunno, CP.. I face the same thing, except I admit to having a lot of opinions and a big mouth... of course, that works for someone who has the same beliefs as me. I'm in the same boat... tons of male friends, great friends, same deal.


Now, on another note... when they say, "not the marrying kind" do they mean, you're not the kind someone would want to marry.... or do they mean that you're not the kind of person would would want to get married??? I think one way is a much bigger insult than the other.

Originally Posted by ckblv

I'm NOT the marrying kind. I have been married and did NOT like it.
Guess I'm just to ornery.

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Originally Posted by HopeHacker

I've been married twice and divorced twice. I am PROUD to say "I'M NOT THE MARRYING KIND". And I never will be Thank God!

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But you ARE the marrying kind if you have been MARRIED once or twice

Wow I almost forgot about this thread

I think part of the reason the girl said it was due to jealousy. Last time I spoke with my coworker, his ex was still living at home. She now works at a restaurant that we usually eat lunch at and well...it's quite obvious she's not over him. Actually it's kind of pathetic and I really don't like having lunch with this coworker anymore.

Well I'll find out in a year (or less if I turn into a Bridezilla ) if I really am the marrying kind.

Originally Posted by TNR1

Hmmmm.....am I sensing a connection here Katie between you and Mark.....

I don't know if I'll ever get married....but I'm truly not concerned about it. Right now...I'm the servant to 2 demanding cats and have a good job and I get to spend my weekends volunteering. I think it is soo much more important to be happy with yourself, regardless of whether you have someone else in your life or not.

Katie

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Well if I could figure out how to post a photo here.... Maybe this will work...

http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o...04-07_1240.jpg

I dunno. I just did the whole best man thing for my son. I am not sure that I would be the "marrying man" in the immediate future but I could see it in the realm of possibilities.

Cats are ok in my book. We have "Tubbs" the shelter kitty who at 23# + is a little on the large and in charge side. He was part of the application process for my new job. I was asked if the cat could stay. If I had said "NO" I was informed (after the interview) that I would not have been considered for selection.

I am not sure what I am doing but work has been my biggest enemy when it comes to a social / personal life. I do travel a lot and my calendar looks like a Friday night at the urban ER if I use red-ink. As I mentioned before, many of the nice ladies seem to gravitate to the "Morons of the moment" whose mottos is "Get me a beer - $#@$"

So, I think I will have to work on a whole new approach to this dating thing. Maybe a large billboard with my picture and email that notes the following:

Caring, considerate, gainfully employed, college graduate, non-drug user, non-smoker, social drinker, likes cats, kids, dogs and....

I mean come on??? What does it take? Again, back to the whole damaged goods thing. I've found many ladies who have been with abusive or unfortunate relationships that have been convinced that all they are good for are lousy insignificant others. The self-esteem meter is on "E" and a compliment is taken as a "Hmm, must be lying or working some angle that he will get something out of or he wouldn't be saying that!

That sucks for those of us who actually mean it when we say "Gosh, you look nice tonite!" or something similar. Sincerity is almost dead (as is chivalry). And I still want to know who the heck is responsible for opening the door to "Its ok to hit a girl". I had that point made very clearly in gradeschool right out of kindergarten. I think that schools are too busy with standards of learning instead of learning moral standards!

But I digress!

How about a response from the better half of the board. Maybe some advice from those looking. What would you find to be positive or attractive in a guy's charecter. We're not focusing on physical here, just some key points that you look for when deciding on making a date or sending him straight to the 1-800-rejection line. Positive constructive questions here. And this time, I'm copying the questions down!!!!!

It was always assumed that I would marry. After 20+ years of dating, it just isn't going to happen. I took myself off the "market". The first year was tough, but its really amazing how easy it becomes.

Being alone does not equate with being lonely.

Many men in my age group are still looking for their teenage fantasy. The little size 2 young woman who looks up to them with big doe eyes If that is what they want, they look right over women like me These same men whine because there are no "good women" out there. The trick is to look for a woman. This is all okay - I would never want a man like that.

Or the men have the "rescuer syndrome" (women do this, too). They hook up with women who are in need of, and expect, rescuing from some dilemma; bad boyfriend/ex-husband/husband, financial problems, parent/child issues.

I am not considered a hot commodity by men because:
I am a large woman
I am 42
I am not traditionally attractive and will not plaster on the make-up in an effort to create something that isn't me
I have a lot of debt from school and past relationship mistakes (which I am taking care of on my own)
I am not well-off financially but am self- (and cat) supporting
I am independent and do not NEED a man or relationship to define who I am
I will not lie or pretend to be someone I am not just to obtain, or remain in, a relationship
I enjoy alone time (lots of men are threatened by this)
I will not tolerate cheating, abuse of any type or cruelty for one millisecond
I don't enjoy housework as much as a good woman should
I am reasonably intelligent - lots of men like "dumb" acting women

When I did date, I never had a type as far as the appearance department. The outside was never as important as the inside. Even with that, I still made lousy choices.

Yes, good men get pooed on but so do good women. Many women try to fit exactly what the man wants. Of course, it still doesn't work.

To me, and yes I realize this is a cliche, but the friendship aspect of a relationship seems to be the most important. If you cannot be yourself, why be with someone? I often hear people say that friendships are the most important thing. Shouldn't the big relationship in our lives be with one of our best friends?

Too many people go looking for the big romance and end up disappointed.

edit: I wasn't always like this I used to be naive and trusting

I'm pretty much in agreement with Bonnie.. with a few minor exceptions.. I enjoy getting dressed up to go out, and I'm a different age.. but the rest of that is pretty much right on target.

Adding a specific or two.. there is always physical things I find attractive, however not everyone that I'm interested in or am attracted to necessarily fits into that "mold". I also think that it's important for a man to a.) actually know what he wants in a relationship or in another person and know how to b.) communicate that effectively and honestly to the other party.

Am I the marrying type? Well, I'm the type that would want to marry.. but apparently not the type people want to marry. But that's all right, there's not too many who meet my standards anyway.. (after all they have to aspire to be as awesome as my kittens)..

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

Well if I could figure out how to post a photo here.... Maybe this will work...

http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o...04-07_1240.jpg

I dunno. I just did the whole best man thing for my son. I am not sure that I would be the "marrying man" in the immediate future but I could see it in the realm of possibilities.

Cats are ok in my book. We have "Tubbs" the shelter kitty who at 23# + is a little on the large and in charge side. He was part of the application process for my new job. I was asked if the cat could stay. If I had said "NO" I was informed (after the interview) that I would not have been considered for selection.

I am not sure what I am doing but work has been my biggest enemy when it comes to a social / personal life. I do travel a lot and my calendar looks like a Friday night at the urban ER if I use red-ink. As I mentioned before, many of the nice ladies seem to gravitate to the "Morons of the moment" whose mottos is "Get me a beer - $#@$"

So, I think I will have to work on a whole new approach to this dating thing. Maybe a large billboard with my picture and email that notes the following:

Caring, considerate, gainfully employed, college graduate, non-drug user, non-smoker, social drinker, likes cats, kids, dogs and....

I mean come on??? What does it take? Again, back to the whole damaged goods thing. I've found many ladies who have been with abusive or unfortunate relationships that have been convinced that all they are good for are lousy insignificant others. The self-esteem meter is on "E" and a compliment is taken as a "Hmm, must be lying or working some angle that he will get something out of or he wouldn't be saying that!

That sucks for those of us who actually mean it when we say "Gosh, you look nice tonite!" or something similar. Sincerity is almost dead (as is chivalry). And I still want to know who the heck is responsible for opening the door to "Its ok to hit a girl". I had that point made very clearly in gradeschool right out of kindergarten. I think that schools are too busy with standards of learning instead of learning moral standards!

But I digress!

How about a response from the better half of the board. Maybe some advice from those looking. What would you find to be positive or attractive in a guy's charecter. We're not focusing on physical here, just some key points that you look for when deciding on making a date or sending him straight to the 1-800-rejection line. Positive constructive questions here. And this time, I'm copying the questions down!!!!!

Click to expand...

Mark...aren't you a bit young to have a son who is marrying age?? (Just agree with me here)

I can completely understand work getting in the way...I think anyone involved with animal rescue/sheltering struggles to find balance in their life.

I have to admit however Mark, that I'm surprised that you are struggling to meet nice women. I do know of the kind you are mentioning above. those are usually the women who want to "change" the guy or had a similiar father in their background or are so fixated on something superficial that they aren't willing to consider what truly matters. We all have a "type" we gravitate towards..you know...the ones that get your heart racing. But it takes self awareness to recognize whether that "type" is actually good for you or not and it works both ways....perhaps the women you are attracted towards are the ones that only want the abusive relationships and you are missing out on really nice women because of what you are attracted to? Just something to consider.. I think the more openminded you can be, the better off you are in terms of meeting someone who is compatible. I also think "where" you try to meet people plays a huge role. I'm not a fan of bars...even though I met 2 of my boyfriends that way. You really have to be a very outgoing person who enjoys the challange of meeting complete strangers who may or may not be attracted to you and vice versa. I much prefer meeting people doing things you enjoy (I'll admit however you don't find many single guys in the cat adoption isle at Petsmart...don't know why) because you at least have a starting point.

Also....dating websites are gaining in popularity because the premise is you meet someone first via their profile which is matched against yours. My dad met my new step mom on Yahoo Personals and one of my really good friends met her husband on eHarmony.

As for chivalry, I have to admit...I do open doors for guys....it's my whole fair play aspect. I agree that a lot of women get unconfortable when a guy is nice to them....I think there is either a sense of "not being worthy" or "untrust". Neither of which are good characteristics, but I don't know a single person that doesn't struggle from time to time with their feelings of worthiness and belonging.

I don't think you need any tips from us Mark....the women who say "no" to you aren't worth it in my books. Let them chase the impossible dream. Oh, and I don't think you need the billboard....I'm sensing the beginning of a Mark fan club on this site.

Katie (who doesn't charge for her matchmaking services)

Originally Posted by TNR1

Katie (who doesn't charge for her matchmaking services)

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if it works, you could start an animal lover's matchmaking service

Originally Posted by Bonnie1965

if it works, you could start an animal lover's matchmaking service

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Bonnie..thanks for the vote of confidence....of course, I should say that I have no previous experience and I'm probably more like Emma in that my zeal far exceeds my capabilities.

BTW...I also do not like housework.

Katie (About to turn a rather special age this year)

How about a response from the better half of the board. Maybe some advice from those looking. What would you find to be positive or attractive in a guy's charecter. We're not focusing on physical here, just some key points that you look for when deciding on making a date or sending him straight to the 1-800-rejection line. Positive constructive questions here. And this time, I'm copying the questions down!!!!!

Click to expand...

Ok...so I thought about this just from my perspective.

I think key for me is a good sense of humor. I'm a tad passionate and driven so having someone who can lighten me is good.

I'm way into honesty, sincerity and compassion...not just towards animals, towards people as well.

I like guys who know who they are....meaning, they aren't seeking someone to complete them. I'm not into co-dependence. I also like guys that aren't afraid to be human. We all have weaknesses, we all have working edges...no one is perfect and trying to be perfect is a crock.

There is also that "feeling"...you know....someone approaches you and you just get a feeling that it's really not a good thing. Call it intuition...but I do listen to it.

What I don't like is guys that are pushy or desperate or mean or outright vulger or seem to only be interested in 1 thing.

The last guy I went out with I met while filling up my car's tire with air. I was completely lost and this incredibly nice guy helped me figure out the gauge (who knew that gauges were that important) so that I wouldn't under or over fill the tire. We went to go see Cars and had a great time. After 2 dates, we decided we were actually better suited to be friends...which was a good thing since he's highly allergic to cats I found out and I come with a pre-made family.

Hmmm..I don't know if that answers your question or not.

Katie

Originally Posted by TNR1

I think key for me is a good sense of humor. I'm a tad passionate and driven so having someone who can lighten me is good.

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Me too... I'm intense about everything I care about.. but then again, easy going when in the day to day stuff.

Originally Posted by TNR

What I don't like is guys that are pushy or desperate or mean or outright vulger or seem to only be interested in 1 thing.

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DITTO, and this is the main reason I stopped online dating.

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

Well if I could figure out how to post a photo here.... Maybe this will work...

http://s119.photobucket.com/albums/o...04-07_1240.jpg

Click to expand...

you do look too young to have a marrying age son!

Originally Posted by Bonnie1965

Being alone does not equate with being lonely.

Many men in my age group are still looking for their teenage fantasy. The little size 2 young woman who looks up to them with big doe eyes

If that is what they want, they look right over women like me

These same men whine because there are no "good women" out there. The trick is to look for a woman. This is all okay - I would never want a man like that.

Or the men have the "rescuer syndrome" (women do this, too). They hook up with women who are in need of, and expect, rescuing from some dilemma; bad boyfriend/ex-husband/husband, financial problems, parent/child issues.

I am not considered a hot commodity by men because:
I am a large woman
I am 42
I am not traditionally attractive and will not plaster on the make-up in an effort to create something that isn't me
I have a lot of debt from school and past relationship mistakes (which I am taking care of on my own)
I am not well-off financially but am self- (and cat) supporting
I am independent and do not NEED a man or relationship to define who I am
I will not lie or pretend to be someone I am not just to obtain, or remain in, a relationship
I enjoy alone time (lots of men are threatened by this)
I will not tolerate cheating, abuse of any type or cruelty for one millisecond
I don't enjoy housework as much as a good woman should
I am reasonably intelligent - lots of men like "dumb" acting women

When I did date, I never had a type as far as the appearance department. The outside was never as important as the inside. Even with that, I still made lousy choices.

Yes, good men get pooed on but so do good women. Many women try to fit exactly what the man wants. Of course, it still doesn't work.

To me, and yes I realize this is a cliche, but the friendship aspect of a relationship seems to be the most important. If you cannot be yourself, why be with someone? I often hear people say that friendships are the most important thing. Shouldn't the big relationship in our lives be with one of our best friends?

Too many people go looking for the big romance and end up disappointed.

edit: I wasn't always like this

I used to be naive and trusting

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Bonnie, I think you may be my long lost sister

As for what I look for in a guy, my main necessity is that he have his own life, I cannot tell you how many times i have started to date a guy and within a couple weeks, all of a sudden I am the center of his existence that makes me run for the hills faster than a speeding bullet. I also greatly enjoy my alone time, or really, kitty time please go and do something by yourself or with your friends or something!! leave me alone for 5 minutes!! I like a guy with a strong personality because I have a strong personality and if they are a wimp, I will, unfortunately, run them over Stand up to me! Argue with me! have an opinion of your own and don't be afraid to express it I also can be a bit too serious so someone who is more light-hearted is very good for me too, but at the same time don't be a flake either And yes, intelligence is also on my list of must haves, dating those who cannot have an intellectual discussion with me is one of my biggest problems, and one I keep repeating Geez, I'm not very picky, am I As far as appearance, I have determined over the years that I have no type at all, a person's personality makes them for more attractive or ugly than the exterior ever will.

If a guy understands the difference between needing a relationship and wanting a relationship, than he most likely is a good match

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

you do look too young to have a marrying age son!

Bonnie, I think you may be my long lost sister

If a guy understands the difference between needing a relationship and wanting a relationship, than he most likely is a good match

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Lucky me

Well said about the difference!

I have determined over the years that I have no type at all, a person's personality makes them for more attractive or ugly than the exterior ever will.

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That's great that you don't have a type. Looking back over my years of dating....I do have a type...slightly taller than me, introverted, skinny....basically it's a younger version of my dad. I suspect it's because my parents divorced when I was 10 and I never had a really strong relationship with my father. Unfortunately it took 3 relationships with father substitutes to recognize that that is just not a good match at all. Doesn't mean that I don't still feel my heart skip a beat whenever I see a guy that fits that type. I just don't act upon it. Maturity and a LOT of self assessment has really helped me to open my horizons.

Katie

Originally Posted by CatsAreBetter

Me too... I'm intense about everything I care about.. but then again, easy going when in the day to day stuff.
DITTO, and this is the main reason I stopped online dating.

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I stopped after every site I joined tried to match me up with guys who wanted kids. I think kids are great...but I just don't have any inkling to have kids of my own.

Katie

I used to always think I was the marrying kind. I wanted a white picket fence, three kids, dog in the yard, etc. But then I started thinking if that's what I really wanted, or if I only wanted that because that's what my parents want for me.

So now I have to say, I could care less about getting married. I just want to travel around the world with that special someone (and our cats, of course)

Errr and while I'm at it, I guess I should mention that Jim and I are no longer dating Broke up last week!!

Originally Posted by extinctosaurus

I used to always think I was the marrying kind. I wanted a white picket fence, three kids, dog in the yard, etc. But then I started thinking if that's what I really wanted, or if I only wanted that because that's what my parents want for me.

So now I have to say, I could care less about getting married. I just want to travel around the world with that special someone

(and our cats, of course)

Errr and while I'm at it, I guess I should mention that Jim and I are no longer dating

Broke up last week!!

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I'm truly sorry about your breakup.

Katie

Originally Posted by TNR1

I can completely understand work getting in the way...I think anyone involved with animal rescue/sheltering struggles to find balance in their life.

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That's where I've run into trouble. Between the shelter/volunteering, my retail job, & school.....I spend all my extra time volunteering at the shelter & have no time to date. I devote too much time there & not enough to actually trying to find a date. The shelter mentioned something about having a paid position I can fill, I'd love it, but do I dare spend more time there?

Where will I pick up a guy here in the boonies? The bar? I'm still only 20. And what kind of "pick-up" place is a bar?

Originally Posted by white cat lover

That's where I've run into trouble. Between the shelter/volunteering, my retail job, & school.....I spend all my extra time volunteering at the shelter & have no time to date. I devote too much time there & not enough to actually trying to find a date. The shelter mentioned something about having a paid position I can fill, I'd love it, but do I dare spend more time there?

Where will I pick up a guy here in the boonies? The bar? I'm still only 20. And what kind of "pick-up" place is a bar?

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worry about school first hehe guys can wait
and see i told you need to move to some place with more people.

if something would ever happen to the wife, or we ever broke up, that it, i am done with the whole dating thing, marriage thing. renting sounds much better now.