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I'm an IDIOT - give me a DUNCE CAP

post #1 of 52
Thread Starter 

When Gary was diagnosed with a brain tumor we quit smoking. That was September of 2001.

I gained over 20 pounds by June 2002. I lost 10 of it.

I don't even know what happened - BUT I STARTED SMOKING AGAIN! And we have cats in the house now!

Am I an idiot or what?! It was about two weeks ago. I can't remember why we bummed a smoke from someone, but Gary and I had a few puffs of cigarette. It tasted TERRIBLE. So why we smoked another one, I can't even imagine.

To make a long story short, within the past week we bought a pack. And I'm already back up to almost a pack a day! I feel like sh*#, I wake up coughing, I don't like the taste, it hurts my throat.

What is wrong with me! I AM an addict! But we did buy the patch, and I plan to start this weekend (the low pressure phones should make it easier than starting to quit tomorrow).

PLEASE send me bonks!

And BTW - I didn't get bronchitis last year. That's the first time that's happened - almost since I can remember.

So I don't need encouragement - I need to be told I'm an idiot! I felt better, I didn't get sick - I'm just stupid.

post #2 of 52
Hey don't be so hard on yourself! People make mistakes! I quit smoking almost 8 years ago so I understand what you are going through! It is really tough. I'm glad you have a plan and will stick to it. Flush those ciggies today, and you will feel better tomorrow!
post #3 of 52
Don't feel bad! If it makes you feel better I will tell you my stupid smoking story. I had quit for 3-4 years at the time, when my s/o's grandmother became ill and needed constant care. She had emphysema, Alzhiemer's, diabetes, and then was diagnosed with lung cancer. We moved in with her so she could live out her last days at home. I became such a wreck, that I went and bought a pack, and sneaked out to the shed to smoke. They made me ill, but I continued. All this while I was caring for a lady with lung cancer! When my s/o caught me, he went straight up! I felt so foolish! I have not smoked since. We all have lapses, and I think you will be able to quit again. Good Luck to you on this, please keep us posted.
post #4 of 52

Ok now that you have your Bonk! I know that you can quit again! I have faith in you!
post #5 of 52
If you quit once, you can quit again! I think all of us that quit have to try it again at least once. The first time I quit was when I was pregnant. I quit for 9 months! Then went right back to it. It took me 10 years to quit again.... this time I think I've got it kicked! It's been 2 years, and I want nothing to do with them.

So instead of bonking yourself in the head, kick your butt into gear and work on quitting again! I know you can do it!
post #6 of 52
Okay Laurie.......

Don't do it!!!!!!! You know this is not a healthy choice so, why go back to that awful choice?

(Sorry Laurie, I can't tell you you're stupid. You are just too sweet to deserve comments like that or to even feel like that about yourself.)

I have never smoked so I cannot even imagine how hard it is to stop. I just hope you find the strength inside to make the proper choice for you. In reading what you wrote, you know what your choice should be. And with that, you know what you should do/not do. Hang in there, be strong and make the right choice for you, and for your health.
post #7 of 52
I've already given you enough bonks, so....

I've decided I'm going to quit, too, since when I went to see the doctor for my bronchitis I was told I am at a much greater risk for emphysema. I've decided to use Wellbutrin while quitting. I am putting it off for a while, until my primary care doctor comes back for maternity leave. I know I'm being a wimp, not doing it now, but I want to make sure I have as much help as possible while quitting (addiction runs in my family, and I've seen how hard it can be to overcome one).

We're all here to give you support You can do it!

post #8 of 52
Laurie, why don't we start a stop smoking thread, like the weight loss thread? Nenners and I have alread kinda formed a "support group" and it helps having others to vent on and keep you on track.
post #9 of 52
Laurie - Stop Smoking. You already know that. You are not an idiot.

I think that it is like weight loss. Stay on the diet, and do well. One bowl of Rocky Road ice cream, the diet's all gone to hell, so may as well follow up with chips and dip.

So, if you could stop once, you can do it again, for yourself, for Gary, for the kittens. Be strong! And I am not surprised you are smoking again - you've been on a roller coaster the past little while.

post #10 of 52
post #11 of 52
I've smoked for 14 yrs.I just quit smoking and I'm on the patch right now. First of all we are all human and we slip up. The important thing is you don't beat yourself up about it. Recommit yourself to quit. The things I've found out about smoking and myself in the last two weeks has sealed my doubts. I was on a smoking schedule. Smoking was ruining my life because I depended on it to keep me happy. My life was adversely affected by smoking because when I needed one, I had to stop what I was doing and go and have a smoke. It makes your clothes smell. It makes your breathe smell. People who don't smoke don't want to be around you, and you may miss out on gaining a really good friend. It's bad for your health. I coughed up pitch black gunk yesterday! Really gross? That stuff is what was/is in my lungs! Yes, gaining weight sucks but you know what? I can get rid of fat. I can't clean my lungs out. I can be overweight or I can die because I can't breathe because I have Emphezema, or I can die a horrible death from Cancer. These are the things you have to remind yourself every day. OK maybe I'm talking a little extreme but I have too, because if I don't reinforce it within myself I'll be tempted to start again. That temptation will always be there. Cigerettes are that addictive.
post #12 of 52
And like you said - you have the cats to think of now!
Don't make them into passive smokers! It's as bad for them as it is for you!

Until you quite, declare your home a no-smoking zone and make yourself go outside everytime you smoke. It's good for your cats and it might make you smoke less as well.
post #13 of 52
Thread Starter 
I don't really know how to express my gratitude. It's always been so easy for me to give and so much more difficult for me to be "needy." The Cat Site is such a safe place, I've really allowed myself to be "wrong" here and vulnerable and needy (especially about the cats and what to do) - and everyone always reaches out!

Tomorrow is Quit Again day. In the meantime, we've taken Anne's suggestion and have declared the house a smoke free zone. So we have to put on our coats, shoes, etc. each time - it's COOOLLD outside!

Christy - you are not being a wimp. It is just not possible to quit until you are ready to do it. You want to work with your own Doctor? Then that's the best thing to do!!!!! I just knew that if I set yesterday or today as the "stop smoking again day" it'd just backfire. Once smoking, the habits and pressures of our job during the day just make it that much more difficult. So Saturday it is. It's quiet, we can get out and go for a hike, we need to insulate the RV for Winter - we'll have lots to do to keep us busy that aren't part of the normal routine.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT. All I need is to make it through that first day without backpedaling.

For me - there's no inbetween. It is either smoking a pack a day or none at all.

We've already got the patch AND the plans for the day!!!! Keeping as busy as possible HAS to help.

BTW - we ran into a policeman friend of ours yesterday. He advised of a study of lab rats. They tested marijuana, cocaine, heroine and nicotine addictiveness. Only those addicted to nicotine were willing to run into fire to get it.
And the nicotine is legal! Go figure.
post #14 of 52
My heart goes out to you. I know how hard it is to quit. I'm 57 and have smoked since I was 18. I quit in October of last year. I used the patchs. Then I lost my Mom the 24th of February this year. She died Sunday morning. Monday morning we went to the funeral home and I went to pieces. When I left I went to the store and bought a pack of cigs. I called myself every name I could think of because Mom had been so happy and proud that I had quit smoking. She had been after me for years to quit. I was in emotional pieces and the cigs helped me cope (which is no excuse). I told myself I would quit after I got myself back together. That did not work because I'm still trying to cope with her death. However I am buying patches the 1st of December. My target date is New Years Day to wear the first patch. I remember how much better I felt when I wasn't smoking. I'm tired of stinky clothes. I know its not only not good for me but its not good for my furkids. My husband smokes and I don't know if I can get him to quit since he is facing serious back surgery in January but if he will not quit then he is going to be banned to the porch or garage. I'm trying to focus on all the money I will save also. I'll put the savings toward buying a digital camera so I can sent pictures of all the furkids. Cigs here in the State of Washington are very expensive, almost $6 a pack.
I love the idea of a stop smoking support thread. Because when things get crazy in your life you still want to reach for that cig. Hang in there.
Blessed Be Laurie.
Mom to Jessie, Nikkie, Luckie, Lady, Sammy & Sassy Bear
post #15 of 52
Thread Starter 
I hate cigarettes, I really do. Look what they do to us!

I put on the patch when I woke up for some weird reason at 4:30am. I went back to sleep - but I figured I wouldn't wake up with a nic fit. It was a good idea.

Unfortunately, rain erased most of our plans for the day. We went shopping instead - but that only took about an hour and a half. So considering I've been around the house all afternoon, I'm pretty pleased! We don't have cigarettes here (but we emptied the ashtrays into the garbage last night, and we haven't had to take the trash out yet....) and we didn't buy any at the supermarket, so that's good.

...and we're not even being that bi*&y to each other - which is also nice.

I think it is helping that my throat hurts. My body really can't take smoking any more.

Thank you all SO MUCH. I've promised myself that if I "cheat" I'm going to post it here. It's kind of a deterrent. It's not like no one will know if I cheat!

post #16 of 52
Hon, I know where you are coming from. I am a closet smoker. have been since I "quit" 6 years ago. I don't do it often, just every once in awhile when stress is overbearing. but I only smoke one and that's it. nothing more. Not a good excuse I know but trust me, it helps me remember WHY I quit smoking in the first place. Also I'd never smoke around the cats so that is a fantastic deterant for me. I stupidly quit for my fiancee which I should've quit for myself but I really didnt' want to give them up, so I thought that was the "right" reason to quit, well I was wrong. I never have told him I still smoke once in awhile, that'd kill him. He went thru hell with my original quitting. I started out using the patch but after a week had to quit cause it was bothering my head(weird I know.)I was getting migranes and I didnt' even think of the patch as the cause but I asked my Dr and he said it could do that so off I went. after that, was quitting cold turkey which for me was the worst thing ever! I sat on my toilet one night crying that my s/o hated me because I was fat( I weighed 105 then) he tried to help but it made me cry all the more so I told him to leave me alone and that I hated him. oh gosh it was horrible.
the mean things I said to him, the things I did, wow it is really a horrible addiction to kick. Now he tells me that it was"all in my head" and I still to this day fight the urge to kick him really hard when he says that. He thinks that smokers are only mentally addicted to cigarettes. well yippie for you pal. just cause you quit cold turkey doesn't mean that everyone can. Damn guys somedays ya just want to slap the snot out of them.
sweeite, dont fret over one slip up. look at me. I slip at least once every few months. I have faith that you will be able to quit again. i am going to even make you a deal, I won't ever smoke again if you will do this with me. I'll stand behind you and catch you if you fall, will you catch me??
post #17 of 52
If you quit once before, you can do it again! I cannot imagine how hard it must be to not smoke, once you have been hooked. I have never smoked. I tried it one time & the smell & taste disgusted me. Don't be hard on yourself
post #18 of 52
Laurie...your not an idiot...you are only human. It is good though that you are trying so hard!!! We should all be more like you!!!!
post #19 of 52
Laurie, I'm kind of late in posting. You should not feel like an idiot, your far from it! Look at what your doing, your taking charge of your life NOW, not 30 years in the future when your coughing up a lung on your death bed.

Realize you are human and go from there. Every cig you pass up will be a success for your health. My mother smoked when I was young. Then we made her stand outside on the balcony to smoke in the winter and she was sick of freezing her butt off! She quit after the first winter.

I agree with the study that was mentioned. In Toronto right now there is a heated debate whether to legalize marijuana and how to source it for medical use (ie: AIDS patients etc.)I agree with the study that was mentioned. Alcohol and cig's are much more dangerous and have cost many lives to unnecessarily die.
post #20 of 52
Thread Starter 
Like Debby said in her venting thread, I'm not used to all this support! It is overwhelming. And this, in and of itself, IS totally helping me not to slip up! I've gone outside a couple of times with Gary (who quit successfully last time by lowering the amount of cigarettes he smoked over 4 - 5 days instead of quitting cold turkey) - and I've only had one puff! I'm not beating myself up over that one. It already tasted terrible again and sent me into a coughing fit, so there you have it.

The head still wants it - the body doesn't.

Barb - one thing you are SO right about is the mental chaos it creates. I think the nicotine is actually all out of your system in like three days or so - but your body has to work on readjusting to functioning without the nicotine for about a month.

I think I'm going to rename the thread - and we'll just turn this into the stop smoking support group. Anyone who needs to share or needs support can post - it doesn't need to be all about me!

Barb - if I could smoke one cigarette every few months or so, I probably would. There is supposedly no health risk if that is the level of intake. If you are ready to quit altogether for you now - GO FOR IT! We're here - and I'm sticking to quitting! So if you want that deal, you got it. But only if YOU'RE ready for it - because as you already know, it just doesn't work any other way. I'm here for you if you're ready to jump!

And I know how you feel - about not wanting anyone to know you didn't quite quit. It's humiliating. And your significant other - well - hate to say it sweetie, but you have violated his trust. You might want to deal with that too. Shame is a big motivator, but just like smoking, we shouldn't let it get the better of us. Just something to think about...

99.99% Smoke Free!
post #21 of 52
Thread Starter 

post #22 of 52
I'm doing much better, myself. So far, no real slip-ups. The easiest way for me to prevent slips is to have a pack of cloves or something else I don't like around. Then, when I'm stressed and "need" a cigarette, I look at them and go ewww or I go out to smoke one and take like 2 puffs and put it out. I hardly even think about them anymore. Hardest part is when I'm at my parents house, because I'm used to sitting around talking with my mother and smoking. I go to a sci-fi convention every year, it's at the end of November, and I'll be smoking then, but only at the con. I spend most of it in the smoking lounge, hanging out with friends. But after that, any cigarettes I have get crushed and thrown into the garbage. I quit once for 8 months because of a boyfriend... well, when boyfriend dumped me, I went right back to smoking. You can't quit for someone else.
post #23 of 52
Thread Starter 

Yup. It's the things we're used to doing while smoking that make it hard. It's like quitting drinking, and going to a bar to hang out with friends - and not being able to have one. It's just weird.

GO MARCY GO! GO GO GO! ...can't think of anything cute that rhymes! Oh well...

post #24 of 52
Laurie, I'm ready whenever you are. how about this is day one for us both? we will be there to shame shame each other on the slips and pat the other one on the back when we get thru one day with out one. I am quitting for me this time!
post #25 of 52
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of you who are trying to quit! and Laurie I am so glad you are keeping your house smoke free! Hey, maybe I can pay you a visit I don't let people smoke around me as I won't be a passive smoker (I am very polite and nice about it though!).
post #26 of 52
For the New Yorkers I found this link:

You can even win $1000 for quitting (other than your health and better quality of life that is )

More useful links can be found here:
post #27 of 52
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Anne! And Barb - you got it. I had another puff today.... ....so I guess I'm 99.8% smoke free today. Hubby has to quit by cutting down - and we got stuck on a long car ride together. So I had a puff. But I'm O.K. with that - I'm still not submitting to the "habit" of smoking - just the nicotine addiction. (Although I AM on the patch! It's just the 21mg ones really bother my skin, so I use the 14mg patch). ...and it was, really, just one puff.

Barb - how often did you smoke? It didn't sound like it was regular...

post #28 of 52
Thread Starter 
Barb, I need you! I hate to disappoint you (and me and everyone else), but I have bad news. I fell off the wagon. Or however you say it.

Yesterday morning we had to head into NYC, which means up at 3:30am. But this morning things were rushed - we forgot about the extra time we'd need because of Munchie and various things. We didn't eat breakfast home (also bad) and rushed out the door.... I forgot to put on a patch and had none with me. I guess I had no resolve - and smoked with Gary in the car on the way in (generally about a 2 1/2 hour drive).

We had to drop off some info downtown before a 9:00 meeting - but two hours isn't enough time to be worth heading up to the office (which we're trying to avoid anyway - they want us to sign papers we don't want to sign), so we sat in a restaurant and ate not healthy food. I had a cappuccino (I stopped drinking coffee - several years ago?) - and a cigarette. It's like I just walked into all my bad habits from years ago. I probably had close to 10 more during the day.

I woke up this morning and felt like I was DYING. At least I have the patch back on today and haven't even had a puff - but WOW was that a bad one!

Send me bonks! It's just so weird - I feel like I must have a mind made of putty or something. I fight in my mind - I don't want a cig, I don't want a cig - but just thinking about it makes me want one! So I ask for one, and Gary says - you DON'T want one. You've been doing so good.... and I say - believe me, I want one. And I light it - knowing I shouldn't do it - knowing it's going to make me sick - knowing I'm going to "pay" for it - and it tastes like sh*& - but it feels like heaven! It's a terrible drug, and I make myself sick for being so weak. It makes me feel like a turtle that wants to crawl up in my shell and not come out. It's shameful - and it's worse even having to tell you about it.
post #29 of 52
you're fired! ok, you fell off the wagon, get back on and for goodness sake quit smoking! Tell Gary you'd apprecite it if he didn't smoke in the car with you, or around you for that matter.
I started to smoke when I was 14(ok revealing my age now), that was almost 20 years ago. I smoked all the time, I got it down to a half a pack towards the end, but I just couldn't bring myself to let go f the only thing I had left in my life that I could count on.
I'd been through a divorce, bankruptcy, miscarriage, and another guy who was emotionally abusive.(after the hubby that was physically abusive) so it was my crutch. the thing I could count on to be there (so to speak) everyday. but then I got my act together and found a good man(who has faults but then again what man doesn't? LOL!) and quit for him, ok mostly quit, but I haven't had one since the very beginning on November I think? but trust me it's taking it's toll and I can feel the cravings constantly. I've taken to chewing lots of gum again. mostly something I can blow bubbles with and that helps. I alsway have at least two or three different kinds of gum in my car and purse. I also have some in each coat both pockets. I think I've traded one addiction for another. but this one wont' kill me unless I swallow it and choke. why don't you try that? My s/o thinks I am a gum head cause I get into the car, start it and open a stick of gum, it's taken the place of the cigarette, ya know what I mean?
well now that I've bored you to tears, I'll give you one more "quit or I'll find you and kick your butt!" and leave you alone about it.
post #30 of 52
Thread Starter 
THANK YOU. And I'm 40 in Feb. I started smoking at 14 too.

I've been good today, and Gary's not smoking around me any more.

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