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How to Deal With This - suggestions needed

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Our neighbors across the street have a 10 month-old black lab and a 10 year-old son. I am on a "Hello" basis with the parents. The boy is very disrespectful to his parents and they don't seem to have any control over him. He yells shockingly rude things to his parents when they are outside. It's the same with the dog - she always runs across the street to us and jumps on us with her muddy paws, and runs into our yard whenever she feels like it. The man told me she likes to chase cats, and the cats ought to stand up to the dog and "teach" her by scratching the dog and by not running away. The dog is sweet, doesn't hurt anything, just needs discipline.

Here's the problem. Yesterday, I saw the boy kick the dog in the ribs (the dog was lying down). Then he shook his finger at the dog and went inside.

I was in no position at the time to run outside and give the boy a stern lecture, which is what I would normally do. Now... what should I do? Tell the parents, knowing full well they have no control over the boy? Talk to the boy alone if I get a chance? What do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
post #2 of 27
That's a terrible situation, I'm so sorry to hear it...

I would base my decision on what I knew of the parents. Even though they have no control over the brat (sorry, I mean boy), are they the type to take huge offense if you try to discipline him? Even though speaking to him directly would probably be best, you don't want to set the parents off against you, or else they'll never listen to anything you say, and you'll just be an enemy.

Unless I knew for sure the parents would be ok, or wouldn't care, if I went to the boy first, I'd talk to them first. Then, if that doesn't work, you can try the kid directly.

Just my two cents!
post #3 of 27
I would talk to the parents. The boy isn't going to listen to you...but by talking to the parents and seeing their reaction you will be able figure out if they should have a dog in their home at all.

If they don't seem surprised or upset about him kicking the dog, I would wait for on other sign of abuse and call the appropriate authorities anonomously to deal with it.

That poor dog doesn't deserve that crap
post #4 of 27
The parents are responsible for the boy's behavior, (even if they don't seem to have any control), so you should start with them. Tell the parents they have to get control over their home. Let them know what kind of things you have seen, and that if you see the boy kick that poor dog for no reason again, you'll report the family to the humane society and the police.
post #5 of 27
I would talk to the parents. If the boy doesn't listen to them, he sure isn't going to listen to someone who isn't his parent. I'm not sure if it would actually do anything, but atleast they would know.

I hope everything works out. If it's one thing I can't stand it's parents who have no control over their kids.
post #6 of 27
I agree with talking to the parents first.

However, if you see something similar happen again and you do have the opportunity to say something in the moment I would.

We have lots of houlligan kids in our apartment complex. One day Matt came home to find a rather rude boy and his sister beating up on the neighbour kid. He actually saw the sister kick the neighbour boy in the groin. Because all of this was hapening right in front of our apartment and there were NO parents in sight he talked to the kids. He simply told them that their behavior was unacceptable and he wasn't going to allow it to go on in front of our building. I'm sure they still terrorize other kids but not near our apartment anymore.

It's sad when parents can't teach their own children respect and compassion.
post #7 of 27
Thread Starter 
I really doubt that the parents will make a difference. They have no control, and I'm sure the boy will deny it. I thought maybe if I talk to the boy, I could give him an "I'M WATCHING" warning (which would put the fear in him, no doubt)... but it will be difficult to catch him alone outside to talk to him!

Also, if I talk to the parents, and later see it happen again and call the CRD, they will know I was the one who called. I don't want to make enemies out of our neighbors.
post #8 of 27
I would tell the parents. Abuse of animals is an indicator of serious sociopathic behaviour. That kid needs more than a good talking to, he needs to see a psychiatrist.
post #9 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twstychik View Post
...However, if you see something similar happen again and you do have the opportunity to say something in the moment I would...
Yeah, I used to be a teacher and I call kids on things all the time (and get the stink eye from the huffy parents who didn't see or didn't care). Yesterday, I had just gotten out of the shower, and saw the kid kick something, thought "What did he kick?" and then saw him go in and the dog got up.

O.K. I think I will talk to the dad. I see him several times a week. He will not appreciate it. I'll talk to the kid, too, if I get a chance and I'll tell him I'm watching (and I will). I'll do it for the sweet dog, Rose. Hopefully, we will find a house and move soon, anyway, if it gets ugly.

More suggestions still appreciated.
post #10 of 27
Well, the chances are, the boy will listen to a stranger more than he'll listen to his parents... the parents are a known entity to him and usually when a child has absolutely no respect for their parents as an authority figure, it's because they know the circumstances or know there are no consequences to their actions. A stranger, however, is unknown territory. With some children, it will make no difference at all, but I think talking to the parents will do absolutely no good. If you have a video camera, or digital camera... take a video spot of the boy mistreating the dog, if possible. Hopefully it can be done from such an angle that it won't be recognizable as "your house", or maybe zooming in will fix it enough that you can't tell.

Anyway, you could then do a few things.. drop it in their mailbox with a note (or even more anonymous.. mail it to them), and say please take care of this, animal abuse isn't tolerable. Or, you could go talk to them..and when they say "oh, my boy doesn't do that" you can wave the video at them and say, oh, but he does, and it's on film. Or, you can call whatever animal control/abuse organization is in your area and provide them with the "proof" and they can say, oh, but he does abuse the dog.

Dunno, that's a rough one. I think I'd personally opt for the anonymous phone call with the proof, but it all depends on what your gut feeling on it is. If you don't want any bad feelings, then your best bet is to not talk to the child or the parents. They will *not* take it well, even if they're nice about it, most likely.
post #11 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Yeah, I used to be a teacher and I call kids on things all the time (and get the stink eye from the huffy parents who didn't see or didn't care). Yesterday, I had just gotten out of the shower, and saw the kid kick something, thought "What did he kick?" and then saw him go in and the dog got up.

O.K. I think I will talk to the dad. I see him several times a week. He will not appreciate it. I'll talk to the kid, too, if I get a chance and I'll tell him I'm watching (and I will). I'll do it for the sweet dog, Rose. Hopefully, we will find a house and move soon, anyway, if it gets ugly.

More suggestions still appreciated.
If you move, snag the puppy!
post #12 of 27
I think talking to the parents is a waste of time. Kids like that more often listen to a stranger than parents they obviously have no respect for. I would let him know I saw what he did and if I ever see him doing anything like that again that I was going to call the police and humane society. That's exactly what I would do.
post #13 of 27
WHAT A BRAT my kid would be hung on a pole but yet my kids love all animals and would never hurt them so it is different.

Honestly if you had called the police not the 911 but the station they would send a officer out to talk to the boy and the parents Might scare the poop out of him and maybe wake the parents up to the fact the son is mean and the neighbors all see this. You can be annonomouse
post #14 of 27
What a difficult situation for you! At age 10 kids know better than to hurt animals. Unfortunately, in many families with issues the crap runs downhill. Example, dad beats mom, mom beats kid, kid beats pet. I am not saying that happens in this family, but children who feel powerless tend to take it out on those they do have power over. Neglect is just as powerful as abuse.

Is there any way you could speak positively with the child? Lay on the B.S about what a beautiful dog Rose is, how special both he and the dog are, how it takes a very special boy to care for a special dog, that it is never okay to hit something so special. Something along those lines. Perhaps give him a book at his reading level on the care of dogs or a book with dog stories.
Not sure if it will work, especially if he is a psycho killer in the making. but, he may very well be a kid who is ignored.

Sounds like he does not have the natural empathy some children have and it is a shame his parents seem to have their own disconnect from both child and animal.

I don't envy you this dilemma. Good luck.
post #15 of 27
It really is a hard situation.

Our old neighbors (the same ones who's kid was being picked on) got 2 large breed puppies and were keeping them in an 800sf townhouse. They let the dogs out unattended all the time and on one occasion I saw what looked like a cigarette burn on one of the puppies heads. I felt terrible for them but what could I do apart from calling the HS. They were evicted about 2 months later and I was relieved but at the same time I feel so bad for the puppies that I KNOW were being mis-treated.
post #16 of 27
Chances are the kid learned to kick the dog by watching his parents kick the dog. Next time you see it, make an anonymous tip to the police. The father is just going to be ticked off at you, and that will ruin any chances of anonymous reporting in the future.
post #17 of 27
I witnessed the littel neighbor girl, about 4 years old, hit her beagle with a broom. I marched across the yard (she was outside alone), and told her thatr if I ever saw her do anything mean like that to the dog again, I was going to tell her dad and call the police and she would go to jail. She started bawling and went into the corner of the yard until she stopped. I'm pretty sure she never told her mom what I said, but I haven't seen her hit the dog again either. BTW, I dislikle most children greatly, so I have no bad feelings over what I did.
post #18 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I think talking to the parents is a waste of time. Kids like that more often listen to a stranger than parents they obviously have no respect for. I would let him know I saw what he did and if I ever see him doing anything like that again that I was going to call the police and humane society. That's exactly what I would do.
I agree with Linda here and say what she said, but if he lived near me i'd be giving him a quick smack when no ones watching as well
post #19 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
I think talking to the parents is a waste of time. Kids like that more often listen to a stranger than parents they obviously have no respect for. I would let him know I saw what he did and if I ever see him doing anything like that again that I was going to call the police and humane society. That's exactly what I would do.
Yep, I would definately talk to the boy first, I would let him know that I saw what he did, I would also let him know how much trouble he could be in if you had reported it.


Some children do listen to other people better than they do their parents. I know this from experience as I work with kids. They mind us a lot better than they do their parents.
post #20 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by momof3rugratz View Post
WHAT A BRAT my kid would be hung on a pole but yet my kids love all animals and would never hurt them so it is different.

Honestly if you had called the police not the 911 but the station they would send a officer out to talk to the boy and the parents Might scare the poop out of him and maybe wake the parents up to the fact the son is mean and the neighbors all see this. You can be annonomouse
That would be a good idea too
post #21 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by fosterkitty View Post
I witnessed the littel neighbor girl, about 4 years old, hit her beagle with a broom. I marched across the yard (she was outside alone), and told her thatr if I ever saw her do anything mean like that to the dog again, I was going to tell her dad and call the police and she would go to jail. She started bawling and went into the corner of the yard until she stopped. I'm pretty sure she never told her mom what I said, but I haven't seen her hit the dog again either. BTW, I dislikle most children greatly, so I have no bad feelings over what I did.
I love kids but something tells me I would of reacted like that My dog was a basset Dazy she passed March 10 last year and a beagle is the off bread or something like that. I would of freaked.. lol
post #22 of 27
I want to second the suggestion made by momof3rugratz. It keeps you out of the loop while also reminding the family that there are laws against mistreating animals that way.

And if it happens again, maybe that puppy will accidentally find her way into your car one day and go for a ride to a nice new home with someone who appreciates her.
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trouts mom View Post
I would talk to the parents. The boy isn't going to listen to you...but by talking to the parents and seeing their reaction you will be able figure out if they should have a dog in their home at all.

If they don't seem surprised or upset about him kicking the dog, I would wait for on other sign of abuse and call the appropriate authorities anonomously to deal with it.

That poor dog doesn't deserve that crap


It's a shame you can't call the authorities directly but unfortunately it was only what you saw, and so staying anonymous could be hard. If you were willing to come out and say it was you to prove it happened, it could cause trouble with your neighbours.

Poor dog. Things will only get worse and labs are so beautiful the dog will probably just take it, and become timid and frightened, and then probably will finally bite someone (not the boy - dogs rarely bite the person who abuses them) and get put down for it
post #24 of 27
Oh god thats horrible! There are tonnes of 10 year olds who wouldnt do that, so im pretty sure the kid understood what he was doing. Unfortunately my thought is to hang the kid upside down in a tree by his undies till he gives in.

If it were me, i would chat to the parents, if i saw it happen again i would report them and have the poor pup taken to a better home. I know some kids turn out bad and it is not the parents fault, but this kid has serious problems.
post #25 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
I want to second the suggestion made by momof3rugratz. It keeps you out of the loop while also reminding the family that there are laws against mistreating animals that way.

And if it happens again, maybe that puppy will accidentally find her way into your car one day and go for a ride to a nice new home with someone who appreciates her.
dog napping isnt good but it would be fore a good reason
post #26 of 27
I don't envy your situation I think I would talk to the parents but I doubht they would care based upon what all you have posted about them or call the authorities.
post #27 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie1965 View Post

Is there any way you could speak positively with the child? Lay on the B.S about what a beautiful dog Rose is, how special both he and the dog are, how it takes a very special boy to care for a special dog, that it is never okay to hit something so special. Something along those lines. Perhaps give him a book at his reading level on the care of dogs or a book with dog stories.
Not sure if it will work, especially if he is a psycho killer in the making. but, he may very well be a kid who is ignored.
I like that idea a lot. Maybe afterward have a chat with the parents too, explaining what you said, as if you were helping them - you know, as if you were on the same side.
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