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I am FURIOUS! He is being a total jerk!!!!! GURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! - Page 2

post #31 of 52
I'm sorry Nikki! I've never been in a realtionship before, but seriously...I wouldn't think twice about staying home. Even if he offers to treat the dogs well, the whole trip would be ruined. Stay home, think about things. You might both need time to sort through some things right now.
post #32 of 52
oh yea, i did not bring up that part about how he made the money and it was his way.
That is not a cool thing to say. I have never said that to any lady i have ever dated. err, of course a couple made more money then me, but that is not the point.

being a couple is not one person gives the orders and the other person jumps,
it not cool,, i was thinking also maybe he had a bad day at work and was just being a pain ?

anyway, if he wont give in, as i already said, i would be saying home also
post #33 of 52
This didn't sound like your usual posts about Colin. Think you might not have been the only one having a bad day. I'm hoping he comes to his senses, gets down on his knees, and begs for your forgiveness. He might be feeling financially stressed too since you mentioned being broke. Not trying to defend what he said, but really hoping you guys can settle this to your liking and have a nice vacation.

Take care.
post #34 of 52
Nik, so sorry to hear you've had a bad day...I'm sure you're quite heartbroken over the dogs that were euthanized, and also over having your cats at the shelter right now. Sounds like you're stressed out, and Colin isn't doing much for you in the sensitivity department at the moment.

I know you're upset, and I also know you love Colin a lot...I don't think I could tell you to leave him, or that I think the situation will only get worse, and all of the other stuff. I'm just someone reaching out to you from the web, and only YOU are living the day-by-day stuff with Colin...you are the only one who can follow your own heart about that kind of thing.

Anyway, couples fight, people we love say things they don't mean (and we do this too!), and sometimes aren't quite there for us in the way we would like them to be...no relationship is perfect, and sometimes it takes some soul-searching and a bit of forgiveness to make things doable. Compromise exists in every relationship, and the need for communication. I'm just going to leave it at that.

And, with all of that being said, I think you should wait for the air to clear a little, give each other some space today(long enough for you both to handle this kindly, and without flared tempers), take the time to do something for YOU (like a nice hot bath, a nap, curl up with a blanket in front of the tube, a glass of wine or cup of coffee, paint those nails, whatever works for you), and then, calmly tell him that as much as you'd like to go with him, you sense that he's stressed about something, and that you've indeed had a stressful day, and that you've decided that most reasonable solution would be for you to stay home with the dogs, while he goes to Alabama. This way, there won't be any cost due to a critter sitter, and you would feel better knowing that they're safe and secure inside. If for some reason, this sets him off in some way, and he behaves like a horse's patoot about it, you can simply say, "Well, you've just made my decision even easier." AND STAY HOME WITH THOSE DOGS.

Think of it this way...he'll be gone, you can have some you-time, and it may be a nice little break from each other. Every couple needs a little "single" time now and then, even if it's for two hours, or 3 days. There's nothing wrong with that, and it can be a healthy thing for both of you!

Chin up, Nik! Don't let anyone treat you like a doormat. The minute you begin sensing that you're being stepped on, Colin will need to be informed. Hold your head up high, and approach everything calmly, and with dignity, when you're able.

Plus, you'll have a great time hanging out with us while he's gone.
post #35 of 52
Nikki, sweetie...I'm so sorry this is happening. I haven't read all of the replies yet but I just wanted to say that after all this that has happened...how could you even consider going to spend 6 days with him...fun? I couldn't.

Someone said here (sorry I can't recall how it was) that this surely doesn't sound like the Colin you're always talking about...I'm sure that as an officer he probably had an awful day of some kind...I can only imagine what he sees on a daily basis.

Anyway...I just don't see how you can go off with him now the way things are. I think maybe y'all need a few days apart...I know its that way with the hubby & me...Whatever you decide, we're here for ya...

Hilda>^..^<...going off to read the rest of the posts now...
post #36 of 52
This does not sount like your usual posts, infact it doesnt even have the same typing style..?

Are you sure he used those exact words?? Sometimes when we are so angry we misunderstand what they are saying!

Cheer up!
post #37 of 52
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. i really appreciate the support- it's been a nigtmare around here the past two days- between seeing my favorite shelter pups euthanized, having to take my kitties to the shelter (although good news- two got homes!) and now this- i'm beyond stressed out. Also this is DEFINITELY not my normal Colin- he's usually soooooo caring and kind- always helping me with my foster kittens and trying to take care of things. I love him very much - i really do but i do not tolerate the mistreatment of animals under any circumstance- it makes it worse when they're his! it is definitely not my normal typing style fawn, i'm beyond stressed out and aggitated- and he totally set me off. I've had a little time to cool down now so i feel a bit better. I think i'm going to take everyones advice and try to take a bath and chill out for a few minutes tonight between doing laundry. I just don't know what's up- Colin is just not acting like himself- he's been a total jerk the past two days. I've even gently tried asking him if all was ok with work/life ....and he's just been totally snippy- not like his usual self at all I hope it just passes. I am not the type to let anyone walk over me- i will definitely not take it from someone i love - so hopefully he'll chill out. We had yet another argument/discussion type thing today (Actually while i'm on the topic- i want to clarify what a "fight" is to us- we never ever scream or get physical...ever. we sit down in the floor and discuss things - usually calmly so that is our fighting style to be clear)- it seems to have accomplished something though- i got my way on taking them to the vet (he was going to not even take them to the vet for their checkup/ to get their heartguard!) At the end of the discussion i told him that i did not appreciate him giving me what seemed to be ultimatums (we had a long talk about that) and pulling the whole "well i make the money....blah blah blah" stunt. We talked/worked out that part so that's good now. And he gave me money before i left this afternoon to take the dogs to the vet and make sure they had everything they needed so that's good....maybe he's realizing i'm right on this - who knows. When we were at the vets office- he stopped by on his break to help me with the dogs for a few minutes- while he was there he was nice and appoligized somewhat for earlier. I also had the vet talk to him and the vet said that with Fosters ear infection (part of the reason i took them to the vet) he could NOT be left outside especially if it were to rain/storm with his ears right now. And he has to stay on his meds. The vet said it would be better if someone could come over to the house 2x a day at least to let them outside to potty than rather to leave them outside -especially since they are indoors only. The vet is really a cool guy- he's Colin's age and really nice- i am happy to say that Colin just called me back a minute ago and we talked- sounds like he's taken mine and the vets advice. He has agreed to keep them indoors while we're gone We are going to put them in our huge kitchen with their food/water and beds and twice a day his friend and my sister are going to come over to the house and let them out to go potty and give foster his ear meds Win one for the ladies. I pretty much told him earlier that he can go to Alabama if he wants to and have a good trip, but i will stay here if he wants to leave the dogs outside- i would stay behind here and be the responsible one and make sure they are taken care of- looks like i gently got my point across when i told him i wouldn't go if he did that. Thanks for the advice and suggestions everyone and for helping me work this out with Colin. I don't know what i'd do without ya'll. I'm sooooo stressed This is just not like my Colin- he never does this ever. I can think of only a hand full of times we've fought (some of ya'll even rememberd them) and that's pretty much it. We normally have an awesome, loving relationship and are exceptionally open and honest. I don't know if he's just stressed lately or what. I do know he's thinking of going back into the Navy (uhhhh that's an entirely different topic for another day) and is worrying about money and all (we are not in debt- he owns his house and car and we are excellent about savings. / I'm only broke now because i just switched jobs- so i'm waiting on my next pay check till then i don't have any to spare if i want to stay on track financially (we're good with $ and saving- but since he's become a cop- he took a massive pay cut leaving the navy- i think that has something to do with his stress level- he's wanting to buy a bigger home before we start a family) Hopefully we can just get over this soon and have a good trip. I will be much more happy knowing that my boys are safe and sound in our house i can tell ya'll that I would not have gone otherwise- it's not worth it putting them at risk. Thanks again guys Man, after the past two days i could SERIOUSLY use a drink
post #38 of 52
I'm glad things are looking up, at least a bit! I've not posted before but I've been reading. I just didn't have anything to add at the time!
post #39 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
i could SERIOUSLY use a drink
Pack up the boy toy, and swing over to ohio i will buy
well sounds like things went well this time around, glad to hear that.
You know, he may very well be stressed about work stuff? the is normal for alot of cops..
post #40 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
Pack up the boy toy, and swing over to ohio i will buy
well sounds like things went well this time around, glad to hear that.
You know, he may very well be stressed about work stuff? the is normal for alot of cops..
hehe thanks bruce. if i'm ever in ohio, i'll take you up on that drink. / i guess you're right about the cop thing- i do hear some stories from him....but i'm sure there's plenty more i don't know about...it does get stressfull for him. Even so though, that does not excuse him in any way, but i do understand how stress can make you snap a bit. I think i got my point across to him though and stood my ground well. It's just not like him to do this....i don't know what's up and it's frusterating- it's making me a nervous wreck too and that's not good at all. I'm definitely glad i have a few days off work comming up- i really need it!As of right now, i'm going since my boys are going to be indoors and safe....so i guess i need to pack. I was holding off on packing until i was definite i was going - so now i'm trying to do laundry, clean up the house, and everything else. I'm gonna need some happy pills when this is over with:
post #41 of 52
i hope you have alot fun.
how i am not a fan of cops(even if i do go shooting with cops during the summer ) , and i think people put way to much faith in them. They do have a very stress filled job, it is not easy to deal with some of the people they have to deal with, along seeing some of th worst people cant do to each other.

My one friend who is on the highway patrol here in ohio, has told me that his ability to talk to his wife about work stuff is why they have been able to stay married for 22 years.

anyway have a safe and fun trip
post #42 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
i hope you have alot fun.
how i am not a fan of cops(even if i do go shooting with cops during the summer ) , and i think people put way to much faith in them. They do have a very stress filled job, it is not easy to deal with some of the people they have to deal with, along seeing some of th worst people cant do to each other.

My one friend who is on the highway patrol here in ohio, has told me that his ability to talk to his wife about work stuff is why they have been able to stay married for 22 years.

anyway have a safe and fun trip
thanks bruce it's good to hear about someone else who's a cop too. i am not a fan of memphis cops at all- they're scumb bags for the most part, so are some of the other cities around here- bartlett however, where colin works seems to be a really outstanding dpt- all the officers are nice and genuinely care about their community /people- i have yet to meet one i don't like. it can definitely be stressful for them. the deaths are the worst. a few weeks ago he had to take a call where a little girl died. i actually wound up doing her flowers for her funeral as a weird coencidence. i know for a fact that one got to him. also one if his good friends who was also a cop with him committed suicide a few months back- the entire dpt. was devestated....and with the violence moving over from memphis into bartlett, it gets progressively worse. he knows he can talk to me anytime he needs to though.
post #43 of 52
I am glad you worked things out if he gets out of line again tell him your friend in Kentucky has a rolling pin specifically for grumpy men. But in all honesty if you can talk things out like you two did then you will do well. Hope he gets in a better mood maybe with his vacation he will get to feeling better.
post #44 of 52
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tavia'smom View Post
I am glad you worked things out if he gets out of line again tell him your friend in Kentucky has a rolling pin specifically for grumpy men. But in all honesty if you can talk things out like you two did then you will do well. Hope he gets in a better mood maybe with his vacation he will get to feeling better.
he just got home from work a minute ago- seems to be in a much better mood- so that's good hehe and thanks for the rolling pin off- i'll definitely keep that in mind it's tradition in my family to give the new wives a rolling pin when they get married
post #45 of 52
It sounds to me like this isn't about the dogs. Something else is bothering him and he's using that as an exuse.

Some senarios:

1. He's upset that you aren't contributing as much financially as he feels you should;

2. He is getting cold feet and is feeling crowded now that you are living together officially;

3. He could be having financial problems and doesn't want to tell you about it.

Those are just three that come to my mind. There are others.

Instead of stewing and being angry, sit down and ask him if this is really about the dogs? Chances are it isn't.
post #46 of 52
Yeah, this really may be about something he's not entirely in touch with yet himself, or something he's not able to talk about at this moment. Either way, these issues always come out in someone's behavior.

I say, give him some space, and just let him know that you're here for him when he's ready to talk about it. He needs to FEEL that there are few things that you and he can't handle together.

I dated a cop way back when...he was a complete and total jerk who was so far out of touch with his feelings, that I ended up pulling out of the relationship. Looking back on it, I now realize the enormous amount of stress and responsibility he was facing each day he went to work. And the pressure of truly wanting to make a difference, and yet feeling hopeless for so many situations that he was dealing with in the community.

Sounds like money is sort of an issue in your situation. I know you just started your new job...but is there any additional work you could pick up on the side to further supplement your income? Perhaps a weekend gig, or a couple of nights a week?

Good luck, and I'm so glad to hear that things are a bit better. Living with someone changes the entire landscape of a relationship, doesn't it? Throughout all of the tough times and challenges, it can be so worth it, however.
post #47 of 52
I'm glad things have been worked out a bit My guess too, is that he's dealing with something from work that he doesn't want to burden you with. It could be that the suicide of his cop friend is just now getting to him - a lot of people go through a few months of denial when someone dies, and then it all of a sudden just hits them - and the people around them are baffled, cos they can see no immediate cause for it - but it's just the delayed grief coming out. Or it could be some other case from work.. or like someone mentioned, the reality of you two living together now, the responsibility - of having to always care for the dogs, ect - is making him realize he's not a single guy with a carefree life anymore - he has these responsibilities, and it may just be wigging him out a bit.

At any rate, you usually sound really happy with him, so I hope you are able to work it out together I'm glad you stood your ground, btw.
post #48 of 52
Hi, I don't know you very well so don't know if your married to this guy or not. Whatever tho, I would stay home with the doggies and tell him to go alone. Enjoy your six days off just relaxing and going out with the girls and taking care of your sweet dogs. That's what I would do, teach him a lesson, when you have animals you have to treat them as part of the family, if he doesn't agree with this, he shouldn't have pets. I even hate to call them pets since they are more like our kids. My condolences for the doggie who crossed the Bridge.
post #49 of 52
I am glad things are getting better between you two, Nikki. and I hope things continue to improve and I am glad he is letting the dogs stay inside while you guys are gone. have a safe and fun trip!
post #50 of 52
Nikki...its good to hear that you & Colin are communicating about all this...its so much worse when you don't. As so many others here are saying, it sure seems as though he's under alot of pressure with work...suicide, the death of the little girl (I remember your thread about her)...just everything that it takes to be a cop. My niece's hubby is a cop...and a good one too, like your Colin...they too have problems...I guess its just hard being not only a cop but also, loving a cop. I'm really glad things have worked out that you'll be able to go along with him and that your sweeties will be well cared for. After all that's happened, I think it would just have made things that much worse if he'd gone and you'd stayed. This way, you can be there with him and gently let him know how much you love him and support him with his job...hopefully he will understand and do the same for you. You guys have been so sweet together from the posts I've read since I joined in January of this year...but all relationships can have snags in them...you just have to care enough about one another to work them out and come to an agreement or compromise...if you truly care, then it is worth it. There's a lyric quote that I love using in times like this, from a couple of my fav writers...Lennon & McCartney...

...life is very short, and there's no time for fussing & fighting my friend. I have always thought that its a crime. So I will ask you once again, try to see my way, only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. Why just see it your way? run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone. We can work it out....we can work it out....

Good luck Nikki...
Hilda>^..^<
post #51 of 52
I love that song, Hilda! The Beatles rule!!!
post #52 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie130 View Post
I love that song, Hilda! The Beatles rule!!!
In my opinion, some of the best lyrics & music ever...

Hilda>^..^<
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