I am FURIOUS! He is being a total jerk!!!!! GURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Would it be possible for your mom to stay (with her animals) at your house??
I agree that it would be a stupid idea to leave to dogs alone in the backyard.
That just doesn't make sense.
Or as a last resort as the others have mentioned-he goes to AL by himself.

I would be staying home, my animals are my children and if I did not have anywhere to take them or have someone come in and give them the care they are accustomed to I would not leave them. Sorry that you are being forced to make a choice.

I was married to an inconsiderate AH for 8 years, so I certainly feel for you. I'd stay home with the animals. I wouldn't even talk to him about it until it was time for him to leave. I'd make da** sure he slept on the couch until his trip to AL. Between now and the time he leaves, I'd be checking out rentals. When he was gone, I'd be packing my stuff and be gone by the time he got back. No one deserves to be treated that way. Not you, not your animals. He's obviously showing his true colors. Believe me, they don't change. And once you've given them that kind of control over your life, it never gets better. I am so sorry that you had to deal with the euthanization of those sweet dogs. If he was a caring individual, he would have been there for you during such a difficult emotional time. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with such insensitivity. He's obviously not good enough for such a sweet and caring person as yourself.

~~Hugs~~

Pookie

I'm sorry Nikki. I think you've been given some great advice already. I don't understand why he changed his mind about the dogs coming with you both if that was the original plan. I think you should have a talk when you're both calm.

I agree with other posts about staying because his comment about I make the money so I make the rules would have me moving out till he could straighten his act up. Maybe you and your mom could find a even better place than your duplex to move into together to have the animals if not there's and old saying that small places make love go stronger. I would be taking my animals and my stuff and going to the duplex simply for that one comment and the other is just the last straw. But that's me too. You have to make your own decision based upon what is best for you. But I do remember an incident you had with him once before involving a kitten who had an acident and him getting quite angry and calling her a not so nice name. And now this I wonder what will be his next moment of insensitivity. And trust me these are just the beginnings of problems. You either work them out now, or leave, or it snowballs.

Why does he think he gets to tell you what is going to be done? The decision should be made together and the solution should be something that you both agree on. If he's one of those men that thinks he can control every decision and you have no say, I would kick him to the curb now.

Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

And trust me these are just the beginnings of problems. You either work them out now, or leave, or it snowballs.

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Yes. You either show him right now that you won't stand for being pushed around and treated badly, or he'll know he can get away with it, and from then on it'll just get worse, cos he already figures "hey, I gave her that ultimatum, and she caved - I've got her under control now".

I also agree with what Pookie-Poo said - I hadn't even thought of that - was too focused on the fact that he said "I make the money and it's my house, so it's my rules", but yes, you were under stress and sad cos the dogs got put down, he should have welcomed you home and hugged you and said "sorry baby, is there anything I can do".. not thrown an ultimatum at you.

grr.. this is making me mad. From your posts on here you've always seemed like a really sweet girl, and you don't deserve this kind of thing.

At this point I wouldn't want to go with someone who just put me in my place.
I would talk to him today about it & found a solution for both of you.
Something tells me he had a bad day and took it out on you. It definately doesn't sound like the Colin you talk about.

My experience has been that we can all give you advice on what to do, i.e., what we "think" we would do in a similar situation, but you will make the ultimate decision. You are the only one who knows your relationship with this man (I don't recall if you are married or not). It's always very easy for us as outsiders to see all the things wrong with your relationship because we aren't the ones living it. When you love somebody it's hard to see the flaws - sure they can make you mad, but then you kiss and make up and it's all fine again. This works - at least for a couple years. Then our eyes start to open up and we see the other person in their true self - not the blinded by love self.

The truth is, when your spouse or significant other started issuing ultimatums - whether it is the male OR female - that's an indication of a loss of respect and total selfishness. Once the loss of respect is gone, IMO the relationship has nowhere to go but down. I work with a girl whose relationship with her husband has her down and unhappy more than she is up and happy. That's no way to live. He's a total control freak and is making them both miserable.

I cannot imagine anyone insensitive or ignorant enough to even think about letting indoor dogs stay outside alone for 6 days so they can go off and have a good time. Even if I were to go with this person, I would be miserable the whole time worrying about the dogs.

People like this don't improve with age - if anything they get worse with age.

I personally would not want to grow old with someone like that, but we all have to make our own decisions and hopefully learn from our mistakes.

I don't understand. If he has a friend to tend to the dogs in the yard, why can't that friend tend to them and the cats in the house? OR did I miss something? I did read thru rather quickly.

Either way, I wouldn't be going anywhwere with him. He doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

Ahhh, what we won't do for love?

I'm sorry Nikki! I've never been in a realtionship before, but seriously...I wouldn't think twice about staying home. Even if he offers to treat the dogs well, the whole trip would be ruined. Stay home, think about things. You might both need time to sort through some things right now.

oh yea, i did not bring up that part about how he made the money and it was his way.
That is not a cool thing to say. I have never said that to any lady i have ever dated. err, of course a couple made more money then me, but that is not the point.

being a couple is not one person gives the orders and the other person jumps,
it not cool,, i was thinking also maybe he had a bad day at work and was just being a pain ?

anyway, if he wont give in, as i already said, i would be saying home also

This didn't sound like your usual posts about Colin. Think you might not have been the only one having a bad day. I'm hoping he comes to his senses, gets down on his knees, and begs for your forgiveness. He might be feeling financially stressed too since you mentioned being broke. Not trying to defend what he said, but really hoping you guys can settle this to your liking and have a nice vacation.

Take care.

Nik, so sorry to hear you've had a bad day...I'm sure you're quite heartbroken over the dogs that were euthanized, and also over having your cats at the shelter right now. Sounds like you're stressed out, and Colin isn't doing much for you in the sensitivity department at the moment.

I know you're upset, and I also know you love Colin a lot...I don't think I could tell you to leave him, or that I think the situation will only get worse, and all of the other stuff. I'm just someone reaching out to you from the web, and only YOU are living the day-by-day stuff with Colin...you are the only one who can follow your own heart about that kind of thing.

Anyway, couples fight, people we love say things they don't mean (and we do this too!), and sometimes aren't quite there for us in the way we would like them to be...no relationship is perfect, and sometimes it takes some soul-searching and a bit of forgiveness to make things doable. Compromise exists in every relationship, and the need for communication. I'm just going to leave it at that.

And, with all of that being said, I think you should wait for the air to clear a little, give each other some space today(long enough for you both to handle this kindly, and without flared tempers), take the time to do something for YOU (like a nice hot bath, a nap, curl up with a blanket in front of the tube, a glass of wine or cup of coffee, paint those nails, whatever works for you), and then, calmly tell him that as much as you'd like to go with him, you sense that he's stressed about something, and that you've indeed had a stressful day, and that you've decided that most reasonable solution would be for you to stay home with the dogs, while he goes to Alabama. This way, there won't be any cost due to a critter sitter, and you would feel better knowing that they're safe and secure inside. If for some reason, this sets him off in some way, and he behaves like a horse's patoot about it, you can simply say, "Well, you've just made my decision even easier." AND STAY HOME WITH THOSE DOGS.

Think of it this way...he'll be gone, you can have some you-time, and it may be a nice little break from each other. Every couple needs a little "single" time now and then, even if it's for two hours, or 3 days. There's nothing wrong with that, and it can be a healthy thing for both of you!

Chin up, Nik! Don't let anyone treat you like a doormat. The minute you begin sensing that you're being stepped on, Colin will need to be informed. Hold your head up high, and approach everything calmly, and with dignity, when you're able.

Plus, you'll have a great time hanging out with us while he's gone.

This does not sount like your usual posts, infact it doesnt even have the same typing style..?

Are you sure he used those exact words?? Sometimes when we are so angry we misunderstand what they are saying!

Cheer up!

Thanks everyone. i really appreciate the support- it's been a nigtmare around here the past two days- between seeing my favorite shelter pups euthanized, having to take my kitties to the shelter (although good news- two got homes!) and now this- i'm beyond stressed out. Also this is DEFINITELY not my normal Colin- he's usually soooooo caring and kind- always helping me with my foster kittens and trying to take care of things. I love him very much - i really do but i do not tolerate the mistreatment of animals under any circumstance- it makes it worse when they're his! it is definitely not my normal typing style fawn, i'm beyond stressed out and aggitated- and he totally set me off. I've had a little time to cool down now so i feel a bit better. I think i'm going to take everyones advice and try to take a bath and chill out for a few minutes tonight between doing laundry. I just don't know what's up- Colin is just not acting like himself- he's been a total jerk the past two days. I've even gently tried asking him if all was ok with work/life ....and he's just been totally snippy- not like his usual self at all I hope it just passes. I am not the type to let anyone walk over me- i will definitely not take it from someone i love - so hopefully he'll chill out. We had yet another argument/discussion type thing today (Actually while i'm on the topic- i want to clarify what a "fight" is to us- we never ever scream or get physical...ever. we sit down in the floor and discuss things - usually calmly so that is our fighting style to be clear)- it seems to have accomplished something though- i got my way on taking them to the vet (he was going to not even take them to the vet for their checkup/ to get their heartguard! ) At the end of the discussion i told him that i did not appreciate him giving me what seemed to be ultimatums (we had a long talk about that) and pulling the whole "well i make the money....blah blah blah" stunt. We talked/worked out that part so that's good now. And he gave me money before i left this afternoon to take the dogs to the vet and make sure they had everything they needed so that's good....maybe he's realizing i'm right on this - who knows. When we were at the vets office- he stopped by on his break to help me with the dogs for a few minutes- while he was there he was nice and appoligized somewhat for earlier. I also had the vet talk to him and the vet said that with Fosters ear infection (part of the reason i took them to the vet) he could NOT be left outside especially if it were to rain/storm with his ears right now. And he has to stay on his meds. The vet said it would be better if someone could come over to the house 2x a day at least to let them outside to potty than rather to leave them outside -especially since they are indoors only. The vet is really a cool guy- he's Colin's age and really nice- i am happy to say that Colin just called me back a minute ago and we talked- sounds like he's taken mine and the vets advice . He has agreed to keep them indoors while we're gone We are going to put them in our huge kitchen with their food/water and beds and twice a day his friend and my sister are going to come over to the house and let them out to go potty and give foster his ear meds Win one for the ladies . I pretty much told him earlier that he can go to Alabama if he wants to and have a good trip, but i will stay here if he wants to leave the dogs outside- i would stay behind here and be the responsible one and make sure they are taken care of- looks like i gently got my point across when i told him i wouldn't go if he did that. Thanks for the advice and suggestions everyone and for helping me work this out with Colin. I don't know what i'd do without ya'll. I'm sooooo stressed This is just not like my Colin- he never does this ever. I can think of only a hand full of times we've fought (some of ya'll even rememberd them) and that's pretty much it. We normally have an awesome, loving relationship and are exceptionally open and honest. I don't know if he's just stressed lately or what. I do know he's thinking of going back into the Navy (uhhhh that's an entirely different topic for another day ) and is worrying about money and all (we are not in debt- he owns his house and car and we are excellent about savings. / I'm only broke now because i just switched jobs- so i'm waiting on my next pay check till then i don't have any to spare if i want to stay on track financially (we're good with $ and saving- but since he's become a cop- he took a massive pay cut leaving the navy- i think that has something to do with his stress level- he's wanting to buy a bigger home before we start a family) Hopefully we can just get over this soon and have a good trip. I will be much more happy knowing that my boys are safe and sound in our house i can tell ya'll that I would not have gone otherwise- it's not worth it putting them at risk. Thanks again guys Man, after the past two days i could SERIOUSLY use a drink

I'm glad things are looking up, at least a bit! I've not posted before but I've been reading. I just didn't have anything to add at the time!

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

i could SERIOUSLY use a drink

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Pack up the boy toy, and swing over to ohio i will buy
well sounds like things went well this time around, glad to hear that.
You know, he may very well be stressed about work stuff? the is normal for alot of cops..

Originally Posted by theimp98

Pack up the boy toy, and swing over to ohio i will buy

well sounds like things went well this time around, glad to hear that.
You know, he may very well be stressed about work stuff? the is normal for alot of cops..

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hehe thanks bruce. if i'm ever in ohio, i'll take you up on that drink. / i guess you're right about the cop thing- i do hear some stories from him....but i'm sure there's plenty more i don't know about...it does get stressfull for him. Even so though, that does not excuse him in any way, but i do understand how stress can make you snap a bit. I think i got my point across to him though and stood my ground well. It's just not like him to do this....i don't know what's up and it's frusterating- it's making me a nervous wreck too and that's not good at all. I'm definitely glad i have a few days off work comming up- i really need it! As of right now, i'm going since my boys are going to be indoors and safe....so i guess i need to pack. I was holding off on packing until i was definite i was going - so now i'm trying to do laundry, clean up the house, and everything else. I'm gonna need some happy pills when this is over with :