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Selfish? (I need advice...badly!)

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
As a couple people here may know, I'm doing my big senior recital at the end of the week. This is a big deal...it's like the senior thesis for music majors. We present a public recital one hour in length, we prepare the music, find the assistants (accompanists, page turners, stage managers) and book the hall and publicize. So it's sort of a big deal. But, everyone does it, so it's cool.

Well, it's standard practice to put your chamber work (we're all required to do in depth study in a small mixed-instrumental group...like a string quartet or piano trio, for example) on your recital. Mine is a work for flute, cello and piano, and the pianist is my best friend.

Well, my pianists best friend took a really steady and high-paying gig. That gig has a performance that overlaps with my recital, and she'd probably be 10 or 15 minutes late to her performance. She can't get out of my recital...her performance in it is also graded and counts for a full hour of credit towards her GPA.

So she wants me to change the program order.

Now, the programs have already been ordered (being run tomorrow morning...I can call the girl who prints them- a friend of mine- and have it changed if need be), but that's not even the major issue here.

Now, the piece she wants me to put first is totally inappropriate to be put first. It's new music, it is conceptual, it just doesn't provide a good introduction to a recital. So, I'm definitely not comfy doing that.

But then the guilt kicks in. Am I being a bad friend if I tell her to deal with it? I feel like we all tell our best friends that we'd do anything for them, but then when it comes to something that's as trivial in the grand scheme of things as a recital program...I find myself unwilling to consider her stress!

The only thing I'd be willing to do is move one of the shorter pieces to later in the program. That won't buy her any more than 10 minutes. She'd be cutting it EXTREMELY close. And I'm still not thrilled with that arrangement, but I'd be willing to consider it, even though my prof has to give the final ok anyway.

So, what, in your opinions should I do???
post #2 of 14
Even if she wasn't your friend, I think trying to help her in her predicament with a compromise is the thing to do. Have fun at your recital!
post #3 of 14
i voted let the prof make the choice.

hmm however I would think that the conceptual part would best be done first? As the last song you hear, leaves the most impressoin i would think.

Hope everthing goes well!!! or as they used to say break a leg
post #4 of 14
Not sure if I understand everything, but what I am getting is this is your final for a grade and the arrangements, music order, entire performance is to be judged. the part I don't get is that your friend has to be there to because she is being graded as well, this is her final too?

If you are both being judged equally, and shared all the responsibilities equally, then I would say a compromise of sorts is in order.

If this is your gig, and she agreed to do it before her friend got the steady job, then she should honor her commitment to you. If it is a steady job, then she will have to get a replacement for that night. I have a friend who is a professional musician, and everyone is doing each others gigs all the time.

If this is for your grade, this is very important, and her running in at the last minute isn't going to look good for you either. You have probably rehearsed, and at this point any changes are going to upset the apple cart.

I think you should stand your ground and let her deal with her problem. Saying you will do anything for a friend is meant in terms of saving their lives, so to speak. Not inconveniencing yourself so they won't be inconvenienced. Friendship works both ways. She should not be putting you in this position, right before your big night.
post #5 of 14
I guess my question would be are you graded on the presentation of your recital, or simply the music that you play? In other words, would it reflect badly upon you (and her) if you had a less artistic program? If that's the case, then I would settle for some sort of compromise that helps you both out as much as possible, even if its not ideal for either.

However, if it doesn't, then maybe being a good friend in this case would be to swallow your pride (just a bit ) and move the piece for her. That isn't what occured to me at first thought, and I don't think it would to any of us, but the more I consider it, it seems the best choice, as long as it wouldn't affect your grade. If she's a really good friend to you, then she deserves this right? For us to have a friend in our time of need, we need to be a friend, and maybe this is her time of need.

Anyways, its a tough decision. I hope you end up happy with however it works out, and I'll be thinking of you during your recital! I'm sure whatever you choose will turn out great, and that your performance will be wonderful!
post #6 of 14
I voted to move the shorter piece to later in the program, simply because this seems to be the best compromise that will take a little give and take from everyone involved. But I have to say, it does depend on if the order/artistic presentation of the recital will reflect on you in a way that could affect you later (i.e. final grade). If it does, and it could potentially affect the rest of your professional life (not to be melodramatic, but let's face it - a final grade in your major potentially *could*), and the issue is a temporary job/gig for her, then the choice would be a no brainer. Your recital, in that case, IS more important than her gig.
post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gailuvscats View Post
Not sure if I understand everything, but what I am getting is this is your final for a grade and the arrangements, music order, entire performance is to be judged. the part I don't get is that your friend has to be there to because she is being graded as well, this is her final too?

If you are both being judged equally, and shared all the responsibilities equally, then I would say a compromise of sorts is in order.

If this is your gig, and she agreed to do it before her friend got the steady job, then she should honor her commitment to you. If it is a steady job, then she will have to get a replacement for that night. I have a friend who is a professional musician, and everyone is doing each others gigs all the time.

If this is for your grade, this is very important, and her running in at the last minute isn't going to look good for you either. You have probably rehearsed, and at this point any changes are going to upset the apple cart.

I think you should stand your ground and let her deal with her problem. Saying you will do anything for a friend is meant in terms of saving their lives, so to speak. Not inconveniencing yourself so they won't be inconvenienced. Friendship works both ways. She should not be putting you in this position, right before your big night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandtigress View Post
I guess my question would be are you graded on the presentation of your recital, or simply the music that you play? In other words, would it reflect badly upon you (and her) if you had a less artistic program? If that's the case, then I would settle for some sort of compromise that helps you both out as much as possible, even if its not ideal for either.

However, if it doesn't, then maybe being a good friend in this case would be to swallow your pride (just a bit ) and move the piece for her. That isn't what occured to me at first thought, and I don't think it would to any of us, but the more I consider it, it seems the best choice, as long as it wouldn't affect your grade. If she's a really good friend to you, then she deserves this right? For us to have a friend in our time of need, we need to be a friend, and maybe this is her time of need.

Anyways, its a tough decision. I hope you end up happy with however it works out, and I'll be thinking of you during your recital! I'm sure whatever you choose will turn out great, and that your performance will be wonderful!

Ok, to answer a couple questions...it's a Senior Recital, so it's not only for a grade/credit (which affects my GPA), it essentially determines whether or not I get my diploma. We have to present 2 of these to get a Bachelor's degree...a junior recital and a senior recital, each to be one hour in length, to contain music of your choice that is approved by the instructor.

We're graded on a handful of things, the biggest of which is musicality/technique and the overall performance itself. We're also, of course, graded on preparation. Finaly, we're graded on planning, logistics and presentation. So I get graded on everything from getting my program in on time, to coordinating with assitants, to my program order (because to us, it really does make a tremendous difference...you don't want your tater skins before your steak) to what I wear and I how I bow and walk on stage. I wouldn't FAIL persay if I put the Chamber (small group) piece out of order, but it won't help me any and the order is usually pretty brainless and considered "easy points".

The reason my friend is being graded is because we're in a class-of-sorts together. Like I said, we're all required to play in a small ensemble each quarter that rehearses 2-4 hours on our own and is "coached" by faculty one hour a week. Then, we present the piece we studied either on a recital or at the designated Chamber Music Showcase. We chose my recital rather than the showcase, so she'll be graded down (as will we all!) if she bails...since we're required to play the piece in public at least once. So basically, this class and my recital "overlap" a little, which is allowed.

Think of it as clinicals, or the BAR Exam or something to that effect. It's pretty important that I don't screw this up if I want my diploma.
post #8 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
Ok, to answer a couple questions...it's a Senior Recital, so it's not only for a grade/credit (which affects my GPA), it essentially determines whether or not I get my diploma. We have to present 2 of these to get a Bachelor's degree...a junior recital and a senior recital, each to be one hour in length, to contain music of your choice that is approved by the instructor.

We're graded on a handful of things, the biggest of which is musicality/technique and the overall performance itself. We're also, of course, graded on preparation. Finaly, we're graded on planning, logistics and presentation. So I get graded on everything from getting my program in on time, to coordinating with assitants, to my program order (because to us, it really does make a tremendous difference...you don't want your tater skins before your steak) to what I wear and I how I bow and walk on stage. I wouldn't FAIL persay if I put the Chamber (small group) piece out of order, but it won't help me any and the order is usually pretty brainless and considered "easy points".

The reason my friend is being graded is because we're in a class-of-sorts together. Like I said, we're all required to play in a small ensemble each quarter that rehearses 2-4 hours on our own and is "coached" by faculty one hour a week. Then, we present the piece we studied either on a recital or at the designated Chamber Music Showcase. We chose my recital rather than the showcase, so she'll be graded down (as will we all!) if she bails...since we're required to play the piece in public at least once. So basically, this class and my recital "overlap" a little, which is allowed.

Think of it as clinicals, or the BAR Exam or something to that effect. It's pretty important that I don't screw this up if I want my diploma.
She made a commitment to you first and she should honour it first. She should be asking her new job for either another person to cover or to be able to leave early. It's your recital, she shouldn't be inconveniencing you when she had already agreed to do it. She should have brought it up with her boss when she first got the new gig.
post #9 of 14
In that case, I would make the compromise, and explain your reasoning to your friend. You could tell her that you wish you could arrange things better for both of you, but because of how important this is, this is the best you can do. I think she might be a little upset, but it will be more at a situation no one can help, than at you personally, at least in the long run. Is it possible for you to ask your professor for an opinion, just to see if he/she can come up with something that you didn't think of?
post #10 of 14
Wow, I have to say I wouldn't be half as nice as you are being about this.

Having done a thesis, I know what a big deal this is, and if she were your friend at all she wouldn't even ask you to work around her. Yes, we want to do all we can for our best friend... but, she wasn't doing as much as she could for you when she agreed to do two things at once. It stinks that they are just cutting it so close, but. Don't ruin your recital so someone else won't be a few minutes late for something.
post #11 of 14
OK - I didn't read the whole thread, but I've been there, done that.

What about playing something cute and short to start out - maybe like a piccolo/bassoon duet or something. Or just a cute short piece. Or a quick quintet piece - something like that. Like "Old Wine in New Bottles" by Malcolm Arnold. THEN the weird (my terminology, LOL) modern piece. etc.

This sound kind of presumptuous (sp?) but I think I know that you would want to help your friend.

And BEST BEST BEST of luck on your senior recital. Yikes! I dreamed of Mozart's Bassoon Concerto ALL NIGHT before mine!!!!! PLEASE let us know how it goes.

Darn. Now I'm nervous.
post #12 of 14
Sounds like the prof is going to get the final say anyway so why put the friendship at risk imho

Good luck with the recital
post #13 of 14
Hmmm...its a tough choice. However, my only question is why did she not make arrangements to be at your recital with her other job on time?

If your diploma rests on this recital, then like Julie said, I wouldn't have been so nice. I know that program orders are changed all the time in concerts, but if it weren't for the prof's OK on the order change, I would be looking for a new accompianist.
post #14 of 14
I think if she's really your best friend you should be willing to go above and beyond what you would do for others, for her. I don't think it would be fair of her to ask you to risk your grade. But if there's something that you can do to help her out, without harming yourself, then you should try your best to do that. Even if it's last minute and kind of an inconvinience. That's what best friends do for each other.
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