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Problems Problems Problems

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Sorry, I feel rather self-indulgent posting what I know will be a long, pointless story, but I'm feeling rather stuck and don't particularly know who to call to make me feel better, so this is the best I can figure at the moment.

I've hit a really rough patch and I'm starting to feel like I can't deal with anything any more. The past week or so has been really rough, especially at work. I know I can't work there any more and it's starting to really upset me, because the thought of finding someplace new and having to deal with a new environment is more than I can handle. I wake up in the mornings and wish I could find any excuse not to go in to work, because I know I'll be bored out of my mind all day and irritated at the work I have to do.

So I broke today and asked my boss for help, except I'm sure I ended up scaring him more than anything. He already knew I was vaguely unhappy at work, but I told him today that I feel like I can't continue working there but that I know I can't go anywhere else. And he was trying to ask me questions to figure out what I was trying to say, and I just shut down and couldn't say anything that made any sense. All I could do was sit there shaking for a long time because the whole situation was more than I could deal with. He asked if I wanted to go home, because I seemed very "distressed" and when I said no (I can't imagine how bad it would have been being at home) he asked if he should call someone for me or take me home himself.

I feel like it's wrong of me to have involved my boss in my screwed up personal life. I have to remind myself that as well as we get along, we are not friends. But if I don't ask him for help, there is no one I know who can help me. The few friends I have who I trust enough to talk to are no longer actively involved in my life, and I'm just lost.

Is it wrong for me to be asking him to help me? What else can I do?

The thing is that this problem goes way beyond sorting out this work issue. A few times in the past when I've started to get upset like this my world has completely fallen apart and it's taken me months to put it together again. I'm scared that this is happening again, and if it IS happening I don't know if I can go through it all again. Just because there's been a few bad days, that's certainly not an indication of a major problem, but I'm scared that it is. I know I've let things go too long in the past before dealing with them, and before I could recognize that there's a problem I found myself in a hard place where there was nothing I could do to make it better.

So tomorrow I plan to go in to work and to try to explain myself a little bit better and to ask for help in sorting out my work situation again. I've written down exactly what I want to say so hopefully I won't get stuck again. Is this a bad idea? I'm still worried sick that I'm doing the wrong thing and that it is horribly inappropriate to tell my boss about these things. I just know this is a mess and don't know how to sort it out.
post #2 of 21
Your situation reminds me of my own in a way. I'm out on disability for a about a month from work right now, but I hate my job..in fact that doesn't even describe it. Day in and day out I'm absolutely miserable, and as long as I'm there, I'm usually pretty antsy and just want to leave. I wake up in the morning and feel sick, and want to think of any excuse I can use to not go, want to take offer of some personal time they have (unpaid) or something, but I know I can't do that.

I was out of work pretty much from November 9th - March 5th on disability. I went back just last week, and on the first day I had to work a split shift. On the way home I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I didn't really have that bad of a first half, but I just like you, feel trapped in my job. The problem is my pay scale and I know that I would not make even close to what I'm making at another job and that's if I could find something else. I've been doing this job since high school so I worry about that. Obviously my anxiety, worry, and negative attitude doesn't help.

I've found that I do need to vent from time to time, even if it's to the boss (which I haven't done yet but have considered). They might be the boss, but the well being of their employees should be a big priority because they know if you're not feeling right, especially emotionally, your productivity is going to suffer. That's not a negative on you in which they should look at it as a reason to let you go, it's something they should help you with. I have had managers over the years help me on days when I was just absolutely lost emotionally. We even have a help line that we can call when things really get out of hand.

So I don't think you're doing anything wrong, it's good that you're talking to someone, and your boss may be able to help. I think you should speak with a professional as well (as should I) about how you're feeling, and possibly a job counselor or something of the sorts who can help you figure things out job wise.

Remember too that we're here whenever you need to vent. Like I said, I feel like you're talking about how I've personally been feeling lately, so if you ever need help, give me a PM.

I truely hope things get better. Try and keep a positive attitude, but I know it's easier said than done, believe me.

Rob
post #3 of 21
I also hope that things get better,

the idea of writting stuff down about your work is very good idea.
It sound slike your boss is guy. SO remember when you tell guys a problem most of us have the bulit in how to fix thing going on.

I try very hard to keep my personal life out of work life, i dont hang or go out with them. I am not here to make friends, i am here just to do job. So i guess what i am saying is tell him what is wrong in the office that is making you feel this way.

anyway, once again, i wish you a ton of luck
post #4 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your kind words. It is nice to know that there are other people in the same situation (although I do wish no one would have to be in such a nasty place).

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReesesPBC View Post
I've found that I do need to vent from time to time, even if it's to the boss (which I haven't done yet but have considered). They might be the boss, but the well being of their employees should be a big priority because they know if you're not feeling right, especially emotionally, your productivity is going to suffer. That's not a negative on you in which they should look at it as a reason to let you go, it's something they should help you with. I have had managers over the years help me on days when I was just absolutely lost emotionally. We even have a help line that we can call when things really get out of hand.
That's a very good point. My boss knows very well whenever things aren't right- I swear he can walk into the office and tell immediately if I'm having a bad day. it's not as though I'm fooling anyone by pretending that everything is okay. He has always been willing to talk to me in the past and has asked me if there's anything he might do to help. So the problem is more on my end, because I'm not used to sharing anything difficult or emotional until I find myself in a situation like this. I know that if I could talk before things get so bad I'd end up preventing a whole lot of problems, but I always believe that no one wants to listen to me "complain" or that I'm "bothering" them when I do share, even when I've been explicitly told the opposite.

As for productivity going down, I think I got one (unimportant) thing done the entire afternoon! And that makes me feel even worse, because my attitude is that I'm there to work so I feel really guilty not getting things done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReesesPBC View Post
So I don't think you're doing anything wrong, it's good that you're talking to someone, and your boss may be able to help. I think you should speak with a professional as well (as should I) about how you're feeling, and possibly a job counselor or something of the sorts who can help you figure things out job wise.
I'm glad to hear that you don't think it's horribly inappropriate for me to talk to him. I suspected as much myself, but I do require a lot of reassurance!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ReesesPBC View Post
I truely hope things get better. Try and keep a positive attitude, but I know it's easier said than done, believe me.
I believe a positive attitude can fix a lot of things. It's something I try to keep at all times, unfortunately it's failing me at the moment. I'm sure it'll come back sometime soon though. It had BETTER come back sometime soon!

Anyway, like I said before, thank you for sharing your situation. I will be thinking of you tomorrow when I try to sort myself out, and hoping that you can figure out a solution to your problems.
post #5 of 21
Why can't you work somewhere else?

I think it is fine to tell your boss what is going on. I don't know that you can ask him for help, though. Writing down what you want to say is a great idea, too.

Please PM me if you want to talk... I know you can get through this.
post #6 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
It sound slike your boss is guy. SO remember when you tell guys a problem most of us have the bulit in how to fix thing going on.
Yup, he is DEFINITELY like that. Actually that's one of the things I like about him, because before you know it he has your problem articulated, put a plan in action to solve it, and most likely written a detailed report about how to prevent a similar situation from arising again in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
I try very hard to keep my personal life out of work life, i dont hang or go out with them. I am not here to make friends, i am here just to do job. So i guess what i am saying is tell him what is wrong in the office that is making you feel this way.
I normally try to do this too. As much as my boss and I get along (we are similar ages, have the exact same education at the same university, and have similar interests) I have to keep in mind that he is NOT my friend. We don't choose to spend time together, we are forced to spend time together. I've always thought it's easier to separate personal and work like, unfortunately right now I find the two bleeding together.
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Why can't you work somewhere else?
I know I can, I just feel like I can't. It took me a good 6 months to get used to my job now, I can't imagine trying to do it again, especially when I'm feeling rather.... unstable . However I know I need to get used to the idea and just start looking for new jobs, because this one is not going to improve any. I have no interest in what I'm doing, and even if I were to take on new responsibilites I'd STILL be bored, and most likely completely stressed out.
post #8 of 21
If you're having problems with work, it's absolutely okay to bring it to your boss' attention. I think writing down what you want to say was a really good idea.

I'm a bit worried that you're having trouble over a long period, and in cycles. Have you discussed any of the things you are feeling with your doctor? I'm not trying to freak you out, but I come from a family with lots of mental health issues and I know how overwhelming things can be. If you are having trouble coping or see cycling changes in your moods, it might be worth looking into. There are many treatment options available if you need them.

Since you're feeling lost without someone to talk to, may I suggest you contact your local CMHA (Canadian Mental Health Association)? They might be able to set you up with someone you can talk to, just to get your feelings out. They would be able to help you with some of your worries, help you make plans to change things you don't like, or just listen when you need to vent.

I'm really sorry you're having a rough time. I've had them myself. If you feel like you could talk to me, you're welcome to pm me.
post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leli View Post
I'm a bit worried that you're having trouble over a long period, and in cycles. Have you discussed any of the things you are feeling with your doctor? I'm not trying to freak you out, but I come from a family with lots of mental health issues and I know how overwhelming things can be. If you are having trouble coping or see cycling changes in your moods, it might be worth looking into. There are many treatment options available if you need them.
Yes, I have had some pretty large difficulties in the past, though have been on medication for a good.... hmmmm maybe 7 years now? I went to see a councellor for maybe 2 years but it didn't make too much of a difference to me because I'd always pretend that everything was okay. As much as I liked the lady I was seeing, it was hard for me to talk to someone I didn't know, yet I have problems talking to people I DO know because I don't want to "bother" or "annoy" them.

I'm afraid that the medication I'm taking now is becoming less effective- I had that happen once before but didn't realize what was going on until I found myself in a really bad place and was completely unable to help myself. However, as things have only been this bad for maybe a week now (and a lot of the time things really are okay) I wonder if I'm just being paranoid. I don't want to go switching around things unneccesarily as that'll cause a whole lot more stress, but then I'm nervous to just "wait and see" because I don't want things to get out of hand.
post #10 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pekoe & Nigel View Post
Yes, I have had some pretty large difficulties in the past, though have been on medication for a good.... hmmmm maybe 7 years now? I went to see a councellor for maybe 2 years but it didn't make too much of a difference to me because I'd always pretend that everything was okay. As much as I liked the lady I was seeing, it was hard for me to talk to someone I didn't know, yet I have problems talking to people I DO know because I don't want to "bother" or "annoy" them.

I'm afraid that the medication I'm taking now is becoming less effective- I had that happen once before but didn't realize what was going on until I found myself in a really bad place and was completely unable to help myself. However, as things have only been this bad for maybe a week now (and a lot of the time things really are okay) I wonder if I'm just being paranoid. I don't want to go switching around things unneccesarily as that'll cause a whole lot more stress, but then I'm nervous to just "wait and see" because I don't want things to get out of hand.
Talk to your doctor. You might be right, maybe it's just paranoia, but the wait and see approach can be dangerous. If you are feeling unable to work, something is up, even if it's just temporary. I really think a medical opinion would help.
post #11 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leli View Post
Talk to your doctor. You might be right, maybe it's just paranoia, but the wait and see approach can be dangerous. If you are feeling unable to work, something is up, even if it's just temporary. I really think a medical opinion would help.
I really appreciate your advice. You're probably right. As much as I hate my doctor, the one good thing about him is that I'm always able to get appointments super-quickly, so I'll call tomorrow and see when I can get in. Guess this means I'll have to write out another "speech" to present to him so I can have some hope of making sense .
post #12 of 21
I definitely know what it is like to feel sick going to work and hating being there. When I was first promoted, the girls under me weren't too accepting of the new position. Oddly enough the were pushing for the promotion. During this time my Nana was very ill with Cancer and came home on hospice Christmas Eve. The girls at work weren't talking to me anymore. One day while talking to a male co-worker, one of the girls tried to join in on the conversation about Nana. I just ignored her, which led to her yelling at me.
I told them flat out that they had no business with my personal life anymore.
Things got really heated during the next few weeks & then Nana passed away. It was a horrible situation & somehow I made it through.

Back in October work was getting stressful again but this time it wasn't personal difference but the change in work load & morale. I took a week's vacation and during that time my boss kept calling me for a report. When I got back to work other things about my boss were annoying me big time. I had a break down and left early that day. I told him white lies about what was bothering me. He didn't want to hear what I had to say & he sure wouldn't change. The next day I put in my 2 weeks notice. I didn't care about having another job or finding one. It's March and I still don't have a job b/c I am afraid of a new environment also. I also need reassurance and b/c I don't have that in relation to my field, I am afraid to go back to it.

I would talk to your doctor about your medicine. Maybe the paranoia about it's effectiveness is a symptom that it isn't working anymore. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your boss. I would talk to him also. Just make sure you don't regret what you say, or say too much that would embarrass you. Not everyone can keep their mouths shut, even the nicest of co-workers.

Good luck tomorrow.
post #13 of 21
I know exactly how you feel. I think writing down how you are feeling and what you are thinking is a good idea that way it will come across the way you want it to.
You could also try your human resource area if you are having problems and try talking to them. I think that it is important to always keep your boss informed, but you do not always need to supply all the personal details. Once it does become too personal, it can work against you or just be awkward. I'm not saying that all people respond this way, but it happens.
I can completely understand about paranoia or feeling trapped! There isn't one day that doesn't go by that I get paranoid. As you personally saw when you responded to one of my threads just last week or so about my coworkers. My paranoia in that instance is usually right.
It's also always hard to have to start over, etc. But remember, nothing is ever headache free....is it just that you are bored? Do you want to switch to a completely new lifestyle career, etc? Or just transfer to a different company?
I really hope that the discussion with your boss will be productive and I think it's smart of you to distinguish and seperate that your boss is your boss, but you two aren't close friends. That can often complicate things to a degree.
I hope you feel better soon and I wish I could help you more. I really do. Keep us posted please.
post #14 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks to everyone being so kind to offer their helpful thoughts. I'm definitely feeling a lot better today than yesterday, though I know it's still going to be a rough time until everything gets sorted out.

My boss actually approached me before I had a chance to talk to him, and said that he needed to be clear on what happened yesterday. It was great because he guided the conversation so I knew that I wasn't straying into areas he found inappropriate. He specifically asked what was going on to make me shut down so badly yesterday, and in trying to explain that I couldn't help but get into some of my past history.

Long story short, at his prompting I ended up telling him that I've been taking medication for depression for a long time and one of the reasons I've been potentially over-reacting to things is that I'm worrying another "episode" is starting. He was so supportive, and even though I was out of my mind with fear about talking to him like this, he made me really comfortable. I'm so glad that we had this talk and that now at least he knows what he's dealing with. He also got me to explain precisely how I tend to react if things get really bad so that he can be prepared in advance, and we worked out a semi-private place I can disappear to (as opposed to our very public office) if the situation comes up again.

All in all it was a really positive experience that has left me feeling a lot more settled (though it definitely hasn't solved the work issues).
post #15 of 21
I'm glad you had a better day and talking to your boss worked out fine.

As always, we're here if you need any more help
post #16 of 21
That is wonderful that your boss was understanding and helping you..I am so glad that you are feeling better about things today...If you need to talk, just PM me....
post #17 of 21
glad to hear that things went better for you today.
post #18 of 21
I'm so glad that your boss approached you and steered the conversation. That is always helpful! PM me if you ever need someone to lend an ear.
post #19 of 21
Hi,

I really cannot add more to this than others have. I truly despise my job but cannot get out of it unless I decide to take Seb and live under a bridge. Last summer I felt as though anything in the world would be better than where I am working. I would be in tears most everyday, drag myself out of bed every morning dreading it all. Then, I began volunteering. It is mostly done online and by phone. It did wonders for my attitude - expanded my thoughts and gave me more to think about than just my job/school/family rut. I meet some amazingly strong people (and some fruit-loops, too- ahhh humanity). I feel a part of something larger that is trying to make a difference in the world. What I do is just a small part, but it benefits those who I can help and benefits me even more. It does have its headaches and heartaches but it is something I CHOOSE to do and that makes all the difference.

As to the counselor, I had several in my search for one I could trust and be honest with (it has been a few years since I have seen her now) Just as all doctors, plumbers, trachers, flight attendants, etc are not the same, not every counselor will be a good fit. She was the type that could lead gently, call me on my bull**** gently and let me back up and regroup. Thought I had her fooled at first but she wasn't buying the "oh gee, I'm just fine. How are you today" routine. If you do decide to go this route again, just keep trying until it feels right.

It is okay to trust your inuition, that's why we have it .

I am sending good thoughts your way and trusting this will all work out in the way that will make you happiest.

Bonnie
post #20 of 21
Glad to hear your boss was so helpful Pekeo & Nigel but have you seen your doctor yet? It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety attacks and I would advice speaking to your doctor about a change in medication sooner rather than later
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, but here is a quick hug for now
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by silentNate View Post
Glad to hear your boss was so helpful Pekeo & Nigel but have you seen your doctor yet? It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety attacks and I would advice speaking to your doctor about a change in medication sooner rather than later
Well thank you for your concern. I haven't been to the doctor yet but am going tomorrow afternoon so we'll see what he has to say. I'm kind of hoping he has some "in between" solution, where we don't have to start changing meds just because of a bad week, but where I don't have to just sit and hope things turn out. We'll see I suppose.
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