Originally Posted by Natalie_ca
Sorry you are having such difficulties
I don't have any kids and other than babysitting when I was a teenager and watching what my friends and co-workers go through with their own kids, I have no real experience with kids and their behaviours.
However I do agree about not rewarding for negative behaviour.
My friend has a daughter who when younger was a real handful. Very intelligent, but so scatter brained! She also was very outspoken to the point of standing up in class and telling her teacher off if the teacher admonished a student. When she was eating there would be food everywhere! Literally! Plus she had the attention span of a peanut. In addition to that she had a hard time making and keeping friends.
She tried everything... spanking, time outs, talks, rewards, private school...you name it she tried it all without success. And the school cousellors were of no help either.
Her and I finally came up with a diagnosis that seems to fit her to a tee.Asperger's Disordercharacterized by impairments in social interactions and the presence of restricted interests and activities, with no clinically significant general delay in language, and testing in the range of average to above average intelligence.
Perhaps your child has a form of autism too?
We would need A LOT more specific information about your son if we were to even suggest an autistic spectrum disorder, even Asperger's...and if you SUSPECT an autism spectrum disorder at all, the time to check into it is NOW, as early intervention is the key with children on the spectrum. The younger it can be identified, the better off your child will be.
I'm a special education teacher, and currently my class comprises of 6 moderate to profoundly autistic children...most of my students this year do have other disabilities as well. I have, however, worked with children on the higher-functioning range of the autism spectrum (including kids with Asperger's), and children with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and ADD/ADHD.
I've also had some mildly developmentally delayed children who exhibited autistic-like behaviors, without being officially diagnosed on the spectrum, and children with mild to moderate emotional disturbances.
Here's some questions that you may want to ask yourself about your son:
*How is his handwriting? Does he have any fine (or gross) motor delays that seem to impair his ability to perform daily tasks, such as writing his name clearly, tying his shoes independently (or the refusal to attempt this task), difficulty with snaps, zippers, and other fasteners? Does he look a bit "floppy"...meaning low muscle tone?
*Is he smiley? Does he find humor and joy in typical kid-things? Or is his personality rather "flat" and joyless? Or perhaps he finds joy and humor in atypical things...things that really aren't supposed to be funny or delightful?
*How is his language skills? Does he have a broad vocabulary that is typical of most 5 year-olds, or does he seem significantly above average in his vocabulary? A lot of children with Asperger's have a very impressive vocabulary, and use a lot of colorful adjectives, descriptions, and sound like "little professors" in their daily interactions.
*Does he avoid social situations with his peers? Does he make friends easily, and seem to understand what is appropriate play and interaction with kids his own age?
*Does he have something he is overly-interested in? Something he is basically fanatical about, and his thoughts and actions are limited and restricted by these interests?
*Does he have any sensory issues? By this, I mean, are there certain clothing fabrics or materials that bother him A LOT, or certain textures of food he drastically avoids, light sensitivities, certain levels of noise or sounds that bother him excessively...how about using lotions and other products on him...does he avoid handwashing, toothpaste, soaps, etc.? Or perhaps he has a stereotypical movement he has...rocking, the need to bounce, hand flapping, etc.?
*How is his ability to transition from one activity to the next? Does he need to be forewarned in some way when something is going to change, or when something new is coming? How does he respond to "surprises" in his day? Does he like things done routinely, without a lot of deviation or change?
*What happens directly before a meltdown with your son? What happens immediately after a meltdown? Is there any pattern you're seeing here?
If any of these things sound like your son, perhaps Aspergers could be a consideration. Children with Asperger's are bright, intelligent, interesting little people, who need a lot of structure, routine, sensory and fine motor help, and behavior modification. Most grow up to be fully functional, successful adults, if they are taught and acquire the skills they need to be independent in a "neurotypical" world.
If you want any behavioral suggestions, or help at all with ANYTHING with your son, feel free to PM me, and I'll offer any help I can give you.