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A Nervous Breakdown?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Has anyone had one?
I am SO stressed out the last 2 weeks. We have become absolutely SLAMMED with work (which could be a good thing) but the stress of handling it all is overwhelming.
DH and I have been fighting on a daily basis, I'm REALLY on edge with him and the kids.
I am expected to do all the sales, scheduling, accounting and HR of the company along with dealing with the kids, keeping up the house, dealing with HIS mother's crap , hearing my mom go on and on about how I need to stop being so stressed, and also expected to help do some of the work of the company. Any time I ask DH to help with anything I get my head bit off about how he does "The Real Work" in the sun and having to lift "heavy materials" so he shouldn't have to deal with the kids and housework. For the last 2 weeks we've worked 12 hour days and I haven't went to bed before midnight and get up at 6 am.
I feel like my heads about to explode and I'm going to snap!
Anytime I promise myself I'm going to take a break, I ended up being pushed to do laundry, mop, sweep... anything to keep me from having a minute to myself. Same thing for when I say I'm going to get out of the house for a few hours I end up so tired I don't want to go anywhere and in result, I end up being pulled 5 different ways here at the house.

I'm serious ya'll.. I'm about to snap. I can't handle it anymore!

Has anyone had a nervous breakdown? My mom keeps saying she's worried I'm goint to have one
post #2 of 26
I know what you mean. I've been working overtime every week for the past 2 months, working an average of 46 hours a week. I'm getting crabby and just feel generally lousy. So much that I'm taking tomorrow off, just because. I'm having stress dreams at night constantly. And that's just WORK - nevermind home and family stuff!

I hope things look up for you soon! I can totally relate to how you are feeling.
post #3 of 26
I've had one, and it landed me in a psychiatric hospital for 11 days. The last thing I can remember before I went in is that everything felt gray. I also disassociated from reality and couldn't talk.

After three years of recovery and going to doctors I made it out of that. To say it was h*ll would be an understatement.

Because everyone is different I can't tell you if you are having one, but if you feel like you are please go see a doctor. It's best to head this off at the pass.
post #4 of 26
You probably won't have one as you've prooved you're able to handle a lot of stress, hence why people keep sending it your way. I'll write you more about this later, as I have to go out to BFs.

Don't feel bad if you start to freak out. It's normal when you are over-loaded.
post #5 of 26
Aww take a second for yourself...tell that mop to relax, tell mr laundry he has to wait his turn..tell your DH to suck it up and help on out and just take a moment for yourself..like a nice bubble bath!

I havent seen you on TCS that much and now i know why...
there is a break insight..there always is.

Isnt it odd how we are expected to understand and respect our mans tough job but they have NOT A CLUE what we go through nor do they do any work to try and find out.

I do hope it gets better for you soon Darlin!
post #6 of 26
Yeah- I felt that way last week. I've been depressed about my unemployment, rejection letters, problems with John, health problems with my family members, death and Davidson's health (which is finally better) along with financial worries. I felt the same exact way- so, I took one week off from everything, from the worry of bills, relationships and cats- and went back home to see my family for one week, I feel better than ever and everythign is back in a positive perspective. You need a break for you, even if its just for a day... it really does help. Hugs to you
post #7 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone!

This time of the night is when I usually have at least an hour to myself without everyone and try to de-stress... Right now DH is sitting in the living room playing away on his guitar while I'm still working doing estimates and scheduling How fair is that?!
I haven't even been able to eat or take a shower since we got home!!!! Much less fiddle around. The only reason I'm on here is because Quickbooks is updating
post #8 of 26
My oppinion is you can only do so much and thats that. Personally, I'd let some housework slide. Maybe 'schedule' a trip to your mother's where she is not to talk to you. All she is to do is lead you to a quiet place, cover you with a blanket, and let you sleep! If your husband complains, well he's just gonna have to deal, or he'll be doing it ALL all by himself! Tell him to pick the lesser or 2 evils! Would he rather you were gone for a few hours or a few weeks or longer?
post #9 of 26
To me it sounds like you don't have a very supportive husband which is likely the source of all of your stress.

The fact that you work so hard at the office and home and he doesn't acknowlege that and instead puts you down by claiming he is the one doing the "real work" is not only inconsiderate but it's also abusive behaviour and it's all making you feel like a basketcase.

IMHO you should take the kids and ditch him and leave him to do it all himself. You deserve way better than what it seems you are getting out of that relationship.
post #10 of 26
Yep, I know how you feel. Maybe have a day to yourself, you deserve one! Spas and massages are good...
post #11 of 26
it really sounds like you need to take break, and have long talk with the man. Sound like he is also feeling alot of stress here.

hmmm, i guess, like heather once i was feeling, well nothing, nothing got to me, good or bad. I would only talk to people if i had to. I remember once i went 2 weeks without talking to one single person.

Back then i had no cats no reason to stay where i was was, so when my work sent me to thailand, i just never came back, left everything i had.
for me the change seemed to have worked,and i finally came out of it.

but i agree maybe it is time to talk to a doc
post #12 of 26
Key here is communicating with your partner about how much you can handle and that you need some time to yourself where you have control over what goes on, even if it's just a small time-out in your life. If you think he won't get this, then just shut yourself up in the bathroom with a bubble bath, music and a glass of wine. Pretend that you can't hear the knocks. Or go for long walks in the evening with music. Establish your YOU time. Men do it all the time whether it's in the bathroom, infront of the TV or at the pub. Compare his time to yours, to make a point.

As for who brings in the bucks and who carries the most stress...I'm an unmarried woman who runs my own house and I can tell you for sure that work is the easy part in regards to home stress. My job is more physical (I regularly lift 50lbs) than most men or women's jobs. Construction workers and military men often praise me, and I only weigh 106lbs. Working and lifting for me is nothing compared to the everyday home stuff. I have a lot of scorn for guys who think they can just bring in the money, and that's not nearly as hard!
Women, in my opinion, get saddled with so much emotional guilt. This weighs alot more heavily than physical work. I feel I know because I have to do both!
Don't let any family members take advantage of the time you need to stay sane. If the floor isn't mopped and they complain, just say "If it bugs you why don't you do it? Or "if you have some extra cash why don't we hire someone to clean?" Tuning out guilt is an art, but worth it.
Hope you feel better.
Talking about your stress is definetly the key to not having a breakdown. So you've made a huge positive step. I think you'll be okay, but don't ignore your anxiety. As I said before, the fact that they are relying on you is a sign that you're strong. Not an excuse for your burdens, however!

DH's should offer some relief from the partnership of running a household, that includes mother-in-laws! It all takes a lot of co-op work. Work is just what brings money in! That's only the beginning. After money and work, there is a whole other kettle of fish. This includes ME time, as well as family.
post #13 of 26
Sweetheart- the time comes when everyone has to weigh the pros and cons of their situation. For right now- it sounds like you and your hubby have bitten more off than ya'll can chew with just the two of you. Sometimes- you have to take a step back and reevaluate things. Make a list- write down EVERYTHING- everything you're doing with your business- every "position" you fill, everything you do at home, and everything else.- cooking,cleaning, chofuring, accounting, paperwork, manual labor, etc. Sometimes when you take a step back and see things in writing it puts it into perspective. I understand ya'll are tight on money now but just hear me out- figure out the amount of money you'd be making for ALL of those jobs that you are currently taking on- even the ones around your house- figure in the cost a maid would charge to clean house, the cost a choffur would charge to run errands, etc. Sometimes- when you add it up it makes things look bigger. To me- it sounds like ya'll REALLY REALLY REALLY need to hire one more person that you guys can trust to help out- whether it's at home around your house, or on the job. Although it may cost you the cost of someone else's salary- it is WORTH it if it will keep your marriage from running into the ditch, keep you and your husband well rested, give you a little more time with your kids, allow you a moment to breath, and keep your stress levels down. Heart disease is the number one killer of women- a HUGE factor for heart disease is stress. You have to start looking at the bigger picture and also factoring in the toll everything is taking on your health. Promise me you'll sit down with your hubby and at least make a list and weigh the pros/cons of taking on one more trusted worker to help ya'll. I REALLY think it would be a wise decision for you guys right now. You could even do it on a temporary/trial basis and just see how it works. It is definitely worth looking into. Like people always say when you board a plane- in the event that something happens- put YOUR face mask on first and then help others around you. Without taking care of yourself first- you won't be able to function and help anyone else- including your business/ your family/ your kids/ or yourself. You are of no good if you are too stressed/exhausted to get things done honey. Take a step back and reevaluate your present circumstances. It's time ya'll have a little help I wish i were closer to you to help you out I'm sending prayers and vibes your way. Please seek a positive course of action before you have a nervous breakdown.
post #14 of 26
StarryEyedTiger has very good advice.
Are you the gal who is mom to 8-Bit (from your siggy)? If so, focus on 8-bit and all his antics. That's your solution.! Cute cat antics always solve every dificult moment in my opinion! Whenever my BF and I get into a hard conversation or dispute, bringing up the cats solves everything everytime.

oops, lookingglass has 8-bit!
post #15 of 26
I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

I believe that everyone knows their breaking point. If you really believe you're getting close to the end of what you can handle, it's so much better to acknowledge it and do something to fix it. In the past I've known I was getting to that point but just ignored it and assumed everything would get better. Well it didn't. Believe me, it sure made everything a whole lot worse. If you can't step back for yourself, at least do it for your family and business, because you'll be no help to them if things get worse. It'll be much better in the long run if you take a bit of time off to de-stress. Having you not work for a day or two might seem unthinkable now, but imagine how much worse it would be if you found yourself in the position where you couldn't work at all.

Please feel real better soon.
post #16 of 26
Have you tried talking to your husband about how you're feeling? Maybe if you sat him down and explained to him your situation he might be more willing to help? He might not understand just how stressed out you are? I suggest taking the time to explain everything to him. How busy you are at work and then at home. How you feel about him not helping out. How stressed you feel. You have to talk to him about it because otherwise you'll start resenting him for those things and then it's even harder to work out. Trust me, I already went down that road.

What the other people have said is all good advice. Lock yourself away for a while. You too deserve a break.

I hope you get things sorted out soon. And we are always here if you need to rant!
post #17 of 26
Alycia, I say tell Reggie to kiss your *** and that you need a break.You are only HUMAN after all.He needs to understand that running a house,caring for kids and all that,is a FULL TIME JOB!!!
You know how I feel about him.
post #18 of 26
I don't have any other suggestions for the advise you have already recieved, just some mega to you.
post #19 of 26
I agree, if you feel you are at a breaking point, change is in order or something's going to give.

I was diagnosed with three viruses at one time, including Epstein-Barr, after doing two years of internship (working/classes/study from 5:30 AM to 12:00 midnight). I knew when I broke, but had to continue for two more weeks. I ended up extremely sick in bed for three months!

Tell your husband that things could come to a screeching halt if you can't slow down. Good luck!
post #20 of 26
My partner had a nervous breakdown (this is back in the 80s, and I mean my business partner, before Gary was my business partner and hubby). None of us saw it coming, and he just snapped. He left his pregnant wife a suicide note. He said he was going to jump off the George Washington Bridge (in NYC). Thank God he didn't do it. But he checked in at a nice facility for execs, and was there 3 weeks. He's been in therapy ever since, and after about a year or so, he was SO MUCH happier and handled everything so much better, and didn't try to take on EVERYTHING.

If you feel like you're about to snap - listen to yourself. Take the great advice from people here. I'm sending loads of positive vibes your way!

post #21 of 26
I'm so sorry that your having a rough time, Alycia! When things are overwhelming for me, I just tell myself that this too will pass, and it always does eventually! The first chance you get a few minutes, you do need to take some "me" time just to relax and de-stress! And if things are too much, talk to your doctor about it. He may have some suggestions!
post #22 of 26
Aw hon, you need some serious "me" time. Be selfish for the next couple of days. Pamper yourself with a nice hot bubble bath, headphones, and a locked bathroom door. Then after that a nice relaxing movie with noone but you and the cats, eating whatever you want with NO interruptions under any circumstances. It works for me trust me, the housework will be there the next day, it is endless, so why try to be superwoman and do it all in one try? Poop on it, do it when you can and only what you can handle, it Dh complains, hand him the mop and duster and tell him what he can do with them.

Here's some relaxing vibes and headbutts for you from me and my furkids.
post #23 of 26
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone!

My counsilor came today and I totally unloaded on her! In a good way of course.
I also let DH know that I am NO longer going to do the actual roofing. I'm not a day laborer. If he wants help, hire them. I am going to focus on ME from now on.
I'm 5'4 132lbs... Definatly NOT a man so I'm not going to do a man's job. I don't care if I have to pay out more money to someone, it's worth it to me!
post #24 of 26
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin View Post
I am going to focus on ME from now on.
I'm 5'4 132lbs... Definatly NOT a man so I'm not going to do a man's job. I don't care if I have to pay out more money to someone, it's worth it to me!
Congratulations!!! Good for you! You should be so proud of yourself for stading up for what you need and taking care of yourself. I hope things continue to improve.
post #25 of 26
Good for you!!!!!!
post #26 of 26

Great to hear!

Yes, sonds like you definitely need to back off.

I know if B starts to weigh in on me with all my juggling Im doing right now umm...after so long I blow up.

I hate being labeled as the one that can be depended on. Actually I just had a blow up a week or two ago.

This week was work.
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