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One last cry....

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
You don't need to respond here...there really isn't anything left to say that hasn't already been said. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all your support, and kind words, and for thinking of me during this hard time for me. I hope you will forgive me for being such a downer lately, I am not normally like that. I know there are probably some people who get tired of hearing me whine about going back to work, and for that I apologize....it has just been weighing so heavily on me and this is the place I feel safe to come and air my feelings and I feel so lucky to have had you all to lean on these past few weeks. Thank you so much for bearing with me. I will get back to my old fun loving slef very soon I am sure.

I have the diaper bag ready, the bottles made and in the fridge, and the alarm set to go off early tomorrow morning. I am all ready. Just not emotionally. I am tired of crying though...it does no good, I hope you all don't think I am making a big deal out of nothing...it's just, this is my first and only baby, and I never dreamed how attached to her I would get or how hard it would be to go back to work and leave her behind. I knew I would love her of course, but the bond is so deep. I feel like she is part of me, and it would be easier to just cut off my hand and leave it behind.

Thanks to everyone for putting up with my emotional rollercoaster, and I just wanted to tell you how much it has meant to me.

One good thing...I won't have to work Saturday's for awhile like I thought I would, so that is good news! They stopped making it mandatory (for now anyway) so I will still have weekends with my little pumpkin!
post #2 of 19
Oh Debby, how can we not respond? First of all, I'm sure EVERYONE will smile with joy and heave a sigh of relief that you have your weekends. THAT is wonderful news.

And in addition to being a helpful place and a fun place, TCS IS a safe place. A place to come for support and comfort. No one is required to read any particular thread, so no one is sick of you "whining." Which you're not. You're in pain. We read and we respond because we feel for you. I'm sure all of us wish we could gather you (and Amber) up in our arms and hug you, if that would help at all. There are as many shoulders here as there are smiles (well - twice as many shoulders, to be exact), and that is one of the reasons we come to TCS.

And because of people like you, a moderator, who make our experiences here so much more enriched.

Of COURSE none of us think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Don't be nuts. We're all CRAZY CAT people. And that, by definition, means people who care. If any one of us won millions in the lottery this weekend, you don't think you're staying home with Amber for good? Please. (Don't you dare think "charity," either. We just know a good business opportunity when we see one, and you would make a dang fine day-care mom!)

And you feel like Amber is a part of you because she IS a part of you. But don't cut off your hand and leave it behind. You need that hand to hold her. (weak attempt to make you smile).

What is life without the emotional rollercoaster? The only thing we're getting sick of is you apolozing for being passionate and having deep feelings of love. Have more faith in us!

Our hearts are breaking for you.

post #3 of 19
Debby, just hang in there, it should get easier.
post #4 of 19
That is excellent news about not having to work Saturdays! Hopefully they will make it stay that way! And don't worry about talking about how you feel! You know they say crying is good for the body ......... So keep crying it out til it is all gone Some days I feel like that & I do cry, then it is such a relief, lol.
post #5 of 19
Laurie said it all and so well. All I can add my friend, are my hugs that I am shooting to you long distance!
post #6 of 19
Deb. You are so special!!!
Laurie did say it all, and I too will add my hugs for you!!!!
Today will be the hardest.....each day will get easier - it HAS to!!
You take care of yourself!!
We love you here.......
post #7 of 19
Debby, I know exactly how you feel. I didn't want to go back to work when my son was really small either, but I had to. Today will be the hardest day for you to get through, after this you will find that you adjust to your new routine and it gets easier. Hang in there!!!!
post #8 of 19
Hang in there Debby!! This week will probably be the hardest week you've had to deal with in a long time. But, at least you can see Amber on the weekends now!

Remember, that we are all here for you no matter what and we don't mind hearing what you have to say.
post #9 of 19
What Laurie said! I am glad you won't have to work weekends, that is good news.

Just stop apologizing, since all of us at one time or another need to vent. And if we didn't want to read it, we wouldn't. Nobody is making us listen and respond. We just want to help you feel better, cause we are all "Crazy Cat people" who care about each other.
post #10 of 19
Debby, I'll be thinking of you and sending lots of warm thoughts on a day that will be very difficult for you, I know. Hang in there, mate.
post #11 of 19
Yup, what they all said. All I can add are my hugs...
post #12 of 19
I just saw this. Debby, don't you ever stop coming here to talk.
We are always here for you and would miss your sweet essence in the cat site if you were ever to go.
I'm glad you don't have to work Sats. at least you have the weekends for you and Amber. Hopefully, it'll get better for you.
post #13 of 19
Debby, how did your first day, back at work go? I hope that it wasn't as bad as you feared.
post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 
Hi guys!

I made it through two days!!! Monday was the hardest....I called the sitter on my lunch break and was so excited just to get the news that she had drank quite a bit of her milk, and had one dirty diaper! Funny the things that mean so much to me now!!! :laughing:

I rushed to pick her up as soon as I got off work, and she was just fine! I sure miss her during the days, though!!! I would have rushed to pick her up today as well, but my husband thought I needed to get used to him picking her up as planned, since it is so far out of my way, and with the gas prices up again. So, She will be home in about an hour.

I am still sad about the whole thing, having to work and leave her all day, but I feel a little better about it since she seems to be doing okay, and I am accepting it.

Thanks for all your well wishes! It means SOOOOOO much!!!!
post #15 of 19
Originally posted by Debby
I made it through two days!!!
I never had any doubt, that you would make it,and I am very proud of you, I just wish I was closer so I could give you a big hug.
Debby any time you need to talk or cry or even just vent, remember we are all here for you armed with tissues, broad shoulders and soft purr's to ease your pain.
Tish +
post #16 of 19
Having hubby pick her up, sounds like a good plan. After working all day, that hour's peace and quiet may be just what you need. Being all stressed out isn't going to do you or Amber any good.

I have to have some decompression time after work and I don't have any kids at home.
post #17 of 19


Has it really been two days already? Monday kind of merged with today..

I'm glad there's room for smiles.

I'll never know how difficult it is as I'm not a mom and don't plan on being one. But that it is one of the most difficult things you've ever had to do, that I can imagine.

I am CERTAIN you will find an alternative. You're too loving and too caring a person for it to be otherwise.

A friend was in a similar situation. It took three years, but she managed it, and things came together such that she was able to just stay at home! Just pray that if something doesn't come your way now, that time will be the trade-off, and maybe you'll be able to become a stay-at-home mom. I don't know if you have the same lottery ads there, but like they say here: "Hey - you never know!"

Sending more ((((((hugs))))))

and lots of love,

post #18 of 19
Hey, those days at work will fly by, I am sure! Just think ........ tomorrow is Wednesday already, or atleast that is how I always look at it. I cannot remember, but how many hours do you work? I think I remmeber you said you worked 12? So, do you work 3 days, have 3 off?
post #19 of 19
Thread Starter 
Tigger, no I only work 8 hours a day. But she is gone from me for 11. 6:30 (when hubby and I both leave the house in the morning) till 5:30 when he gets home with her. Today will be longer, as he is taking her to his mom's after he gets off work, so she can spend a little time with her also.

I am adjusting, but it is hard. She now has a bit of a cold. Not sure if it is from having to take her out in the cold every morning, (I wrap her up very warm, but the air is cold here in the mornings) or if it is the weather changes (it is cold in the mornings, then up in the 70's by noon) or if it is the other children she is coming in contact with at the sitters, who might have colds...all I know is, she never had a runny nose until this week when she started going to the sitters.
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