Socializing a feral: The story of Lucky

Sandi, if you were the one who brought her to the vet and handled her then, that could be why she is a little more comfortable with hubby than you right now. Also, they are very keen to our feelings, so if you are nervous with her at night she senses that. In her mind she knows when she gets nervous she gets defensive and may attack to protect herself and she doesn't want you to do that to her. Sounds silly, but you have to try to think like a cat. (Highly recommended book by that name, BTW, "Think Like A Cat".) She may have bitten when you first caught her, but now as long as you don't push her too far (trying to pet before she is ready, etc.) and let her do things on her terms she won't. Obviously you are giving her her space, so there really isn't any reason to be nervous around her. Try to think happy, relaxing thoughts. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she will be.

I know how frustrating it can be when you want a kitty to love you so much and they choose another. Ophelia is definitely Daddy's girl, and sometimes it breaks my heart. But we did have a breakthrough in our relationship this weekend. She actually has given me love-fests like she does Daddy, with the prancing and rubbing. Before, she would let me pet her a little, and she loved sleeping on me but she wouldn't give me affection like she did to him. There is hope!

She may be coming up on the bed while you are sleeping and you just don't know it. My Ophelia is very light on her feet and sometimes I don't even know she's there when I'm awake, let alone asleep.

Hubby probably didn't set her back, per se. He just pushed it too far, which she told him in no uncertain terms by swatting him. She's showing him her boundaries.

With her meowing, she could be going into heat. It does show she is getting more comfortable with her environment. I'm sure she didn't make a peep the first few days, trying to hide and make you think she wasn't really there.

Keep working on her. It takes unlimited patience, but she will come around. (Wow, this turned into a really long post! Oops! )

Sandi - first of all, you guys are doing great. Second of all, I LOVE hearing about all the little details - and it doesn't sound crazy!

Heidi has given you great advice and encouragement - there's not much more I can add.

Personally, I feel that it is a GREAT sign that she swatted your hubby. She's getting comfortable with her environment and showing you her boundaries.

I've been thinking about our kittens outside - about the same age as your Lucky. If we hadn't been feeding them from 8 - 10 weeks old until now, and then we trapped them, took them to the Vet and then brought them inside - well - they're such scardy cats after knowing us for months, I think it would take some incredible patience on our part.

And about the meowing... This, I'm sure, is normal. Unfortunately, there is no way to know how long it will continue. The advice I've seen from Mary Anne (Hissy), who I presume has the most experience with ferals, is to get ear plugs. That's about all you can do, I'm sorry to say. But the good news is, she's comfortable enough to communicate! To complain, to ask to go back outside, to say "I'm scared," to say "what is happening to me?" "Why am I here?"

It may still take more time, but you two angels are going to make this happen for her!

Nope, I wasn't the one to take her to the vet - hubby was. I wanted to, but had a class. I was kind of glad as I'm sure I would've felt protective of her and been worried to the hilt.

HEAT??? Gosh, I hope she's not going into heat already. I never thought of that. Well, she's due to be spayed in another 2 weeks, but we may postpone that if she's not feeling comfortable by that time. It looks as though we may be putting it off. I'll have to check the other areas for info about heat. Our other female was spayed before she ever went into heat, so I'm not sure what we need to do about that, if anything.

So, by her meowing, that's a sign she feels comfortable? It's funny she doesn't really do it during the day or early evening, just at night (or 3 in the morning).

I was so bummed today. I had so much to do that I didn't get a chance to spend any quality time in the room with her today. I did go in to feed her and give her fresh water. I also stopped in a couple times just to peek under the bed briefly to say "hi" to her.

Also, I KNOW she's been on the bed when I've been in there sleeping - as I had woken up while she was investigating me. I guess that's why I get freaked out at that point. Maybe that's why she does come out pretty much when I'm in the room doing stuff - she knows I'm nervous and figures she has the upper hand? I know I'm sounding like a broken record (forgive me ), but I just love her so darn much already (without even holding her or anything) that I just want that reciprocated eventually.

Well, I appreciated reading the info from you Heidi and Laurie. Believe me, I don't mind the long posts as I seem to be the queen of them lately. I just need so much information. Funny how a tame cat can be so different from a feral cat, you know?

Thanks~
Sandi

Sandi, I don't have much to say except that you guys ARE doing it right. With Ophelia, who was just a kitten, it took a good month or so for her to get the courage up to let me touch her. The best thing I did with her, though, was play with her a lot. Of course, being a kitten she was quite ready to play. :tounge2:

Do you have fishing pole type toys? That may be a good thing for a next step, since she may play with you/hubby as long as your hands aren't too close.

If she is in heat it will be a real mournful, loud cry. After all, she's trying to call every male in hearing distance! She may also wiggle around on the floor (the Sexy Kitty Wiggle Dance ) and keep her backside raised. Of course, I don't know if she would let you guys see her doing it. (The up side could be that some females seek out attention from ANYONE when they are in heat.) She probably wouldn't have much interest in playing since she is so preoccupied with mating, but you never know. There isn't anything you can do except wait it out, unfortunately. Since she is so young it would probably be a pretty short heat. They can go into heat as young as 4-6 months old, so it is a possibility, although Ophelia didn't get her first heat until she was almost two. (Bad mommy me, she still isn't spayed, but it is in the plans. I'm always ashamed to admit that.)

Gosh, I didn't mean to post much, just some words of encouragement for you, and it still turned into a long post.

I like the fishing pole toy suggestion, too. At 5 - 6 months, she should still be real playful - well, tempered by her fear and "survival mode." Our cats' favorite is one we made. We used thick elastic taped to a dowel rod. At the end is one of those play mice - sounds like the one you got for a doorknob - but the mice have something inside that rattles a little bit. Ours really prefer the ones that make some noise as opposed to the ones that don't. We just tie the elastic in a loop and knot it around the little mouse. That way they can "win" by pulling the mouse out, but when they first grab it and try to run with it, there's some give in the elastic that let's them go a bit - then they have to fight for it as it pulls them back.

You poor thing! I can't imagine having to be so patient. You know what I'm willing to bet? As soon as something "snaps" inside you, and you decide that just loving her and taking care of her is enough and you don't care if she loves you back - the next day she'll come "bump" you. Maybe it's a kind of "a watched pot never boils" kind of a thing. Who knows? You and hubby have tremendously large hearts - that's what counts!

Well I don't have much advice to add, but wanted to say you are doing a great job, Sandi!!!! I think the girls are right, her meowing is a sign she is more comfortable there, and not as afraid to let her voice be heard!! That is a good sign!!!!

Thank you ladies, so much!!!

Okay, first off, Heidi, I LOVE the long posts - they're chock full of info and I'm using as much of it as possible. Also, I've ordered that book,"Think Like a Cat". I know our other cat enjoyed the fishing pole toy way back when she was a hyper-kitty I will either go and purchase one or make one like Laurie suggested.

We do have the mouse on the elastic cord, as you stated, Laurie. And we know she plays with it A LOT as my hubby had to fix it already. We also find it on the window ledge where her perch is. Also, I believe you're accurate in saying - when I'm satisfied just feeding her and loving her from afar - that will be when the magic happens. I'm almost to that point now. Don't get me wrong - I'm still keeping my patience - but whenever it happens is okay now. I'm just SOOOO happy she is inside a warm home - it's getting really cold outside and it has been so damp and dreary the last couple days. She truly is LUCKY. :tounge2:

One thing I find absolutely amazing...Lucky seems to know that the toys we give her are hers. In other words, she hasn't bothered anything else (yet). She seems to just know which ones are her toys. She's got tennis balls - regular size and also a smaller one. She loves playing with the empty toilet paper tube - it's always in a different place each day - and I hear her during the day playing with it. She's also got several cat toys.

Debby - what can I say - you are such a great friend!!! If it wasn't for you and suggesting I join this site - who knows where little Lucky would be now?! Thank you - thank you - THANK YOU!!!

I'll let you guys know when we have anymore breakthroughs worth talking about.

~Sandi

Sandi, I really can imagine how hard it must be. But you're so right - Lucky is inside and cared for.

Our kitties also LOVE playing with paper bags. Every time we come home from the supermarket it's like Christmas around here! The play in, jump on it, and shred it.

And I just thought of something else. They're a little expensive, but what about a laser toy? Our kitties get frustrated with them pretty quickly because there's nothing to catch - but for that first few minutes they get lots of exercise chasing it around. I suggest this, only because you two spend nights in there with her sometimes - it might be a way to help draw her out of her shell. I don't know if it will make her scared or if it's a way to play with her. But you point that little red dot near the entrance of her hiding place and make it dance. It could make her come "out of her shell." They figure out pretty quickly that you're making the dot move and dance, and maybe it would be another way to be playful yet non-threatening with her.

Just a thought!

And I gotta say, we share your frustration! But you're just so wonderful about it DESPITE the frustration, this thread is a joy! You and hubby truly are angels.

Ding, dong, the worms are dead, the wicked worms are dead... and gone! I took a stool sample in this morning and found out that Lucky is negative for any internal parasites! Great news!:tounge2:

Tonight,she decided to stay on the bed a bit longer. I'm sorry to admit, I still get a little freaked out at times (when it seems like she's going to come 'attack' me), but try to relax myself and calm down. I layed on the floor and played with her with her feather toy. She really watches it and one time I believe her paw even moved - just a little.

I did get some books today - one seems especially good, "The Stray Cat Workbook". I just started it, but will most likely finish it in a day. I also got the "Think Like A Cat" book Heidi recommended and one other one about cat behavior. So, those should all help.

One other thing that's different. Tonight when I was opening the door to the room she's staying in, she actually stopped and looked at the door instead of scampering off underneath the bed right away. I didn't end up opening the door all the way as the dog was right by my legs and I didn't need a scene or anything freaking Lucky out. I believe Laurie stated earlier in the thread, it'll be one step forward and two steps back and that has thus far proven to be true. I'm hoping it keeps moving forward from here on, though. For both myself and Lucky. I truly believe I took that "think like a frightened kitty" to heart. Excuses, excuses. I just don't want to get bitten.

~Sandi

Sandi-

I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are doing really well with her. It just takes time....time...time...and more time. But one day, when that breakthrought occurs, you will feel like you hit the lottery. That first head-bump is magic!

Yay!!!!!! Sandi - I've been dying to ask how things have been going, but figured you've been busy or things were status quo.

She didn't run away!

YOU GUYS ARE DOING GREAT, and we will help you all we can to have the patience you need. Maybe we're moving into a new mode - three steps forward and one step back?

GO SANDI GO! GO! GO! GO! Yaaaaay Sandi!

YEAH! HIP HIP HOORAY!!! SHE DIDN'T RUN AWAY!

(OK Laurie, now you've got ME cheering! And rhyming! )

Sandi you are doing great! She is getting more and more comfortable with you and her new home. She is beginning to realize that everything that moves won't hurt her. Keep doing what you're doing. If she's watching the feather, she'll be overcome with the pounce reflex soon. Just don't jump out of your skin when she all of a sudden starts playing with you!

While my hubby was supposed to be in bed sleeping - what do you think he was doing??? You guessed it - trying to engage Lucky in some play. And apparently it worked because he had to come out and tell me about it. (Which I was so happy about). He took that mouse on the elastic and was kind of bouncing it around on the side of the bed, and suddenly she just attacked it. Of course, the room was dark (except for the light from the nightlight). So, naturally, I went in there and laid down with him and we waited for our little feral gal to do her thing. She did jump up on the bed and just sat on the side of the body pillow watching us while we talked to her. Sometimes it feels like a judge sitting over there contemplating our fate or something - it's kinda funny how she just sits there and watches us. (I know she's trying to gauge whether we're able to be trusted or not). I almost thought she had a look like - hey, maybe these people aren't so bad - they play with me and feed me...hmmmmmeowwwww. See, just little stuff like that makes me so happy. Ah, well...


Question: We started to move some of the stuff from under the bed. Now, Lucky still has places to "hide" (even though if we look under - she pokes her head out - probably to see if we have a treat for her like usual). Is this wise, to move the stuff out from under there or should we move some stuff out and then maybe a week later move a little more out? I know it sounds like we have tons of stuff under there - not really just the way the boxes were positioned gave her 2 different places to hide - one where we can see her (which she does still go to - I almost believe when she wants us to see her) and one where we can't really see anything but her ears poking up - and then her face - when she pokes it out to see what we're up to.

Also - I've been reading and hearing a lot about some ferals just being plain unhappy indoors - is there a way you can tell? If they're very unhappy? I think Lucky must kind of like it inside - as she doesn't really try to paw her way out of the window anymore. (Maybe she's just waiting for a perfect opportunity to escape???). Anyhow...I'd hate for any cat to be seriously unhappy (but safety comes first) - so I was just curious.

Once again - THANK YOU ALL - so very much,
Sandi

Oh, no....today Lucky hissed at me twice. She hasn't hissed at either one of us since the day she was trapped 3 weeks ago. I was going to put a treat under the bed (like I always do) and she looked right at me and hissed. Then, when I told her it was okay, I was just giving her a treat, she hissed at me again. I decided to leave well enough alone. But now I really believe it's me she doesn't care for. She's never hissed at my husband before. So...now what? I'm at my wits end. My husband thinks maybe she was just sound asleep under there and maybe I startled her or something. I don't know.

Any ideas? I'm still stuck on that fact that I'm the one who had to go out and cover the trap the day we trapped her. Of course, she had hissed at me that day - which is totally understandable. But, I'm afraid she's going to always associate me with that experience. Plus, the vet and tech that gave her the shots and all were women - so I was wondering if she may just not trust women? I know it's still early on in the game, but it is a bit of a bummer. Now I'm really going to be :chicken: - you know? Suggestions - please.

Sandi

I haven't heard of ferals being unhappy indoors. I've definitely heard of people who think their cats are unhappy indoors. And many ferals are certainly unhappy at first at being indoors. And cats who have been indoor/outdoor cats for many years are definitely unhappy when first made to stay in. I don't know how long it lasts, though. After some period of time of being made to stay only indoors though, I would think the biggest problem is that they're bored.

Lazlo cried to go outside - until we took him out on a leash, he got loose and ran away. When I got him back, he didn't cry to go out again. Shelly never cried to go out.

We live in a VERY small space, so what we do to keep them from getting bored is CONSTANTLY changing their environment. They each have a bed and their own box (they love sleeping in boxes) that we don't move. Otherwise we constantly change the toys available to them in their toy box. We rotate toys. We put out paper bags in various places for a day every couple of days. Gary makes "condos" out of boxes - constantly changing the shape of the maze and where we place it. We play with them a lot. We hide treats around the house for them to find sometimes. We swap out hanging toys and where they hand frequently. We rotate the "fishing pole toys" we play with them frequently.

They love that "ball in the ring" toy - we shove different things in the ring with the ball sometimes, and they have great fun actually getting stuff out of there (because the ball is too big to get out!).

They LOVE the little plastic ring that pulls off when you open the bottle. We hide it in different places, so they have to find it first.

They both LOVE hiding under things when playing, or when playing with each other. We bought a bunch of small carpet remnants, and scattered them about the house. We often "plump" them up so there's a lump in the middle - easier for them to "dive" under.

Lazlo loves getting things out of things. I constantly tuck his toys places - inbetween the cushion and the arm of the chair. Under the small piece of carpet. Under the flap of a box. Inbetween books on the shelf - so that just a mouse-tail is sticking out.

But we have fun doing this! But it really just takes us a few minutes to provide them with hours of fun.

That kind of stuff.!

Oh - and, of course, there's always the "Cat T.V." We have a suction-cup birdfeeder attached to the window. They go into "hunt and kill" mode. They have banged their heads on the window a few times trying to get at the birds, but they LOVE watching them! (And some of the birds are into teasing them!)

...sounds to me like you guys continue to do really great. And it does sound like you've just moved into moving ahead - not even three steps forward, one step back anymore!

Oh...about the moving stuff out from under the bed. I'd probably do it slowly. Just because she's still kind of scared. Unlike our guys, whom I'm worried about being bored and who are comfortable here, I think Lucky wouldn't like much change - just yet, anyway. But I'm really not sure. That's just what I'd do.





Go Lucky Go! You're At Home! Yaaaay Lucky!

(guess I'm not good at the rhyming part!)

Oh Sandi, I was writing while you posted the next post! I'm so sorry!

I think it likely you startled her in some way. I doubt it's because you covered the trap, and I really don't know if they like or dislike "women" or "men". But that's just it - I really don't know. I guess all there is to do is to respect her wishes (you're probably getting sick of hearing this!).

Although I believe it is most likely you startled her in some way, I do think it's possible that picks up on your nervousness. I believe they're very sensitive - and they ARE smell driven, and who knows what we emit when we're nervous or scared? Not to say that's what happened this afternoon, but I think it should be considered as a possibility.

I'm sure it isn't because she doesn't like you....she may have been having an "off" day...maybe she wasn't feeling well, or like your husband said, was sleeping and was a bit startled. Please don't take it to heart, you are making such progress with her! You are doing a great job!!!!!!!!!!!

What Laurie and Debby said. Don't take it personally. You did probably startle her in her "safe place" and she didn't recognize you right then. If nothing else, take this as a good sign that she will NOT bite you! You startled her/scared her and the worst she did was hiss. I don't even want to tell you how many times Ophelia hissed and growled at me. Just go back in there like usual, and try to play with her. She's probably already forgotten about the incident this afternoon.

I wouldn't say that she won't ever like women, no matter how bad of an experience she's had with them. If she does remember the vet's and you trapping her, the worst would be that she will take a little longer to warm up to you and trust you. It can be done. If Hissy's cat (at the Rainbow Bridge now) Dunkin can come to trust Mike after the horrible abuse she suffered at the hands of a man, Lucky can overcome what happened at the vet.

Okay - I'll try very hard not to take the hissing personally. It's not easy. You know...I'm trying to read past posts (especially in the Feral section of the forum) so I get used to more of what to expect from Lucky and all. It's funny...when she hissed, she didn't put her ears back or anything...usually when my brother's cat hisses at us her ears go back (flat) and her pupils get all dilated. I didn't see any of this in Lucky - just the hissing - however, I couldn't really see her pupils as it is a tad dark under the bed and I don't like to shine the light directly on her - usually just on the treat so she sees what's coming.

Also - a strange thing. I'm wondering if she is okay. She isn't gobbling up her wet food like she usually does. It was a different flavor - so maybe she doesn't care for it as much as the others. But...after that hissing incident when I came to let you all know about it - I could hear her meowing in that room and I felt so bad. I just hope she's well. My hubby checked on her when he came home - looked under the bed and all and he seemed to think she was okay. I probably just woke her from a sound sleep. (Why me? I want her to associate me with "nice" things). I think I may give her the kitty grass I've been growing tomorrow. It's about ready and I know my other cat, Kitty (I know, real original, but it's the only name she would come to when we called her), has been waiting impatiently for the darn kitty grass to grow. She looks up at the windowsill longing for that wonderful tasting grass. I'm hoping Lucky enjoys it as much as Kitty does. I got one for each of them :tounge2:

Anyhow...no, I'm definitely not getting sick of hearing any of the repeated advice. Every bit of it has helped along the way. Sometimes it takes a while for it to sink in I guess.

Well, I'll let you all know what transpires in the next few days. We'll keep plugging away. Things can only get better, right?!

~Sandi

I would watch her a few days and see if the hissing stops. She could just be telling you in her feral way that she doesn't feel good right now, or she could be reacting to the change in her enviornment. I would leave what is under the bed under there for now unless you really need the stuff in your life. She has been in that place with you, she knows where everything is, is even comfortable enough with you to leap on the bed a BIG step and now her world is rocked again by you rearranging things. Taking the stuff out from under the bed will only serve to make her stay under there longer Sandi. If you can, just leave it be, and let her relax and just come out on her own.

You can also make her a planter of cat grass. Once it starts coming up, she can lay in it or play in it, whatever she likes. Since my kids go in and out at will all their grass is outside for them, but if for some reason I had to keep all these ferals inside, I would provide them with grass of their own.

Good luck Sandi and take it slow. You need to be on her timetable, not yours.