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I put my job in jeopardy

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Things have been very on edge at work the past few months. I've been very overwhelmed with my job. The short of it is, my enrollment was way down and there was talk of closing or moving. Since then everything has become very secretive between my boss and the rest of the staff. Secretive and separate. Very tense.

My boss worked with my mother when I was about 14. Then as I was finishing HS, my mom and another co-worker were working for a competitor and my mother was the director. Well she was told to lay off our current boss. Mom and my other co-worker were furious, so they got together and approached our current company and got positions there. About 9 months later, I was hired. Then 3 months later, our boss. Later that year the old boss had to move, and my current boss took her position.

At first it was fine. But slowly she's become more and more controlling, yet never there. I mean literally! Not in the office! Part of her job is on the road, but as manager she should also be in the office.

Since about September or October my enrollment has gone way up. I mean to the point that I am rationing computers for my students. (Another gripe that's gone no where.) I am one of two instructors, but our clients, due to their varying challenges, can be quite time consuming and really they make us be creative in finding ways to teach them, etc. On top of this, I'm creating, from scratch, all of the assignments for them to complete in Word and Excel. The other texts are on hold. To my great surprise, I learned that our other office no longer uses the text books we were struggling with. (ie. taping them back together as they were falling to pieces. Isn't that embarrassing!?!) Since then I've been struggling to make sure our program is up to par, since I take pride in it!

Through all this, my boss is in the office maybe 2 days a week, and not the whole day. She doesn't get there before 10:30 most days. Here is where I've gone wrong. I've admitted it on here, that I have strong ocd tendencies and strong anxiety in certain situations. One is driving in bad weather and another is with the darn alarm at work, which has gone off on me for no reason, sending me into a panic attack. So since my co-worker is an early riser and what not, I've started being late to work. Very late. Up until recently my boss hasn't even known. That's strike number 1. I've been working on that and done much better the last two weeks, but I'm not out of the woods yet.

Back to my boss not being there. A few weeks ago things were hectic in the office and it was Monday morning. My mother was trying to get ahold of my boss....come to find out at about 10:30, she answered the phone....she was sleeping, sick and not coming to work. I was . Since then things have gotten worse. Several times things have been miscommunicated so bad between my co-workers and our vendors and clients. And we,the staff, end up looking bad! So a few things were said, and I found that every single one of my co-workers (5 of us) have been feeling the same frustration with our boss not being in the office.

Here is strike number 2. When it came out that we all were so frustrated, we decided that it was time to talk to her about it. Keep in mind, most of us have history beyond this job with her. So we decided we should get together beforehand, off work time, and discuss what the issues really were and how to best handle them. We never did and no more was mentioned between us about it.

So yesterday after our staff meeting our boss called each one of us into her office separately. Somehow she found out that we had been upset and talked to each other. I was honest about everything she asked. She wanted to know if I find her approachable. I said "Not so much anymore." Lately I've gotten that vibe when I walk into the room that she doesn't want me there; that I'm not welcome. I said something casually about being nervous for my best friend, the one who's dog she adopted then gave away on me!, since her due date is so close and she's so far away. Her reply was 'Why?' Said in a very cold, unfeeling, Leighann your so stupid manner. We also discussed my lateness and she told me that it is my responsibility to open the doors in the morning. (I always thought that was really management's responsibility, guess not...) I told her how overwhelmed I've been and how everything has gotten very tense. Our office never used to be like this. I also told her that I know it is wrong for me to be late and that it is something I'm working on. I was also told that I just have to get used to her not being there and contacting her on her cell. If had time to call her cell I would! I told her that I need a face to face manager. I need someone who's here observing and assisting us. She basically refused and said that I am just gonna have to get used to calling her cell. That darn cell that rings constantly when I do get the chance to talk to her. It's interrupted so many times and mostly it's her mother and husband. Sometimes I just wanna grab it and give it a good toss and ask her if she could just pay attention to the person in front of her face first! And as usual, it went off during my talk with her.

So I spent a few hours last night crying, went to bed at about 9:30 and slept till after 10 today. I feel so depressed. I've been depressed and I know this feeling all too well.

Part of me is proud of myself for how I handled that meeting. I pulled my chair right up to her desk, I looked her in the eye, and even leaned my elbows right on her desk. I did not look intimidated. I was honest. My mother told me I must have really said something to rattle her nerves because she was red when we walked out. That might have been when I said that I'd been asked by a client who's been in my program for a few weeks now who she was. She takes pride in her title. I was with her once when she ran into someone she hadn't seen and the guy made a big fuss over her for it. She glowed and got so giddy. Yet our clients don't know who she is, and I make sure I give everyone's name and job who works there when new clients come. I even describe her. To that she said 'Oh that's one of the things we were talking about the other day....' basically she gave me some attempt at covering her butt. I don't buy it.

I'm not sure what to do and what will come. She said something to my mother and I'm guessing everyone but me, about going to look up what the policy on gossip is for the company. You'd think since everyone has the same complaint that she might get some warning flags.....I take it not.

Part of me thinks, maybe I should go talk to my dr about my anxieties. I just don't know how to get them under control. I know I'm not innocent in all of this, but I know it's all snowballed and now rolling down hill fast. I consider myself a good worker. One fear is, we serve people with disabilities and make allowances for them, but we have another employee who works separately but under her, and she does not make allowances for his disability. That irked me greatly. I'm afraid of being truly diagnosed and it not helping, but making her try to 'fix' me. I'm so upset. My mother is too. I'm petrified to call the other instructor....I fear she up and quit. She's basically at retirement age and just works because she likes to. She's a firecracker and won't be treated wrong and will speak her mind. I've worked so hard to establish credibility there. It's not easy when you are just in your early 20's and most of my clients are around my parent's ages! I need her support and not over the telephone. I just don't know what to do! If anyone has made it to the bottom of this thread, I thank you for listening!
post #2 of 24
Lots of hugs for you

Going to see your doctor, and talking all this out with someone would most likely help you a lot. I've worked with a very ineffective, absent managers, and understand why you are feeling overwhelmed.

I feel a bit helpless because I don't have any more advice for you, but I am always here to listen
post #3 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thank you Karen. Listening is a great help!
post #4 of 24
I think it would put an awkward situation on your boss if she did fire you, since she has a history with your mother.

However, I agree with Karen. Going to talk with someone will help a lot and help you sort through things before you take action on them.

Stay strong though! Who knows, if she's never in the office or rarely is, then how will she fire you??

In anycase take a few deep breaths and just remember that you have no control right now over the situation until monday. Whatever comes, comes.
post #5 of 24
Aw, sweetie, it sounds like a very awkward situation.

I think talking to your Doc about the anxiety is a good idea. Like Karen said, talking it out almost always helps a lot.

However - from what I read, I don't see any reason for you to be fired! You're dealing with the being late issue - but that's really the only thing that could be a reason for firing you. Being unhappy that she's not around is NOT a reason to be fired! Talking to other co-workers about the problems that her constant absence create is NOT a reason to be fired!

What I "hear" is that you're angry and frustrated, and it seems with good reason. The bigger problem confronting you is the anxiety and fear - and your Doc is there to help with that.

It can be really difficult to be diplomatic when you're angry and upset, and it seems like you did handle yourself really well.

Since it seems the woman who is your boss isn't going to be fired, maybe after dealing with the anxiety, you should sit down and figure out ways to best deal with the situation since you pretty much have to work with her on her terms. Like her telling you you have to talk to her on her cell - but when you do, you're constantly interrupted - as her answer is "you just have to get used to it," seems like there's not going to be much you can do about that. When you need to call her and she puts you on hold for call waiting, perhaps start a mantra - "this doesn't bother me, this doesn't bother me, this doesn't bother me...." ??? Find little things like that you can do to help you manage the situation.

Then one day you can write a book on "dealing with absentee managers," and you can quit when you get rich from the royalties! (Just trying to get a smile )

I, too, am sending "stay strong" vibes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Laurie
post #6 of 24
Honey, talking this out would go a long way to helping you understand where you are at and what you need to do about it.

To make a long story short....I feel very similiar at work and I HAVE talked it over with my doctor. I have also been on medications and all kinds of other things, but you know what did it?

I am going to retire/resign in October. I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Your boss strikes me as someone who needs to beat on someone else to feel good.....she doesn't care who. I too, understand the feeling of being completely overwhelmed and a boss who does show up. I am in work at 6:30 am in the morning and leave at 3:00 pm. I have 1/2 hour lunch and those are the ONLY times I am away from my desk. My boss doesn't come in on Mondays, goes here that there on Tuesdays, goes here and there on Wednesdays, might come in on Thursdays, and might be in on Fridays.

You need to take some time for yourself, get your resume in order and dance out the back door singing...."Take this job and shove it"..... to whoever will listen.
post #7 of 24
I'm sorry you are going through all of this stress Leighanne

I think talking to your doctor is a very good idea.
post #8 of 24
Perhaps going to see a councelor to help you develop strategies to deal with your anxieties would help you more than a doctor? For the most part, a doctor is just going to give you meds to you, and if that isn't what you want (i.e. a "diagnosis") then a councelor might be a better option.

I hope that it works out for you at work, and it is really difficult to have such an ineffective and absent manager and you should be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and your co-workers.
post #9 of 24
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time at work. I know how you feel.

I think it is a good idea to maybe see a counsellor about your anxieties. I am generally a very anxious person as well, but this year I learned a little how to control it better, so I feel 100% better most of the time. I just read a self help book, and used positive self talk..It sounds weird, but that worked for me.

to you for good luck sweety.
post #10 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Stay strong though! Who knows, if she's never in the office or rarely is, then how will she fire you??
This sounds so bad, but my consolation on this whole thing is this: without me, she can't keep my program going. Truly! The woman doesn't know how to run any computer programs more than the very basics and admits that. Even though there is another Instructor, she technically is more of an office person than an Instructor...I do 90% of the instructing and she does mostly evaluations and it works good for her and I that way. So without me, she's screwed! I've been trying to remind myself of that all day....actually for the last few months!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenKiya View Post
You need to take some time for yourself, get your resume in order and dance out the back door singing...."Take this job and shove it"..... to whoever will listen.
LOL! I've been singing that song a lot lately! Actually my co-workers and I went and got some lotto tickets together....since I haven't heard from anyone but my Mom, I'm guessing we didn't win! Shucks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb View Post
Perhaps going to see a councelor to help you develop strategies to deal with your anxieties would help you more than a doctor? For the most part, a doctor is just going to give you meds to you, and if that isn't what you want (i.e. a "diagnosis") then a counselor might be a better option.
I did think a counselor might be best but I may need my dr too because of some physical symptoms. I had a counselor when DH was deployed once and that did help. Maybe it's because I work with people with anxiety/depression/ocd issues like my own that I actually fear a diagnosis. But then I see where ignoring it can lead too. It's a vicious cycle. My personality tends to be the peaceful phlegmatic type. Keep peace at all costs. Ignore because I'd rather deal with the hurt than have someone else hurt. But that's not beneficial to myself and probably not to the other person truly. It is an asset for me when I do have to say difficult things, as I will think things through to make sure I word them appropriately. But it is also a big downfall and I am getting better at that.

In about one month I should accomplish what my big goal in taking this job was, paying off CC debt. DH has said that if things don't improve in a few weeks, he will not blame me for quitting. I don't want it to come to that because I do love my co-workers and when it comes down to it, my job itself is not that bad. I can't imagine finding co-workers like mine somewhere else. Esp. since my own mother is one!

You guys are so wonderful for reading all of this and I appreicate you all so much. I truly do.
post #11 of 24
Try the counselor thing first. If you and them agree that you need some assistance by the bottle, they'll send you to a doctor to run all sorts of good blood tests (also, if you are epileptic or had childhood epilepsy make sure to mention that too incase an EEG (or EKG? I confuse them all the time) needs to be done.
post #12 of 24
Hang in there LeighAnn.
post #13 of 24
I don't have any advice for you. I completely understand how you feel. This is why I left my job (& a few others on top of it) back in October.

It doesn't sound like she will change her ways. What about asking for a promotion to be like an Assistant Manager? You run the show anyway right? Get paid for it. If not you then someone else? Are you thinking of looking for another job?

BTW My DH said the samething to me about quitting. Glad to hear you have support if you go that way.


Good Luck!
post #14 of 24
Thread Starter 
I don't think management would go for any promotions. We're a non-profit and all I hear is stuff about not making enough money and keeping afloat....explain to me why after merging with a big money org almost 2 years ago they are still saying this???

If it comes down to it, I will find another job. Even paying a little less if I have to. i have a friend who works part time at a bank and her hourly pay is about $.50 less than what I make in a 'professional' position. She lives about 30-45 min from here and closer to a big city, so I'm thinking that has the most to do with her pay being so close to mine, but still.
post #15 of 24
I think counselling is your best bet. I don't know about where you work, but anymore in management is that you have to be in 20 places at once and be able to multi-task beyond belief. She may be feeling very stressed as well! We have a similar situation where I work but I know that my boss is doing his best and if I can only reach him by cell or blackberry, that's the norm. A lot of what he used to do falls directly on my shoulders now, but I know it's not his fault and that he's doing the best he can and I try to do whatever I can to support him and keep things running. It seems to be the way things are anymore. If you are having problems dealing with the stress, then a good outlet would be talking to a professional about it. A lot of companies have referral services just for these types of situations.
post #16 of 24
Awww sweetie I just read your entire post. I'm sorry you are so stressed out right now. First though- i do applaud you for being honest and forthcomming with your boss- whether she liked it or not- she needed to hear exactly what was going on from an honest, trustworthy person.....whether it made her mad or not- you did the right thing. At the end of the day- that's what really matters- your honesty and your ability to communicate your feelings. That being said- it seems as though you're completly overwhelmed right now gorgeous. You openly admit to being depressed- are you currently on any medications? Are they being monitored closly? If not- i really think now is the appropriate time to take some proactive measures to help yourself and your anxiety/depression issues. Go to a doctor sweetie- get the help you need to function and life a normal active life. That is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Also- for right now you really do need to try and get to work on time that way there's one less thing anyone can hold against you. Try setting your clock a little earlier every morning- I am NOT a morning person so i definitely understand wanting to sleep in a bit. I recently started setting my alarm early enough so that I could make a cup of tea in the morining and have breakfast. Sure- i have to get up about 10- minutes earlier- but you know what- it gives me the chance to sit down and have a nice breakfast to start my day off right with- when i take the time to do that- i usually have a much better day because i get off to a good healthy start- and it gives e a minute to really sit down and relax before leaving for work- that way my morning is more plesant and i'm not totally dreading it. It makes it a lot easier to get up in the morining when you have something plesant- like a nice up of tea and some soft music to wake up to. Try this sometime- it has REALLY helped me Maybe it could help you a bit too! PM me if you need to talk ok?
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LokisMum View Post
I think counselling is your best bet. I don't know about where you work, but anymore in management is that you have to be in 20 places at once and be able to multi-task beyond belief. She may be feeling very stressed as well! We have a similar situation where I work but I know that my boss is doing his best and if I can only reach him by cell or blackberry, that's the norm. A lot of what he used to do falls directly on my shoulders now, but I know it's not his fault and that he's doing the best he can and I try to do whatever I can to support him and keep things running. It seems to be the way things are anymore. If you are having problems dealing with the stress, then a good outlet would be talking to a professional about it. A lot of companies have referral services just for these types of situations.
I do understand that, but that is again where I am confused because of some things she has said and not said. Then there were the instances like when she was in bed sick and didn't bother to call us. Would we have gotten away with that? I think not. Also, there have been times my co-workers have tried to conact her at 8-8:30 am and we've woken her up. our day starts at 8. She has a child, so I'm guessing she fell back to sleep after geting him up and off for the day....
post #18 of 24
It sounds to me like this woman isn't doing her job. Is she the company owner or is she just a manager there? If she's the company owner, then not much you can do about her not being in the office or phoning to let anyone know she's sick and won't be in there.

A manager needs to be there, that's what their job is... to manage.

If she is a 'manager', she is one in name only because it doesn't sound like she does much of anything. Sounds to me like she wants the bucks but not the responsibility. You can't run an office by being there 2 days a week and then going off and doing your own thing the rest of the time and telling your staff to contact you by cell phone if something comes up.

Speak to the big boss about what has beein going on and how moral has been on the decline because of this person. Chances are they don't know and would be grateful to get rid of a dead horse that doesn't do anything and put someone into the position that actually cares and can boost company moral.
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
I don't think management would go for any promotions. We're a non-profit and all I hear is stuff about not making enough money and keeping afloat....explain to me why after merging with a big money org almost 2 years ago they are still saying this???

If it comes down to it, I will find another job. Even paying a little less if I have to. i have a friend who works part time at a bank and her hourly pay is about $.50 less than what I make in a 'professional' position. She lives about 30-45 min from here and closer to a big city, so I'm thinking that has the most to do with her pay being so close to mine, but still.
That's funny cause Banking is what I left. Teller is the best position ever!
I was an Assistant Manager. Good Luck
post #20 of 24
Boy are there lots of issues wih your job.
I too agree that your "manager" should not have her current position. I don't read anything that she actually contributes to your organization. I once worked with a supervisor that I did not get along with. Those were some pretty tense days for me (he resigned!).
Have you thought of making a list of the pros and cons of your current job??
I would also agree with the others asking about counseling/talking with a doctor too.
Good luck- we are here for you!!
post #21 of 24
Well, if there's one thing I've learned in the past year working anywhere from 50 to 70 hours a week: work is an important part of our lives, but you can't let it consume your life entirely, and life is too short to have a job that you hate. I'm lucky that I really enjoy both my jobs MOST of the time, am working in the field I want to be working in, am making good money, etc. but that hasn't always been the case. I've always been one who hates to "give up" or admit that I can't make it work: but sometimes, its time to move on. One thing that helps me make those sorts of decisions and that calms me a great deal--I'm very anxious by nature as well-- is to get everything down on paper in a pro and con list. Then, you can remove your emotions from the situation and it generally is very evident what you need to do about it based on which list is longer!
post #22 of 24
I don't know what to say about work, but definately do to your doctor about the ocd/anxiety stuff - and if you need anyone to chat to about it, don't hesistate to PM me. I do know how that one feels.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
It sounds to me like this woman isn't doing her job. Is she the company owner or is she just a manager there? If she's the company owner, then not much you can do about her not being in the office or phoning to let anyone know she's sick and won't be in there.

A manager needs to be there, that's what their job is... to manage.

If she is a 'manager', she is one in name only because it doesn't sound like she does much of anything. Sounds to me like she wants the bucks but not the responsibility. You can't run an office by being there 2 days a week and then going off and doing your own thing the rest of the time and telling your staff to contact you by cell phone if something comes up.

Speak to the big boss about what has beein going on and how moral has been on the decline because of this person. Chances are they don't know and would be grateful to get rid of a dead horse that doesn't do anything and put someone into the position that actually cares and can boost company moral.
I couldn't agree more with this post. Somewhere, higher up, there has got to be someone you can address your concerns with...anonymously. Someone over your boss's head, so to speak. I would band together the people who share your frustrations, and put in for a conference call to this person, or individuals, and address each of your concerns. Tell them that you need a boss who is readily present and available to you at all times, and one who is not just available on his/her terms, via cell phone. Tell them that the issue was addressed with her by her employees, and that you're all frustrated that there was no real sense of resolution with that approach. I would also not fail to mention that some of you seem to have some interpersonal issues with the boss...in that her work ethics are making you uncomfortable, as most of you are held to different work standards that she herself fails to live up to.

If this doesn't work, then I would start to look elsewhere for a different job...no job is worth your mental stability and emotional health. Also, as everyone else has mentioned, seek a counselor who can help you work through your anxiety...you're worth it, and the job might not be.
post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
It sounds to me like this woman isn't doing her job. Is she the company owner or is she just a manager there? If she's the company owner, then not much you can do about her not being in the office or phoning to let anyone know she's sick and won't be in there.

A manager needs to be there, that's what their job is... to manage.

If she is a 'manager', she is one in name only because it doesn't sound like she does much of anything. Sounds to me like she wants the bucks but not the responsibility. You can't run an office by being there 2 days a week and then going off and doing your own thing the rest of the time and telling your staff to contact you by cell phone if something comes up.

Speak to the big boss about what has beein going on and how moral has been on the decline because of this person. Chances are they don't know and would be grateful to get rid of a dead horse that doesn't do anything and put someone into the position that actually cares and can boost company moral.
Fortunately, she is not the owner. Above her we have a VP of our department with her assistant (who she doesn't like, so doesn't talk to anyway) and then the director of our org, who answers to the head of our parent company.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
Boy are there lots of issues wih your job.
I too agree that your "manager" should not have her current position. I don't read anything that she actually contributes to your organization. I once worked with a supervisor that I did not get along with. Those were some pretty tense days for me (he resigned!).
Have you thought of making a list of the pros and cons of your current job??
I would also agree with the others asking about counseling/talking with a doctor too.
Good luck- we are here for you!!
I do appreciate some of the things she's done. She's very good about attending management meetings in our main office, which is an hour north of here, to make sure they remember that our office exists. She also will back us 100% when issues do come up between clients and staff. I also appreicate that I have the freedom to be creative in the classroom and what not. All of this I have said to her at some point or another.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wookie130 View Post
I couldn't agree more with this post. Somewhere, higher up, there has got to be someone you can address your concerns with...anonymously. Someone over your boss's head, so to speak. I would band together the people who share your frustrations, and put in for a conference call to this person, or individuals, and address each of your concerns. Tell them that you need a boss who is readily present and available to you at all times, and one who is not just available on his/her terms, via cell phone. Tell them that the issue was addressed with her by her employees, and that you're all frustrated that there was no real sense of resolution with that approach. I would also not fail to mention that some of you seem to have some interpersonal issues with the boss...in that her work ethics are making you uncomfortable, as most of you are held to different work standards that she herself fails to live up to.

If this doesn't work, then I would start to look elsewhere for a different job...no job is worth your mental stability and emotional health. Also, as everyone else has mentioned, seek a counselor who can help you work through your anxiety...you're worth it, and the job might not be.
I think that may be something to seriously consider. We do have an HR department which serves that purpose, though it is just 1 person for our part of the company. I don't think any of us really want her to have to go, but if things don't improve, someone will be leaving....her staff!

I have done a lot of thinking about it this weekend. I'm not quite sure about how to approach her with my anxiety/ocd issues. I don't know if I should see my dr or figure out how to get a counselor first. Though I've mentioned things to her, I don't think she knows the extent of what all I do to get out of the house in the morning without the anxiety following me to work. But then part of me is very afraid of what will come from telling her all of that. I used to be very comfortable with her. Now, I'm not. Maybe that should be brought to HR?

Thank you all again for your replies. You've given me a lot of good guidance to go from and I do appreicate it. Please keep me in your thoughts/prayers over the next few weeks.
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