Does anyone ever feel overwhelmed? I have been alot lately, And now I am feeling Defeated
Originally Posted by halfpint
This is over something that has been going on between my daughters who are grown people not kids. The holidays are full of I'm not coming if she's coming and so on. I don't think they are being fair to me Holidays are something I have done for over 30 years I have had to have 2 seperate Thansgivings and Christmas's the last 3 or 4 years, I'm tried of doing that.
Now the debate is I can choose to be hateful and be a spoiled brat that wants it my way or no way, I can tell everyone I am having it and your welcome if you want to come ( I already know what will happen) Or I can choose to not have it at all and feel cheated so to speak.
What would you all do ? There are so many hard feelings because of things that were done between my girls, I am not asking them to change the way they feel, But I think they want me to feel they way they do and no matter what my oldest is still my daughter I don't like what she has done, but I can hardely throw my hands up and say I'm done No one wants to give up on there kids.
This is so hard for me knowing what it will be even if I have it, My youngest is so very hard to try and explain anything to, it's about being support to all of them not giving up. I am jsut between a rock and a hard place I think...
Sorry it's so long I had to get it off my mind, witch I didnt anywayI've been crying every darn day My Heart is hurting, Someday I won't be around to do this, I want to tell them It's a good thing you don't have more then 1 mother to choose from. I don't think either choice is a good one really
Look, whatever happened, it's clear that you don't want to 'pick sides'.Originally Posted by halfpint
This is over something that has been going on between my daughters who are grown people not kids. The holidays are full of I'm not coming if she's coming and so on. I don't think they are being fair to me Holidays are something I have done for over 30 years I have had to have 2 seperate Thansgivings and Christmas's the last 3 or 4 years, I'm tried of doing that.
Now the debate is I can choose to be hateful and be a spoiled brat that wants it my way or no way, I can tell everyone I am having it and your welcome if you want to come ( I already know what will happen) Or I can choose to not have it at all and feel cheated so to speak.
What would you all do ? There are so many hard feelings because of things that were done between my girls, I am not asking them to change the way they feel, But I think they want me to feel they way they do and no matter what my oldest is still my daughter I don't like what she has done, but I can hardely throw my hands up and say I'm done No one wants to give up on there kids.
This is so hard for me knowing what it will be even if I have it, My youngest is so very hard to try and explain anything to, it's about being support to all of them not giving up. I am jsut between a rock and a hard place I think...
Sorry it's so long I had to get it off my mind, witch I didnt anywayI've been crying every darn day My Heart is hurting, Someday I won't be around to do this, I want to tell them It's a good thing you don't have more then 1 mother to choose from. I don't think either choice is a good one really
Forgive me for saying so, but you're the mother, and I don't think you'd be a hateful or spoiled brat for deciding -- after acquiesing and doing two of everything for years now -- that you need a break and want to do things your way. One Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner is a lot of work, never mind doing two of them! I say do the one dinner, invite both daughters (but make them both aware they've both been invited, or else they'll feel like you're trying to trick them and be resentful of that), and invite anyone else you want to have there on that special day. If your daughters decide not to go, at least you'll have other people you love to spend the day with, and you'll have at least extended the olive branch to both of them. If you make too much food because not as many people show up as you had planned, then you'll have yummy leftovers to keep your tummy happy for a few days; if the sight of all those leftovers makes you unhappy, see if there's a charity soup kitchen that will accept them and know that you've made some strangers' Christmases, too.Originally Posted by halfpint
Now the debate is I can choose to be hateful and be a spoiled brat that wants it my way or no way, I can tell everyone I am having it and your welcome if you want to come ( I already know what will happen) Or I can choose to not have it at all and feel cheated so to speak.
What would you all do ?
She has been in rehab 2 times been to all the meetings and didn't take it serious enough I guess, If she wants to do it right SHE has to want to get it I think, she has been saying that she's going to go to meetings, she hasn't been real well and needs surgary for a Hiatal hernia so I'm hopeing once she gets that taken care of she will be feeling physically better and alot better mentally, she just got a new apartment and she excited about that her and her boyfriend things are looking a bit better the last 2 months. I will leave it up to her as I have tried making all those suggestions to her before and I want her to do it for her not because someone else expects her to. I don't think anyone needs to hit bottom before they can do something good for thereself, sometimes the bottom isn't goodOriginally Posted by Satai
Has your older daughter tried contacting the AA? One of their 12 steps, I believe, is about exactly this kind of thing. She may get some good advice there. Have you considered contacting the one for family members of alcohalics/drug addicts?
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that you contact the AA for her, just pointing out that there is a support group for family members of addicts - is it al-anon or something like that? My brain is fuzzy tonight.Originally Posted by halfpint
I will leave it up to her as I have tried making all those suggestions to her before and I want her to do it for her not because someone else expects her to. I don't think anyone needs to hit bottom before they can do something good for thereself, sometimes the bottom isn't good
Thanks for the support, when you run out of family it's great to have support from other people. I might add that I have a middle daughter who has been at both ends but she's being hateful to, can't even see there own mistakesOriginally Posted by Satai
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that you contact the AA for her, just pointing out that there is a support group for family members of addicts - is it al-anon or something like that? My brain is fuzzy tonight.
I imagine that this is not an uncommon situation in families with a newly-recovering (fingers crossed) addict, and they may be able to give you the advice - or at least the support - you need - because you're right, you can't do anything about anyone else's choices, and that's an awfully tough spot to be in.
As someone who is currently having problems with my sister I can say that any involvement on my mother's part only makes things worse between us. I think you should just invite them both and let them work it out while supporting both of them equally.Originally Posted by halfpint
It's alway's been acknowledged by me I told my youngest I do not begrudge your feelings I can't make you feel any different. I have been support for any of my Girls no matter what, I don't approve of what the oldest has done I have never discounted anything she has done. But I want some peace she's trying once again to straghten up her life I do not even personally feel sorry for her, I feel devestated that her life sucks, I don't want to get a phone call saying she's dead, I want her to have a better life that's all. I would like some peace in knowing that everyone is alright. My youngest doesn't want anyone or anything to make her look bad, to me that is the self centeredness in her, doesn't want anything or anyone to make people think she's ever done anything wrong or would or that her life could ever be affected by anything, You can't say what If it were you her answer would be well it wouldn't be me.
When you have a person that has not had the best life and that was her choice Drugs and Alcohol they do so many things they wouldn't normally, and trust me I have never made excuses for her never, but I would never let her go hungrey either. She is once again trying to change her life what can I do? She just had a friend who commited suicide a few months ago, I think it made her think. I don't know if she's going to be ok I just hope she will be, I honestly beleive that if she doesn't change now she will be dead in no time, I never thought I would go through this stuff they weren't raised around any of these things and I don't feel like it's my fault, now I do know that I love them all the same no matter what. We are all victims from all of it, that's what no one seems to understand it doesn't just effect 1 person it effects the whole family. I don't want to act like a child but it doesn't seem fair that they want me to take sides, I finally figured out people do what they do because it works for them, my youngest she's 39 she whines so much its awlful, it's all about her, I told her get over yourself everything isn't about you. My oldest who is 43 I am 15 years older then her, it's time now to grow up work harder then you ever have, apologize to who you have hurt if they don't accept it you need to learn to move on the mistakes will alway's be there the rest of your life you need a better way to move on. I know I am not right all the time but I don't say anything I don't mean.