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Feeling Crushed

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
So, recently, I have totally failed at 2 auditions, gotten a few B's on tests that I should have aced, and not gotten the arts administration job I applied for.

So, I'm pretty much feeling like a complete failure. I feel like all I ever hear is that I'm not good enough to do, well, anything. I work really hard, I TRY to focus, but it's really a difficult thing for me to do, and nothing is getting better. I had a meltdown in my most recent lesson, I think all of the other students are talking behind my back about my abilities, I have a coaching tonight and I'm just not ready for it because I've been so busy trying to make everything ELSE right. No matter what I do, it's not enough. I have no connections, no prospects and now, everything thinks I suck at the flute.

To top that off, I finally learned just how MUCH debt I'm marrying into and realized that to get a good teaching gig I'm going to need a car AND a new flute. Neither of which I'll be able to afford for years without taking out yet another loan.

I suppose I can just work for my dad after school part time and practice and try to get teaching gigs...meh. I really wanted to be doing SOMETHING in music for my whole career...but apparently administrative/development positions (which is exactly what I do at Tree House, but apparently that experience wasn't good enough for them) are as competitive as the NBA. Or something. I just didn't want to spend much time after school being a nanny or working for my family. It makes me feel like a leech.
post #2 of 15
Keep your chin up! Things will get better. The right job will come along!
post #3 of 15
I hope everything works itself out....is bankruptcy an option? I didn't want to do it and I still feel guilty as heck but I got in debt from my ex and I had to do it, and I'm better off for it. Maybe?
post #4 of 15
I'm sorry that things are tough right now.

My only advice (and, because of my own recent experiences, I feel compelled to offer it) is to give yourself a chance to sort everything out - maybe counselling would help (at least to get a handle on your expectations of yourself).

Don't let a meltdown turn into a mental breakdown.
post #5 of 15
Maybe you should focus on only one or two of your priorities. Sometimes if one is involved in too much other parts can suffer. I wouldn't lower your standards overall but decide what to focus all your energies on.
Don't be too tough on yourself!!
post #6 of 15
The key to your success is staring back at you in the mirror. You need to keep your chin up and believe in yourself.
post #7 of 15
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
The key to your success is staring back at you in the mirror. You need to keep your chin up and believe in yourself.
Well said!!
post #8 of 15
Lots of hugs, Allie been down the road you're on more than once for some reason the quote "The best laid plans of mice of men" seems to give me comfort.... life has a very weird way of working out, it may not be the way you want it too, but it will work out, I gave up trying to plan things awhile go
post #9 of 15
A career in the arts is very difficult but just as rewarding. You have a talent that you can market. Have you considered organizing a few musicians and going out and getting your own gigs? there are books on how to market yourself, and with the hoiidays coming, I am sure there are parties out there longing for affordable entertainment. IF you get some cards made and hand them out to freinds and family and strangers. join the chamber of commerce and network. the world is your oyster!
post #10 of 15
I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now, Allie! I think finishing up school is very stressful...you start to really compete for jobs, and it can be very difficult. It is no failure to take a job different than your goal. Not everyone can start right out in their field, especially a competitive field like music.

Don't give up on yourself, or let a few setbacks convince you that you can't do it. And you do not suck at the flute. You have devoted yourself to making beautiful music. There is a need for your artistic talent, it just may take some time to find that perfect job!
post #11 of 15
Hang in there sweetie- I know what it's like to be a MUID major. It can be soooooooo stressful and hard at times. I know you're having a rough time right now- but stick with it- it will get better sweetie Also, definitely look around at your local consignment music stores (a lot of them get VERY gently used instruments in all the time that are practically new but a lot less expensive than buying a brand new one- i've done that a few times for several of my instruments and have had excellent results) pm me if you wanna talk- I know what it's like, i'm happy to lend an ear if you need to vent.
post #12 of 15
Oh gosh - I'm so sorry you're down. Now I know your instrument is very competitive. I really hope everyone isn't saying you suck. There's just no way you could suck if you've taken it as far as you have.

You're not going to believe this, but I was just thinking about you today. Have you ever entered a concerto competition? Our symphony has a pretty prestigious "young artist" competition (younger than 24 y.o.). This year - in January - it's the piano competition, but next year is the "instrumental" competition. I think you should think about applying. It's like $5000 scholarship, which applies to books, courses, or the PURCHASE OF A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT. Now here's the link: http://www.jsyac.com/ Seriously, we haven't had a flautist for YEARS. It would be awesome!

Now - breaking down in a lesson - I know - it's pretty embarrassing - but remember that it also shows that you care - you are passionate about your avocation. And your instructor will know that.

Chin up - and please PM if you want to talk. Hugs
post #13 of 15
Come on, Allie, you're not going to give up after just two failed auditions and one job you didn't get! You're tougher than that, and are just going through a bad spell. Keep on trying, and you can realize your dreams.
post #14 of 15
Sorry you are so down I think you should do what is in your heart and if music is what you love then follow it. Dont worry about what others think of you or if you are not good enough for them all you need to be is good enough for yourself. You have to love who you are and what you do and people will see that is makes you happy and love and support you in what ever you do in life. I hope things get better for you here are a few good vibes for you too. ))GOOD VIBES((
post #15 of 15
Remember this:: even Henry Ford failed several times and went bankrupt and look what he accomplished...Good vibes headed your way!!!
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