Freaking out vs "this is normal"

[donutte]

Either that or I'm a stubborn old bitch.  (I've thought for a long time that stubbornness is a survival trait.)

And I'm working on it, very hard.

Margret

:lol3: Ah, I needed that laugh.

I never, ever thought I could go through what I did with Lucky. And especially so soon after he died with Sara (for the same exact dang thing). And I'm amazed how easy it was for me to prioritize things in my life, without necessarily feeling like I'm missing out. I used to go out quite often once or twice a week. Maybe more. Now, *maybe* once a month. And it doesn't bother me a bit.

I am very tired all the time. Not quite as much as I was with Lucky. I think with Lucky, I knew it wasn't going to matter - deep down anyway. On the surface, I was still hopeful it was just an infection for him too. Ah well. He was my feline soul mate, and I would have done ANYTHING if I knew it would save him.

With Sara, she's starting to stabilize, thank goodness. Trying to get her to eat more is still a challenge. I'm getting used to chasing her down to pill her and what-not every day. You do what you have to do, even when you think you'd never be able to do it.

 

[donutte]

I think I'm finally getting the morning routine down in this New World Order. Next thing I know, it will change again, but for now I think I have it down. Wake up, community feeding, have my first cup of coffee, Trifecta of Torture for Sara (at least I'm sure that's how she sees it), then feed her 1/8 can of the high calorie food with binder and Miralax. Then have second cup of coffee while Sara eats.

And today I realized there was no port in the venosets I'd ordered to add her Adequan shot - d'oh! Note to self - make sure the next time I get venosets, there are ports.

Last night, when I came home (I had gone out so it was about midnight maybe) she was in the window. And then when I came in she started meowing at me! It sounded so weird for some reason, but I think she was actually hungry. I was gonna give her some food but she scurried under the table. Oh well, that was that. I pilled her and gave her the binder/Miralax/high-cal food mix before I left so I was done as far as anything I needed to do. So I went to bed. This morning, after I was done with my coffee, I was all prepared to crawl under the table, but she was out trying to lick the finish off the bowls I think - that girl was seriously hungry. So that's when I did the ToT and gave her food. I also decided to forego the appetite stimulant altogether today - hoping she continues to want to eat!

I'm still hunting down prices for the Aranesp. Sara seems to be doing really well without it though, even getting better, so hoping when the vet does one more in-house check of her HCT, that it is much better. Yes, I'm asking for more than my fair share of miracles.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

It's great that she continues to have an appetite and apparently feel good!

As to obtaining her new meds, check this out...always my first place to look

  http://www.felinecrf.org/esas.htm  (on MY PC, the part about where to obtain the cheapest is about 1/4 down the page, but Tanya definitely addresses it - complete with phone numbers to call!

)

 

[donutte]

Thank you, been calling all afternoon again. Finally got my quote. Yay!

Sara's been sleeping a good chunk of the day. I think seeing how she would do without the appetite stimulant was a failed experiment, as she hasn't eaten much today. I'm not even sure she's done much of anything today, even using the litter box, that has me a bit worried. Or maybe it's a good thing, and I've just gotten used to her filling up every litter box?

 

[donutte]

Sara came out this morning for her food, but aside from that, definitely not herself. She didn't fight me when I pulled her from under the table, nor did she really fight me when I pilled her (which she normally does). She did push my hand away with her paws for the antibiotic, but nothing else. And no growling with the subqs until I had moved her tail from beneath my arm - she growled then. But otherwise, not much from her at all.

THAT upsets me. A lot.

 

[kittens mom]

do you think it's because you skipped the appetite stimulant the one day ?

 

[donutte]

Not sure. I gave it to her last night (didn't want to wait till this morning). And of course gave it this morning to get back on track since I prefer she have it in the morning. Taking her in today to have just her HCT checked again. Had already planned on doing that thankfully.

 

[kittens mom]

Not sure. I gave it to her last night (didn't want to wait till this morning). And of course gave it this morning to get back on track since I prefer she have it in the morning. Taking her in today to have just her HCT checked again. Had already planned on doing that thankfully.

Casting evil eye at Sara. Growl at your mommy and put up a fight. Serious, Let us know how it goes.

 

[donutte]

Yeah, she needs to growl at me. She just gave me this sad look today and I wanted to cry.

 

[zed xyzed]

I hope she is just having a low energy day. Poor girl 

 

[donutte]

I just let her out of the bathroom. She ate some of it (it's the high-cal mix) so that made me happy. And she absolutely galloped when she saw my mom's room was open, so she definitely has energy to go hide somewhere.

 

[foxxycat]

Sending vibes your way. Poor Sara. Hoping she continues to fight. And I hate it when they give us that sad face.

 

[donutte]

So her HCT is up to 21, which is good. But she's also very dehydrated, which is bad because 1) dehydration is bad and 2) it can cause the HCT to be higher than it really is. And she's more dehydrated because now that her kidney values are down, she's peeing a lot less, therefore drinking a lot less on her own. So, we're gonna bump her back up to 150ml a day subqs and then talk to the vet on Monday. Holding on the anemia meds for the moment.

This is one roller coaster ride that is no fun at all.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

Dehydration can definitely make one lethargic, etc.  Hopefully the additional fluids will perk her up again.

I miss my girl terribly, but I DON'T miss the roller coaster ride. (Can't believe my Callie has been gone 6 weeks now

)

 

[donutte]

I can't believe Lucky will be gone 5 months on the 12th. It feels like it's been both forever, and at the same time, no time at all. And I can relate to not missing the roller coaster - although it came back very quickly.

Miss Sara Bear has just been sleeping most of the day. Mom gave her some food and she ate a little bit, but not much. She's become a big fan of hanging out in the window lately, even though it's still quite cold out and she shivers the whole time. Not sure I really understand that. She just sits there and watches the world go by.

She was sticking her head back through the blinds and mom was scratching her head. She's so adorable.

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• donutte
• Apr 8, 2016

 

[donutte]

She is so un-nerved by me these days. It makes me sad. I don't want to be making her miserable. To be the person that pokes her and pills her and does all that stuff she doesn't like. I don't expect her to be in my lap or anything, since she was never really like that to begin with. But I hate that she feels the need to hide whenever she sees me. I went into the kitchen and saw her eating. She jumped when she saw me, and not long after scooted back under the table.

 

[Margret]

She is so un-nerved by me these days. It makes me sad. I don't want to be making her miserable. To be the person that pokes her and pills her and does all that stuff she doesn't like. I don't expect her to be in my lap or anything, since she was never really like that to begin with. But I hate that she feels the need to hide whenever she sees me. I went into the kitchen and saw her eating. She jumped when she saw me, and not long after scooted back under the table.

Of course this bothers you.  The problem is, what you are doing is her only chance, and as far as I can tell, it really is a chance.  This isn't like it was with my Sweet Thing, where she was clearly terminal from the beginning.  There's a chance that this is from an infection, and if you can kill the infection before it kills Sara, she may recover.  Everything you're doing is designed to keep her alive long enough to make a full recovery.  If it succeeds, Sara will forgive you, because that's what cats do.  She won't understand, any more than cats ever understand about vets, but it won't matter.  What will matter is that she's alive and healthy, and she loves you.

The key phrase in your post was "these days."  You're going through an extremely difficult time right now.  One way or another, it will be over some day, and no matter how it ends you will know that you did your very best for Sara.  The fact that she's still alive to be unnerved by you says that your efforts have been effective so far.  We appreciate you, and the wonderful job you're doing for Sara.  For now, maybe that will have to be enough.

Are you managing to get enough sleep?

Margret

 

[kittens mom]

She is so un-nerved by me these days. It makes me sad. I don't want to be making her miserable. To be the person that pokes her and pills her and does all that stuff she doesn't like. I don't expect her to be in my lap or anything, since she was never really like that to begin with. But I hate that she feels the need to hide whenever she sees me. I went into the kitchen and saw her eating. She jumped when she saw me, and not long after scooted back under the table.

I think it's sort of normal to feel bad. Thing is it's necessary. It takes not only dedication but love to do this daily. Sometimes several times a day.

 

[artiemom]

She is so un-nerved by me these days. It makes me sad. I don't want to be making her miserable. To be the person that pokes her and pills her and does all that stuff she doesn't like. I don't expect her to be in my lap or anything, since she was never really like that to begin with. But I hate that she feels the need to hide whenever she sees me. I went into the kitchen and saw her eating. She jumped when she saw me, and not long after scooted back under the table.

Oh, I felt that way with Artie, when we began the IBD medicine protocol. I was after him constantly for meds.. some on empty stomachs, some with food, some in between. It was really crazy. 

I felt so bad because he was running away from me and hiding. Even when I wanted to pet him...sigh

It will pass .....Sara will get used to the routine. 

Now we have cut down quite a bit on the meds....I am only bothering Artie 4 times a day...he is really accustomed to it. 

Sometimes, He will fight me with spitting the meds out; but really not bad at all. At least we have a routine.

Evening pill is always a challenge. 

But I have learned to somehow trick him, either by chasing him or cuddling him first. 

I did not mean to get lost in my own story....

I wanted you to understand that we do know how you are feeling....

((hugs))

 

[zed xyzed]

Cat obviously don't like to be forced into anything, so it is natural they will hide and be standoffish. But they are very intuitive and smart they know that you are doing this to help and out of love for them. Sarah is not upset with you she just don't care for the routine. She is a very beautiful girl, I love her colours and markings