What would you do if your significant other wanted you to have fewer cats?

[justinn]

My girlfriend and I are in the beginning stages of discussing her moving into my house. I'm not a cat person, but I do like her cats. The problem is, she has 4 and I think that's too many. In the city we live in, having more than 3 is even against a city ordinance. She is also really interested in turning my house into a giant cat playground like she has seen in many youtube videos. Now, I'm very willing to take her, her 4 cats, and some cat furniture into my house, but I eventually want to have no more than 2 cats and I want to live in a "normal" house. We haven't discussed this topic yet, but we will need to have this conversation before she makes a decision about moving in--I can see it being a potential "deal breaker". Here is my question to all of you cat lovers: How would you feel if your significant other told you he/she did not want to replace your cats after they have passed until the number was down to 2? As a secondary question, what would you think if they did not share the same vision of living in a giant cat amusement park?

-Justin

 

[AbbysMom]

It could definitely be a deal-breaker for her. You're posting on a site for cat lovers, so that is probably going to be the overwhelming feeling.

It's all about compromise, in my opinion. You may get her to agree that two is OK, but will need to be flexible that if a special cat situation arises that you mutually agree you also need to adopt the third cat. If that is the limit in your city, then you shouldn't really go over that, in my opinion.

I guess the question is what you mean by giant cat amusement park? Are you talking a cat tree, scratcher, perch, etc? If that's the case you are probably going to have to compromise on that one. If we are talking things on the walls, etc. she will have to compromise a bit, in my opinion. Maybe she can turn one room into kitty playland?

 

[Norachan]

If he was willing to let me keep all the cats I had until the end of their natural lives and wasn't expecting me to re-home any of them I think I'd be OK with just one or two cats in the future. As long as I could have one or two. I can't imagine life without any at all.

My husband is pretty handy and has made a kitty highway that allows our cats to get all around the house without touching the floor. There are perches and beds for them up near the ceiling. It sounds a bit extreme but it has made life so much easier for us. The cats have their own space. They have somewhere they can retreat to and watch what is going on from a safe distance when people come over.

Take a look at some wall shelving and cat perches, some of the designer stuff is really quite cool. It looks more like modern art than a cat condo.

 

[irinasak]

Agree with what has been said so far.

You should be having this conversation with her and be honest about what you want and do not want - I would understand not adopting anymore cats after two of the current ones pass away, but it would be unfair to make her give them away (I understand that this is not the case, as you are willing to take them all in).

As for the giant cat amusement park, do some research and find a design you like and are willing to work with. You will see the benefits in no time - as long as the cats have their own places to climb, jump, sleep, play they will be less interested in your stuff, your furniture etc..

 

[Winchester]

Rick and I have had this discussion. He loves the furkids dearly and he'd do anything for them. But in our case, we are now entering our 60s. It's very conceivable for cats to live 20 years or more. By the time our youngest kids pass on, we will be close to 80. Currently, we have six cats; two of them are going to turn 19 in a couple of weeks and we know that, at this point in their lives, all we can really do for them is to make them as comfortable as we can and love them as much as we can while they're with us.

But....and we have agreed to this....when those two (and the rest of the clan) pass on, we will not be getting more cats. And there are several reasons for our decision: our ages, our incomes when we retire are among the most important. And should anything happen to us, while we do have our wills set up to provide for our cats, we don't think it's fair to burden my sister with six extra cats because she already has seven. She's only a couple years younger than me, so we have to think of her abilities, too. 

In your situation, you knew she has four cats. You chose her anyway. She should not have to give any of her cats up for you. It's just wrong. And I don't think you'd find many people here who'd disagree. That being said, however, should the cats pass away, perhaps you could try to come to an agreement that you and she would not replace the cats. As for the kitty playground, you need to come to terms with that, too. It would be her place as well as yours, so there has to be a happy medium.

Not sure what you mean by "giant cat amusement park". I see nothing wrong with a couple cat trees in the house. I see nothing wrong with cat toys and litter boxes. It all comes with the territory. I like Karen's idea of compromising on doing one room over for the cats. If you're going to have issues even with cat things, this is not the woman for you. I'm sorry, but it's just that simple. Take the woman, take her cats. And I see that you're willing to do so. (I know a woman in town who has 13 cats now. She did her attic completely over with all kinds of perches and railings and nicely done holes in the walls for walkways and such. The attic is strictly for the cats. They do come down into the rest of the house, but they really like their own rooms in the attic. (Our town has a 3-cat limit, but these cats were all strays that she brought in before that Ordinance was passed, They were all "grandfathered".)

You need to sit down and talk. I do understand not getting more cats as the current ones pass away. (I also know how very difficult it is when there's a kitty outside in the freezing cold who sits on your deck and desperately wants to come into the house. That's pretty much how we ended up with our fur-clan.) The bottom line is that you both need to work together on this. And I wish you both the best of luck.

 

[irinasak]

Oh, and another thing: the title of the thread says "... wanted you to have fewer cats". Once they move in with you, they will be your cats, too.

 

[pinkdagger]

 
If he was willing to let me keep all the cats I had until the end of their natural lives and wasn't expecting me to re-home any of them I think I'd be OK with just one or two cats in the future. As long as I could have one or two. I can't imagine life without any at all.

This. When I read the title, I automatically assumed you would be asking to get rid of some of the cats, but as long as she can keep the ones she has and you discuss very honestly that you would prefer to have fewer - and toss out a solid number, the 2 cats in the future, see what she says. Every cat owner is different, but many will want cats again at some point in their lives. Personally? I think two is a fine number. It allows me to have the time and money to devote more to the individual cats, especially if they don't like to share their people. I would always be welcoming of more, but if my limit was two, two I will have and enjoy.

Talk about the limits you have for the cat amusement park too. There's a difference between making ceiling tunnels throughout the entire house, and having multiple cat trees from room to room. Even having wall shelves for the cats vs wall shelves for books and decorations. You're not just the home owner, but you're part of the relationship. Don't be afraid to genuinely state your limits.

 

[justinn]

Thanks for the replies. I definitely appreciate all of the insight so far.

I am okay with some cat furniture. I understand that it's important for the cats to have a place they feel safe if they want to get away and so they don't use people furniture as scratching posts. What I really don't want is something like this: 
When I met my friend, she only had 3 cats. The 4th cat was a stray that she felt was special and she HAD to have him. She was actually very angry with me when I brought up the city ordinance and wanted her to consider potential difficulties that could arise with taking on another cat. I guess a lot of my fear has to do with the fact that I'm not sure she will be willing to compromise.

 

[betsygee]

 
 What I really don't want is something like this: 

Sorry, but that looks like a dream house to me.  

    

Seriously, though--how old are these cats?  Are you willing to look at the possibility that it may be several years before you're down to one or two cats?

 

[justinn]

 
Sorry, but that looks like a dream house to me.  

    

Seriously, though--how old are these cats?  Are you willing to look at the possibility that it may be several years before you're down to one or two cats?

My girlfriend thought the same thing.

I know it will be a long time before we would potentially be down to two cats, but I want to have an agreement before anything happens to any of them. I think the worst time to have this discussion would be when one of the cats is sick. The two younger cats are around 3. The older cats are still youngish at around 10.

 

[di and bob]

Most people love their cats like their children. I would NOT ask someone to choose between them, the outcome could be disastrous, to you! My husband was not fond of cats either, but I must say, over the years he has grown to love them as much as me. Well, not to the extent of me, but close!. He worries about the ferals, and cries when one of ours  dies. He does put limits on my spending, and on my taking in more, but I would spend a fortune if he didn't. 

Open up your heart, I know those sweet cats will mean much to you too, maybe not right away, but in the years to come. All the luck! PS, we DID talk in the last year too, and decided TOGETHER that these cats we have now will be our last, I don't want to die and leave them behind. We can help others in need and will donate time and money to the local shelter and I want to get involved with a local TNR program too.

 

[larussa]

 
Rick and I have had this discussion. He loves the furkids dearly and he'd do anything for them. But in our case, we are now entering our 60s. It's very conceivable for cats to live 20 years or more.

Pam I had to butt in and reply to this issue.  I am now 70 yrs. old and I couldn't ever adopt a young cat.  If anything happens to Autumn and I still want to adopt another feline, I would have to look for a senior cat to live with me. I would have no choice but I just think I couldn't  live without a kitty by my side. Getting old sucks in so many ways.

 

[justinn]

 
Most people love their cats like their children. I would NOT ask someone to choose between them, the outcome could be disastrous, to you! 

Once again, I truly appreciate all of the comments. I do want to reiterate that I would NOT ask her to get rid of her cats, I just don't want to replace two of them after they pass so that we would eventually only have a two cat household. 

 

[di and bob]

I don't see anything wrong with that, if she agrees. I also agree that it is better to get it out now instead of in the future. And who knows, I'd bet after a few years of being a cat owner, YOU may change your mind! 

 

[misty8723]

Sounds like you are incompatible.  You need to find someone with no pets and she needs to find an animal lover who would be happy to turn their home into a kitty playground (whether it ever gets done or not).  I'm thankful that (if we could do it), hubby and I would be in total agreement on making it happen (we have two cats).  I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love cats and animals in general, and just tolerated them for my sake..

 

[ruaryx]

Honestly, I think that is a very reasonable request.  You should both make compromises if the relationship is worth it to you two.  It's possible that it may be a deal breaker for her, but at the same time you should be honest with what you want.  It would be great if you both could meet somewhere in the middle.  If she absolutely will not make any compromises, then the relationship just won't work.  But I don't think it's fair to say that it can't work out between you guys just because you're not as enthusiastic about animals.  It really depends on each individual.  

My boyfriend personally is not a huge animal lover.  However, he has grown to really bond with my cat.  I think it would be reasonable for him to not want 10 cats in the house or something like that since I wouldn't want to have to go along with whatever hobbies/ passions he has without question.  You both just definitely be honest with what you want and see if a compromise would work.  Good luck!  I'm glad that you care enough to put this much thought into it and to seek others' opinions.  

 

[fhicat]

 
Sounds like you are incompatible.  You need to find someone with no pets and she needs to find an animal lover who would be happy to turn their home into a kitty playground (whether it ever gets done or not).  I'm thankful that (if we could do it), hubby and I would be in total agreement on making it happen (we have two cats).  I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love cats and animals in general, and just tolerated them for my sake..

Harsh. Relationships are all about compromises. Sure, you can demand that it's all or nothing, and if you can find someone in complete agreement with you, you're lucky. For the rest of the world though, compromising is good and healthy.

 

[kittymomma1122]

I am lucky, my husband loves our 4 cats as much as me.  I guess it would depend on my age and my future plans.  We are adults with a grown child that does not live at home.  Our first cat came to us 8 years ago. I now have the time and money to spend on the cats. Would I give up any one of my 4? Never. 

 

[pinkdagger]

 
Harsh. Relationships are all about compromises. Sure, you can demand that it's all or nothing, and if you can find someone in complete agreement with you, you're lucky. For the rest of the world though, compromising is good and healthy.

One of those "the grass is always greener". There may always be someone more compatible than your current partner, but if you're both invested in the relationship, you make it work even if you're not on the same page, paragraph, or line about certain topics. This may be the only point of contention (and it's in the distant future) whereas the rest of their relationship might be perfect and they might agree on and prioritize all of the same things otherwise. The OP has already said he is willing to compromise to keep the four current cats and accept them as part of her family, but if he has a different view of their future and how catly it ends up being, his partner should be able to listen openly about it and if needed, make compromises of her own.

 

[misty8723]

 
Harsh. Relationships are all about compromises. Sure, you can demand that it's all or nothing, and if you can find someone in complete agreement with you, you're lucky. For the rest of the world though, compromising is good and healthy.

Yes, they are about compromise, and DH and I do plenty of compromising in other areas that don't involve living beings. I've seen relationships where one person is not invested in the pet and it very often doesn't end well.  For example, I know somebody who got rid of the cat when his wife got pregnant - because it was too much trouble for him to scoop the litter.  And another who did away with the dog because he wouldn't pay for a dental (and by do away with, I don't mean humanely).  You need to be compatible in whatever is most important to you. For some people it's religion, for example.  For me it happens to be animals. I would not want to be with someone who didn't value them as much as I do and was just tolerating them for the sake of compromise.