I understand that you are upset and angry and frustrated with the whole situation.
However, what you need to do is sit down, and write a letter using effective communication skills.
If you are talking to them the way you come across in your posts, that is putting them on the defensive immediately and blocking any hope of anything changing because they feel you are blaming them and instinct is to defend.
Here is an excellent link to improving your verbal communication skills that go far in resolving conflicts.
http://stress.about.com/od/relations...ealthycomm.htm
http://www.kellyservices.ca/web/ca/s...unication.html
Here is another one giving examples of things you SHOULDN'T do/use when effectively communicating.
http://stress.about.com/od/relations...onflictres.htm
http://cte.uwaterloo.ca/teaching_res...trategies.html
You're unhappy and lashing out at them because you feel taken advantage of. Therefore your tone, body language, words....all come across as being in attack mode.
Because you are in attack mode, they feel they are being attacked, and instead of hearing what you are really trying to say to them ("I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility that has been placed on me"), all they hear is you placing blame at their feet and saying "YOU! YOU! YOU!"
There is blame on everyone's part, even yours. We teach people how to treat us by not speaking up (nicely) and putting up limits. The more you give, the more people take, until you reach the point you are at now.
Now you need to step back, calm down, sit down and write a letter to your Mom and whomever else, using the tips that are given in those links above.
You don't need to show it to them...at least not yet....but the more you write it down in a calm fashion the better you will be able to find your exact points and be able to present them calmly.
Use phrases such as "I feel...." and "I would appreciate...."
Something like "I feel obligated to always cancel my plans to look after my brother, and that upsets me."
That one sentence above gets your whole point across and the other person doesn't feel like you are attacking them.
Avoid sentences such as "Why do you" or "You make me feel...." (no one makes us feel anything..... we make ourselves feel and thus own our own feelings)
The next thing is to sit and listen to what they have to say, using body language that is open and receptive to actually listening to what they have to say to you in return. Now, they are not likely to be using effective communication, the important thing is to remember to keep using it yourself and not become defensive and loud when you are replying to something they've said in a less than stellar manner.
Another good thing to do is before replying, is to do some reflective listening. Basically rephrase what you just heard. That makes sure that you are replying to exactly what they just said. For example...."Ok, what I hear you saying is......" and then interpret/paraphrase what you just heard. Don't repeat everything they just said to you....just a quick paraphrase. Here is a link that will be helpful to you.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2314760_use-...echniques.html
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However, what you need to do is sit down, and write a letter using effective communication skills.
If you are talking to them the way you come across in your posts, that is putting them on the defensive immediately and blocking any hope of anything changing because they feel you are blaming them and instinct is to defend.
Here is an excellent link to improving your verbal communication skills that go far in resolving conflicts.
http://stress.about.com/od/relations...ealthycomm.htm
http://www.kellyservices.ca/web/ca/s...unication.html
Here is another one giving examples of things you SHOULDN'T do/use when effectively communicating.
http://stress.about.com/od/relations...onflictres.htm
http://cte.uwaterloo.ca/teaching_res...trategies.html
You're unhappy and lashing out at them because you feel taken advantage of. Therefore your tone, body language, words....all come across as being in attack mode.
Because you are in attack mode, they feel they are being attacked, and instead of hearing what you are really trying to say to them ("I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility that has been placed on me"), all they hear is you placing blame at their feet and saying "YOU! YOU! YOU!"
There is blame on everyone's part, even yours. We teach people how to treat us by not speaking up (nicely) and putting up limits. The more you give, the more people take, until you reach the point you are at now.
Now you need to step back, calm down, sit down and write a letter to your Mom and whomever else, using the tips that are given in those links above.
You don't need to show it to them...at least not yet....but the more you write it down in a calm fashion the better you will be able to find your exact points and be able to present them calmly.
Use phrases such as "I feel...." and "I would appreciate...."
Something like "I feel obligated to always cancel my plans to look after my brother, and that upsets me."
That one sentence above gets your whole point across and the other person doesn't feel like you are attacking them.
Avoid sentences such as "Why do you" or "You make me feel...." (no one makes us feel anything..... we make ourselves feel and thus own our own feelings)
The next thing is to sit and listen to what they have to say, using body language that is open and receptive to actually listening to what they have to say to you in return. Now, they are not likely to be using effective communication, the important thing is to remember to keep using it yourself and not become defensive and loud when you are replying to something they've said in a less than stellar manner.
Another good thing to do is before replying, is to do some reflective listening. Basically rephrase what you just heard. That makes sure that you are replying to exactly what they just said. For example...."Ok, what I hear you saying is......" and then interpret/paraphrase what you just heard. Don't repeat everything they just said to you....just a quick paraphrase. Here is a link that will be helpful to you.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2314760_use-...echniques.html
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