I don't know what to do anymore.
My sister and my boyfriend have never been on the best of terms with each other. My sister has some emotional problems which my family are use to dealing with and well my boyfriend doesn't get why we "tip toe around her." I admit my sister is not the easiest to get along with, she's controlling, has a horrible temper, she nosy and she can be quite selfish sometimes. I hate to say this but she also has some deep rooted jealously when it comes to Matt and my relationship, she hasn't had the best luck in relationships and I think she hates that Matt and I are closer than what her and her fiance are or probably never will be. While I admit that it may be partially my fault that Matt doesn't like my sister much since (as in most relationships) I tend tell him when I'm upset so he hears all the bad things. I try to tell him that my sister isn't that bad, that she can't help the way she is (she has chemical imbalances that causes her moods to be as they are) but he says that it doesn't excuse her from treating me and my family like crap.
Well today things got a lot worse and in the course of Matt ranting about my sister, he said somethings that ended up hurting me a lot. Well Matt wants to get me a really nice laptop for my birthday because my current laptop can't do much more than boot up. He knows I would like to be able to play Sims3 and maybe some other games so he wants to get me the Alienware M14x (waay more power than what I need but he has his mind set on it.) He thought he would be nice and ask my parents and/or my sister wanted to pitch in because a) it would make it easier on our pocket-we can afford it 2x over but still its a lot of money and 2) the most important reason, its a way for everyone to get me a present that I really want/need. So he sent my sister a private message on facebook to ask if she wanted to pitch in or not, she said that she would. Well I woke up this morning and saw that I had a text from my sister to call her early this afternoon. When I called her, she immediately started ragging on me about how we shouldn't be spending all this money and how we're getting over our heads and that we should put this money away. She didn't even try to make any small talk before she started in on me. While I knew about Matt wanting to get me the laptop, I didn't know he was trying to make a joint present so my sister let it out of the bag. Anyways, that ticked me off, I mean I know she's just worried about me and doesn't want us to get over our heads but the way she said it and the fact that she just bought herself a $1200 camera just ticked me off. I'm sorry when you spend that much on a camera then you shouldn't be trying to tell us to not get something. Anyways, when Matt woke up I told him about the phone call and he, well, freaked out. He felt like he was just betrayed, he doesn't even like my sister but he was making an effort to include her on my birthday present and she turned around and ragged on me about money. She didn't even voice her concern to him about the money, she went straight to me which ruined the surprise that everyone was pitching in together to get it. Matt wanted to send her an angry note telling her that he doesn't want her money because of the stunt she pulled with me on the phone but I told him not to. I told him that if he and my sister got into a huge argument because of my birthday present then I wouldn't even want the laptop any more because it would just be a reminder of the argument. I told him that I would talk to her Saturday night when I go over to her house for dinner but he was convinced that it wouldn't do any good because I never want to say anything to make her angry. Anyways he finally agreed not to say anything but he went on ranting about my sister. This is when things take a turn for the worse, in his thoughtless ranting, he ended up saying how my sister makes him want to trade in for a new future sister-in-law and that he's not going to want to take the next step in our relationship because of my sister always butting in. This devastated me and I went to the other room. The fact that he didn't even come in to try to apologize for what he said made it hurt even more. Finally after 3 hours, he finally comes in. We eventually made up, he was angry and wasn't thinking about what was coming out of his mouth which I understand because everyone says things that they don't mean when they're angry. He told me that he thought that I wanted to be alone which is why he didn't come in earlier but he didn't want to go to work without talking to me either. That is probably my fault because when we first moved out I told him that if I'm angry and if I go into another room and close the door, leave me alone for a while until I can calm myself down....well he mistook my disappointment and sadness for anger and thought I wanted to be left alone. I told him if I go into another room after something like that was said then its best for him to come in as soon as possible to apologize, even if he doesn't know what to say, he needs to come in and at least try to comfort me some how.
Anyways, I'm just at my wits end. I don't know what to do, I don't want my boyfriend and my sister to have bad blood between them because well Matt and I are going to get married eventually and if they absolutely hate each other then family get together will be even more tense then what they already are. My boyfriend is worried that my sister is going to want to control every part of our relationship from marriage to house buying to kids and he's afraid if he tells her off then he's going to cast as the bad guy by my family. I told him this is ridiculous, that my parents know my sister's temper and they would never expect us to let my sister rule our relationship without a fight. He doesn't really believe me but he said that he won't give my sister the pleasure of breaking our close relationship.
I just don't what can be done, if anything about their relationship.
My sister and my boyfriend have never been on the best of terms with each other. My sister has some emotional problems which my family are use to dealing with and well my boyfriend doesn't get why we "tip toe around her." I admit my sister is not the easiest to get along with, she's controlling, has a horrible temper, she nosy and she can be quite selfish sometimes. I hate to say this but she also has some deep rooted jealously when it comes to Matt and my relationship, she hasn't had the best luck in relationships and I think she hates that Matt and I are closer than what her and her fiance are or probably never will be. While I admit that it may be partially my fault that Matt doesn't like my sister much since (as in most relationships) I tend tell him when I'm upset so he hears all the bad things. I try to tell him that my sister isn't that bad, that she can't help the way she is (she has chemical imbalances that causes her moods to be as they are) but he says that it doesn't excuse her from treating me and my family like crap.
Well today things got a lot worse and in the course of Matt ranting about my sister, he said somethings that ended up hurting me a lot. Well Matt wants to get me a really nice laptop for my birthday because my current laptop can't do much more than boot up. He knows I would like to be able to play Sims3 and maybe some other games so he wants to get me the Alienware M14x (waay more power than what I need but he has his mind set on it.) He thought he would be nice and ask my parents and/or my sister wanted to pitch in because a) it would make it easier on our pocket-we can afford it 2x over but still its a lot of money and 2) the most important reason, its a way for everyone to get me a present that I really want/need. So he sent my sister a private message on facebook to ask if she wanted to pitch in or not, she said that she would. Well I woke up this morning and saw that I had a text from my sister to call her early this afternoon. When I called her, she immediately started ragging on me about how we shouldn't be spending all this money and how we're getting over our heads and that we should put this money away. She didn't even try to make any small talk before she started in on me. While I knew about Matt wanting to get me the laptop, I didn't know he was trying to make a joint present so my sister let it out of the bag. Anyways, that ticked me off, I mean I know she's just worried about me and doesn't want us to get over our heads but the way she said it and the fact that she just bought herself a $1200 camera just ticked me off. I'm sorry when you spend that much on a camera then you shouldn't be trying to tell us to not get something. Anyways, when Matt woke up I told him about the phone call and he, well, freaked out. He felt like he was just betrayed, he doesn't even like my sister but he was making an effort to include her on my birthday present and she turned around and ragged on me about money. She didn't even voice her concern to him about the money, she went straight to me which ruined the surprise that everyone was pitching in together to get it. Matt wanted to send her an angry note telling her that he doesn't want her money because of the stunt she pulled with me on the phone but I told him not to. I told him that if he and my sister got into a huge argument because of my birthday present then I wouldn't even want the laptop any more because it would just be a reminder of the argument. I told him that I would talk to her Saturday night when I go over to her house for dinner but he was convinced that it wouldn't do any good because I never want to say anything to make her angry. Anyways he finally agreed not to say anything but he went on ranting about my sister. This is when things take a turn for the worse, in his thoughtless ranting, he ended up saying how my sister makes him want to trade in for a new future sister-in-law and that he's not going to want to take the next step in our relationship because of my sister always butting in. This devastated me and I went to the other room. The fact that he didn't even come in to try to apologize for what he said made it hurt even more. Finally after 3 hours, he finally comes in. We eventually made up, he was angry and wasn't thinking about what was coming out of his mouth which I understand because everyone says things that they don't mean when they're angry. He told me that he thought that I wanted to be alone which is why he didn't come in earlier but he didn't want to go to work without talking to me either. That is probably my fault because when we first moved out I told him that if I'm angry and if I go into another room and close the door, leave me alone for a while until I can calm myself down....well he mistook my disappointment and sadness for anger and thought I wanted to be left alone. I told him if I go into another room after something like that was said then its best for him to come in as soon as possible to apologize, even if he doesn't know what to say, he needs to come in and at least try to comfort me some how.
Anyways, I'm just at my wits end. I don't know what to do, I don't want my boyfriend and my sister to have bad blood between them because well Matt and I are going to get married eventually and if they absolutely hate each other then family get together will be even more tense then what they already are. My boyfriend is worried that my sister is going to want to control every part of our relationship from marriage to house buying to kids and he's afraid if he tells her off then he's going to cast as the bad guy by my family. I told him this is ridiculous, that my parents know my sister's temper and they would never expect us to let my sister rule our relationship without a fight. He doesn't really believe me but he said that he won't give my sister the pleasure of breaking our close relationship.
I just don't what can be done, if anything about their relationship.