Stressed & confused...

[rockcat]

I'm sorry that you are going through this difficulty. Love isn't an easy thing, especially when you are a teenager.

You are only 17. You will meet and date a whole lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming.

My best advice to you is to let him move and go your separate ways.  Go back to school and get an education because that is the one thing between you having to depend on someone else for support and being independant and able to support yourself.

Please don't fall victim to being stuck in a controlling relationship, uneducated and dependant on your husband to support you and your kids because you can't get a job that pays enough to support yourself. 

However, I know what I was like at 17 years. No one could tell me anything and I thought I knew it all.  So you are likely to do what you want to do regardless of what anyone says. You already admit that your mother told you that your b/f is controlling, and you see the behaviour, yet there you are....still in the relationship.

So all I can really do is wish you well in whatever choice you make and that it works out well for you in the long term.

I agree exactly.

 

[resqchick]

Thank you so much. He pretty much already told me once that he didn't want to wait two or three years for me to finish school... 

Sweetheart, love and relationships are give and take. This sounds like he will give nothing, and take it all. You need to do what is best for you, not him. If he is so stubborn, and inconsiderate as to not understand that you need to finish school, I'm sorry to say he's not the person that is best for you. 

If he wants to go, let him. Do not alter your entire future in order to not lose him-that will not work out in the end. Love means you do what is best for the other person. Moving is NOT what's best for him, it's simply what he wants to do. Finishing school IS what is best for you, but he WANTS to move. It's not love. 

 

[cr4zyc4tl4dy]

Well, everyone... I told him that I'm not going with him. 

He took it well and surprisingly, he was very supportive of my decision because he knows I have a lot of stuff to do first.

We've agreed to keep in touch the best we can and he even said that whenever I'm done getting my life under control, he'll be there waiting for me. 

 So I guess we'll just see what happens over the next couple of years... and I'm glad that our relationship won't end horribly. I still love him and he still loves me.

He'll probably be leaving in about a week or so...

I'm really going to miss him. 

Thank you everyone again for all of your wonderful advice. You don't have a clue how much it truly did help. 

 

[libby74]

I'm glad things didn't go as badly as you thought they might.  To me, that's a big indication of where his head & heart really are.  You, my dear, are obviously much stronger than you think.  When the right guy comes along, the one who is going to put your hopes and dreams ahead of everything else, you'll be so glad you made this choice.

Good for you, sweetie!

 

[jennyr]

I am so pleased for you that you made a decision and that you will be able to see it through woithout bitterness or bad feeling. And who knows what might happen in the future? Sometimes things do work out in ways you think impossible. But stay true to yourself and you will never regret it.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Sorry I'm just seeing this.  I'm glad you made a decision and that things went as well as they did with him. 

I have a young friend, who is just a year older than you, and she is about to get married to her boyfriend of about 3 years.  He is 2 years older than her.  I got married young too (just before I turned 21); and I don't regret that.  But my decision made some other choices hard.  My DH was in the military so we had a good income and stable housing.  I was able to finish my associates degree.  But not go on to my bachelors because that involved moving to a city.  By the time DH was out of the military we were not in a place where we wanted to do that.  I had a job making decent money that I was eventually laid off from.  So not truly finishing my education the way I first intended has made some things harder.  This friend of mine has put off college and some other good opportunities for minimum wage or just above jobs in favor of getting married and staying close to her BF (who dropped out of college and does a hard, manual labor job part-time).  I don't really have a problem with them getting married and if they want to do both; I'm sure they can.  My thing is that if they make some hard choices now, delay some gratifications, etc; things will probably be a lot easier for them down the road.  Like the job my friend has; living at home with her parents, not having the bills that come with being on your own, it seems like good money.  Especially since she hasn't had a job for long before this one.  I used to do quite well for myself with my little job during college (I also lived at home); but I can't imagine raising a family on that kind of income...it wouldn't even cover daycare expenses. 

I know that all was long; but I hope it helps you out somehow.  You will find yourself growing so much as a person over the next 5 years or more really.  Changes that cant happen without time; but we all go through them.  I'm sorry it's a bit sad of a choice for you now; but I promise someday you will be able to look back at it with a different perspective. 

 

[aimerlee]

This isn't something easy to hear, but at 17, you have an incredible amount of change to go through.

This is so true. I'm 21, and in the past 4 years, soooo much has changed. I am a completely different person. When I was 17, I also suffered from terrible depression and the world just didn't make sense to me. At 17, I thought my boyfriend at the time was "the one" because all of my other relationships were terrible and he was the first one to somewhat commit. When I was 19, I met my current boyfriend and we both knew immediately that we were soul mates. I never believed in that type of thing, and I hated it when people would tell me "you just know"... BUT YOU DO!!! You will find someone out there when you least expect it (believe me, lol!) who will blow you away and treat you the way you've always deserved it.

 

[cr4zyc4tl4dy]

Well, he's been gone a day and he's already saying that he's coming back to me. 

When my boyfriend gets something into his mind, he needs to do it. So, he's off on his own for a bit until he gets his motorhome then he's probably going to come back, park the motorhome in our yard and go to work while I go to school.

It really turned out better than I could ever imagine.

We were both crying when he left, but I believe he'll be back so that makes this a little easier.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Aw.  I'm glad things worked out well.  I'm sure there will be hard days between now and "then"; but they will get better!