Sometimes I wonder if I am selfish

[baloneysmom]

This may be a little long, I will try and keep it short. My entire life I have always been surrounded by what the majority of society would consider a large amount of animals (not you guys… those “other†people lol), my boyfriend is one of these people. His limit has always been one cat, one dog. My limit is two cats, two dogs, and one spot for a foster animal or senior… basically any animal that needs a home for a shorter period of time.

We currently have 3 cats and one dog, this is way past my boyfriends limit. I appreciate my boyfriend and am extremely thankful at his open mindedness and open heart to let these little rascals into his home.

So yes, I am thankful but I still have a problem. Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to foster or get an animal that really needs the help like a senior or a severe sickness. This is my last open spot. My boyfriend has put his foot down and has said no. Also, I have always had a dog, my best friend in the world. Bruno is my bfâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s dog so I feel like I am lacking the one thing that has always been one of my most important relationships to me… my own dog. There really is nothing in the world like the relationship one can have with their dog.

I remember my bond with my German Shepherd. She was so amazing. She followed me everywhere, once a week we would go hiking, a few times a week I would just take her for a car drive out to the country. We would hang out and watch movies together. She was my best friend. I miss that. I can do that with Bruno, but he is my bfâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s dog, anyone who knows Shepherds know they are one owner dogs. He may love me but itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s not the same.

On another note I take care of the animals. I pay for all the food, toys, treats, litter, and Brunoâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s Daycare. My BF will help with big bills like the vet but thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s like a once a year thing. I go home every day for lunch, sometimes I have to eat at my desk while working because it takes the full hour to drive home, let the dog out, run around with him, then drive back.

Basically what I am saying is I want my dog gosh darnit! And even though we are past my bfâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s limit I feel I deserve my own dog. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s so important for me to have that bond, I truly feel like part of my life is missing without this. I pay for it all so I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know why itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a big deal, and I take care of them so well and being that they all came to me extremely sick (other than Capone) and now they are so healthy. I put a lot of effort into my pets.

I know for a fact that if I sat my bf down and said “we are getting a dog, no if ands or butts†he wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get in my way. Not because I am being forceful but because he knows if I ask like that it is serious. But my problem is I want him to be into it. I want us to find a sick or old dog and together bring her/him in and feel good that we are doing something good, together. To me, there would be nothing sweeter than that.

Sometimes I feel so angry that I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have my dog. I left my entire life and moved away from my friends and family for him. I resent him for it sometimes because to me, I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t see why its such a big deal. Then on the other hand I am so happy and it makes me love him so much more because he has brought in so many pets so far.

I feel like a child in this situation. I feel like my emotions are immature being upset because I cant get a dog… just like my childhood. I also know until I get my dog I will always feel that missing void in my life. It will never go away. I miss that bond so much its been years and I still cry out of the blue for it.

I guess I am just venting. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m sure many of you have this issues, I just wish I could get what I want… I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t ask for much.

 

[kailie]

Awww hun have you sat down for a heart to heart with him and explained just how important it is for you to have a dog? This is obviously something that you want VERY much so I would hope that if he loves you he will do anything to make you happy. If you are the one caring for/paying for the animals in the first place, I don't really see what his issue is. You are not selfish at you, you have a BIG heart. I wish you luck.

 

[icklemiss21]

I did the same when I got Quincy, we had talked about it and agreed Autumn needed another cat after Scully died but he wasn't really ready, especially not for a crazy teenaged kitten but he agreed. He does however bring up that he is my cat every time Quincy is bad .

Talk to him and let him know how you feel, but a dog is a huge commitment if you are not both into it

 

[baloneysmom]

Thanks guys =). I think what I am really confused about is what the “line†is in this type of relationship. He is my longest and the only man I have ever fully and completely shared my life with such as living together, buying things together, just sort of merging our lives as one.

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not too worried about the responsibility, since as I said I take care of everything and when my bf does need to do things (like if I travel for work or to see my family) heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s taking care of Bruno, one more isnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t too much of a deal for a few days.

I mainly just donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want him to resent me like I sort of do him. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want to do anything to make him feel uncomfortable. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m sure if I sat him down and discussed, he would agree… but he wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want the dog and he has made that crystal clear. Saying that, he would still love and spoil the dog, he would never mistreat an animal, he is still a suck for our pets.

So, where does the line draw regarding compromise? Does something like this, regardless of how important it is to me get vetoed because he has compromised to an extreme extend? Am I being selfish asking for more and more animals even though my limit is much higher than his and this would be the last we can afford? Is he being selfish not letting me get something that is extremely important to me?

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m confused as to what is reasonable here.

 

[myrage]

My DH had recently put his foot down and said I could not have my other two cats. After a whole morning of crying and being really worried about them, he realized why I was so upset, and relented. I'm not saying to cry, and I wasn't crying and sad to get my way, I was 100% Genuinely hurt by the idea of them ending up at a shelter. My DH didn't grasp at first how important it is in my heart and soul to keep my responsibility with my girls. They were, after all, just staying with my bro until we could take them back. I had been stressing for 3 days before I actually posted about it on this site. I'd tried twice, and once I got some kind of spywear on my com that didn't allow me to open any programs, or go anywhere on the net except this stupid page where I HAD to buy their virus protection softwear. The second time, TCS Signed me out... I took it as a sign I wasn't supposed to post about it. I did eventually, and a few hours after I did, he'd changed his mind.

I know the situation is totally different in ways, but in a way it is the same. It's something deep inside your heart that you want. I too agree that if you sat down and seriously talked to him about how you feel deep inside, everything... the good and the bad, he will have a better understanding of the situation.

The main reason this hit me so hard was because I used to take in unwanted ferrets. I had 4 of them, one got put down from old age, he would have lived and suffered a year or two more if we'd let him, and I couldn't. I got another one from my cousin who couldn't care for her. She passed away, and I was so angry at myself that I couldn't face my other ferrets. I gave them all to good homes and have felt horridly guilty since. I am angry with myself for 'throwing them aside' for my DH. So I promised myself NEVER to make the same mistake.

I do hope you and your BF have a good talk, where you can pour out your heart and soul, and that he is receptive enough to look past his 'rule' and see where you are coming from. I only see a problem in adding another pet to a multiple pet household if one doens't already take care of the pets they have. It sounds like any pet who is added will be in a great home.

Animals, being around them, and caring for them is WHO YOU ARE. Just like me. I cannot live petless. It drives me insain. I just CANNOT do it. It took DH a while to understand that. He still fights me and says 'well I didn't want the cats inthe first place' when we fight and it hurts me every time. But usually... he softens, because he likes my girls. They are wonderful. I hope your BF can understand as well.

Good luck

I hope things turn out good

Be safe.

 

[fifi1puss]

I would get the dog. I am not a selfish person at all. But I know what it is like to have the need of having pets. I went without because of my living circumstances for far too long. I knew I wouldn't ever again.

When I moved in with my sister this was an issue at first. We agreed on getting one cat. Than Fiona was unhappy being the only one so Rachel couldn't stand seeing her unhappy (she was already in love by the first day!) so we got ReeRee but she said that was it. They were not cuddly cats though and I needed that in my life. I told her that I was looking for one more and she told me she wasn't thrilled but to do what I had to do. She knew I wouldn't do this to her knowing she really was at her limit unless I absolutely had to. So I found Rocko, my sweet old kitty.

Three cats in the house is a bit much for her (one was a bit much). She loves them though and enjoys them very much now that they are here. But would PREFER to have only two at most. I PREFERED three. I take care of them for the most part and thats all she asks.

I think he will be fine if you get another dog. Its not ideal but its not like he has to take care of it. But will you be okay if you don't??

 

[strange_wings]

I guess cause DH and I have been together for nearly 10 years now I don't really get the his and mine thing with the animals.

I'm not seeing how Bruno isn't your dog, too. But growing up only one of the family dogs was ever technically mine (she only listened to me).

 

[c1atsite]

Well if you do decide to go with his decision, it might be good to say so in words, i.e., "Honey I decided to respect your wishes about a dog and I won't be adding any new animals." Sometimes you have to toot your own horn. Silence has a way of being misinterpreted (not always, but often enough).

 

[calico2222]

Relationships are a constant compromise. You gave up a lot and I'm sure he did two when you moved in together. Those were major...this one is minor.

I understand completely about having your "own" dog. Snickers is "my" dog even though he was DH's choice (I didn't want a dog yet). Brooke is DH's dog, even though I'm the one that wanted her. He picked her up so he is her hero. It has nothing to do with who wanted who...the dog picks the one he/she will bond with.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. I agree to sit down and explain to him exactly why this is so important to you. Limits are meant to be pushed. I really didn't want to get dogs until we moved to a bigger place, but I wouldn't give Snickers up (or any of them) for the world. Once he understands why you feel the way you do, I'm sure he will support you and you can work as a team in choosing the perfect dog for both of you. Good Luck.

 

[3catsn1dog]

I know how you feel. I can honestly say that I did not want a small dog whatsoever. I wanted a big monster shoe chewing slobbering dog. Instead I have a mini doxie who while I love him to death sometimes I cant help but resent him and BF for me not being able to have my big dog that I want. But then I look around and see Hercules who I was never supposed to have because BF doesnt like cats. And then I see Fatman sneaking around a corner when there is food around and my precious little GiGi who we rescued from outside. I wouldnt have any of them without BF giving me the go ahead to keep them and we were never supposed to get a dog. But no matter how much I want a big dog (basically for the same reasons you want a dog) I know that I need to wait for things to fall into the right place. Sometimes patience is a virtue and maybe you need to just wait for the right time. But then again if it is really that important to you your bf will be willing to come to a compromise with you about getting another dog. I hope it all works out for you..

 

[bellaandme]

I think you should have your dog! I get the sense that this emptiness is really eating at you. I don't want to see your heart ache like this when the remedy would be so simple! If it would make you happy why would any loved one say no?

 

[baloneysmom]

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I ended up sitting down with him and telling him exactly how I felt and why I wanted a dog. He told me he totally understood and he is not against getting another dog he just feels crowded already and would like to wait until either we move or finish the basement which we are slowly in the process of. He implied that he really didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want another but would be cool with it because he knows the importance of it.

I have lived with him for three years and we dated long distance for about a year before that. This discussion of the dog actually opened up a conversation for our future, marriage, kids, sell the house, keep the house, would I work, etc. We have never spoken about our future before. So thanks to your guyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s advice I know where my life is going LOL.

So know I need to decide (since obviously I am going to start pushing for the basement to be done LOL) if I will get my German Shepherd I always wanted and not rescue or, will I feel bad like I always do and end up rescuing lol.

Thanks again guys, you are the best.

 

[otto]

You can have your GSD, and rescue at the same time, just go through a breed specific rescue.

 

[emrldsky]

Originally Posted by BaloneysMom

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I ended up sitting down with him and telling him exactly how I felt and why I wanted a dog. He told me he totally understood and he is not against getting another dog he just feels crowded already and would like to wait until either we move or finish the basement which we are slowly in the process of. He implied that he really didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t want another but would be cool with it because he knows the importance of it.

I have lived with him for three years and we dated long distance for about a year before that. This discussion of the dog actually opened up a conversation for our future, marriage, kids, sell the house, keep the house, would I work, etc. We have never spoken about our future before. So thanks to your guyâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s advice I know where my life is going LOL.

So know I need to decide (since obviously I am going to start pushing for the basement to be done LOL) if I will get my German Shepherd I always wanted and not rescue or, will I feel bad like I always do and end up rescuing lol.

Thanks again guys, you are the best.

Can't you find a German Shepherd rescue?

 

[baloneysmom]

I’m sure I can. I rescued my last Shepherd and part Shepherds that I have had in the past. I would look into it for sure. I’ll see what my options are when I’m actually allowed to get my dog. Lol we already decided it must be a female (we have too many males) and we have already named her.

I’m not that picky. I don’t care if the dog loves everyone and is super friendly and beautiful. I think these bred dogs are made to be socially acceptable along with the guarantee of health and beauty. I just want a best friend, I don’t care if she hates everyone but me and looks like a mangy junkyard dog (my last dog was like that lol) so I’m all for rescuing as I’m not that picky.

Go-go-go basement renovations!!! LOL

EDIT: What i meant by either rescuing or getting the dog i always wanted was i can never really find a pure bred Shepherd.. they are always mixed. I want my pure Shepherd.

 

[Winchester]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I guess I'm a little confused about what it is you really want. In one post you said you wanted to take in an old or sick dog and give it a good life. Now you're posting that you want a German Shepherd and that you'd prefer a purebred German Shepherd?

I guess it doesn't matter one way or another, but maybe you'd better figure out exactly what it is you do want before you start talking to your BF about it. That way, you know exactly where you're going with the discussion before you start the conversation. Does that make sense?

Or maybe I'm just confused.

 

[baloneysmom]

I’m not confused in the slightest. I want a German Shepherd she/he can be old, broken, young, ugly, beautiful, antisocial, friendly… I don’t care, As long as i can bond with her. I’ve posted a few times in the past how bad I want a German Shepherd just not in this post, didn’t think it mattered i guess.

So no, I don’t have to wait to discuss Lol my boyfriend has known for a long time I want a Shepherd. He is WELL aware on how much i love the breed from being with me these past few years.

Before Bruno we actually discussed this, he wanted a Rottie and I wanted a Shepherd, he lost the debate because I cared more than him. We ended up with Bruno because he needed rescuing so we ended up not getting either breed (I wouldnt replace Bruno for anything). So now we have room for one more dog it MUST be a Shepherd or I was always want one. We don’t have room for two more unfortunately... Well i do LOL but my bf does not and i wont overstep that.

 

[Winchester]

OK, that's makes a lot more sense to me now. I was getting two different vibes and I really was confused. (That happens to me a lot)

I hope you can find your shepherd and that you'll have many happy years together!

 

[baloneysmom]

I just wanted to say thanks again to you all. This conversation opened a huge new thing in my relationship, and I also know that I will be able to get my dog without guilt and with the support of my bf. It just may be awhile.

Normally I would have just sat down to discuss but with something like this thatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s been going on for so long and me constantly asking him and him not saying anything (he thinks a lot and I am impatient and always want answers immediately). It just got unorganized I guess is a weird but accurate word for it lol.

I probably wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have sat him down and asked if you guys didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t say “just do it†lol so thanks again! You guys are awesome.