So Which Cat Is "normal"?

[Nature9000]

Now, there is no "normal" and every cat is different, just like every person, dog, animal, is different. But, I thought I'd lay out the little quirks and get your take, mostly Nikita I'm wondering about. Prince was my first ever official cat that I adopted and owned on my own, and Nikita my second; so I always thought "normal" was Prince. Now Nikita acts differently, and I wonder if something's wrong with her or with me, but here's the rub:

Prince is like a dog-cat if ever there was one, we think he's part Siamese actually, but the rescue agency never had that kind of information. Still he follows me around, lays near me on the bed and usually lets me hold him for a little while before deciding he wants to go do his own thing. He'll lay still and let me pet him, plop down on his side in front of the door when I get home so I can love on him a bit. Usually, I have to go to him to pet him, but on occasion he'll come to me. He stopped hopping up on my lap/chest since I brought Nikita home (though also since I started using the couch and not the recliner, he did that more when I used the recliner. Nikita as well)

Nikita is a different story and I'm curious why. I posted a while back about a possible affection issue but she has no trouble being affectionate and sociable, on her own time. Like Prince, she follows me everywhere and meows like she wants attention. She'll let me scratch her cheek and ears for a second or two before walking away. Sometimes, when I reach to pet her, she bends down like she's fixing to crawl under a log or something. She does not like to be held it seems, because unlike Prince, the minute I pick her up and hug her, she starts squirming for the nearest surface she sees. Still she comes to me, and on occasion she will hop up on the bed if I'm sitting there and curl up beside me. Much like Prince, she always seems to want to be nearby, but she doesn't seem to like to be loved on as much unless she's laying down somewhere and then she lets me rub behind her ears and on her cheeks, but if she's on her feet and mobile, she keeps walking when being scratched.

It's kind of frustrating, but at the same time, it just seems like a quirk of hers. Not sure, but when I used to think Prince was aloof and not as sociable, getting Nikita has taught me how wrong I was, because he's very affectionate while she seems more independent. If ever there was "normal" cat behavior, it almost seems like Nikita is the "normal" one.

 

[abyeb]

I think all cats are different, just like people, some are more outgoing and others more reserved. Charlie is a lot like Prince in that he loves attention. I cat sat for a kitty who was the complete opposite and didn’t like being handled at all. So it just depends on the individual cat, I guess.

 

[susanm9006]

Eight cats have shared my home plus a couple fosters and each was a slightly (or greatly) different “normal”. You just enjoy all their quirks, adapt to their personalities and try to give them the best possible life and home.

 

[danteshuman]

I agree with
abyeb

 

[Nature9000]

So do I agree, that's the strange part though that I can' figure out. It's like she wants to be like Prince is. She's always at the front door too, but doesn't come straight away like him, so he gets the attention first. Then she comes over to me puts her paws on my legs or walks around me and when I reach to pet her she pulls her head back or walks away like right now she's actually letting me pet her as I talk into the phone. But that lasted a matter of 5 Seconds and she's walked away

 

[Nature9000]

Last night I was sitting on the bed and after a while she hopped up and curled into a ball in my armpit, of course I had to move to do something else. Print doesn't do that until I'm well asleep and he decides to hop up and curl up on the bed and go to sleep with me

 

[Nature9000]

Could that actually be why she doesn't appear affectionate and social, despite actually being so? Because Prince is always the first one to get the attention, could she be jealous? He does get a lot more attention, usually because she doesn't seem to want attention, but she's ALWAYS near me (right now she's at my feet at the desk), and when I'm trying to use the restroom, she comes running in and starts meowing like she wants to be petted. Sometimes, walks off or scurries away when Prince comes around. I try not to show favoritism, but it is kind of hard when Prince has always been so dominant. Even now, she's now sitting down looking up at me (just reached down to pet her head and she moved her head away *sigh*)

 

[Nature9000]

Keeping in mind that she was said by Karen, the foster lady, to be a definite lap cat and special to her because every time she sat down, Nikita was first to hop into her lap (Formerly named Mystic, I renamed her Nikita after my last tiny black kitten that helped me in a bad relationship time). When I first brought Nikita home, she WAS that cat; but now she's not so much anymore, and I'm wondering if maybe Prince has played a big part of why that is. I mean he was always hyperactive, and even now he likes to chase her around (she's taken to chasing HIM during playtime though)

 

[danteshuman]

Is Prince bullying her off your lap? My punk Dante actually has jumped Salem ... while Salem was on my lap!!!!!! He bites Salem between the shoulder blades ... or the nicer snuggle push off. Where he gets on my chest and the slowly pushes Salem off my lap. I stopped this by blocking the push off move with my arm between them.

My point is, is she hanging back because Prince is bullying her? If you lock Prince out of the room is she lapcat? Some cats are just more sensetive & over petting actually hurts them. If you give her one or two fingers and let her guide you, does she want to be petted?

Also I gave my boys a 15 minute rule (which later morphed to the blanket/feet up rule.) Basically if a cat gets on my lap, they get 15 minutes 95% of the time... with or without petting, up to them. My punk has learned my feet up plus a blanket = 30-60 minutes. So if I put a blanket on my lap he comes running.

 

[Nature9000]

I'm not sure, I don't really even know what cat bullying looks like but they appear to be getting along like best friends. She hasn't been in my lap enough for me to notice that he goes after her whenever she is, however he has started to pounce her when she's on the bed right next to me. And that happened at Cajuns although rare where he was going to go after her if he is in a hyper state and she's getting attention. So maybe he doesn't like it I don't know, but it doesn't appear like he's bullying her when I give her affection. Because I can pet her and give her a fraction without him coming near

 

[Nature9000]

Actually the bed seems to be the thing. I don' usually see her there anymore. Once in a while I'll walk up and both will be curled up.om the bed, but usually it is Prince. He has ALWAYS been the bed cat. So I see more times than not, when I have her beside me on the bed, he'll jump up and chase her off like he wants to play still. She usually won't stay on the bed either, so that could be it

 

[Nature9000]

My auto-correct messed up on me. I said when I have her on the bed with me he will usually chase her off and she's not usually curled up on the bed but rarely both of them will be on there in the morning. And I will add when she is in her affectionate state, usually it' when Prince is in another room or sleepy. Maybe he is causing there to be some sort of issue. I don't know how to fix that or if there is anything I can do

 

[Etarre]

My first cat, Gwen, was a little snugglebug, and liked nothing better than hugs, laps, brushing, and pets. Juniper is totally different, and acts more like the way you describe Nikita-- she wants to come to us for quick pets and chin scratches and then is on her way, and prefers her cat tree to a lap for sitting. The exception to the rule is that she will snuggle in bed at night when we're safely asleep and immobile. So I think you have two ends of the cat spectrum.

Nikita may be learning (slowly and in her own way) how to be more social by following Prince's lead. Or perhaps she was in need of reassurance when she first moved to your house, hence all the initial lap-sitting, and now that she's more comfortable she interacts in a less clingy way.

You don't mention their ages, but I've heard that kittens are very cuddly and then get very stand-offish as teenagers/adults.

I understand why you're worried about the dynamic between the two cats, but I think it's clear from how much Nikita wants to be near you that she is expressing affection in her own way. I think that Juniper likes to be acknowledged when she gives a quick 'run-by' greeting, and that's enough for her. Nikita is also giving you a classic kitty greeting when she bends down with her front paws and leaves her butt in the air. So it sounds to me like she's connecting with you in a different way.

 

[abbyemma]

It sounds like they both love you very much, and are comfortable, as they follow you around. They probably just both have different stimulation levels. Both want your attention and are interested in what you are doing, hence the following. Nikita could just be a little bit more anxious. I have the feeling the only way you could really fix the dynamic between the two cats vying for your attention would just to spend some time with each one alone, but that probably isn't very practical, except for lap time, since anything else would require you to put one of them in another room with the door closed, which isn't fun for anyone. I feel like a little bit of jealousy with animals is a pretty normal dynamic, since there are 2 of them and one of you. I think that if Nikita felt very nervous around her counter-kitty, she would not follow you around with him, since cats have a pretty low tolerance for stressful situations. Also, since Prince was "there first", he may have a little bit more dominance in the house, but I think that all of this is pretty hard to prevent and is healthy as long as Nikita seems content, which she does from your description.

 

[Nature9000]

Right, I agree there. I woke up this morning and found both of them curled up at the foot of my bed. Of course, Nikita got up and left once I started moving around a bit, as did Prince (usually does this in the morning when he thinks I'm getting up, and will therefore get food), of course I fell back asleep since it was five or six in the morning, woke up later and Prince was right there on the bed again.

For whatever reason neither of them will go onto my lap anymore. Prince used to before Nikita came along (and before I switched the furniture around. I don't sit in the recliner anymore and that's where he, and Nikita, would hop into my lap if I was there long enough. The couch, they don't do that, Prince rarely did the couch in the past...but the recliner's broken... )

I can't get very much one-on-one time with Nikita it seems like. I can see jealousy is possible because Prince gets a lot more attention; but it's easier to give Prince attention because he'll sit still when I pet him and he'll usually be the first to come over and try to get attention. Nikita, like I've said, will come over and walk away or just keep moving as I'm trying to pet her. So I'm really at ends with HOW to even give her attention.

Maybe I should start by only petting her when she's laying down and relaxed, and then trying to use treats and pet her then?

It was difficult to do treats before because Prince did what he has always done in the past, run right up to the treat in hand trying to get every one, but yesterday I was able to have them both sitting down and give Nikita one, give Prince one, give one more to Nikita and switch without him trying to get up and personal.