Should you intervene with bad pet owners when they are family?

[tabbysia]

My sister has never kept any animal that she has had until its death. In the past twenty years or so, she has given away about a dozen animals (some dogs, some cats), for various reasons. Any time an animal becomes inconvienent, it is given away. Any time she moves, her animals do not move with her. They have usually ended up with my parents, but not always. If a cat pees on the floor or bed, it is gone immediately. This has happened with at least four of the cats. She dumped one cat off at the pound because she was losing fur around her tail and she
didn't want to deal with it. One cat was itchy and scratched too much, and she didn't want to give her a daily pill, so she was out of there. The last pets that she gave away were a sibling pair that she had for five years, since they were kittens (a record amount of time for her). They started peeing on the bed, so she gave them away to a family member that lives about four hours away. I have found out that they were not in that home for very long and have since been given away two more times. They currently reside with an abusive ex of the family member, who is a real jerk (but the father of the family member's kids).

Now for the kicker: My sister and her family are looking for a new home, and she is considering getting ANOTHER cat. She just gave away the last pair of cats about a year ago. She does not take criticism well and gets very defensive when people remind her of all the animals she has given away.

Does anyone else have a serial "animal dumper" in your life? If so, how do you deal with them? If it is family, should you just shut up and mind your own business to avoid conflict?

 

[vbcatparent]

My personal opinion is that this is an unwinnable argument for you. It's not even about her getting angry at you; it's the simple fact that having a fight about it won't change her mind. And since she isn't beating them or doing anything illegal, there is not much you can do to intervene.

My advice would be to say how you feel when the subject comes up but leave it at that. Then display a better example to your family of how to be a cat parent.

I have family members who are very similar in their treatment of animals. I won't let some of them visit me at all, and others I have explicitly told that they are not allowed to bother my cat, but I don't preach at them too much about their own. I know it's a bad situation, but nothing good ever comes from arguing over pets.

 

[tabbysia]

VB, you are right that she is not technically abusive, but her kids do tend to roughhouse with animals and are not given a reprimand. In fact, one of my nephews actually shoved one of their cats (when they still had them) off of a two-story balcony, because he thought it was "funny." He was not punished. Her jerk husband tries to get to me by saying things about MY cats. He put my FOUR year old nephew up to telling me that he was going to
set my cats on fire and hit them with a baseball bat.

 

[peaches08]

VB, you are right that she is not technically abusive, but her kids do tend to roughhouse with animals and are not given a reprimand. In fact, one of my nephews actually shoved one of their cats (when they still had them) off of a two-story balcony, because he thought it was "funny." He was not punished. Her jerk husband tries to get to me by saying things about MY cats. He put my FOUR year old nephew up to telling me that he was going to
set my cats on fire and hit them with a baseball bat.

This is when I'd call Dept. of Family and Children Services.  The fact he's teaching them to say this kind of violent mess can be confusing to a 4 year old.  One day the child will say that to a teacher and think it's funny, and when he's reprimanded then, he'll be angry and confused as to why.  After all, it was "adorable" when he was 4.

I understand that this may place a wedge between you and the family, but something should be done.  Turning a blind eye won't help.

 

[tabbysia]

I should have mentioned that the incident with my nephew saying those awful things happened about 12 years ago. I brought it up because it still irks me. He is now a bright, well adjusted teenager (much smarter than his father) and has no problems, other than the ordinary teenage angst. He is smart enough to see through his father's crap and pretty much ignores him. He (the father) is still a major jerk to this day though.

The other stuff that I mentioned was more recent. The younger kids (ages 10 and 12) do still roughhouse a bit too much, and there is now a two-year old in the home, so who knows what "wonderful" things he will be taught!

My sister, during her last pregnancy, tried to get the dogs used to what it would be like to have a young child in the home by occasionally yanking on their ears and tails. Her theory was that they would get used to it and not try to attack the baby when he did it!

 

[vbcatparent]

I'm not sure what sort of answer you are looking for. Animal services doesn't typically get in the weeds of trying to quantify when 'rough housing' goes too far. It is very difficult to get pet owners reprimanded based on hearsay, and even if you have children confess to things, pets are usually not removed unless their life is in danger.

So your choices are to argue with your sister or not argue. There isn't much else.

 

[tabbysia]

Yes, I guess that is true. We argue about so many other things that I would like to keep the peace.