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- Dec 3, 2017
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Hi everyone, first post here - but I would like some advice with one of my two new kittens.
I adopted 2 kittens a couple months ago, they're about 6 months old now - a boy and a girl. Neutered / Spayed, and were very playful at first. They would play fight and chase and tackle each other and were absolutely inseparable. If one of them can't find the other, they would start howling until reunited. The female has always been a little more skittish than the boy, and the boy is definitely more dominant - but I am having issues with the female now.
The boy is more energetic than the girl, and would probably annoy her with how often he wanted to wrestle, and then he started attempting to mount her non-stop for about a month, and she started to hiss and growl at him, which I didn't pay attention to because I thought it would be a good way for him to learn when he's being annoying. Well, now it's like she just gave up even trying. They will still cuddle and groom each other, but she does not play with him at all anymore. And it's sad to see. I hear her growl and hiss almost every day.
On top of that, I think I've made matters worse. This is the first time I've owned kitties (I've always had large dogs) and I recently learned that cats don't respond to physical or negative discipline the way that dogs do. There's been several occasions where the female has growled or hissed at me and I've swatted her or flicked her in the forehead. I thought I was sending the message that I won't tolerate that behavior towards me but I've obviously been mistaken because now she is TERRIFIED of me, and growls anytime I try to touch or grab her, and hisses if I startle her by moving too quickly. She won't even eat food in front of me, I have to lock her in the bathroom or kennel and even then she eats much slower than before.
She's hiding ALL the time, the other day I was scared she escaped, and after two hours of scouring my 900 sq ft apartment, I found her INSIDE of my couch's armrest. Apparently there's a little pocket that she was able to climb through. When I am around, she's hiding and scared of me, unless I give her this fleace blanket, which she will knead and weirdly get into a trance and be happy and purr again. But as soon as that blankets gone, she hates me again. When I pick her up, she freezes and tries to cling her arms around my neck, and if I set her on my lap she sits and freezes and will not move.
I've been giving her rescue remedy as well as pheremones, and they've helped, but it seems like her behavior goes back and forth. One moment it seems like she's improving, the next she's in the corner growling at me sounding like the last 2 minutes of a washing machine rotation.
I decided to ask for help on here because all of the articles online just talk about why you shouldn't use physical discipline with a cat, but I learned that a bit too late and there is nothing about how to regain a kitty's trust after she's learned to associate you with being flicked or swatted. Will this cat ever get back to her normal, playful self? Is it likely that I have irreparably traumatized her or trained her to fear me? There's probably been 5 occasions or so since I got her where I've swatted her on the top of the head or flicked her on the head for hissing, and now I feel bad because I thought she was just being stubborn and I didn't know that I was only making the situation worse.
And before there's any "omg you're a horrible person don't swat your cat post" - save it, I came here for help, not for your judgment. Also some comment on her relationship with the other more dominant kitty would be appreciated.
I adopted 2 kittens a couple months ago, they're about 6 months old now - a boy and a girl. Neutered / Spayed, and were very playful at first. They would play fight and chase and tackle each other and were absolutely inseparable. If one of them can't find the other, they would start howling until reunited. The female has always been a little more skittish than the boy, and the boy is definitely more dominant - but I am having issues with the female now.
The boy is more energetic than the girl, and would probably annoy her with how often he wanted to wrestle, and then he started attempting to mount her non-stop for about a month, and she started to hiss and growl at him, which I didn't pay attention to because I thought it would be a good way for him to learn when he's being annoying. Well, now it's like she just gave up even trying. They will still cuddle and groom each other, but she does not play with him at all anymore. And it's sad to see. I hear her growl and hiss almost every day.
On top of that, I think I've made matters worse. This is the first time I've owned kitties (I've always had large dogs) and I recently learned that cats don't respond to physical or negative discipline the way that dogs do. There's been several occasions where the female has growled or hissed at me and I've swatted her or flicked her in the forehead. I thought I was sending the message that I won't tolerate that behavior towards me but I've obviously been mistaken because now she is TERRIFIED of me, and growls anytime I try to touch or grab her, and hisses if I startle her by moving too quickly. She won't even eat food in front of me, I have to lock her in the bathroom or kennel and even then she eats much slower than before.
She's hiding ALL the time, the other day I was scared she escaped, and after two hours of scouring my 900 sq ft apartment, I found her INSIDE of my couch's armrest. Apparently there's a little pocket that she was able to climb through. When I am around, she's hiding and scared of me, unless I give her this fleace blanket, which she will knead and weirdly get into a trance and be happy and purr again. But as soon as that blankets gone, she hates me again. When I pick her up, she freezes and tries to cling her arms around my neck, and if I set her on my lap she sits and freezes and will not move.
I've been giving her rescue remedy as well as pheremones, and they've helped, but it seems like her behavior goes back and forth. One moment it seems like she's improving, the next she's in the corner growling at me sounding like the last 2 minutes of a washing machine rotation.
I decided to ask for help on here because all of the articles online just talk about why you shouldn't use physical discipline with a cat, but I learned that a bit too late and there is nothing about how to regain a kitty's trust after she's learned to associate you with being flicked or swatted. Will this cat ever get back to her normal, playful self? Is it likely that I have irreparably traumatized her or trained her to fear me? There's probably been 5 occasions or so since I got her where I've swatted her on the top of the head or flicked her on the head for hissing, and now I feel bad because I thought she was just being stubborn and I didn't know that I was only making the situation worse.
And before there's any "omg you're a horrible person don't swat your cat post" - save it, I came here for help, not for your judgment. Also some comment on her relationship with the other more dominant kitty would be appreciated.
