I guess I'm here needing a outlet, hoping someone else has had the same feelings as can assure me eventually it won't hurt so much. We had to put our baby Ashes to sleep yesterday. Due to his condition I think we made the right decision however I have so much guilt. also I had never been through that and wasn't prepared for it, he couldn't walk pretty much and had just been laying there, however when they gave him the sedative it was like he tried to get up, broke my heart like here I thought he was unaware of anything and it felt like he knew something was wrong and was going to try to get away, however he was so weak he couldn't. also those last gasps of air are horrifying to me, I can't get that out of my head.
My baby was a stray we took in 14 years ago, he had FIV but we did take good care of him and he had a good life until close to the end when he got sick. I noticed 3 months ago he wasn't eating good so I took him to vet did bloodwork and when they looked in his mouth said his teeth looked pretty good, however if it was under gums they wouldn't be able to tell without sedating, cleaning teeth etc. his bloodwork came back good, they did give antibiotic and a pain med just in case some infection.
Well he did seem to start eating again, not like I thought he should but everyone kept saying he's old, they eat less. I wanted to do the dental to see if that was it, but it was a argument with my husband because of the cost and his age. don't get me wrong he loves pets too but he was just convinced it was his age catching up with him. so I dropped the argument, and I'm regretting that dearly. I did eventually syringe feed my baby trying to get him stronger to go ahead and do it argument or not, but I was too late, he had lost so much weight and was weak.
I don't know and never will now if it was something as simple as dental or more serious like cancer. But how could I have not just went ahead and did the dental 3 months ago? yes money is tight but my babies are important to me. he was such a good baby right up until the end, he couldn't walk, kept falling over if he could even get up, yet somehow that last night he still got in his litter box to potty, even though he had to lay down to go. we had box close but still have no idea in his condition how he made it there, I like to think my baby was just that good of a little boy.
I don't even want to be home every room I walk into i picture where he would be and cry, I just want my baby back with me and I'll always question if I could have prevented this 3 months ago. I have no appetite, my stomach hurts, I don't want to do anything but cry. while people have been sympathetic, I'm pretty sure they don't want to hear me carry on about it. Will this feeling of guilt, regret, missing him so much it hurts and I can't quit crying ever go away?
My baby was a stray we took in 14 years ago, he had FIV but we did take good care of him and he had a good life until close to the end when he got sick. I noticed 3 months ago he wasn't eating good so I took him to vet did bloodwork and when they looked in his mouth said his teeth looked pretty good, however if it was under gums they wouldn't be able to tell without sedating, cleaning teeth etc. his bloodwork came back good, they did give antibiotic and a pain med just in case some infection.
Well he did seem to start eating again, not like I thought he should but everyone kept saying he's old, they eat less. I wanted to do the dental to see if that was it, but it was a argument with my husband because of the cost and his age. don't get me wrong he loves pets too but he was just convinced it was his age catching up with him. so I dropped the argument, and I'm regretting that dearly. I did eventually syringe feed my baby trying to get him stronger to go ahead and do it argument or not, but I was too late, he had lost so much weight and was weak.
I don't know and never will now if it was something as simple as dental or more serious like cancer. But how could I have not just went ahead and did the dental 3 months ago? yes money is tight but my babies are important to me. he was such a good baby right up until the end, he couldn't walk, kept falling over if he could even get up, yet somehow that last night he still got in his litter box to potty, even though he had to lay down to go. we had box close but still have no idea in his condition how he made it there, I like to think my baby was just that good of a little boy.
I don't even want to be home every room I walk into i picture where he would be and cry, I just want my baby back with me and I'll always question if I could have prevented this 3 months ago. I have no appetite, my stomach hurts, I don't want to do anything but cry. while people have been sympathetic, I'm pretty sure they don't want to hear me carry on about it. Will this feeling of guilt, regret, missing him so much it hurts and I can't quit crying ever go away?
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