Older Cat Can't Handle Rambunctious Kitten

[Anime Chick]

[Lemme just say first that the only reason I remade this is the title seemed to be off-putting for people or something for the original one since it never even got a view.

Staff is more than welcome to delete the original. I would have just altered the title or deleted it myself if I had the option...]

So... my cat Atsuko(7ys)

and my kitten, Saru(16 wks)

(Note, this picture was at 10wks, need to get an updated one)
have been living together for almost two full months now since I got him back on July 20th. Shes not had the best experience with other cats so its taken her longer to get to know and get used to him.

My cat I had when she herself was still a kitten, Lilly, had not taken too kindly to having competition for her attention, was mean and used to smack her around as a kitten. When she got older it was less and Atsuko started to like Lilly--even tried to lick her a few times--but Lilly only tolerated her and would smack her of she tried.

When she herself met a younger kitten--before Saru--she tried to approach and sniff it but the little kitten was horrified of everyone and everything. We were only housing it till we could find it a home--which we eventually did--but because it was so tweaked out when she tried to get close it hissed and swatted at her.

After that I think she just kinda gave up befriending any cats and even leapt over the baby gate we used to have for her outside before we were forced to keep her on a leash when she went out at the place I used to live at, to 'protect us' from a friendly neighboring cat who came up to smell her.

Suffice to say... she kicked his butt and he never came back.

But with Saru... when he was first brought here, not only did my mom enforce us to do the introduction the wrong way--which... I knew but part of me just wanted to avoid an argument because she thinks my following what experts say is wrong--and not only let her see him, but she put his butt in her face rather than nose to nose.

Ever since then she had really been unaccepting and for a while used to stalk him around on times he would be out here, smack him and growl.

I decided to do it the proper way--despite my mom remarking how it was 'cruel' to force him to stay confined to one room--and overtime of me gradually site-swapping and only letting him roam a little here and there on occasion--while monitored--I noticed she started to go from hating him to just being standoffish and uneasy.

This shifted to now where shes fine with him as long as he doesn't come close to her and try to touch her.

The biggest issue here is... hes stupid. And he likes her...

This makes it hard for me to simply redirect him away from her to a toy because it only pulls his focus for a short time before he eyes her again.

He never really comes at her like he means to be territorial or mean tho. He comes like, 'Lets play! Lets play!' Ears forward, tail up in confidence, bouncing excitedly and happily like a child knowing they are going to get some ice cream.

He will even try to encourage her to chase him. He'll run toward her, then do a U-Turn and try running from her, only to look back when she doesn't follow him like, 'Why didn't you chase me?!' Then he will come back, give a playful little--no claws out--swat and try it again. This can last a good few times before he decides to pounce on her because he wants to play and shes being resistant and annoying, only for her to tell him off.

I even watched him try to lay beside her on the cat tower, which she wanted no part of and jumped down after he didn't listen when she told him to shove off.

I think hes just naturally tenacious because even with me when he wants my attention theres no making him bug off so I can work. Leaving me to have to put him back in his room. Same thing when I eat.

I thought of resolving things by allowing her to have her space while also free range to watch him by putting up a 6ft tall pet gate in the archway that leads between the living room and the hall that leads to his room, the bedrooms and the bathroom, but the only one I could find for sale costs $400!

I have nowhere NEAR that kinda money and even making one myself is going to be severely out of my price range... I barely have enough money each month to afford her medication, but I really also need to get this resolved.

I'm very proud of her for even making it this far with as much crud as she took from cats in the past and truly feel like this is good therapy for her to help her overcome her issues. But at the same time its taking almost a full two months... and typically introductions only take a few weeks so my mom often tells me when I speak to her on the phone that I should 'look into re-homing him' which seems HIGHLY unfair to both him and me since her idea of this only has to do with simply 'its taking too long, get rid of him'.

Shes not taking into account Atsuko has been through a lot before in the past with other cats and that shes not 'normal'. So the fact that shes gotten this far when normally cats traumatized don't tend to just... 'recover'.

Despite this I was hoping to get some advice. I've tried the standard method--which would help more if he wasn't so willing to be around her, but hes liked her from day one--, I've tried using catnip and playtime to help mellow them out, as well as treats... she doesn't seem to like the catnip I have because she won't even touch it when hes NOT around. Treats she only just recently began eating in his presence, she was too tense to even eat them before.

I don't have a means to have them properly separated when they eat since I don't have a gate to do it with so they can see each other while they eat enough to challenge her... and if I feed them together he will eat but gets too focused on wanting to be close to her that he doesn't pay enough attention to his own food.

I can get HIM to play around her and her on occasion but even then its a bit tricky because shes still too tense even if hes not watching her.

I would like if at some point they can get along and her not get upset from him just wanting to play or lay with her...

I even watched her play for short spurts with him but then wound up overwhelmed and would start hissing and growling and telling him to back off again.

It was weird play tho... I didn't realize it was what it was at first because he would run toward her, then she would jump up and run across the couch, making me think she was trying to flee him... but then she would come around the back of the couch RIGHT BACK to where he was and poke her head out at him. Then she'd come out bap him a few times and run again!

I really really want them to get alone so... if anyone has any ideas--outside of 'just rehome him'--I'm willing to hear them out.

 

[Lalexa67]

Most cats like their quiet time and have little patience with little ones who are not their own. Give it time - they may resolve their differences and learn to tolerate each other. I had a similar situation, the female adult would beat the younger male on the head if she didn’t want to play. (She never wanted to play). But sometimes she would be nice to home. If a stranger came to visit then she would become fiercely protective over the younger male. I don’t know - go figure.

 

[Hellenww]

Ask your self: Is everybody eating and drinking? Is anyone scared and hiding? Is fur lying or injuries happening? From what you've written it sounds like you have positive answers to these.

2 months isn't that long in cat time. Be patient and give them space to work it out. Her initiation of a game of tag makes me think they have a good chance at being friends.

It was weird play tho... I didn't realize it was what it was at first because he would run toward her, then she would jump up and run across the couch, making me think she was trying to flee him... but then she would come around the back of the couch RIGHT BACK to where he was and poke her head out at him. Then she'd come out bap him a few times and run again!

Also she is the adult, take her lead on teaching him manners. It will be good for all of you.

 

[Anime Chick]

Ask your self: Is everybody eating and drinking? Is anyone scared and hiding? Is fur lying or injuries happening? From what you've written it sounds like you have positive answers to these.

2 months isn't that long in cat time. Be patient and give them space to work it out. Her initiation of a game of tag makes me think they have a good chance at being friends.



Also she is the adult, take her lead on teaching him manners. It will be good for all of you.

- No fur is flying. They don't do anything where blood is drawn or fur flies and for the most part even when she has her claws out its very minor, like its only semi-out to initiate a stronger correction.

She DID cut his nose a very VERY minor scratch when in the first month but it never happened again and from how small it was I actually think it was unintentionally done.

- Yes, everyone is eating and drinking tho her a bit less because shes having some dental issues but I have her on medication for that. Otherwise, shes fine. Tho when hes out I DO have to hold him back from trying to play with her when shes trying to use the bathroom, eat, or drink because he thinks every time shes out its time to play.

- She DOES hide if he gets too out of control, such as going in her playbox house or under the footrest, but as long as he chills she comes out eventually. She only does it if he won't bug off.


My biggest concern is she has times where she occasionally acts like a drama queen and plays victim, where she lets out this scream like hes murdering her and she falls onto her side. I don't want her keeping this up because it will only make matters worse later down the line. Hes an orange tabby so hes gonna be a BIG boy. MUCH bigger than her. Shes only 9 pounds, so I assume hes gonna end up around 12.

I'm hoping I can get them to get along by then because hes growing... FAST.

 

[Anime Chick]

Most cats like their quiet time and have little patience with little ones who are not their own. Give it time - they may resolve their differences and learn to tolerate each other. I had a similar situation, the female adult would beat the younger male on the head if she didn’t want to play. (She never wanted to play). But sometimes she would be nice to home. If a stranger came to visit then she would become fiercely protective over the younger male. I don’t know - go figure.

Yeah, I keep thinking shes bi-polar or something because she even would check on him when she screams from being alone too long and would knock on the room door.

She also likes to come in and sniff around in his room when I'm feeding him, but do help him if he approaches her while shes doing it!

She also comes to greet him gently when I let him out and him her. They'll be fine as long as he doesn't try to 'touch her'. I just watched them moments ago where she came to greet him, he did this thing where they greeted with nose bumping and sniffing, then he licked at her, then nipped. He kept up the lick and nip thing too long and she RAOWed at him and slapped him a few times. Then she moved over behind the side area of the couch and just laid down.

 

[Hellenww]

My biggest concern is she has times where she occasionally acts like a drama queen and plays victim, where she lets out this scream like hes murdering her and she falls onto her side.

My adults always occasionally let the kitten get the upper hand as part of the game. Around 18 mt they would start treating them as equals.

 

[Anime Chick]

My adults always occasionally let the kitten get the upper hand as part of the game. Around 18 mt they would start treating them as equals.

If he met her when she was much younger they wouldn't likely got along great. I think shes just not used to the rough play with another cat yet because all shes thinking about is how my previous cat used to knock her around. x.x

 

[ArtNJ]

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about this. Lots of older cats want nothing to do with kittens and actually act stressed by the attempts to play and jump with hissing, growling, swatting. It actually tends to go better if the older cat asserts itself, holds the kitten down and is all like "I'm gonna let you up if you can chill the bleep out, you feel me?" Unfortunately, many older cats can't/won't assert themselves, and will just try to avoid or make protest noises, hiss, growl, swat, run. Not really sure this is even an introduction issue -- introductions don't fix kittens doing the kitten thing and trying to jump all over the other cat, and its no surprise that you have this problem after trying to do a proper intro -- no need to blame mom, this is just the way some older cats get with active kittens.

As far as your being worried about further deterioration with age, this doesn't necessarily correlate with worse problems later on...the youngster will eventually tire (somewhat) of a playmate that doesn't play, and get older and play less. They may never be friends, but it will most likely improve some.