My sweet middle cat has become a bully

[janets98]

She changed the minute she realized that her older sister wasn't coming home (after a stroke, the vet and I helped her cross the Rainbow Bridge). The older cat hated everybody and everything and she let everyone know it. Smokey was the typical "middle child." She tried so hard to be perfect and seemed to really love the youngest, Magic. But now she has become a bully and Magic is afraid of her. I have taken Smokey to the vet and she is in perfect health. Can you give me ideas on how to help her?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
Have you tried any calming products?

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. How long ago did the oldest cat die? Did she demonstrate bullying behavior too?

I suspect a couple of things are going on - 1.) Smokey is reacting to the loss of the oldest cat, and 2.) she is attempting to ensure she is the dominate cat now. Both could be forms of mourning/grieving.

What kinds of things are going on that you consider bullying by Smokey?

 

[Mamanyt1953]

FeebysOwner asked my questions, so...

And I agree with her suggestions. Also with the fact that the social order in the house has now changed, and it may take a bit for it to sort out again.

 

[janets98]

Hi. How long ago did the oldest cat die? Did she demonstrate bullying behavior too?

I suspect a couple of things are going on - 1.) Smokey is reacting to the loss of the oldest cat, and 2.) she is attempting to ensure she is the dominate cat now. Both could be forms of mourning/grieving.

What kinds of things are going on that you consider bullying by Smokey?

I suspect you're right but I don't know what I can do to help her. Smokey has become violent and fights with Magic. She hisses at her, tries to swat her, and bites her if she can. My older cat was the bully and did the same things to everyone and everything, including me. And now that she's gone Smokey seems to be mimicking that behavior. The only exceptions are the fosters. When I have a foster cat Smokey doesn't bother them. She seems to know that they will be here only a short period of time, but Magic lives here so she reserves all her hostility for her. How can I help Smokey and Magic?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, just to check, have you taken Magic in for a check-up recently? Have you tried any calming products? Would the vet suggest cbd for Smokey?

Due to the fact that she doesn't bother the fosters, I'm wondering if this might help;
either with real vanilla (rather than synthetic) or raw coconut (which still has fragrance) ;
From member valanhb;
You put a dab of vanilla extract under the chins, at the base of their neck (by the spine) and at the base of the tail (again, on the spine not the underside of the tail!) of all of the cats to make them smell the same. Cats recognize each other by scent, so if that kitty smells the same as "me", then he must be a friend. Kitty logic at it's finest.
This trick works when introducing cats into the household as well, or during a reintroduction after a redirected aggression event.

 

[janets98]

I use Felaway but no luck. The vet suggested it and I've given it about the months, but I have vanilla paste. It's natural so I'm going to try it on both Smokey and Magic. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I don't know how long this has been going on, but from what you said about the fosters, it sounds like it has been a while.

If the vanilla trick doesn't work, then it is time to 're-train; how Smokey views Magic. This will involve some effort, diligence, and patience on your part. Picking up Smokey EACH AND EVERY TIME she goes after Magic, hissing or saying a firm "No' in her face (pick on and stick with it) and putting her in a time out for 1-2 minutes. It won't change things overnight, but she will eventually get it that she will be put in time out if she bothers him. He will also see that you have his back and won't allow Smokey to bully him, which over time will help build his confidence too.

The other thing you can't rule out for sure is that the fosters you take care of are bothering Smokey more than you realize, and she is actually re-directing her anxiety over them onto Magic.

 

[janets98]

I've wondered about her lack of reaction to the fosters. But stopping taking them isn't something I want to do. We have so many feral cats and virtually no one wants to take them in. And some of them are so sick that I'm convinced that not taking them would be a death sentence. But I like your suggestion of behavioral modification and will give it a try. I've got plenty of patience so I can do it.

 

[Furballsmom]

They're all lucky they have you

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I've wondered about her lack of reaction to the fosters. But stopping taking them isn't something I want to do. We have so many feral cats and virtually no one wants to take them in. And some of them are so sick that I'm convinced that not taking them would be a death sentence. But I like your suggestion of behavioral modification and will give it a try. I've got plenty of patience so I can do it.

Anyone who works effectively with ferals has patience to spare, and ALL of these cats are so very fortunate to have you! Let us know how things are going. We're invested in this now.

 

[janets98]

They're all lucky they have you

Thank you so much.

 

[janets98]

Anyone who works effectively with ferals has patience to spare, and ALL of these cats are so very fortunate to have you! Let us know how things are going. We're invested in this now.

Thank you. It's wonderful to be able to speak to other cat lovers who are much more knowledgeable than I am.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Not so sure about "more knowledgeable," so much as "different experience," which can, when the stars line up just right, work just as well!

 

[janets98]

Progress is slow. But I'm watching them play again so I have hope. Smokey is still bullying Magic, but it seems that they are getting along better.