One of my long time friends is so selfish. I've always known that she is very "Me! Me! Me!" oriented. She has a very "strong" personality and can come across as bully-ish when she wants to get her own way.
My health hasn't been good for several years, and is getting worse. Plus I have depression issues, quite severe at times. I took cake decorating classes some years ago just for the fun of it and to learn what my Mom used to do. I had no intention of making a career out of it. It was just something for my own interest and to save myself money in the event I ever wanted to make a cake or cupcakes.
She bullied me for months and months about making her a birthday cake for her birthday last year. I've been off work since August 2014 with health issues and depression/anxiety. And I had a heart attack in January 2015. I just wasn't up to baking and decorating a cake. Decorating a cake is tedious work that requires patience. I lack patience these days; big time. In fact I have pretty much zero patience. Plus I really hate baking, and she knows that. Yet she kept pushing and pushing. Finally I just said yes in order to shut her up.
The cake I made for her would have cost her more than $350 if she were to go to a bakery to buy it. And she didn't even cut and serve the cake at any of her 3 parties that she had on her birthday weekend! Instead she served the pan cakes that people were bringing with them to her house. She took my cake to her work one night shift and let the staff eat it. I was so pee'd off! I spent 5 days making that cake and all of the decorations that were on it, and spent about $100 on supplies, and she didn't even serve it to her guests. She took it to work like it was some cast-off left over. I talked to her about it later, and she really didn't see it as any big deal. It still burns me
Anyway, like I said, I've always known that she is very "Me! Me! Me!" but lately it's been really bothering me.
I started a diet in January and am working with a bariatric clinic in Edmonton, AB. I am seeking bariatric surgery to help with my weight loss. I had a heart attack last year in January and I doubt I'll make my 60th birthday unless I get control of my weight. I have diabetes, cholesterol issues, heart issues, pain issues, walking is hard, exercising is hard, and even caring for my daily personal grooming has become hard.
I've been doing quite well on my diet and working towards my goal. Prior to January, she used to pester me to go out 3 or 4 times per week for lunch, dinner, movie, or shopping etc. Once I started seriously on my quest, suddenly she just stopped calling me. All my friends were supportive of my posts on my Facebook page, but she was absent from them. Not even a simple "Like" or comment like "Good for you!" Just nothing. Yet I saw that she was going out with other friends to movies, dinner, lunch, events, museum, shopping, etc.
I would send her texts and receive one or two word replies such as "I'm good" or "I already have plans." And once we did have plans to go out shopping and then dinner and a movie. She canceled with a lame excuse that her Mom wanted to Henna their hair that day, so she had to cancel. I later saw on her Facebook page that she had gone out to dinner at one of the casinos with some friends that very same day/evening.
Finally after about 7 weeks I talked to her about how I was feeling and she told me that she "didn't want to sabotage your diet" and that she was "trying to be supportive." I told her that there is a difference between being supportive and total abandonment and being ignored. Again, she didn't seem to see it as a problem. She told me that I was being overly sensitive. I don't think I was. We went from talking and texting almost every day and going out 2 or 3 times per week, to no communication for 7 weeks other than one or two word text responses.
Things have improved a little. She knows that I can go out and have lunch or dinner and still continue on my diet and quest for bariatric surgery. But it's still different. In the last 5 months, I think we've gotten together maybe 10 or 11 times. Once this month. It would have been twice but I wasn't able to go to her party last week because I have been having so much pain this month from the weather. I've been pretty bed ridden from it actually.
Over the months contacted her a few times to ask if she wanted to do something on a certain day, but she always has plans. Yet when she is interested in getting together with me it's on short notice, like the morning of, or "When can you be ready by?"
Today for example. I took a turkey out last weekend so I could make room in my freezer. I put it in the oven around 12:30 pm or so and went to lay down for a few hours until it was ready. Around 1 pm, my cell phone was ringing like crazy. After the 5th time I got out of bed to see who it was. It was her. She was driving towards downtown and decided to call me to see what I was doing. She wanted to do something this afternoon and early evening because she wasn't working tonight at 11 pm. I told her that I had a turkey in the oven, and that I couldn't and that had she called earlier this morning I would have been able to go.
She wanted to pick me up when the turkey was done. I told her that wasn't possible because I couldn't just take the turkey out of the oven and leave it. I had to wait for it to cook a bit and then cut it up. Her next solution was for me to turn the oven down and let it cook in the oven for 7 or 8 hours. I told her that I wasn't going to leave my oven on for 7 or 8 hours unattended. Plus the turkey is $30, and I wasn't going to take the chance that it would dry out and be ruined. And again said that if she had contacted me earlier before I had put in the turkey, I would have gone.
She was very put off by that. I wouldn't say angry, but she sure wasn't understanding.
I just feel like I'm kind of a "last resort" fill in when her other friends are busy. She plans events in advance with other people, but with me it's always short notice. When I try to plan in advance, she's always got plans already.
I'm not really sure what is different now than before. Like I said I've always known that she was selfish and very "me" oriented. I just don't know what it's bothering me so much these days.
Thanks for listening. I would have posted this on my Facebook page, but we have several friends in common and she would either see this directly, or hear about it from one of our mutual friends.
My health hasn't been good for several years, and is getting worse. Plus I have depression issues, quite severe at times. I took cake decorating classes some years ago just for the fun of it and to learn what my Mom used to do. I had no intention of making a career out of it. It was just something for my own interest and to save myself money in the event I ever wanted to make a cake or cupcakes.
She bullied me for months and months about making her a birthday cake for her birthday last year. I've been off work since August 2014 with health issues and depression/anxiety. And I had a heart attack in January 2015. I just wasn't up to baking and decorating a cake. Decorating a cake is tedious work that requires patience. I lack patience these days; big time. In fact I have pretty much zero patience. Plus I really hate baking, and she knows that. Yet she kept pushing and pushing. Finally I just said yes in order to shut her up.
The cake I made for her would have cost her more than $350 if she were to go to a bakery to buy it. And she didn't even cut and serve the cake at any of her 3 parties that she had on her birthday weekend! Instead she served the pan cakes that people were bringing with them to her house. She took my cake to her work one night shift and let the staff eat it. I was so pee'd off! I spent 5 days making that cake and all of the decorations that were on it, and spent about $100 on supplies, and she didn't even serve it to her guests. She took it to work like it was some cast-off left over. I talked to her about it later, and she really didn't see it as any big deal. It still burns me
Anyway, like I said, I've always known that she is very "Me! Me! Me!" but lately it's been really bothering me.
I started a diet in January and am working with a bariatric clinic in Edmonton, AB. I am seeking bariatric surgery to help with my weight loss. I had a heart attack last year in January and I doubt I'll make my 60th birthday unless I get control of my weight. I have diabetes, cholesterol issues, heart issues, pain issues, walking is hard, exercising is hard, and even caring for my daily personal grooming has become hard.
I've been doing quite well on my diet and working towards my goal. Prior to January, she used to pester me to go out 3 or 4 times per week for lunch, dinner, movie, or shopping etc. Once I started seriously on my quest, suddenly she just stopped calling me. All my friends were supportive of my posts on my Facebook page, but she was absent from them. Not even a simple "Like" or comment like "Good for you!" Just nothing. Yet I saw that she was going out with other friends to movies, dinner, lunch, events, museum, shopping, etc.
I would send her texts and receive one or two word replies such as "I'm good" or "I already have plans." And once we did have plans to go out shopping and then dinner and a movie. She canceled with a lame excuse that her Mom wanted to Henna their hair that day, so she had to cancel. I later saw on her Facebook page that she had gone out to dinner at one of the casinos with some friends that very same day/evening.
Finally after about 7 weeks I talked to her about how I was feeling and she told me that she "didn't want to sabotage your diet" and that she was "trying to be supportive." I told her that there is a difference between being supportive and total abandonment and being ignored. Again, she didn't seem to see it as a problem. She told me that I was being overly sensitive. I don't think I was. We went from talking and texting almost every day and going out 2 or 3 times per week, to no communication for 7 weeks other than one or two word text responses.
Things have improved a little. She knows that I can go out and have lunch or dinner and still continue on my diet and quest for bariatric surgery. But it's still different. In the last 5 months, I think we've gotten together maybe 10 or 11 times. Once this month. It would have been twice but I wasn't able to go to her party last week because I have been having so much pain this month from the weather. I've been pretty bed ridden from it actually.
Over the months contacted her a few times to ask if she wanted to do something on a certain day, but she always has plans. Yet when she is interested in getting together with me it's on short notice, like the morning of, or "When can you be ready by?"
Today for example. I took a turkey out last weekend so I could make room in my freezer. I put it in the oven around 12:30 pm or so and went to lay down for a few hours until it was ready. Around 1 pm, my cell phone was ringing like crazy. After the 5th time I got out of bed to see who it was. It was her. She was driving towards downtown and decided to call me to see what I was doing. She wanted to do something this afternoon and early evening because she wasn't working tonight at 11 pm. I told her that I had a turkey in the oven, and that I couldn't and that had she called earlier this morning I would have been able to go.
She wanted to pick me up when the turkey was done. I told her that wasn't possible because I couldn't just take the turkey out of the oven and leave it. I had to wait for it to cook a bit and then cut it up. Her next solution was for me to turn the oven down and let it cook in the oven for 7 or 8 hours. I told her that I wasn't going to leave my oven on for 7 or 8 hours unattended. Plus the turkey is $30, and I wasn't going to take the chance that it would dry out and be ruined. And again said that if she had contacted me earlier before I had put in the turkey, I would have gone.
She was very put off by that. I wouldn't say angry, but she sure wasn't understanding.
I just feel like I'm kind of a "last resort" fill in when her other friends are busy. She plans events in advance with other people, but with me it's always short notice. When I try to plan in advance, she's always got plans already.
I'm not really sure what is different now than before. Like I said I've always known that she was selfish and very "me" oriented. I just don't know what it's bothering me so much these days.
Thanks for listening. I would have posted this on my Facebook page, but we have several friends in common and she would either see this directly, or hear about it from one of our mutual friends.
Yes, she's very narcissistic. She's also a large girl. She used to be larger than I was; but I surpassed her now. Because of my back pain issues, our typical outings consist of more sedate activities like shopping, mostly at places that have shopping scooters that I can use due to back pain, mani/pedis, and dining out or movies. Very occasionally, bowling. 
