9/6/23 Rest in Peace Kiwi, my sweet angel. You fought a hard fight and I was with you every step of the way. You were loved, cherished and everyone around you knew how special you were. You made me happy no matter how sad I got. You've helped me through so much loss in my life and 8 years with you was not enough. Thank you my sweet girl and know that Buffy, Willow, Gabi and I will love you always and miss you forever. I'm so sorry you had to experience this pain and I will carry it with me until I've made my peace with how we got here.
For anyone interested to know, the first signs I had with her started back in February when she cried out in pain before throwing up, mostly 3 piles at a time. The first few times I witnessed hairballs in the puke so it was difficult to know something was terribly wrong. It wasn't until a few weeks later, she simply couldn't hold any dry food down. I immediately took her in and they found nothing wrong with her x-rays, blood, stool and physical exam. They gave her Cerenia and sent us back home. A month later, things didn't seem to improve. Her stools were very dark (but formed) and she was losing weight. If I accidentally left out any dry food, she would get ahold of it and throw up immediately (btw tumors like carbs, wish someone would've told me to stick with a low carb diet). Otherwise, she was extremely playful, energetic, hungry and followed me everywhere I went. We would go outside and she would just explore and didn't eat grass. She would purr and play fight with Willow. I did however notice that she would often lay down and arch her back, or use a scratch post to assist with arching her back, or she would just do it while standing. She would also flinch her back muscles and lick her stomach and change positions frequently while laying down. It was rare to see her fully asleep like my other cats. I should note that these signs I've listed may seem obvious, but they weren't really. She was so playful all the time and never lost her appetite.
So I took her back in and she had an ultrasound done which revealed a large mass in the pyloric region. I started giving her two types of pain meds and was referred to U of I small animal clinic (oncology) and they ran another ultrasound and blood work as well as a fine needle biopsy. The biopsy revealed no cancerous cells, however, they weren't able to extract much of anything (was told cancers don't always exfoliate cells). The oncologist said her stomach lining looks healthy, so she was leaning towards it being just a polyp. The final results of the ultrasound though needed to come from a radiologist and I waited two weeks for the results (very difficult two weeks). Never received an answer, so I scheduled the endoscope to be done the next week to see if it's a polyp or cancer and if polyp, have it removed. During the wait over labor day weekend, I was able to see more obvious signs she was in pain. When I let her outside, she would immediately eat grass like she never did. She threw up the grass and for the first time I saw traces of blood in her puke. She was hiding more than usual, but she would always switch hiding spots to be in the same room as me. She was restless, I could hear her clawing inside her hiding places and she didn't seem to like being petted or held delicately. Her posture was mostly on all fours with her stomach pressed on the ground with her back up. She was uncomfortable. Still though, she would play, run and jump on high furniture and was always looking for food. I was in such denial she had cancer and convinced it was a polyp at this point.
Per U of I vet instructions, I withheld food from her starting Tuesday night at 11pm. The night before was rough because she would constantly check for food. The next day I put her in the carrier and drove her 1.5 hours to the U of I clinic. After getting there, the student assistant asked to do more ultra sounds and see if they can do the fine needle biopsy again. This would be the 3rd time trying this, so I was reluctant to say yes. I pressed for the endoscope and they said they couldn't do it until tomorrow and I would have to leave Kiwi with the vet overnight, which wasn't a good option for Kiwi or I. Then the doctor finally comes in the room and read the radiologist report to me.. Despite what the oncologist said about the stomach lining looking healthy, the radiologist said there was thickening of the stomach wall in the pyloric region along with the mass. I had major trust issues at this time because it felt like 4 vets came to different suspicions as to what it could be, polyp or tumor, cancer or not. They all did agree that surgery was not an option due to the location of the mass. Apparently they cannot not reconstruct the area where the stomach meets the intestines. Radiation and Chemo are also off the table for stomach cancer. Still, I had no definitive answer that she had this rare cancer. The vet specialist basically said a polyp would not cause weight loss or bleeding and are rarely painful to have. Also was told thickening of the stomach lining isn't what polyps do unless it's cancerous. He was convinced the bleeding in the vomit (once) and the black stools (regularly) were signs of ulcers, which are more aligned with tumors than polyps. In my mind, I'm thinking if the polyp was blocking her small intestine, she would lose weight and if the polyp had an ulcer, there would be bleeding and pain? I wanted to spin the situation in my favor so badly and just get an answer. She weighed 12.3 pounds in March, then 11.1 in June and 10.4 in September.
The options now were:
1. Bring her back to U of I the next day for the endoscope. Which would mean withholding more food from her, getting her back into the carrier the next day, driving her 1.5 hours again. If they find a tumor of any kind, she would be put down due to it being inoperable. If it's a polyp, there's a chance of removal and recovery.
2. Have her put down there at U of I vet, while assuming she doesn't have a Polyp and most signs pointing to tumor or cancer.
3. Take her home and call a service to put her down while at home, while assuming she doesn't have a Polyp and most signs pointing to tumor or cancer.
I looked to Kiwi for answers. Remembering how difficult the last few months have been and all the times I broke down crying feeling helpless while she was in pain. Even with the pain meds I was giving her, she didn't take them well, liquid or pill and she could smell the crushed pills in her food. We chose option 1 and now I have major regrets...... She was scared, hungry and didn't deserve any of this.. Thinking now, I should've asked to have her lightly sedated, take her home and bring her back the next day or even have her put down in the environment she grew up in, my home. I was her champion and now I feel like I fumbled her in her last hours. I may never forgive myself.
Interstate Kitten
Rest in Peace, my princess.
For anyone interested to know, the first signs I had with her started back in February when she cried out in pain before throwing up, mostly 3 piles at a time. The first few times I witnessed hairballs in the puke so it was difficult to know something was terribly wrong. It wasn't until a few weeks later, she simply couldn't hold any dry food down. I immediately took her in and they found nothing wrong with her x-rays, blood, stool and physical exam. They gave her Cerenia and sent us back home. A month later, things didn't seem to improve. Her stools were very dark (but formed) and she was losing weight. If I accidentally left out any dry food, she would get ahold of it and throw up immediately (btw tumors like carbs, wish someone would've told me to stick with a low carb diet). Otherwise, she was extremely playful, energetic, hungry and followed me everywhere I went. We would go outside and she would just explore and didn't eat grass. She would purr and play fight with Willow. I did however notice that she would often lay down and arch her back, or use a scratch post to assist with arching her back, or she would just do it while standing. She would also flinch her back muscles and lick her stomach and change positions frequently while laying down. It was rare to see her fully asleep like my other cats. I should note that these signs I've listed may seem obvious, but they weren't really. She was so playful all the time and never lost her appetite.
So I took her back in and she had an ultrasound done which revealed a large mass in the pyloric region. I started giving her two types of pain meds and was referred to U of I small animal clinic (oncology) and they ran another ultrasound and blood work as well as a fine needle biopsy. The biopsy revealed no cancerous cells, however, they weren't able to extract much of anything (was told cancers don't always exfoliate cells). The oncologist said her stomach lining looks healthy, so she was leaning towards it being just a polyp. The final results of the ultrasound though needed to come from a radiologist and I waited two weeks for the results (very difficult two weeks). Never received an answer, so I scheduled the endoscope to be done the next week to see if it's a polyp or cancer and if polyp, have it removed. During the wait over labor day weekend, I was able to see more obvious signs she was in pain. When I let her outside, she would immediately eat grass like she never did. She threw up the grass and for the first time I saw traces of blood in her puke. She was hiding more than usual, but she would always switch hiding spots to be in the same room as me. She was restless, I could hear her clawing inside her hiding places and she didn't seem to like being petted or held delicately. Her posture was mostly on all fours with her stomach pressed on the ground with her back up. She was uncomfortable. Still though, she would play, run and jump on high furniture and was always looking for food. I was in such denial she had cancer and convinced it was a polyp at this point.
Per U of I vet instructions, I withheld food from her starting Tuesday night at 11pm. The night before was rough because she would constantly check for food. The next day I put her in the carrier and drove her 1.5 hours to the U of I clinic. After getting there, the student assistant asked to do more ultra sounds and see if they can do the fine needle biopsy again. This would be the 3rd time trying this, so I was reluctant to say yes. I pressed for the endoscope and they said they couldn't do it until tomorrow and I would have to leave Kiwi with the vet overnight, which wasn't a good option for Kiwi or I. Then the doctor finally comes in the room and read the radiologist report to me.. Despite what the oncologist said about the stomach lining looking healthy, the radiologist said there was thickening of the stomach wall in the pyloric region along with the mass. I had major trust issues at this time because it felt like 4 vets came to different suspicions as to what it could be, polyp or tumor, cancer or not. They all did agree that surgery was not an option due to the location of the mass. Apparently they cannot not reconstruct the area where the stomach meets the intestines. Radiation and Chemo are also off the table for stomach cancer. Still, I had no definitive answer that she had this rare cancer. The vet specialist basically said a polyp would not cause weight loss or bleeding and are rarely painful to have. Also was told thickening of the stomach lining isn't what polyps do unless it's cancerous. He was convinced the bleeding in the vomit (once) and the black stools (regularly) were signs of ulcers, which are more aligned with tumors than polyps. In my mind, I'm thinking if the polyp was blocking her small intestine, she would lose weight and if the polyp had an ulcer, there would be bleeding and pain? I wanted to spin the situation in my favor so badly and just get an answer. She weighed 12.3 pounds in March, then 11.1 in June and 10.4 in September.
The options now were:
1. Bring her back to U of I the next day for the endoscope. Which would mean withholding more food from her, getting her back into the carrier the next day, driving her 1.5 hours again. If they find a tumor of any kind, she would be put down due to it being inoperable. If it's a polyp, there's a chance of removal and recovery.
2. Have her put down there at U of I vet, while assuming she doesn't have a Polyp and most signs pointing to tumor or cancer.
3. Take her home and call a service to put her down while at home, while assuming she doesn't have a Polyp and most signs pointing to tumor or cancer.
I looked to Kiwi for answers. Remembering how difficult the last few months have been and all the times I broke down crying feeling helpless while she was in pain. Even with the pain meds I was giving her, she didn't take them well, liquid or pill and she could smell the crushed pills in her food. We chose option 1 and now I have major regrets...... She was scared, hungry and didn't deserve any of this.. Thinking now, I should've asked to have her lightly sedated, take her home and bring her back the next day or even have her put down in the environment she grew up in, my home. I was her champion and now I feel like I fumbled her in her last hours. I may never forgive myself.
Interstate Kitten
Rest in Peace, my princess.
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You took such good care of her. Rest in peace, Kiwi. 
