Jealous friends *vent*

[rockcat]

Nobody's perfect. Perhaps the logo thing unleashed thoughts she prefers to bury, like her lack of success. Its a bad economy right now and she's not alone if she gets depressed by it. In her mind, (it seems) you contributed to her failure.

You didn't consider her for your logo job. Sure, it wasn't intentional, but it still happened. She overreacted. Are you overreacting too? I don't know if you are. I'm just saying, ask yourself that.

It seems the general consensus here is "if she were really your friend she wouldn't..." I disagree. Real friends can have arguments and still be friends.

Perhaps you should both lighten up on each other.

 

[emrldsky]

Originally Posted by Rockcat

Nobody's perfect. Perhaps the logo thing unleashed thoughts she prefers to bury, like her lack of success. Its a bad economy right now and she's not alone if she gets depressed by it. In her mind, (it seems) you contributed to her failure.

You didn't consider her for your logo job. Sure, it wasn't intentional, but it still happened. She overreacted. Are you overreacting too? I don't know if you are. I'm just saying, ask yourself that.

It seems the general consensus here is "if she were really your friend she wouldn't..." I disagree. Real friends can have arguments and still be friends.

Perhaps you should both lighten up on each other.

I agree that friends can have arguments, but it just seems (to me, at least) that she would feel better if I were failing at things. Maybe I am still just sore from the way she approached it. It wasn't like she was just expressing her feelings to me...she flat out dumped everything on me, right when I was in my excited high over having my logo completed. So, that hurt ME while she was feeling burned too.

Should I have considered her? In hindsight, yes. My brain reaches for the most logical and straight-forward approach (I'm a technical writer), and that was a graphic designer, not artist. Then again, she doesn't share anything about her artwork, so I wasn't even aware that it was something she could do.

All in all, I think there are hurt feelings on both sides of the fence. I just feel like my feelings (by her) have been dismissed. And it didn't help that when I told her I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out at work, she said, "Good, it means you have a heart." How am I supposed to take that?

So yeah, I'm still feeling the sting of it all. I've started reverting back into my shell. I'm not sure we can ever return to that level of friendship. I guess time will tell.

ETA: I truly feel like I can be the best friend anyone ever had. If a friend ever needs me, good or bad, I will drop everything to be there for them. I guess I just wish the same courtesy were extended to me, or that she might have taken into account the fact that I would rather cut off my own arm than hurt someone I cared about. When she and her fiance split, I was there. I was always letting her know that she was on my mind, that I was there for her if she ever needed me. I held no judgment of her at all. I guess I just feel like it was all forgotten because she had a bad day or something. :/

 

[rockcat]

Originally Posted by emrldsky

I agree that friends can have arguments, but it just seems (to me, at least) that she would feel better if I were failing at things. Maybe I am still just sore from the way she approached it. It wasn't like she was just expressing her feelings to me...she flat out dumped everything on me, right when I was in my excited high over having my logo completed. So, that hurt ME while she was feeling burned too.

Should I have considered her? In hindsight, yes. My brain reaches for the most logical and straight-forward approach (I'm a technical writer), and that was a graphic designer, not artist. Then again, she doesn't share anything about her artwork, so I wasn't even aware that it was something she could do.

All in all, I think there are hurt feelings on both sides of the fence. I just feel like my feelings (by her) have been dismissed. And it didn't help that when I told her I was sitting there, bawling my eyes out at work, she said, "Good, it means you have a heart." How am I supposed to take that?
So yeah, I'm still feeling the sting of it all. I've started reverting back into my shell. I'm not sure we can ever return to that level of friendship. I guess time will tell.

ETA: I truly feel like I can be the best friend anyone ever had. If a friend ever needs me, good or bad, I will drop everything to be there for them. I guess I just wish the same courtesy were extended to me, or that she might have taken into account the fact that I would rather cut off my own arm than hurt someone I cared about. When she and her fiance split, I was there. I was always letting her know that she was on my mind, that I was there for her if she ever needed me. I held no judgment of her at all. I guess I just feel like it was all forgotten because she had a bad day or something. :/

RE: bolded area - I agree that that was a mean thing to say. Remember though it was in the heat of the moment.

It sounds like you really care about her. I can only read the words you wrote though. You know the issues from your heart. You are the only one who really knows if the friendship is worth saving.

How did it go this weekend? I really wish you the best.

 

[emrldsky]

Ok, I think this will be my last update on this.

She read the email yesterday (apparently she doesn’t check it often), and then she felt blindsided by me. But we talked about some things and I think we need to really sit down, in person, and just hash it out.

We both have reasons for feeling hurt in the entire situation (specifically about the logo), but we’re past that now.

The biggest thing we need to work on is realizing that when we have something we want to say to the other person; we need to say it before it becomes something bigger. We’re so used to our SOs and how they react to things that we tend to treat others that way. But we’re so much alike that it’d be easier to drop those guards and let it go, and to be honest (brutally, in some cases).

So, all in all, if we’re going to try to make this friendship work, we need to treat each other like another significant other when it comes to communication. I take part of the blame in that because I don’t open myself up to people, especially other women, when it comes to meaningful friendships (she did call me on that). I explained to her that I have always been hurt after opening myself up to a female friendship, and that has been the way the cookie crumbled my entire life.

Anyway, I think some space and time will get us both over this hump, but the journey is just starting. I really don’t think they realize how negative they’ve been with their comments, so I’m going to make a point in saying something about that. You can’t keep any relationship going when miscommunication rules.

Time to clear the air and start fresh.

 

[Winchester]

It sounds like you're going to have some meaningful conversation, even if some of it is brutal. But you both need to get things out into the open. And doing it face-to-face can make all the difference in the world. I hope it all works out for the best. Good luck.