Its been a tough day

[pepsiandmax]

Today has been a very tough day. Today my sweet Pepsi turns 7 years old. But that also means that my dear Max should have turned 7 today, but instead its 7 months since I had to let him go.

Grief never really goes away. That is one thing I have found. Time will help. More and more time will go between grief attacks. But some days, like today it just hits hard. The hole in my heat just aces.

Pepsi’ had a good day. He got good saucy wet food. Some catnip, he has been running around playing with toys like a kitten. And he has gotten some wanted and also some unwanted cuddles. He has had a great birthday.

I have had a hard day. I made the best choice for Max, but it still hurts so bad that he is gone. Pepsi and I have never had the same bond that I had with Max. Even now, I love him so much, but that close bond I had with Max is not there, and I am not sure if it ever will be.

Max and I understood eachother on a deeper level. If anything I would call him my soulmate. And it hurts that he is gone. Its gotten better. I do have days where I smile, I have fun, I find joy in life. But then also days like today.

Sometimes just putting feelings down into writing and sending it out into the world can help me feel a bit better, so thats what I am doing.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I am so sorry, and not a one of us here would have an answer/response that would change a thing you are feeling. Over time things may change between you and Pepsi. Let him enter your heart the way you let Max, that also lets you enter Pepsi's heart the way that happened with Max.

Each cat in our lives has a purpose, as we do for them. Max served his with you and vice versa - and, on some level. so will the same happen with Pepsi.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Sometimes just putting feelings down into writing and sending it out into the world can help me feel a bit better, so thats what I am doing.

This is true, and my heart goes out for you.
May you have more strength to go through this. Hang in there. We are here for you.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

The "First Withouts" are the hardest...the first birthday, first holidays (each and every one of them), all the milestones that did mark your life with that beloved soul now mark your life without them. And you are right...we do not "get over," we get through. We learn to live a different way. We learn to laugh again, and to have joy, but it is forever shadowed. This is what I know...love does not die, it continues on, translated and purified into Love. And Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. It is the strongest energy in the universe, and it cannot be destroyed. His Love for you is with you still, as is yours for him.

Rest you gentle, Max, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

The first withouts as Mamanyt1953 has said are the hardest. When we lost our boy Tik Christmas was ours. He was my hubby's heart cat. But there is a reason that Pepsi is still with you FeebysOwner is so right on that. Somtimes when a cat is so special they take a piece of our heart's, that happened with my hubby. But my boy Patches who had never been fond of my hubby became a comfort in a way because they both missed Tik. He cuddled my hubby when he was sad and would look into his eye's as if he knew how sad he was. Without his love I really don't think my hubby would of got another kitten, Patches was the reason because he missed his brother so much. And my hubby opened his heart to a little black kitten who he believes was sent by our bridge boy. He named him Bandit fitting name because he steals heart's. Max will be in good company at the bridge.

 

[di and bob]

As time passes, the ache gets a little better. You will still have it, but it dulls. Of course you miss your boy, and always will, but the reason is that you also have that permanent bond of love with his soul. NOTHING can take that from you, it is eternal. His love will always reside in the secure spot in your soul, eventually bringing you comfort instead of pain. He was sent to you to teach you love. Each little love you let enter your soul will reside beside his and help it to grow even stronger. It may never be the same, it can't be, but anything that brings you happiness brings happiness to his own little heart. He rests in peace because he has your love. As you enter back into the world of the living once more, let Pepsi's love anchor you to the present. Keep writing down your feelings so one day you can look back and see how far you have come. And remembering the pain so perhaps you can comfort someone else who is suffering so much at the beginning of their journey into grief. It truly helps tom know you aren't alone......