Hello everyone,
My name is Angela and my baby is Katie. As I type this, the impact of her being gone brings the various degrees of feelings: feeling of a weight on my chest, a hole where my heart used to be, my heart feeling ripped apart, the feeling like I can't experience happiness ever again.
I loved Katie with my entire soul. My other baby, Sunny, got hit by a car on my birthday, and the feeling of seeing her body on the road coming back from Olive Garden traumatized me for years. My heart didn't feel a connection to another cat until I adopted Katie from the pound due to her looking similar to Sunny.
She was the cat that filled the void that Sunny left. She was extremely affectionate, followed me around everywhere, would sleep next to me, and when I went out of state for school, would stay outside my door for weeks. She made me feel loved and important, and I hadn't really experienced that with a cat before. Every three months when I'd come back from school, she was the one being that I was looking forward to seeing and spending time with. My connection to her was so strong.
A year or two after we got her, she also got hit by a car but miraculously survived and got her base of her tail broken. I remember the absolute panic and pain I felt when the emergency room called. It was like Sunny all over again and the flashbacks were breaking me apart again... luckily, the person who hit her with the car drove 15 minutes to another city to take her to the vet at 10pm at night. In our city, no one does that. It was a miracle and it was around Christmas too. All she needed was a tail amputation, and she was fine. I remember rushing to her cage at the emergency vet and having her face be bloody but ok. She meowed out of fear but was comforted at my face. She kept kneading my hand in a fashion that was similar to a human squeezing a known hand for comfort and support.
Flash forward to 7 years later, and she's simply gone. From one day to the next, she broke her routine and wasn't being lazy and sleeping in the house. I knew something was wrong but held out hope. Now, in the very depths of my soul, I just feel like she's gone. My baby, my Katie, gone like the memory of her being here for 8 years was nothing. My soul and heart broke apart again.
I read forums, websites giving tips about their baby being gone, and although I know I'm not the only one feeling the loss, I feel completely alone. I feel like I can't be happy again.
I'm getting married in three weeks and I literally feel no joy at this point. I've cried myself out for an entire day and have felt like throwing up BECAUSE I cried so much. I talked to her through prayer and the depression will come in waves. One minute I'll feel like I can function, and the next, I feel like my world has come crashing down.
I look down at my black shirt and I see little hairs that are from her, and I lose it all over again. I want to feel her presence but all I feel is her loss. I miss her in uncontrollable measures and the pain I feel is so sharp and numbing at the same time. I feel dead inside but keep feeling pain in my heart area. I know I need to move forward, honor her memory, live and love again, but at this point, I'm chained to the bed in which she used to lay next to me, going through the memories of her, and realizing that with each passing memory in my mind, that I'll never see her do it again. And that kills me.
If anyone can offer some comfort, insight, advice... I would greatly appreciate it. I need the understanding of my fellow cat lovers to help me get through one of the most difficult heartbreaks I've ever experienced.
P.S. Some of my favorite memories of her include: her swatting at my friend's purse, thinking it was an enemy, her being very affectionate towards guests, constantly brushing up against them, her obsession with Temptations cat treats, her chirping at birds outside, her relaxed and chill attitude towards anything, her kindness as a cat, how she was constantly eating and sleeping, her fat pouch, her licking my face and grooming me whenever I put it near her face, her constant purring and kneading whenever she slept next to me.... etc.
My name is Angela and my baby is Katie. As I type this, the impact of her being gone brings the various degrees of feelings: feeling of a weight on my chest, a hole where my heart used to be, my heart feeling ripped apart, the feeling like I can't experience happiness ever again.
I loved Katie with my entire soul. My other baby, Sunny, got hit by a car on my birthday, and the feeling of seeing her body on the road coming back from Olive Garden traumatized me for years. My heart didn't feel a connection to another cat until I adopted Katie from the pound due to her looking similar to Sunny.
She was the cat that filled the void that Sunny left. She was extremely affectionate, followed me around everywhere, would sleep next to me, and when I went out of state for school, would stay outside my door for weeks. She made me feel loved and important, and I hadn't really experienced that with a cat before. Every three months when I'd come back from school, she was the one being that I was looking forward to seeing and spending time with. My connection to her was so strong.
A year or two after we got her, she also got hit by a car but miraculously survived and got her base of her tail broken. I remember the absolute panic and pain I felt when the emergency room called. It was like Sunny all over again and the flashbacks were breaking me apart again... luckily, the person who hit her with the car drove 15 minutes to another city to take her to the vet at 10pm at night. In our city, no one does that. It was a miracle and it was around Christmas too. All she needed was a tail amputation, and she was fine. I remember rushing to her cage at the emergency vet and having her face be bloody but ok. She meowed out of fear but was comforted at my face. She kept kneading my hand in a fashion that was similar to a human squeezing a known hand for comfort and support.
Flash forward to 7 years later, and she's simply gone. From one day to the next, she broke her routine and wasn't being lazy and sleeping in the house. I knew something was wrong but held out hope. Now, in the very depths of my soul, I just feel like she's gone. My baby, my Katie, gone like the memory of her being here for 8 years was nothing. My soul and heart broke apart again.
I read forums, websites giving tips about their baby being gone, and although I know I'm not the only one feeling the loss, I feel completely alone. I feel like I can't be happy again.
I'm getting married in three weeks and I literally feel no joy at this point. I've cried myself out for an entire day and have felt like throwing up BECAUSE I cried so much. I talked to her through prayer and the depression will come in waves. One minute I'll feel like I can function, and the next, I feel like my world has come crashing down.
I look down at my black shirt and I see little hairs that are from her, and I lose it all over again. I want to feel her presence but all I feel is her loss. I miss her in uncontrollable measures and the pain I feel is so sharp and numbing at the same time. I feel dead inside but keep feeling pain in my heart area. I know I need to move forward, honor her memory, live and love again, but at this point, I'm chained to the bed in which she used to lay next to me, going through the memories of her, and realizing that with each passing memory in my mind, that I'll never see her do it again. And that kills me.
If anyone can offer some comfort, insight, advice... I would greatly appreciate it. I need the understanding of my fellow cat lovers to help me get through one of the most difficult heartbreaks I've ever experienced.
P.S. Some of my favorite memories of her include: her swatting at my friend's purse, thinking it was an enemy, her being very affectionate towards guests, constantly brushing up against them, her obsession with Temptations cat treats, her chirping at birds outside, her relaxed and chill attitude towards anything, her kindness as a cat, how she was constantly eating and sleeping, her fat pouch, her licking my face and grooming me whenever I put it near her face, her constant purring and kneading whenever she slept next to me.... etc.
Attachments
-
229.5 KB Views: 80