Input/advice on sensitive issue

[wannahelp]

I'm posting in this forum because I'm sure some of you have dogs as well as cats. However, it's as pet owners, in general, that you'll be able to offer insight, at least that is my hope.

Prior to getting my first cat in 2013, I'd owned dogs all my life. My current dog will be 15 at the end of November. I got him when I got my first job and he was my best friend, not to sound cliche. He stayed by my side throughout a very long illness and we were very close. However, he's always had behavioral problems. From the time he was a puppy, he was anxious and high strung. I got him when my other two dogs, who were littermates, were 2 or 3 years old. 

When those dogs became ill, I was coerced into making decisions that I did not feel were right. In both instances, I was living with my parents and my mother, whose only reaction to stress, is complete hysteria, convinced me that I should euthanize them. This wasn't out of the blue, there were medical issues but I did not feel that it was time and I would have explored more options. This is, in part my fault for not being more assertive.

For about 2 years now, my current dog has been showing a lot of the signs of canine cognitive dysfunction. The medication for this did not work for him. I can tolerate the constant pacing around the house and I don't mind having to pick him up or help him up and down the stairs. However, for about the last 6 months, he's been refusing to go to the bathroom outside. I can go outside and stand there with him for an hour and he will just pace around in circles. Then, within 5 minutes of coming back inside, he'll go to the bathroom in the house. I don't know if it's an extreme separation anxiety or a symptom, in and of itself, of the dementia but he's literally ruining my house. I spend most of my day cleaning up after him. On top of that, and I don't mean to be gross, but he drinks his urine. On top of the fact that it's, obviously, very unsanitary, my floors have to be replaced. 

I no longer know, when he actually has to go, so I bring him outside every hour but there is another issue with that.

When he's in bed, he gets up and walks around, then settles himself again. He does this very often. In addition, if I leave the room, he stands up in the bed until I come back. So, sometimes, he'll stand up, outside the occasions when I'd normally take him outside, and I think it's because he's looking for me but in actuality, he has to go out. The other night, he soiled the bed because I made that error. 

So, of course, my mother is urging me to put him down. At this point, I'm starting to resent the dog and it's very difficult for me to keep this up. On the other hand, I can't bring myself to do it because I still don't feel justified. He's still got a good appetite and I don't believe, he's sitting around wishing he had a better quality of life. I would feel selfish for putting him down because I don't want to deal with this anymore but, at the same time, there don't seem to be any solutions. On top of that, I still feel guilty about what happened with my other dogs and I don't want make the same mistakes.

I would appreciate your thoughts.

 

[Columbine]

What an awful situation to be in. My old boy has CHF and is showing some of the signs of cognitive disfunction too ( he shares my bed, and I've woken up to find poop in my bed a couple of times). The difference is, he's still eager for walks (at least, if the weather is decent), and is fully mobile if a little unsteady at times.

I totally understand the trauma you went through with your mom and your other two dogs, but this is a different situation. You're right that he's not sitting around wishing his life was better, but he's clearly lost touch with reality for most of the time. So, so sad, but true. I hate to say this, but I would let him go. The greatest final gift we can give our animals is a dignified, comfortable death. I've nursed animals way beyond the point when I should have said 'enough' (family pressures in the opposite direction), and those are the deaths that haunt me. Your old boy is only going to deteriorate. Whatever you say, it can't be pleasant for him to be soiling himself. I would say its time.

Don't let your guilt over your other dogs colour your decision now. I was talking to my vet about when to call time with Pixie, and he told me about his old girl. She was still eating, but her life consisted of eat, sleep, and trips outside to do her business. His view was that that wasn't much of a life, and that it was kinder to let her go BEFORE things got worse and she became miserable. Think about how your boy used to be, and where he is now. I think in your heart you already know the answer to your question, but are looking for reassurance that you're not simply giving in to your mother's wishes as you did before.

i'm so, so sorry hun

 

[betsygee]

What a sad situation.  I had to make a similar decision with an almost 19 year old cat just a few months ago.  He was still eating but that's it--he was lying in his bed, peeing on himself because he couldn't get up any more.  I felt like his mind was 'still there' so I felt awful thinking about putting him down but the truth is, it was no quality of life when he couldn't take care of his own bodily functions any more.

My heart goes out to you--it's one of the most difficult decisions an owner has to make for their beloved pet.  This post was written by one of our members and has helped some of us face "that moment"--perhaps it will help you, too.

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes

 

[kittens mom]

Take some time to think, write and be alone with yourself and no other voices in your ear. After 15 years this is family. We don't just euthanize the pet , we euthanize a whole part of our lives that we will never get back. This never feels good. But in your heart you will know when it's time.

Just remember you are not alone. You cannot give a pet a lifelong home and escape this part of it. It sucks. It just sucks.

 

[feralvr]

I can totally relate. Having gone through this with two elderly, VERY LOVED, dogs in the past couple of years, I understand your position. Our hearts break and our minds do get a bit resentful thus adding to our anger at ourselves for feeling that way. A vicious circle in our minds all the while trying to care for the elderly dog, day after day after day. It is something I think we all have to endure especially if there is no serious, terminal disease or illness prompting euthanasia. Please know that whatever decision you make at this point, it IS the right one for the dog and for yourself. Dogs and all animals do not fear death the way we do. They actually embrace it and it is so natural to them. This sounds crazy, but in the wild, our elderly pets would not be here this way - slowly deteriorating in mind and/or body. It is us humans who prolong the inevitable and go through the torment in our own minds and hearts. Believe me, I know it is SO much harder being in the moment and dealing with it first hand and so easy to say the words I am saying. I know I will go through this again - as I have rescued an elderly Jack just a year ago and he is already having some issues.

The hardest and most painful gift we can give them is that dignified and peaceful passing to the bridge - that last gift of love is the hardest. To me, I think you would not be in the wrong to let your dear, old guy go at this point and we are here for you because we have all been in your shoes. You need reassurance that it is OK and that no matter what you decide - you are making that decision out of GREAT love and nothing, NOTHING, is bad in that or wrong. It is alright to say goodbye to your sweet, old friend whom you gave a wonderful, beautiful, loving life to.

 

[wannahelp]

Last night I had to rush my dog to the vet. About a week or so ago, he had episode in which he was falling over when he tried to walk. It wasn't his hips. I thought he was dizzy.

Yesterday, he vomited then his back legs started collapsing and he couldn't stand. The vet doesn't know what it is but thinks that it could be seizures. She didn't discount vestibular disease either.

If the problem persists, she recommends and MRI.

However, if he does have a tumor, at his age, I'm not going to put him through cancer treatment, if that were even an option. Both times, when this happened, he seemed to sleep it off. Today, he's walking normally again. 

 

[feralvr]

Last night I had to rush my dog to the vet. About a week or so ago, he had episode in which he was falling over when he tried to walk. It wasn't his hips. I thought he was dizzy.
Yesterday, he vomited then his back legs started collapsing and he couldn't stand. The vet doesn't know what it is but thinks that it could be seizures. She didn't discount vestibular disease either.
If the problem persists, she recommends and MRI.
However, if he does have a tumor, at his age, I'm not going to put him through cancer treatment, if that were even an option. Both times, when this happened, he seemed to sleep it off. Today, he's walking normally again. 

This almost sounds like a close scenario to my Henry, Jack Russell. The last year of his life he started with seizures, falling over, and losing his urine/bowels. I had to carry him in and out of the house as he couldn't do stairs anymore. We even had a pet stroller so he could go with us on walks still as he could not walk far anymore. He had good days and bad days but I noticed that the bad days were coming more and more. I did put him on the medication but it was really not easy for him and his quality of life suffered a bit. His last day and when I made the decision to let him go, was when he fell forward and lost all coordination in his front legs and couldn't get up. I knew that enough was enough and it was time. It is NEVER easy, to make that decision, but I know Henry was alright with it. He couldn't have been more loved or more cared for in all the years I had him. He has a good, a GREAT life, and I wanted his end of life to be the same. With dignity, love. I held and loved him during the whole process. I never had any regrets about anything. I think you will know when it is right as long as you just think like your dog and try to take your emotions out of it for even a second. What would your dog want at this point. I also decided that for Henry - no big tests or surgeries, etc. etc.

For you and for your dog.

 

[bonepicker]

I put a doggie diaper (belly band on my old dog that cannot hold his urine) this prevented him from peeing in house, he is also on temeril p, which makes him sleepy. Between my dad and I, we let him out every two hours or so, he does not pee in his crate overnight. I do not expect my dog to be as he was when younger, you have to adjust like having and old person (my dad is 93, so I know) He sits in my dads lap every night eating his treats, he loves the smells outside, he is not ready to check out!

 

[wannahelp]

It sounds like your dog still has some wits aboit him. Whereas, mine doesn't. He's still here and I'm still enduring the same problems with him. Now, several times a night, he gets out of his bed and does circles or wanders into other rooms. I have to pick him up and put him back. Because he so oftrn refuses to go to the bathroom oitside, I'm never sire if that's why he's up or not. Without knowing that he has some kind of terminal ilness, I can't bring myself to put him down. I also have reservations about diapers because I don't know how I'd keep him clean. Aa far as the poaaible seizures, I don't think he'a had any more of those episodes. I realize he's old and I don't mind having to let him outside more often or help him up the stairs. I just wish that was all I had to contend with, with him. He's become so difficult.

 

[kitty kisser]

I'm glad I'm not in your situation yet with my dog Nala she's only 8 yrs old thinking of you in your dilemma

 

[bonepicker]

It sounds like your dog still has some wits aboit him. Whereas, mine doesn't. He's still here and I'm still enduring the same problems with him. Now, several times a night, he gets out of his bed and does circles or wanders into other rooms. I have to pick him up and put him back. Because he so oftrn refuses to go to the bathroom oitside, I'm never sire if that's why he's up or not. Without knowing that he has some kind of terminal ilness, I can't bring myself to put him down. I also have reservations about diapers because I don't know how I'd keep him clean. Aa far as the poaaible seizures, I don't think he'a had any more of those episodes. I realize he's old and I don't mind having to let him outside more often or help him up the stairs. I just wish that was all I had to contend with, with him. He's become so difficult.

My dog is 14 and small which is a bit easier, he does wander around though!

image.jpeg

• bonepicker
• Dec 17, 2015

 

[wannahelp]

That's hilarious. Does he pick out his own clothes?

 

[fyllis]

Over the years, I have had several animals PTS - horses, cats and dogs. No, it is never easy, but it is something that we, as responsible pet owners have to come to terms with.

Having been a nurse for over 20 years, 8 of those years were spent working in Hospice. In the medical field, we are taught to 'make them eat, make to walk, make them remember, make them better' and we do our damnedest to keep them breathing until we can't anymore. We aren't taught that death is part of life... at least not until I started working in Hospice. None of us (human nor animal) are going to live on earth for eternity, but we struggle and often go beyond to hold on to our loved ones 'just one more day'. But, at whose expense?

Many times, in doing 'family teaching' about the death and dying process, I called in a social worker or clergy to speak with families before their loved ones passed to prepare them and help them through the grieving process. Yes, we start grieving before death occurs and you are grieving now. It is no different for us whether it is the loss of a human or that of a pet; after all, they ARE our family. Each of us grieves in a different manner and it depends on many things such as,  if your pet was a working dog or a helper animal such as a guide dog, then you’ll not only be grieving the loss of a companion but also the loss of a coworker or the loss of your independence.  If you cared for your pet through a protracted illness, you likely grew to love him even more. If you lived alone and the pet was your only companion, coming to terms with his loss can be even harder. If you were unable to afford expensive veterinary treatment to prolong the life of your pet, you may even feel a profound sense of guilt. If you have someone you can sit down with and openly talk to about your feelings, I think you will be able to make your decision more easily and without regret. 

A decision concerning euthanasia may be one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make for your pet. As a loving pet owner, though, the time may come when you need to help your pet make the transition from life to death, with the help of your veterinarian, in as painless and peaceful a way as possible. Deciding to put a pet to sleep is one of the most emotional and traumatic choices you will have to make, but we have to face that reality and help them make that transition from life to death with dignity.  To help you do that, you have to be brutally honest in your answers to: 

1. Does your pet still enjoy daily activities or is he no longer active at all? 
2. Does your pet still respond to and interact with his care in the usual way?
3. Does your pet's condition outweigh his pleasure?
4. Does your pet's condition prevent him from enjoying life?
5. Is it their comfort and quality of life I am preserving, or is it mine?
6. Do I have the ability to grieve, or is fear of grieving holding me back from doing what is best?
7. Am I keeping him here out of compassion, or is it selfishness? 

You said you would feel selfish for putting him down because you don't want to deal with this anymore. It is more selfish to keep him here if he is suffering. In my opinion, I think it's not selfishness that you feel, but guilt for not being able to make him better. And that is OK. We can't always make them better and we can't punish ourselves emotionally for doing what we feel in our heart is the right thing to do for our pets. 

It's been over 30 years that I had to put my horse to sleep (he fell and his rib punctured his lung). I wasn't given the choice - it was made for me. 

I held my cats in my arms and quietly wept, but knew they loved me for giving them peace.

I remember laying on a blanket under a crab apple tree next to the barn (her favorite spot), spooning with my German Shepherd (Micah), holding her in my arms as the vet helped her pass. She was 17 - blind, had lost bowel and bladder function,could no longer hear and arthritis made it painful for her move. But, I stroked her and loved her as she silently fell asleep knowing she was loved. 

Don't feel selfish or guilty for giving your pet a lifetime of love and a peaceful and dignified transition. 

I hope this has helped.

(edited for typos)

 

[kittens mom]

Fyllis Beautiful post about that final responsibility we owe our pets. Not only to comfort them but to make sure this final act is carried out in the kindest and gentlest way possible and to make sure their bodies are treated with respect.

5,6,7 are the ones every pet owner has to be most aware of. We can get caught in the moment and not realize we are no longer helping out pets. Just ourselves.

 

[stewball]

I agree with everything Columbine said.

 

[wannahelp]

I finally had to make the decision today. His back legs had been giving out over the past week and he had a seizure this morning. It may have been the right thing to do but, at the moment, that isn't giving me any comfort. 

I have 2 cats now and I've had other dogs. It never gets any easier and wonder why I keep putting myself through this. I just wish nature had taken its course and I didn't have to make the decision.

 

[margd]

I'm so sorry about your dog. It is such a difficult thing to do - to give them that final gift, a release from suffering.  You went over and beyond what many pet owners would do to take care of this little guy and I'm sure he knew how much you loved him.  I remember when I had to put my dog to sleep - even now, years later, I miss her so much.  I know you feel bad about the decision but you did the right thing.  I had to have my soul kitty Wesley PTS when he had a seizure and lost the use of his back legs as well.  He really had no quality of life left. And it is so hard to put ourselves through this, but our hearts grow bigger with each one, even though we never have enough time with them.  I hope your dog comes to you in your dreams to bring you comfort.  I've had cats do this before and it does help.  

 

 

 

[zed xyzed]

I am so sorry, I was in the same situation a many years ago with our dog Tuffy. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. 

 

[bonepicker]

My dog sleeps in his crate so he cannot wander at night and he has doggie depends for overnight

 

[betsygee]

So very sorry to read this news.  On behalf of the TCS Team, we offer our condolences for the loss of your sweet boy.  We'll lock the thread now out of respect for your loss.  You are welcome to post a tribute to your beloved pet in our Crossing the Bridge forum.