I Need Help And Reassurance About My Two Cats

[EtoGabby]

Hello everyone! I am basically at my wit's end, to the point that I don't want to even go home anymore.

Around a month ago my mom suddenly sprung a kitten on me. Female, adorable, around 2.5 months old now. I have a resident cat who I raised since she was a kitten, she's 11 y/o now. She has never socialized with another cat (or animal) because we live in an apartment on the 8th floor and she's 100% indoor cat.

Whole kitten thing happened really fast and I didn't know the cat introduction 'protocols' so I let the resident cat Bastet see and smell the new kitten right away. She got very tense and hissed almost immediately. Afterwards I read up about slow introductions, kept them separate, tried to exchange scents. For around 2 weeks resident cat just hid under the bed when she sensed the kitten was close to her room's door, then they had their first fight and after that, she's very upfront about wanting to just attack the kitten. She really didn't react much to the kitten's smell. We did the feeding through the door with SOME hisses but whenever the resident cat sees the kitten (always by accident so far) she gets really aggressive and when the kitten is removed from her field of vision, she attacks me viciously.

I really don't know what to do anymore, we keep them separate all the time, because if the kitten accidentally sneaks into the resident cat's room all hell will break loose. Bastet is really keen on just hunting the kitten down and hurting her. Everyone says to just let them "fight it out", but I can't let a 10 pound cat fight with a tiny kitten.

Is there no hope? What else can I do? I don't even need them to be friendly or co-exist in the same space. I just want to get to a point where opening doors isn't a military operation. That kitten is a tiny ninja. She materializes out of nowhere and I guess the resident cat gets scared and switches to flight or fight mode. I am starting to be a bit scared of her and I hate it.

In terms of territory resident cat's favorite room is my room. Her food is there and the door to the her kitty toilet is also there. She used to leave the room before the kitten when I left the room. Now she's very reluctant to do so. I feel bad because I feel like i'm keeping her prisoner, but even when I accompany her, she runs back to her room right away.

I understand finding a new home for the kitten would be less stress for all of us, but I am able to give a loving life to another tiny companion and I just don't want to give up. This whole journey has been very disheartening.

 

[maggiedemi]

If you could put some type of gate or screen on the door, that might help with the introductions.

 

[ArtNJ]

There are 3 new posts on this subject every single day, this is a routine issue. You, like most seeing this behavior for the first time, do not understand what you are seeing. Your older cat is not being aggressive, he is being anxious. Hissing, growling, swatting are normal signs of that anxiety. Older cats are, however, hardwired to not actually hurt the kitten despite their anxiety, so I can pretty much guarranty you haven't found a single wound on the kitten. And you won't. The cat you need to worry about helping -- the only cat you need to worry about -- is the older cat. It is true that some older cats will hold pesky kittens down and even make them squeal a little -- but this is a good thing, as it teaches the kittens not to be such a PITA.

If you see fur coming off the kitten. If you see or feel scratches on the kitten. If the kitten desperately avoids the older cat and the older cat is the one that constantly hunts the kitten down. Then, and only then, are we worried about the kitten. But this is very very unlikely ... the reason the problem is so bad is that the kitten keeps coming back, to bother the older cat. At least this is the way it works almost every time.

Ok, so now you understand the real nature of the problem. Your older cat has bad and typical anxiety. Help your older cat by building alone time into the day/night, pet the older cat separately with the door closed. Buy a big ole cat tree so the older cat has a defensible space. Some posters recommend calming products. Tire out the kitten by play if you can.

All that said, the main solution is time. You have to let them work it out, and be patient.

P.S. If, despite my post, your still worried about the kitten, upload a video for us.

 

[EtoGabby]

There are 3 new posts on this subject every single day, this is a routine issue. You, like most seeing this behavior for the first time, do not understand what you are seeing. Your older cat is not being aggressive, he is being anxious. Hissing, growling, swatting are normal signs of that anxiety. Older cats are, however, hardwired to not actually hurt the kitten despite their anxiety, so I can pretty much guarranty you haven't found a single wound on the kitten. And you won't. The cat you need to worry about helping -- the only cat you need to worry about -- is the older cat. It is true that some older cats will hold pesky kittens down and even make them squeal a little -- but this is a good thing, as it teaches the kittens not to be such a PITA.

If you see fur coming off the kitten. If you see or feel scratches on the kitten. If the kitten desperately avoids the older cat and the older cat is the one that constantly hunts the kitten down. Then, and only then, are we worried about the kitten. But this is very very unlikely ... the reason the problem is so bad is that the kitten keeps coming back, to bother the older cat. At least this is the way it works almost every time.

Ok, so now you understand the real nature of the problem. Your older cat has bad and typical anxiety. Help your older cat by building alone time into the day/night, pet the older cat separately with the door closed. Buy a big ole cat tree so the older cat has a defensible space. Some posters recommend calming products. Tire out the kitten by play if you can.

All that said, the main solution is time. You have to let them work it out, and be patient.

P.S. If, despite my post, your still worried about the kitten, upload a video for us.

Thank you for the reply. I'm worried about the kitten because if what the older cat did with my legs is an indication of what she wants to do with the kitten, I SHOULD probably be worried. Again, this is the first time I had to deal with this issue and can't be sure. I am always with the older cat, I barely see the kitten. First time they 'fought' I was standing between them, they didn't really come into contact, but the kitten had a tiny scratch near her whiskers.

 

[ArtNJ]

Lashing out at you is normal too. Older cats just get very very anxious about kittens. Often it is because the kittens are enormous pests jumping all over them, but sometimes the anxiety is even before the kitten has a chance to be a pest. Swatting a kitten defensively is totally normal, so a tiny scratch doesn't worry me. If your big cat flies across the room and jumps all over a cowering kitten, and pulls off fur, then you have a very different issue. But in all probability that won't happen and you can let them work it out.

Make sense?

 

[EtoGabby]

Lashing out at you is normal too. Older cats just get very very anxious about kittens. Often it is because the kittens are enormous pests jumping all over them, but sometimes the anxiety is even before the kitten has a chance to be a pest. Swatting a kitten defensively is totally normal, so a tiny scratch doesn't worry me. If your big cat flies across the room and jumps all over a cowering kitten, and pulls off fur, then you have a very different issue.

Make sense?

I will describe what happened as detailed as I can. Me and the older cat were out on the balcony. My mother opened the other door that also leads to the balcony (she didn't know the cat was out) and the kitten ran out. Not to play with the resident cat or anything, she just ran out because she saw a door being open (not a big fan of closed doors, that one). The cat saw her, slowly started to walk towards her and then jumped into the kitchen area before mom managed to close the door. When she did, both cats were already inside together. What I saw next was the resident cat trying to get to the kitten but my mom kept her away with her foot, not hurting the cat, just keeping her away. The kitten was on her back and I think she thought it was just playtime, she didn't seem scared or anything after the ordeal. Once we managed to get the resident cat back on the balcony she saw me and went for my legs, mauled me quite well.

The second time (this was yesterday), kitten again - ran out on the balcony. I picked her up to get her inside and the resident cat saw that. She then approached me and got very agitated, went for my legs. Took some time to calm her down. I am honestly starting to be very afraid of her.

 

[maggiedemi]

I really feel like it would help if you could put a baby gate or screen on a door. Or even put one cat in a carrier while the other cat is out, then switch. This helps them get used to each other and they can even eat together this way.

 

[EtoGabby]

I really feel like it would help if you could put a baby gate or screen on a door. Or even put one cat in a carrier while the other cat is out, then switch. This helps them get used to each other and they can even eat together this way.

Thank you! I can definitely give that a try again.

I did do it a bit ago. Kitten was in the carrier. She seemed quite chill, the older cat was prowling around her and hissing/growling.

 

[maggiedemi]

I think that's okay, since they probably can't hurt each other through the bars, right? This is the way I did it with mine, because I'm sensitive and I didn't like seeing them pound the crap out of each other.

 

[EtoGabby]

I think that's okay, since they probably can't hurt each other through the bars, right? This is the way I did it with mine, because I'm sensitive and I didn't like seeing them pound the crap out of each other.

How are they doing now?

Everyone who had to go through the same thing says it will be okay with time but I have a hard time believing that. It's very stressful and I'm feeling very guilty about the whole thing.

 

[maggiedemi]

My boy cat is obsessed with his "girlfriend". My girl cat gets tired of him sometimes because he always wants to be with her, but for the most part they get along.