- Joined
- Mar 19, 2016
- Messages
- 26
- Purraise
- 16
21 months ago, a car gave birth in our garage. Someone killed their mother and I took the 5 newborn kittens in my house, thinking I could save them by giving them some milk for 2-3 days and then letting them go back outside. I had no experience with kittens and had never owned a cat before. They were hungry, cold and that same woman had made threrats about "getting rid of them" too.
I researched everything, realised that things weren't as easy as I had originally thought but I loved them all since the moment I laid eyes on them and decided to try. After a month where I basically didn't sleep at all and with some luck, all 5 survided. I couldn't afford keeping all 5 of them, so I gave 2 away to 2 loving families and kept 3 of them.
So, now I had Meera, Cookie and Flynn and we couldn't be happier in the last 21 months. Last Friday, literally out of nowhere, Cookie fell down, couldn't breath and was obviously in distress and pain. I immediately took him to the vet thinking he probably swallowed something, like a piece of string or something. The vet said that he had trouble breathing and that he would need x-rays. I took him to a 2nd vet where he got x-rays and after the 2nd vet's advice, also an echocardiagram.
I got the terrible news that he was suffering from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy and that he was already in heart failure, as he had gathered a lot of fluid in his lungs and that's what was causing him trouble breathing. He was very calm and relaxed and he told me that many cats live up to 10 years with this condition with the right medication, etc.
Back to the 1st vet, where we got him on meds, a whole list of pills, liquid meds, needles. Again, I research the disease on the internet and realise things are tragic. He had at best a few months to live. On Wednesday, Cookie, already suffering from extreme pain and breathing with a lot of trouble, not eating and having zero energy, suddenly became paralyzed in his bottom legs. I rush him to the vet once again, where he stuck a needle in his sides and drew out 200 ml's of liquid to make him a bit more comfortable breathing. The meds weren't working. He also had what was described as a "saddle thrombus", which from my research I knew that was basically a death sentence and the final stage of his disease. The vet suggested that we take him to a clinic because things were about to get A LOT difficult and that he needed a lot of medical attention 24 hours a day.
My little boy seemed extremely scared, in pain, howling, not able to move. I didn't want to leave him like that at a strange place with strangers in what seemed to be his final hours. I made the first suggestion to the bet about euthanasia and he was negative, he said that things aren't that bad yet and that we should fight it first.
So, I took him to the house and did everything he told me to do. He got his pills, his liquid meds, his shots, I had decided to fight. On Friday, yesterday, he took a turn for the worst. He couldn't move at all, he had spasm and he was obviously in a lot of pain. He was trying to crawl on me, he was howling in pain and his breathing broke your heart. I call the vet in order to go, but he said that he wouldn't be going to his office for the day. I take him to a 3rd vet, having decided to euthanize. I had taken him to that vet before and he really loves cats.
My beautiful boy was in agony. Rge vet saw his xrays, the echo, examined him, I told him about the spasms, everything.
I told him I had decided for euthanasia. He said that he doesn't even want to hear about this word, that "only God knows when it's time to go", that "miracles happen", "feeling pain means we're still alive", etc. I told him that I wasn't interested in miracles and that the animal was obviously in agony, but he said "that's normal, he's in pain, he's crying because he's hurt. That doesn't mean we should kill him". People waiting right next to us were giving me dirty looks, the vet was adamant in his opinion on not euthanising and he gave me for free all the meds Cookie was gonna need for the next few days. He didn't even get paid.
I take him back to the house and after 4 agonizing hours, he died. I have never seen a worse thing in my life, his last 30 minutes were hell and I blame MYSELF for it. He was gasping for air, he was looking at me with his terrified eyes and he was putting his hand in mine. He died in my arms while I was holding and kissing him, in his favorite place in the house.
I could have spared him though those last 4 agonizing hours. I should have insisted. From the 3 vets I visited, NO ONE told me the truth and how serious things were. If it weren't for the Internet, I would have thought that he had 10 years ahead of him and at then end that he just got unlucky. I KNEW and I told all of them that things are dire and I get that they don't want me to panic but I need to see my options or prepare mentally for the worst. They all acted as if he had a cold.
I had to bury my sweet, baby Cookie today. I cannot stop crying. My heart is broken. The image of him dying cannot leave my head. The image of him looking at me, trying to touch me. The image of him trying to crawl on his toilet, even though he had no energy and his legs weren't working, so that he wouldn't make a mess at the house. His feet getting blue and cold from not getting any blood and oxygen. His brother and sister, usually very active and vocal cats, staring at him from a distance, scared. I prepared his box to bury him last night, I put in his favorite blanket and his toys and when his siblings thought I wasn't watching, finally mastered the courage to approach him. They stood there and cried a human cry for their dead brother.
I couldn't imagine such pain exists. Those aren't cats, those are little children.
And now I have to test my two remaining babies two because this disease is hereditary and they could have it too since their birth. I am out of my mind from grief, thinking of my sweet Cookie alone in the cold ground and not here with me.
He was sleeping in my bed every night, when I changed sides he changed too so that he can be the little spoon. He licked my hands, he was following me everywhere and had never given me any trouble at all. He was quiet all his life, even since day 1, watching, something that I now suspect was a symptom of his disease, he probably didn't have a lot of energy.
I miss you my Cookie. I have loved you with all my heart and I will never forget you. Our house will never be the same without you.
And I am SO SO sorry I let you go through those final terrible hours, I will never forgive myself for getting talked out of my decision. At least you're not in any pain now, the needles and the pills and everything is over, you can get some rest...
And TO HELL with this disgusting disease, HCM & Saddle Thrombus. NO kitty in the world deserves to go through something like this.
I am sorry for the wall of text. Thank you for reading.
This is my last photo of him. This was taken about 4 days ago, after I found out about HCM but before he threw the clots.
I researched everything, realised that things weren't as easy as I had originally thought but I loved them all since the moment I laid eyes on them and decided to try. After a month where I basically didn't sleep at all and with some luck, all 5 survided. I couldn't afford keeping all 5 of them, so I gave 2 away to 2 loving families and kept 3 of them.
So, now I had Meera, Cookie and Flynn and we couldn't be happier in the last 21 months. Last Friday, literally out of nowhere, Cookie fell down, couldn't breath and was obviously in distress and pain. I immediately took him to the vet thinking he probably swallowed something, like a piece of string or something. The vet said that he had trouble breathing and that he would need x-rays. I took him to a 2nd vet where he got x-rays and after the 2nd vet's advice, also an echocardiagram.
I got the terrible news that he was suffering from Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy and that he was already in heart failure, as he had gathered a lot of fluid in his lungs and that's what was causing him trouble breathing. He was very calm and relaxed and he told me that many cats live up to 10 years with this condition with the right medication, etc.
Back to the 1st vet, where we got him on meds, a whole list of pills, liquid meds, needles. Again, I research the disease on the internet and realise things are tragic. He had at best a few months to live. On Wednesday, Cookie, already suffering from extreme pain and breathing with a lot of trouble, not eating and having zero energy, suddenly became paralyzed in his bottom legs. I rush him to the vet once again, where he stuck a needle in his sides and drew out 200 ml's of liquid to make him a bit more comfortable breathing. The meds weren't working. He also had what was described as a "saddle thrombus", which from my research I knew that was basically a death sentence and the final stage of his disease. The vet suggested that we take him to a clinic because things were about to get A LOT difficult and that he needed a lot of medical attention 24 hours a day.
My little boy seemed extremely scared, in pain, howling, not able to move. I didn't want to leave him like that at a strange place with strangers in what seemed to be his final hours. I made the first suggestion to the bet about euthanasia and he was negative, he said that things aren't that bad yet and that we should fight it first.
So, I took him to the house and did everything he told me to do. He got his pills, his liquid meds, his shots, I had decided to fight. On Friday, yesterday, he took a turn for the worst. He couldn't move at all, he had spasm and he was obviously in a lot of pain. He was trying to crawl on me, he was howling in pain and his breathing broke your heart. I call the vet in order to go, but he said that he wouldn't be going to his office for the day. I take him to a 3rd vet, having decided to euthanize. I had taken him to that vet before and he really loves cats.
My beautiful boy was in agony. Rge vet saw his xrays, the echo, examined him, I told him about the spasms, everything.
I told him I had decided for euthanasia. He said that he doesn't even want to hear about this word, that "only God knows when it's time to go", that "miracles happen", "feeling pain means we're still alive", etc. I told him that I wasn't interested in miracles and that the animal was obviously in agony, but he said "that's normal, he's in pain, he's crying because he's hurt. That doesn't mean we should kill him". People waiting right next to us were giving me dirty looks, the vet was adamant in his opinion on not euthanising and he gave me for free all the meds Cookie was gonna need for the next few days. He didn't even get paid.
I take him back to the house and after 4 agonizing hours, he died. I have never seen a worse thing in my life, his last 30 minutes were hell and I blame MYSELF for it. He was gasping for air, he was looking at me with his terrified eyes and he was putting his hand in mine. He died in my arms while I was holding and kissing him, in his favorite place in the house.
I could have spared him though those last 4 agonizing hours. I should have insisted. From the 3 vets I visited, NO ONE told me the truth and how serious things were. If it weren't for the Internet, I would have thought that he had 10 years ahead of him and at then end that he just got unlucky. I KNEW and I told all of them that things are dire and I get that they don't want me to panic but I need to see my options or prepare mentally for the worst. They all acted as if he had a cold.
I had to bury my sweet, baby Cookie today. I cannot stop crying. My heart is broken. The image of him dying cannot leave my head. The image of him looking at me, trying to touch me. The image of him trying to crawl on his toilet, even though he had no energy and his legs weren't working, so that he wouldn't make a mess at the house. His feet getting blue and cold from not getting any blood and oxygen. His brother and sister, usually very active and vocal cats, staring at him from a distance, scared. I prepared his box to bury him last night, I put in his favorite blanket and his toys and when his siblings thought I wasn't watching, finally mastered the courage to approach him. They stood there and cried a human cry for their dead brother.
I couldn't imagine such pain exists. Those aren't cats, those are little children.
And now I have to test my two remaining babies two because this disease is hereditary and they could have it too since their birth. I am out of my mind from grief, thinking of my sweet Cookie alone in the cold ground and not here with me.
He was sleeping in my bed every night, when I changed sides he changed too so that he can be the little spoon. He licked my hands, he was following me everywhere and had never given me any trouble at all. He was quiet all his life, even since day 1, watching, something that I now suspect was a symptom of his disease, he probably didn't have a lot of energy.
I miss you my Cookie. I have loved you with all my heart and I will never forget you. Our house will never be the same without you.
And I am SO SO sorry I let you go through those final terrible hours, I will never forgive myself for getting talked out of my decision. At least you're not in any pain now, the needles and the pills and everything is over, you can get some rest...
And TO HELL with this disgusting disease, HCM & Saddle Thrombus. NO kitty in the world deserves to go through something like this.
I am sorry for the wall of text. Thank you for reading.
This is my last photo of him. This was taken about 4 days ago, after I found out about HCM but before he threw the clots.
R.I.P.