If you were pretty close when she was a teen, a time when most kids rebel against their parents, it could be she's going through that phase now.
I was never close to my mom - we were a family that hugged and said "I love you," but we rarely talked about stuff going on in our lives to each other, other than calendar facts LOL. But I still went through a phase where I started ditching school, experimented with drinking and pot and lied to them about everything. They certainly never set that kind of example, and my brother and sister never really went through THAT phase - they rebelled in their own ways. I have no idea why I was like that. But because I was raised to be caring and responsible, I didn't STAY that way.
My parents raised me to expect that once I graduated high school I was on my own, college or no (and I'd been working since - a kid, actually, gardening, ironing and babysitting, then got a "job job" at 14 - they forced me to save for college from a young age) - and if I chose to live at home, I'd be paying rent, my share of the phone and electric bills, I could not use their car, and I'd be paying rent, average for the area - but I'd still have to live by their rules.
That was an incentive to move! I opted for moving out to go to college - and I had to either get rid of my stuff, pack it for storage, or take it with me. No keeping "my room." (Same thing for my older brother and sister). The did loan me the money to get an apartment (needed security deposit), but it was in a written contract, and I had to pay the current interest rate.
I stayed in touch with them but lived my own life, and we'd get together for (most) holidays. It was a few years after college graduation that we started talking more regularly, and in my 30s that we started talking every couple of weeks.
So if you were close, I think you just need some distance for a while. She's probably going through a phase - a very self-centered one - and whether you want to keep trying to avoid her in your home is up to you.
I know it's hurtful - but that "distancing" oneself from their parents is a normal part of growing up. I know I said and did very hurtful things, and I did apologize for them (though I really meant it when I apologized again years later).
I had to learn from my own mistakes. I had to get married and divorced to get to a place with myself and in my understanding of relationships where I was ready when I did meet my real soul mate.
I'm so sorry it's been like this... it would be just as hurtful whether she lived at home or not... but it does sound like she needs to grow up, and that will happen faster if you stop trying to protect her from herself.
I was never close to my mom - we were a family that hugged and said "I love you," but we rarely talked about stuff going on in our lives to each other, other than calendar facts LOL. But I still went through a phase where I started ditching school, experimented with drinking and pot and lied to them about everything. They certainly never set that kind of example, and my brother and sister never really went through THAT phase - they rebelled in their own ways. I have no idea why I was like that. But because I was raised to be caring and responsible, I didn't STAY that way.
My parents raised me to expect that once I graduated high school I was on my own, college or no (and I'd been working since - a kid, actually, gardening, ironing and babysitting, then got a "job job" at 14 - they forced me to save for college from a young age) - and if I chose to live at home, I'd be paying rent, my share of the phone and electric bills, I could not use their car, and I'd be paying rent, average for the area - but I'd still have to live by their rules.
That was an incentive to move! I opted for moving out to go to college - and I had to either get rid of my stuff, pack it for storage, or take it with me. No keeping "my room." (Same thing for my older brother and sister). The did loan me the money to get an apartment (needed security deposit), but it was in a written contract, and I had to pay the current interest rate.
I stayed in touch with them but lived my own life, and we'd get together for (most) holidays. It was a few years after college graduation that we started talking more regularly, and in my 30s that we started talking every couple of weeks.
So if you were close, I think you just need some distance for a while. She's probably going through a phase - a very self-centered one - and whether you want to keep trying to avoid her in your home is up to you.
I know it's hurtful - but that "distancing" oneself from their parents is a normal part of growing up. I know I said and did very hurtful things, and I did apologize for them (though I really meant it when I apologized again years later).
I had to learn from my own mistakes. I had to get married and divorced to get to a place with myself and in my understanding of relationships where I was ready when I did meet my real soul mate.
I'm so sorry it's been like this... it would be just as hurtful whether she lived at home or not... but it does sound like she needs to grow up, and that will happen faster if you stop trying to protect her from herself.