- Joined
- Feb 2, 2016
- Messages
- 243
- Purraise
- 62
My parents and I live 30 minutes apart in the same city. Last year, we adopted our beautiful and playful 2 year old cat - a year old when we got her. She lives with my parents because they have way more space than I do, and there's a horrible and noisy construction that's been going on next door to my house that will continue into next year. The jackhammers and other construction noises startle me, so I can't even imagine what it would do to our cat. Since I work from home, I just take my laptop over to their place and work out of their home almost every day with our cat hanging out near me. My mom's a busybody, so she's not around that much. But my mom and I have been fighting constantly since her adoption.
Let me try to paint a picture for you... My mom's been a full-time mom and homemaker her entire life, but she spent most hours of the day socializing outside of our home. Aside from her frequent emotional outbursts and temper tantrums, my brother and I had a decent childhood that was free of any physical abuse. My dad worked long hours and we rarely interacted with him. He was always at work or had work on his mind. Even at home, he was on the phone a lot or spent most hours in his office. And although we were well-fed and clothed, my parents didn't have any more time or patience to give to their children. As long as we looked healthy, they didn't worry about any other needs we may have.
My parents had never stepped foot in our schools accept at high school and college graduation. My mom drove us to and picked us up from high school until my older brother got his license and car, but she nor my dad ever came to our school. They never once attended a PTA meeting or our sports games. Neither ever sat down and did our homework with us or read to us or spent time researching topics that might help aid our emotional and mental growth. I remember having a very difficult time with math and history in junior high, and when I asked mom for help, she just said she didn't have any answers to give me because it had been too long since she took those classes. End of discussion.
In high school, I acted out a lot. I cut classes, skipped homework, cheated on tests, was disrespectful to teachers and was caught drinking and smoking on campus on many occasions. A few times, the principal suspended me and called my home after he caught me and my friends drinking in the parking lot. My mom yelled at me to stop acting stupid, but she never sat me down to ask me why or how she can help. She never bought us educational toys or other items that we wanted. She thought they were all a waste of time and money because we'd outgrow them in a few months. She only believed in providing the basic necessities.
Sorry for such a long winded post!
Anyway, after adopting our cat, I started spoiling her by buying all kinds of toys, playing with her until she passed out and finding the best kind of food for her. I doted on her and stopped at nothing to provide the best of everything, and I started dabbling in homemade and raw feeding. My mom thought it was all silly, too much effort and wanted no part of it. She never wanted to do anything that required any effort, so she wasn't going to start now. She said a cat doesn't need so many toys and human interaction and that I'm just wasting my time and money. She also told me stories about how her friends' cats all lived very long and healthy lives eating the cheap grocery store cat food. At one point, she wanted to switch all her food to dry kibble because the vet said it's better and because it was more convenient for mom. I completely lost it and exploded on her and told her "you screwed up your children with your self-centered narcissism, but don't screw up our cat!" I went on and on and just lashed out with my diatribe. I was basically purging everything that I wanted to tell her when I was too young to express them. I deliberately wanted to hurt her for all the times that I felt hurt by her. After that emotional fight, I was very sad because I felt all the emotions from my childhood come up. And it was all triggered because I thought that mom was treating our cat the way she had treated me when I was a child.
Sorry for such a long post!! But has anyone else had a similar experience? I'd love to hear someone else's take on it.
Let me try to paint a picture for you... My mom's been a full-time mom and homemaker her entire life, but she spent most hours of the day socializing outside of our home. Aside from her frequent emotional outbursts and temper tantrums, my brother and I had a decent childhood that was free of any physical abuse. My dad worked long hours and we rarely interacted with him. He was always at work or had work on his mind. Even at home, he was on the phone a lot or spent most hours in his office. And although we were well-fed and clothed, my parents didn't have any more time or patience to give to their children. As long as we looked healthy, they didn't worry about any other needs we may have.
My parents had never stepped foot in our schools accept at high school and college graduation. My mom drove us to and picked us up from high school until my older brother got his license and car, but she nor my dad ever came to our school. They never once attended a PTA meeting or our sports games. Neither ever sat down and did our homework with us or read to us or spent time researching topics that might help aid our emotional and mental growth. I remember having a very difficult time with math and history in junior high, and when I asked mom for help, she just said she didn't have any answers to give me because it had been too long since she took those classes. End of discussion.
In high school, I acted out a lot. I cut classes, skipped homework, cheated on tests, was disrespectful to teachers and was caught drinking and smoking on campus on many occasions. A few times, the principal suspended me and called my home after he caught me and my friends drinking in the parking lot. My mom yelled at me to stop acting stupid, but she never sat me down to ask me why or how she can help. She never bought us educational toys or other items that we wanted. She thought they were all a waste of time and money because we'd outgrow them in a few months. She only believed in providing the basic necessities.
Sorry for such a long winded post!
Anyway, after adopting our cat, I started spoiling her by buying all kinds of toys, playing with her until she passed out and finding the best kind of food for her. I doted on her and stopped at nothing to provide the best of everything, and I started dabbling in homemade and raw feeding. My mom thought it was all silly, too much effort and wanted no part of it. She never wanted to do anything that required any effort, so she wasn't going to start now. She said a cat doesn't need so many toys and human interaction and that I'm just wasting my time and money. She also told me stories about how her friends' cats all lived very long and healthy lives eating the cheap grocery store cat food. At one point, she wanted to switch all her food to dry kibble because the vet said it's better and because it was more convenient for mom. I completely lost it and exploded on her and told her "you screwed up your children with your self-centered narcissism, but don't screw up our cat!" I went on and on and just lashed out with my diatribe. I was basically purging everything that I wanted to tell her when I was too young to express them. I deliberately wanted to hurt her for all the times that I felt hurt by her. After that emotional fight, I was very sad because I felt all the emotions from my childhood come up. And it was all triggered because I thought that mom was treating our cat the way she had treated me when I was a child.
Sorry for such a long post!! But has anyone else had a similar experience? I'd love to hear someone else's take on it.
