Feel Like My Cats Don't Like Me...

[Hextinct]

June of 2016 I lost my cat Caius in a tragic accident, i had raised her since the day she was born and knew i wouldn't be able to cope with the loss on my own.
So I started looking for a kitten shortly after losing her, I just needed something to cuddle with. A friend pointed me in the direction of a lady on Facebook looking for homes for 3 kittens, they were 8 weeks old. I immediately fell in love with one just by his picture, and knew he was the one I had to have. My step sister was going to take me to pick him up, and was also picking up a kitten for her boyfriends mother. We get there and I got my Crowley, and i was IN LOVE!! I took him home and introduced him to the family and my 2 pet ferrets, all was good, he was so loving and would go everywhere with me, for the first few weeks. A month after getting him I had arranged to take him and his brother in to get neutered, so his brother was coming to stay the night and go home after his procedure...so i thought. On the ride to the vet my sister informed that her boyfriends mother was thinking of releasing the kitten outside after he got home, because she didn't want him anymore. Iof course could not allow this to happen, so i told her that he'd be coming home with me, and that is how I got Aleister. They were typical kittens, fighting, playing, sleeping, and cuddling. I don't remember exactly when it all started, but I wanna say maybe around their 6 month mark or a bit older. Crowley was also very scared of everything, hairbrushes, cans of cat food, and many other things, which isn't all that weird. But somewhere in time, I think he has become scared of ME, and I don't know what I did to make him feel that way. Every once in a while he'll come up to me when i'm in bed and cuddle, but never for very long. If I try to pick him up he freaks out, and has scratched me in my face, and my eye a few times. When I leave he cries for me, and when he sees me through the window he gets very vocal, which is a mixed signal for me. He's a good boy, until I try to interact with him. Aleister does not act afraid of me, but he doesn't seem to care much for me at times, he will come up and rub on me, and show affection, but he does not cuddle EVER. He stays to himself when he's not in his rambunctious mood. He also does not like it when i pick him up, he doesn't act afraid of me like his brother does, but he obviously wants down. I am a very private person, and keep to myself, so I don't have many friends, i've always had animals to keep from being too lonely, ferrets are not typically cuddlers so that's what I had a cat for, something to lounge in bed with, and just be my friend. I love my cats, and my ferret more than anything in the world, and I spoil them, and spend more than enough time with them. I've had my boys for almost 1 1/2 years and I really just want to know why they don't seem to like me. I know cats are fickle creatures, but of all the cats i've had in life, and there have been many, these 2 are the only ones that have been like this. I just wanna be able to give my cats affection. I know this was probably really long, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and help. I just want to make my boys happy, and not feel like they hate me, cause it doesn't feel very good. I'm adding pictures that show them from kittens to adults, and one picture where i woke up to Crowley basically sitting on my face, with the most evil expression on his face, lol.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

How old are your boys right now? If I counted right, somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 or 19 months, right? In human years, that's about, oh, 18-20. Give or take. A time when young men are VERY independant, and don't have a lot of time for Mom. I can tell you right now, just from what you are saying, that your cats DO like you, almost certainly LOVE you, but they are themselves. Neither of them are, right now, cuddle bugs. I am willing to bet that if you can be very patient, Crowley will come around fairly soon. He may NEVER want to be picked up, but if you let him make those first moves, he'll choose to come cuddle. Aleister make take a bit longer. Again, the key is letting them do this on their own terms.

 

[Hextinct]

How old are your boys right now? If I counted right, somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 or 19 months, right? In human years, that's about, oh, 18-20. Give or take. A time when young men are VERY independant, and don't have a lot of time for Mom. I can tell you right now, just from what you are saying, that your cats DO like you, almost certainly LOVE you, but they are themselves. Neither of them are, right now, cuddle bugs. I am willing to bet that if you can be very patient, Crowley will come around fairly soon. He may NEVER want to be picked up, but if you let him make those first moves, he'll choose to come cuddle. Aleister make take a bit longer. Again, the key is letting them do this on their own terms.

That actually makes sense, I never looked at it like that. Thank you, that made me feel a bit better about it.

 

[catlover73]

Cats can go through phases in life just like humans. One of my cats Apollo used to follow me around and sleep on me when I first adopted him. He went through an independent phase where he would not sleep on the bed at all. He wanted to be near us but did not want to interact. Then one day he suddenly decided he was daddy's kid. He sleeps on my hubby now in bed. He will let me pet him but only when he wants me to. My hubby can pick him up and bring him to bed. If I try to pick him up I get scratched. He seems to think of me as the food lady. My oldest cat a female named Starbuck would follow me around asking to be picked up when she was a baby. She prefers daddy over me now. The only time I am allowed to pick her up is to take her to bed. Daddy can still hold her like a baby and she loves it. She cuddles with me when I am at my desk. She will climb on me and give me kisses. She will let me bring her to bed but she does not sleep on me anymore. She sleeps in a hole with a shelf in our headboard. When my hubby brings her to bed she is all over cuddling. She will lay on her shelf and kiss my fingers for a little bit before going to sleep. She only sleeps on my pillows when I am sick. Apollo will once in a while sleep next to me on the bed when I have a migraine. My youngest cat Casey will spend all day laying on me if I am on the couch. He will also visit my hubby on the couch. He hardly ever sleeps on the bed. Sonny is very affectionate with both of us. Crowley may just be going through an independent phase. All I can say is be patient and do things on his terms for now. I had just love Apollo when he would let me during his independent phase. Also sometimes cats just decided they do not like being picked up. Have you tried using treats or interactive play with Crowley? I did this during Apollo's independence phase and it helped me reconnect with him. He does come to me for pets now but he does not crawl all over me like he did when he was a kitten. Time and patience are needed with Crowley to work through this phase.

 

[duckpond]

i agree with what everyone else has said, they love you, but like kids they may not always show it like we wish..lol i have 4 two are cuddle bunnies, 1 likes pets, but no cuddles, and 1 has never liked to be touched at all, for the last 2 years, since she was a kitten. now at night she will come to bed with me most nights and cuddle up to get love and pets for about 15 min right after i go to bed, it is special that she does this and my heart melts because it has taken so long. cats like humans are different in their tolerance for physical affection, sometimes mine just want to be near, in the room or on the couch with us, but no touching.

 

[Yanaka]

I think you might just have been lucky with your previous cats. Right now, I have two kittens that I fostered and then kept, and I'm so grateful that they're this cuddly. Like you, I've always had cats before, and they were nice but much more independent. I've never had cats this affectionate--maybe because they're indoors only.

The male was bottle-fed by a previous rescue, so he is very people-oriented and makes me jealous he's so easy-going and affectionate with other humans. He used to sleep cradled in my arm against my chest, he was my baby. His sister, however, is a lot shier and I had to be super patient. She didn't want me to touch her too much, maybe the tip of a finger, but that was it. She was terrified when I picked her up.
What happened is that the male sometimes goes through phases when he ignores me (or takes me for granted ). He's younger than your cats, but I wonder if that could be what they're going through, too, on top of having more independent personalities. I would give him space and he'd eventually come around.

The sister, however, is becoming sweeter and sweeter almost every day! Last night she didn't even struggle when I walked up the stairs to bring her in my bedroom, and she stayed on my bed waiting for me to get under the covers. She's been affectionate (on her own terms), but staying in my arms was a first!

My point is: I just give them a lot of space. If they turn out to not be that affectionate anymore, so be it. What am I going to do? You can play lots with them and their favorite toys (builds their confidence and relationship with you). You can pet them occasionally and see how they react. I'd advise not to pick them up at all if they don't like it. With the sis', what I do is that, when she rubs against me and wants affection, I just pick her up briefly and very close to the floor. She has this thing where she lays on her side under pettings, so I just support her a little bit above ground so she's not scared but can lounge. I do that for a few seconds, kissing and cradling, and put her back on the floor. I believe it helped her. But picking up isn't essential. You can let them be.

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but may I suggest that maybe you're too "needy"? I know that's why you got your cats, but they might need more space than your previous ones, and get affection on their own terms. From your pictures, they clearly enjoy being with you and in your bubble. They're not avoiding you. Maybe you should just relax and act like they do: reserved and chill, and they might grow to trust you and want your affection more?

Also, do you do anything like trying to discipline them with negative reinforcement? Like with a spray bottle, getting upset etc.? Because when I do that with my male kittie, he shuts me out almost right away and I need to gain his trust back.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

And they will each find their own way of showing affection. And as has been said, that can change over time! Hekitty used to barely tolerate being touched, but now she will sit next to me, reach out a paw, snag my hand, and drag it over for ear and belly rubs!