Excuse me while I take my foot out of my mouth...

[Jem]

So I had a random thought today about my wedding. Specifically, the speech our Best Man gave about my husband.
I am often putting my foot in my mouth, saying the wrong thing, or just mixing up my words where I then sound like a moron. My husband is the same way, although with him, he often just says the wrong thing...not with any intent to be rude or anything...just wrong.
As it stands I can't think of a specific thing I have said, other than I know I'm super guilty of it, but I will share the story out Best Man told at my wedding.
The part of the speech leading to the funny part was when he was saying that he was so happy that my husband was able to find a woman who could see past his gaffes to the wonderful caring and loyal heart that he came to experience over a long friendship. He then gave an example on how my husband doesn't always give the best first impression. In high school, they were hanging out and our Best Man told my husband that he invited a girl over who he thought they would hit it off. One thing he said specifically was the she funny, and loved to talk and joke around (my husbands a talker and joker too). So when this girl shows up at the party, our Best Man brings her over to my husband to be introduced, and my husband says..."Oh Hey! So you're the girl who talks too much! How's it going?"... Needless to say, their set up never went anywhere...

Got any "foot in mouth" stories to share?

 

[bbdoll22]

Not my story but I was involved.
When newly engaged my husband brought me to attend his church. As he was introducing me to people his exgirlfriend came over. And he stammered “oh hi this is Laurie(me) and Laurie this is my fiancé Elise(ex).
he realized he mixed that up right away and was mortified and thinking I’d be mad. I just found it funny because my husband isn’t the best speaker when nervous.
min fact when we first met I was carrying gallons of milk into my job and he looked at me, smiled and said “got milk”.

 

[MonaLyssa33]

This one is horrible, but maybe 7 months after my sister's cat, Lilli was put to sleep, my sister was expressing that she wished she didn't feel pressured into putting her to sleep by the vet. I said that "Lilli needed to die." I definitely could have said it more tactfully. I really meant that it was better for Lilli to be put down because of how sick she was.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I've got one. My former youth pastor is an executive for the company he works for. If you know him at work; he is very professional and all business. If you know him outside of work; you understand why he worked with teens for years. He loves to joke and laugh. He used to show up at our dances when we were in high school and he'd jump right in and start dancing too. (The first time he did that I was so embarrassed I ran. We still laugh about that ) Basically; he loves to have a good time.

Anyway... A few years ago he was in a charity dance contest. It was covered by the news and everything. And he won. Only so many people could go but the tickets raised money for a non-profit in our state. (My OBGYN was a contestant once. ) So one of the people who went was the current youth pastor of our church and he live streamed it from his phone so everyone could see. It was awesome! A bunch of us who had been in the youth group all those years ago went wild. But like a dummy I post "My youth pastor is cooler than your youth pastor." Right on the youth pastor's post. It's been several years and I still get SOOO embarrassed when I think about it.

 

[Willowy]

I once told one of the mail carriers that he won the prize for having the biggest package. He laughed, one of the other carriers laughed, and I didn't get it until several hours later .

 

[aliceneko]

My one is quite funny actually. I got confused between two "Alexs" as my mum has a friend with the name but another one of her friends has a son called Alex too - so I unintentionally started a rumour that my mum's friend wasn't talking to his son because he is a very strong remain supporter and his son voted leave in the Brexit referendum (this was around the time it just happened), whereas it turns out the two friends weren't speaking instead! The son is the innocent party

 

[Jem]

Speaking of packages...
I do remember one time that I said to a client I would "rub one out" for him. It was supposed to be a "clean" yet less clinical remark that "I can rub IT out for ya...it's what I do (massage/physical therapist) when he was complaining about a flair up of his injury. Still not a very professional comment, but It was a regular client of mine where we have known each other for over a decade, so our "professionalism" isn't quite as "clinical" anymore...but it was still very embarrassing. He said "So you mean, I've been missing out all these years?"...I told him where to go and we both laughed.

 

[debbila]

My niece and I were leaving church one day. We both lived with our parents and were always driven home by them. I asked my niece if she was going home with Dale ( the guy she was dating ). When I thought about how bad that sounded, I further put my foot in my mouth by saying, " I mean, er, um is he taking you home? ".