Endless Competition Of Snarky One Upsmanship

[wannahelp]

I’m sure everybody has noticed, especially members of forums, that we have become a society of self-righteous, snarky know-it-alls. At forst it seemed as though bravado and masculinity, which is politically incorrect, of late, has been replaced by an arrogant, mean-spirited aggressive form of wit. However, the sophomoric compulsion to have the last word and zing whatever hapless victim wanders into your territory, be it virtual or otherwise, is not solely the domain of men.
Television glorifies this behavior, which I personally, abhor. To me, being constantly drawn into verbal battles of one upsmanship is not only exhausting but evokes bitter feelings of facing the bully in the classroom. Always being on the defensive in the face of relentless arrogant barrages, engenders a strong visceral response, for which there is no physical release. I know that at times, I feel a great deal of pent up aggression. I don’t understand why, in contemporary society, life has become a competition-survival of the snarkiest- but why is this behavior is condoned? Why is there such a blatant proclivity toward flaunting or attempting to flaunt one’s presumed superiority?
I am not elderly by any means but I did not grow up in the age of the over-indulged, over-coddled era of childrearing. Do people need constant attention and affirmation of how special they are? Sometimes I think that parenting philosphy worked a little too well, much to the detriment of the rest of us.

 

[dalpaengi]

I greatly empathize with your thoughts. I prefer a highly judicious use of sarcasm; too much sarcasm is meanness or hostility disguised as humor, imo. My take on this is that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality. I feel bad for people who're obviously so low that they use traits like that to hold themselves up. I tend not to respond to them the way they expect. Maybe it's because I almost became someone like that as well. The excess of profundity is an elitist's disease from which I am still in treatment to overcome. A heaping pile of thanks goes out to my good friends who forever remind me that, even if I feel like my hair is dusting the clouds, my feet must always be planted firmly on the ground in some semblance of humility.

Generally I find debate or one-ups stressful and unpleasant unless it's for a class. The distinction I make between them is that discussion is about sharing information and maybe hoping to come to a mutual understanding. Debate is about arguing your point of view with the goal of "winning"

To me, the saddest thing about this new era of snark is that life is not always particularly meaningful in and of itself. We can create additional meaning through doing something we enjoy. But connecting to people is really important, I mean. Everything else is rather temporary. The fact that many find such hard heartedness and snark to be an appealing characteristic makes it difficult to find decent people to open up to.

 

[wannahelp]

Why do so many need to prop themselves up at the expense of others? I don’t necessarily think profundity is a megative attribute and I’m not sure that all the self-proclaimed great debaters out there are all that profound.
Having almost gone down the wrong path, what was the appeal for you?
Out of curiosity, what are you studying?

 

[Furballsmom]

I'm very glad to hear/read that it isn't just me that's really bothered by this societal trend.

 

[1CatOverTheLine]

 

[Furballsmom]

ain't it the truth

 

[dalpaengi]

Why do so many need to prop themselves up at the expense of others? I don’t necessarily think profundity is a megative attribute and I’m not sure that all the self-proclaimed great debaters out there are all that profound.
Having almost gone down the wrong path, what was the appeal for you?
Out of curiosity, what are you studying?

I gave some thought about what you may have meant by overindulged childhoods because I'm fascinated/disturbed by that phenomena. Please feel free to correct me if my thoughts misalign too sharply with yours.

I suppose I'm one of the ones that was born around the time that sort of childrearing became the norm. We were brought up to think the world revolved around us, existed because of us. An utter of cry would set everything to suit our whims. Even a simple grimace would compel the world to give what we want. Sad to say, but as we grew older, we only slowly came to realize, the world was not only an "I" but a "You", a "Them"...a "We". We realized that we were expected to make adjustments to remain within the current, to master and survive the rapids of life. I think there are people who attempt to make that adjustment, but then find for whatever reason that it's easier to employ short cuts i.e. using people's heads as stepping stools in order to maintain their own sense of importance.

For me, I've had many negative and harmful experiences, some of those traumatic, I have always struggled to maintain my equilibrium. I strongly suspect that I have a decent amount of intrapersonal intelligence (i.e. self-awareness and self-reflection, which allows me to analyze/understand myself and piece myself back together). But I have only learned this from interacting with other people and in perceiving that many of them seem to have a relatively low level of it. I formed the impression that they were...completely lost within themselves, as if they were stumbling around in the dark. They didn't even know their own attributes, who they WERE in there. That used to bother me so deeply that to cope, I began to view myself as better than them and often acted as though I was, as if there was something wrong with them and not myself. I may have been profound but whatever gift that could have been to help others was used at their expense instead. Mostly I lashed out because I was super judgemental and thought I was a special snowflake. I could frame it through the lens of self pity and blame it on my loneliness.

Tbh, I was also lost within my own darkness, just in a different way. Had I been more humble I could have taken the time to try to learn from others different than myself.

I study occupational therapy. In my free time, I casually research art & ccs in hopes of developing an interactive website. What about you, wannahelp? What sorts of things have you studied or currently enjoy studying?

 

[denice]

Teach Your Children Well was released when I was a freshman in high school so it was one that I came of age with. It was one of the songs along with others by CSNY that the Grateful Dead used to improve their vocal harmony before they started recording.

I never agreed with the whole 'everybody gets a trophy thing'. Important lessons that should be part of growing up are missed and it is showing now.

 

[Willowy]

I'm not at all convinced that snark and one-upsmanship are caused/exacerbated by children being "coddled" (not that you'd get any 2 people to agree on a definition of that anyway). My grandfather was extremely abusive in every way, but targeted one son in particular for verbal abuse. Constantly told him how worthless he was, how stupid he was, how he'd never amount to anything. That son, my uncle, is now THE snarkiest person I know. Very unhappy person. He's always posting nasty things to Facebook and then complaining when people unfriend him.

I think people who act like that are generally unhappy, but what caused that unhappiness could be any number of things.

And I wonder how much of it is due to more exposure to different people, and how much communication is done in writing. There are plenty of things you may not say to someone's face, but in writing it's so much easier.

 

[Furballsmom]

There are plenty of things you may not say to someone's face, but in writing it's so much easier.

 

[dalpaengi]

I'm not at all convinced that snark and one-upsmanship are caused/exacerbated by children being "coddled" (not that you'd get any 2 people to agree on a definition of that anyway). My grandfather was extremely abusive in every way, but targeted one son in particular for verbal abuse. Constantly told him how worthless he was, how stupid he was, how he'd never amount to anything. That son, my uncle, is now THE snarkiest person I know. Very unhappy person. He's always posting nasty things to Facebook and then complaining when people unfriend him.

I think people who act like that are generally unhappy, but what caused that unhappiness could be any number of things.

And I wonder how much of it is due to more exposure to different people, and how much communication is done in writing. There are plenty of things you may not say to someone's face, but in writing it's so much easier.

That is so true. I hadn't taken that into consideration. And I agree with your point. The definition of what it means to be coddled can vary from person to person. As someone who is neurodivergent and chronically ill, I could understand how at first glance one might perceive me to be exceptionally coddled.

That's heartbreaking that your family member experienced that. You're right. People feel the need to create a sense of inferiority and cause feelings of uneasiness when that's the bulk of what they harbor on the inside. They may purposely try to set up a reaction from someone by trying to tear down the other persons confidence. It's a control thing. They need the power of cutting others down. A compassionate person who has the level of healthy self esteem that they claim to have would never need to do this.

 

[muffy]

"ENNDLESS COMPETITION OF SNARKY UPMANSHIP"

That's for sure. People like to show off. I was even called stupid once in a debate. Not directly but I got the hint. Some people just think they are superior to someone who is not as smart as they are or are or not as good at something like they are.

 

[wannahelp]

I gave some thought about what you may have meant by overindulged childhoods because I'm fascinated/disturbed by that phenomena. Please feel free to correct me if my thoughts misalign too sharply with yours.

I suppose I'm one of the ones that was born around the time that sort of childrearing became the norm. We were brought up to think the world revolved around us, existed because of us. An utter of cry would set everything to suit our whims. Even a simple grimace would compel the world to give what we want. Sad to say, but as we grew older, we only slowly came to realize, the world was not only an "I" but a "You", a "Them"...a "We". We realized that we were expected to make adjustments to remain within the current, to master and survive the rapids of life. I think there are people who attempt to make that adjustment, but then find for whatever reason that it's easier to employ short cuts i.e. using people's heads as stepping stools in order to maintain their own sense of importance.

For me, I've had many negative and harmful experiences, some of those traumatic, I have always struggled to maintain my equilibrium. I strongly suspect that I have a decent amount of intrapersonal intelligence (i.e. self-awareness and self-reflection, which allows me to analyze/understand myself and piece myself back together). But I have only learned this from interacting with other people and in perceiving that many of them seem to have a relatively low level of it. I formed the impression that they were...completely lost within themselves, as if they were stumbling around in the dark. They didn't even know their own attributes, who they WERE in there. That used to bother me so deeply that to cope, I began to view myself as better than them and often acted as though I was, as if there was something wrong with them and not myself. I may have been profound but whatever gift that could have been to help others was used at their expense instead. Mostly I lashed out because I was super judgemental and thought I was a special snowflake. I could frame it through the lens of self pity and blame it on my loneliness.

Tbh, I was also lost within my own darkness, just in a different way. Had I been more humble I could have taken the time to try to learn from others different than myself.

I study occupational therapy. In my free time, I casually research art & ccs in hopes of developing an interactive website. What about you, wannahelp? What sorts of things have you studied or currently enjoy studying?

I’ve studied Sociology as well as Art History and Business. From a sociological perspective, this type of behavior is disturbing, in that it, along with a lot of other disturbing behaviors, signal the breakdown of the social contract. This is especially evident on the road. We are, in my opinion, slowly devolving into a Honnsian state. From a business perspective, this is also problematic. Dealing with people/customers can be very difficult, when people cannot see things objectively or have any sense of propriety because they are completely self-absorbed and egotistical.
As bery simole examples from my personal non-professional experiences, I advertise something for sale on a site like ‘letgo.’ I have a certain amount thst I need to get. Somebody offers a ridiculously low figure and I decline. An hour later I get an email from that same person, “your loss...I just got an even more expensive item for what I offered you.” Okay, so? I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.” Our interaction ended when I declined your offer. Why is it necessary to try to rub it in my fave AND think that I care what happened when we ended our discussion-EVERYBODY IS ON A HUGE EGO TRIP! Get over yourselves and leave me alone!
As an occupational therapist, I’d think that you’d have to be empathetic and humble rather than egotistical and snarky.
I don’t know whether childrearing has anyhring to do with it. I’m just thinking out loud trying to rationalize this abhorrent behavior. There’s a complete lack of respect for other human beings.

 

[wannahelp]

It seems ironic that everybody is inundated with measages of tolerance. It’s practically forced on us, yet this behavior persists.

 

[Azazel]

We live in a society where we are always taught to turn inwards. We are always evaluating every thought and feeling we have. We are taught that we need to be concerned with what products we need to purchase to better ourselves rather than what we can do to better society. This starts from the Education system where emphasis is being taken from academic achievement and being put on “self-understanding,” “self-esteem,” “self-regulation.” The focus is all about the self and turning inwards. We are becoming a society so preoccupied with our selves that we don’t have time to look outwards and consider ourselves as part of a community.

 

[Azazel]

It seems ironic that everybody is inundated with measages of tolerance. It’s practically forced on us, yet this behavior persists.

Because the message of tolerance isn't coming from a place where the ultimate goal is to build better communities, it's coming from the perspective that each person has the right to be their "authentic self." Again, emphasis on "self." No concern for communities.