Corky

[FrazzledMumbly]

She came from an accidental litter at a family friend's house and she was always a little high strung; no nail clippers, no brushings, pets on her terms. But she was my baby. Followed me everywhere, talked to me, slept on me, and was there to comfort me through some of the worst times in my life. Finding her and saying hello and asking how her day was, did she have good naps, was my first priority every time I got home from work.

I lost her after fifteen years to a bad UTI and delayed reaction to the sedatives they had to use to handle her at the vet. Won't go into the details but it was an extremely traumatic experience in ways that left me with vivid flashbacks until I threw away my rug and reorganized my room. I don't blame the emergency vet, they did what they could and were very kind, but I do blame myself for making the wrong decisions and letting my baby go in pain after so many years together. The guilt wouldn't be so deep if I could have held or comforted her. If she'd had a chance to sleep peacefully.

I'll miss my little Corky forever.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello, I'm so sorry. This might help, from our member Margret;

guilt is perfectly normal after the loss of a loved one, even contradictory guilt - “I did it too soon, no, I waited too long.” The fact is that in the face of death we are all helpless, and helplessness is a terrible feeling, so terrible that our subconscious minds would rather feel guilty than helpless. You see, guilt implies that there was something we could have done that would have prevented this horrible thing that happened, and if we can just figure out what that thing was and avoid it in the future this will never happen again. It’s just too bad that life doesn’t work that way. Eventually, if we are to survive intact we absolutely must acknowledge that, while we may have regrets, we did the best we could with the resources at our disposal at the time, and then we have to forgive ourselves for not being God.

 

[FrazzledMumbly]

I appreciate it. <3 I'm definitely at fault in a few ways that I've had to accept on top of the grief, but I've had a few months now to process what went wrong, feel the shame, and let go of what I can't change. Still hurts and probably always will.

Not a religious person myself but just superstitious enough to feel like my new kitten was sent or reincarnated by my girl. He was the only tabby in his litter and came to me himself on multiple visits to the farm when I was actively refusing to take on a new cat. Instant love.

(my sister did this side by side comparison and it made me cry)​

 

[betsygee]

Guilt and the 'what-ifs' are such a part of the grieving process. We lost a kitty two and a half years ago to probable lymphoma and my hubby and I are still going through the 'if we had only done...' even though we know we did the best we could for him.

I'm so glad you have a new baby.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Corky, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What she knew of love, of home, and hearth, she knew from you. What she needed at the end, she had. You, near her, loving her. Nothing else really matters.

 

[Maria Bayote]

I am very sorry. It always is hard to lose a beloved pet and companion.
Stay strong.

 

[di and bob]

I agree with the above, you gave her her everything, all she wanted was a home and someone to love her. There is no way to predict or prevent everything that can happen in our lives, the future is as closed as the past, and not one of us is perfect.
I, too, have horrible flashbacks and know the only way to not fall apart is to occupy my mind with something else. You don't have to be superstitious or religious to know in your heart that the little one who now occupies another place in your heart was sent by your sweet Corky. She would NEVER want you to be so sad because of her. She wants you to go forward into life and live it as you would want for her if you were the first to go. That is love. Of course, you will always miss her, and it will always hurt to think of what happened, but guilt and regret are ALWAYS a part of grieving and you learn to live with it and control it somewhat with the passage of time. Time is the only thing that helps.
That sweet girl gave you a gift that is precious, a cat's love. she would want you to share it, to help it grow even stronger with the addition of a new little love. Her love can never be replaced, but it can be added on to.
The bond between you both will never be broken, love is spiritual, so eternal. It can never die.
Please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you do her a great honor by sharing this tribute to her. Keep in mind a favorite quote of mine, it does help. "Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened."
Kiss that sweet new one in your life that was chosen for you, and know your heart will heal in time......RIP sweet Corky. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the new star that is now you shine bright in the summer sky and send down comfort to the one who misses you so very much.