Clyde, The Immortal Cat, Found Peace Today.

[EveAndHerThieves]

He took a turn for the worst last night, and ended up at an ER vet. I've had a few people who liked him and felt you should know. My thoughts are all over the place for now.

The vet was kind... But they found an old account my mother never paid off ten years ago. They wouldn't do anything until we made a promise to pay, and prepaid every step of the way. It made an already stressful time worse.

I've never had a cat put down before. I didn't realize how FAST it would be. I thought it would take a few minutes for him to fall asleep. It took ten seconds. All I could think about was screaming no, and demanding they undo it.

I've had him two years. He's been gone three hours, and I miss him already. I don't know how I can manage without him. My last two years have been wrapped in medical bills for him. He's been my entire life. When I'm this upset I'd normally reach for him for comfort.

This is horrible. I know it's best for him. I've been preparing for this for years. But it's the worst day of my life all over again. All I can think of is how stupid that vet is to demand money when I'm bawling, the shock of him dying, and wanting him back.

He's being cremated. I didn't have a choice in which paw to get a print, his box color. I hate that vet. I hate that they took my cat.

Leaving him and going home was horrible. I hope this gets better.

 

[Furballsmom]

Oh my gracious sakes Clyde baby honey!!!

Not that this helps but I have read that when it occurs so very quickly, they are truly ready.

Hopefully down the road you'll be able to mentally access the other memories, of what a truly incredible, unique and amazingly fantastic cat Clyde was. He was THE example of what it is to be a one in a million, and I've been thinking of you and him ever since I met him in that thread about his neighborly visit.

RIP Clyde little man, this world is a LOT poorer without you, and you were so lucky to have had your mama

 

[Furballsmom]

Maybe this will help;
Grieving

 

[les26]

I am sorry for your loss, and sorry that the financial issues came up, I'll bet that was awkward....but you did above and beyond for him what you could and he loves you for it, and like Furballsmom said when they pass that quickly they are ready, he was tired and is glad to have shed his sick body and is fine now just fine, it is you who understandably is hurting and you will, it is rough and the grief can play many games both mentally and physically, just take it one day at a time and you will slowly start to feel a bit better, the sun will come out again one day....

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[EveAndHerThieves]

I feel horribly, horribly broken. I go upstairs and there's the bed I bought for him. There's the chair he slept on. The kitchen has his food. The basement has another bed. My room has his heating pad and blanket.

I just realized I no longer have to keep my other cat's food on a piano bench so he doesn't get to it. There's no reason to hide it. I broke down all over again. I want him back so, so bad.

I sent him to be cremated, and it's a new vet. What if they don't take good care of him? The news did a thing a while back about how some cremation places are just sending bags back full of ashes. Several in Utah. What if they use that one? I'm terrified, I want to go screaming over and demand his body back. I want to hold him forever and never let go.

I know it's for the best. I know he was dying. I knew today was the day. I know it'll get better. But it's NOT better right now. I can't look anywhere without seeing him. I can't hear anything without hearing him. He's been my everything for two years.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I feel horribly, horribly broken. I go upstairs and there's the bed I bought for him. There's the chair he slept on. The kitchen has his food. The basement has another bed. My room has his heating pad and blanket.

I just realized I no longer have to keep my other cat's food on a piano bench so he doesn't get to it. There's no reason to hide it. I broke down all over again. I want him back so, so bad.

I sent him to be cremated, and it's a new vet. What if they don't take good care of him? The news did a thing a while back about how some cremation places are just sending bags back full of ashes. Several in Utah. What if they use that one? I'm terrified, I want to go screaming over and demand his body back. I want to hold him forever and never let go.

I know it's for the best. I know he was dying. I knew today was the day. I know it'll get better. But it's NOT better right now. I can't look anywhere without seeing him. I can't hear anything without hearing him. He's been my everything for two years.

This is textbook grief, and there isn't a soul here who hasn't experienced all these feeling at one. Everyone here knows what you're going through.
I'd like to give you something uplifting or something encouraging but the others have done a very fine job (as always) in doing that, so I'll just agree with you, It sucks. It sucks losing them, it sucks to grieve and wonder about every little thing we did or didn't do in the past and it sucks that we worry about them like they're still here on earth when we realize, later, they're not, and that sucks the most of all.
Grief is not pleasant when you're going through, but it is a necessary normal process that helps us cope later on. Squash it now, ignore it, and there's hell to pay later. Deal with it now, and things are much better in the long run.
If your cat was dying, you didn't end his life, his life was over already. You just ended the suffering that remained and spared him days...weeks...of hell.
Get some rest, if you can my friend and things will look better soon. We're all here for you, and have been where you've been. Talk it out with us if you need to.

 

[Furballsmom]

Honey, I'm so so sorry.

 

[FelisCatus]

Did you ask for private/individual cremation? Ask if you are allowed to go for a viewing when they do it. That way you know for sure it’s him who went in/ashes returned. There’s 2 crematoriums in my smallish city alone that have viewings when it’s being done, 1 does not.

 

[di and bob]

You cannot be held accountable for your mother's debts, they are hers, not yours. We went through the same thing with my husband's grandmother's bills at the nursing home, they tried to make us accountable. A lawyer set them straight. It is horrible they brought this up when you were so upset, definitely go to another vet, I wouldn't want one so uncaring.
I will never understand why we have to go through so much pain when we lose someone we love. It may be because we are actually losing a part of ourselves, they are as much a part of our lives as anything can be, a part of our very being. It may be because to truly understand and to wholly accept love, with all it's joys and satisfactions, we have to know and experience the pain of loss too.
I know that the only thing that kept me going during those dark days of intense pain and suffering was the knowledge that I know my little one would never want to bring so much pain to the one they love. She loved life so much, found so much joy in just being alive, she would never want me to lose that in my own life, because that is what love is......
It is futile to go back and go through everything we did wrong, to try to change something that can never be changed. We did the best we could at the time with what we had, and we never had any intention at all to bring harm or pain to the one we love so much. You need intent to accept blame.
It is perfectly normal to feel such intense pain when you lose the routine of them being there, it took years to fit into this routine of daily living, it will take a long time to learn a new one. Right now try to concentrate on the good, the precious memories that you will always have, not on the loss and the sad end. Clyde's life is so much more important to your life then that sad end, don't elevate it to a important part of your life, that precious life and his love is oh so more important.
You feel adrift right now, lost in a world of pain, while the rest of the world goes on. But you are not alone, there are others, legions of them who have suffered and lost a part of themselves just like you. They can offer you empathy, it is a lifeline to hold on to, to have someone who cares. It is not something you will ever get over, it is something that you learn to live with, something to overcome and hopefully strengthen you, not beat you down and keep you mired in the depths of grief. Just like the love that sweet boy left in your care, your love for him needs to grow and bloom in the sunshine of life, be added to and allowed to spread its wings, not kept hidden in a dark, cold heart.
He will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. So bring him peace by sending him joy, allow him to live on through you and helping you find the joy and happiness that living should bring. The 'essence' that was Clyde will forever be with you, it is spiritual, not physical, so is eternal. He shared your life's journey for a while, and though he now follows a new path his new journey will forever follow your own. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know your love will go on beyond his death. It is as much a part of you as anything can be.
My heart goes out to you, I send you my thoughts and prayers and pray you find comfort in the presence of friends who understand. Clyde is near, and always will be....
RIP precious Clyde. You will always be missed so dearly, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[solomonar]

This is how all Creatures begin the journey back home.

I am very sorry about your experience in the sad moments. It should not be like this. But You were with Clyde, that counts so much.

Once I saw a kitty breathless on a construction site. She was a grey Cat and her paws were in front of the eyes not to see what was around, I guess. There were insects all around and it was very hot whether. Heavy machineries made so much noise. I rather stop here.

You see, I can tell you horrific stories about cats. I better dont.

Clyde was so happy to have You fighting for him and offering the precious gift or having your warm body close to him when the journey started..

I shall say to myself a good word about that vet. We are humans and make mistakes, be the vet forgiven for what he/she has done.

+++

The body is nothing else than a box. When you go to work, you have a lunchbox, I suppose. You enjoy you meal, and dont care to much about the box.

So You only left the box there. Clyde is in your Soul, will never leave. He will wait for You at the white doors and show You the way. Not many people has this chance.

Hugs and milkdrops for Clyde the companion Cat!

 

[Kflowers]

I'm so sorry that Clyde had to leave you. You gave him the greatest gift despite the odds and obstacles set against you. He is with you now and always will be. He leaves you only to visit those he loved before you and to race with his mother and siblings in the great free world. His ashes don't matter to him, his heart is yours and your heart is his forever. With you now, he waits to see you and the rowdy bunch who let him eat their meals.

Curled up n the great Comforter's lap, Clyde is telling him what that vet did. In the eternal forever there is balance, there is justice.

 

[EveAndHerThieves]

Thank you for your kind words, everyone. I'm feeling better today. Both of us had been getting ready for this day for a long time. Looking back, he'd been gone a long time before his body died. We had both been pulling apart in preperation for this day. Sometimes I only saw him once a day in the evening. That was all that was needed. He didn't do anything but sleep.

I think I've hit denial. I'm 'fine' today. All he did was sleep the last little bit, so I only saw him once a day sometimes. (My family kept a close eye on him) I know when night hits I'll be a wreck again. But for now when I look at his empty bed... Is it horrible to say I almost don't care? I know that's the emotions again. But I just don't feel anything. No sadness, not even happiness. It's just a bed, it's just a collar. I now want to just get rid of it all (I won't).

 

[Furballsmom]

I got rid of all of my Maine coon furbaby's things, not particularly rational but I went with it

 

[FelisCatus]

Thank you for your kind words, everyone. I'm feeling better today. Both of us had been getting ready for this day for a long time. Looking back, he'd been gone a long time before his body died. We had both been pulling apart in preperation for this day. Sometimes I only saw him once a day in the evening. That was all that was needed. He didn't do anything but sleep.

I think I've hit denial. I'm 'fine' today. All he did was sleep the last little bit, so I only saw him once a day sometimes. (My family kept a close eye on him) I know when night hits I'll be a wreck again. But for now when I look at his empty bed... Is it horrible to say I almost don't care? I know that's the emotions again. But I just don't feel anything. No sadness, not even happiness. It's just a bed, it's just a collar. I now want to just get rid of it all (I won't).

If you ever get the sudden urge of wanting to chuck everything that reminds you out... put it in a bag/box and store it in a garage or closet for a few days instead. That way you aren’t making an irrational decision and you still have the ability to take it back if you decide. If you’ve already thrown it out and it’s gone... it’s gone forever. With it being stored for a few days it give you time to make sure you made the right decision.

 

[Antonio65]

It's just a bed, it's just a collar. I now want to just get rid of it all (I won't).

Think over it thoroughly, once you've thrown away all his stuff, you'll never get it back.
I left things where they were when each of my cat died, and left there for months. Their dishes, beds, toys, brushes and so on, remained where they were.
Then, on a day, I got a storage box, one for each cat, put their stuff in and put the boxes away, in a safe place.
I have their ashes in their urns, in each urn I put a ziploc bag with the whiskers they had lost and I had found during their lives.
I'm not going to tell you what other things I have kept as treasures...

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Ret you gentle, Clyde, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Darlin, you did the right thing. And he started his New Great Adventure with you holding him, telling him it was OK. He left This Adventure quickly and peacefully. What more can we do? But here is the thing...Love never dies, it simply changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always, Love is with us, even after the one who loved has begun that New Adventure, the Love stays with us always, and they are never far from us, only a whisper away.

He has shrugged off that heavy coat of fur and flesh that could no longer support his loving heart and great spirit, and he has no more use for it. Nor does he care what becomes of it. It is a comfort to you, not him. He does not need that comfort. HE is dancing on sunlight.

Don't make the decision to get rid of his things too quickly. Pack them away for a bit, then make decisions about what, if anything, to keep. Right now is not the time. Later. Later, when grief is not so raw, and I know how raw it is because you said you "feel nothing." That is nature's way of getting us past the first agony. I felt it when my parents died, and it saved my life.

 

[EveAndHerThieves]

I took a break from online stuff to deal with him, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your kind words. We got his ashes back, and I'm feeling more okay about things now.

I still haven't moved his beds, or gotten rid of his food yet. I still have it all where he left it. It's not that I think he'll come back. It's just... a strange comfort? Like his spirit is still in his bed now and then, snoozing.

I keep trying to convince myself that since his ashes came back so fast - and with so few problems - that it's not really HIM and they faked it. His pawprint is also so much bigger than my other cat's. It has his actual fur imprints in it. I'm sure as the clay baked it expanded. But again I keep convincing myself it's not real. No idea why.


I didn't realize his death was still bothering me until I started typing! Now I'm a bit weepy again. But when I think of him I smile and laugh. My heart is full of all the fun memories. I can't seem to remember the bad things. It's like my brain has locked them down.


I'm sure with time I'll adopt another furry friend. For now I'm just glad he's at rest finally. He was the sweetest boy I've ever had. And that says a LOT, I've had a million cats.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Darlin, thinking that the pawprints and ashes are not really him is a very human thing. It is that last attempt to deny what has happened. And so far as I know, he may well be snoozing in his bed. I am one who believes that we not only go on, but that we are free to visit those we loved when we do so.

 

[Diana Faye]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can empathize- when I lost Irving, it was sudden and unexpected. I immediately threw out most of his things- the litter box, food dishes, etc. I kept some of his favorite toys, but in my mind my world fell apart and I just wanted to tear it all apart. They were *his* things, and he was gone- just a painful reminder of the hole he left behind. I unexpectedly got 2 kittens much sooner than I'd thought, but I won't share his things. They have their own, and the few things I kept are stored away. I won't even buy them anything that even looks like what he had.

I know it's just things, and just a body, but when I got his ashes back I felt... better isn't the right word... relieved maybe. It broke me all over again, but I just wanted him back. He is on my nightstand with a picture, and I had a glass memorial made with his ashes that is in the living room, so he is never far from me (just as when he was alive).

No one can tell you how to grieve. If it feels right to throw things out, do it. I would suggest to hold on to a few small things, at least until you have a clearer head, just in case. If you want to save it all, that's ok too. It may be better for you to keep the things that remind you of when he was alive, rather than of his passing. Cherish the time you had together, and the love you had. Nothing and no one can ever take that away from you.