Can't Get Over My Cat Dying :(

[ioana]

My baby passed away on June 21 of last year, yes it's been 6 months and I have such a hard time adjusting to the idea that he isn't with me anymore. I miss him so much, I cry almost every day, some days though are so bad that I barely can function. I feel so guilty and all I can remember is that day at the vet where he could barely breathe and instead of holding him I was screaming left and right for someone to do something. At night I fall asleep hard because I can't think about anything else then that, I tried everything but my mind keeps going there. To tell you guys the truth, this might sound insane to some, but I think God took him from me as a punishment because sometimes I would think that maybe it was easier without him, specifically when he was sick. But I loved him so so much, I think he was my soul mate, I lost my sole mate. I feel like I need to talk to someone just so I don't go insane

 

[les26]

You are under the spell of grief, and it will play mind and physical games with you which is normal. We all act strangely and differently than we normally would under stress, I think that is what happened to you at the vet and now you are so mentally tired because of many things and the bad thoughts are winning, I am going through the same thing right now as today we had the ceremony for my father in law who passed away, I know exactly what went on, he was sick and passed but the stress of the last 8 weeks has worn me down to the point where I am having physical anxiety which I know is from the grief. I take Holy Basil which helps with the stress and also got the bottle of L-Tryptophan out and am taking that again as I know I am low on serotonin from the 2 months of stress and pain, you might want to give one or both a try.

Talk to your little kitty, it would help. Be kind on yourself, you will feel better with time, but take care of YOU through this.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[ioana]

You are under the spell of grief, and it will play mind and physical games with you which is normal. We all act strangely and differently than we normally would under stress, I think that is what happened to you at the vet and now you are so mentally tired because of many things and the bad thoughts are winning, I am going through the same thing right now as today we had the ceremony for my father in law who passed away, I know exactly what went on, he was sick and passed but the stress of the last 8 weeks has worn me down to the point where I am having physical anxiety which I know is from the grief. I take Holy Basil which helps with the stress and also got the bottle of L-Tryptophan out and am taking that again as I know I am low on serotonin from the 2 months of stress and pain, you might want to give one or both a try.

Talk to your little kitty, it would help. Be kind on yourself, you will feel better with time, but take care of YOU through this.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

He died out of nowhere, he had a blood clot and in the car going to the vet I was trying to calm him down because he was always scared in the car and for 1 second through all the his crying, he put his head on my hand, he stood there a bit like he knew, back then I thought it was strange but now I see that he might have said bye to me.
I'm sorry to hear about your father in law, I hope you feel better.

 

[les26]

He died out of nowhere, he had a blood clot and in the car going to the vet I was trying to calm him down because he was always scared in the car and for 1 second through all the his crying, he put his head on my hand, he stood there a bit like he knew, back then I thought it was strange but now I see that he might have said bye to me.
I'm sorry to hear about your father in law, I hope you feel better.

Thank you, I will and I know that you will too!

 

[di and bob]

When the unthinkable happens it often takes a while for our brains to start rational thought and we begin to try to process what has happened. Then starts all the 'should haves, could haves', because we cannot, will not, except what has happened and we begin to blame ourselves and find fault for every action that was taken. I want you to know that I have had every feeling and thought you have been going through, and so have a legion of others. You are NOT alone in feeling the way you do. It is called grief.
Although my little one died 6 years ago, if I let it, the grief is can feel just as bad as the day it happened. The ache in my heart and the tears are something I have accepted to last forever. But time does have a way of dulling the sharp edges, it does help to make us aware that although we feel like it is the end of the world, and it is in a way the end of the world as we know it, it is a crippling challenge to overcome, and can in time teach us to put our perspectives in a new order, to know in your heart that to hurt this bad menas you loved so deep, and love is never bad.
When I think where I was 6 months into my grief, it breaks my heart. I likened it to PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. I relived the horror and the pain of that last day over and over again until I though I would truly go insane. I lost all pleasure in life, I didn't deserve to feel joy when my baby was dead. Grief has no time limit, the severity may lessen in time, but it will never go away, you just learn to live with it. Until the day I was remembering her and realized that death had claimed two that day, not just one. And that finally became unacceptable because I knew how much she loved life, she lived every day to the absolute fullest, she found joy in the simple things and she tried to get me to know that too through her love. But I dwelt on her death, I made it more important than her life, and that should never be, her life was infinitely more important, death can never win. Just as I would want for her if I was the first to go, I would want for her to go on and find joy in life, none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, life is not to be spent in darkness and grief, it needs sunshine and love to bloom and go on. I know in my heart that is what that precious girl wants for me, because I would want the same.
Love is spiritual, so eternal. Your sweet boys tiny soul will be forever tied to your own through the bond that was forged link by link over the years. It seems like you are being punished, but that is your grief talking, not God's ways, you are punishing yourself for something that was never your intention, and you cannot hold blame with no intention. This is a part of your past now, it can not be changed. But the future is formed by what you are doing and feeling right now. Your precious boy is as close as your thoughts and prayers, so send him thoughts of love, not eternal sadness, he needs to know you are OK, he needs for you to feel the love and comfort he is sending and always will. Because that is what love is. Not something to cause such pain, but something to be held forever, to cherish and to use when we need it, because it will always be there. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and a soulmates love never will, it is a part of you.
Please know I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone, we will try to share your burden and make it lighter because we know what you are going through. Keep busy, try not to dwell on the sad, but concentrate on what sharing his life's journey for a little while brought to your own. Thank him for it. Know that opening your heart once more in the future will bring a distraction from your grief, will add on to what he left you and use what he taught you, what he left you. Like a mother with several children, each one is loved separately and uniquely, and brings joy unto all. It is not a betrayal to his love, it is a celebration of that love and helps his own to grow once more through you. Take care and come back anytime you need to talk, we will be here...... RIP sweet boy. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[ioana]

When the unthinkable happens it often takes a while for our brains to start rational thought and we begin to try to process what has happened. Then starts all the 'should haves, could haves', because we cannot, will not, except what has happened and we begin to blame ourselves and find fault for every action that was taken. I want you to know that I have had every feeling and thought you have been going through, and so have a legion of others. You are NOT alone in feeling the way you do. It is called grief.
Although my little one died 6 years ago, if I let it, the grief is can feel just as bad as the day it happened. The ache in my heart and the tears are something I have accepted to last forever. But time does have a way of dulling the sharp edges, it does help to make us aware that although we feel like it is the end of the world, and it is in a way the end of the world as we know it, it is a crippling challenge to overcome, and can in time teach us to put our perspectives in a new order, to know in your heart that to hurt this bad menas you loved so deep, and love is never bad.
When I think where I was 6 months into my grief, it breaks my heart. I likened it to PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. I relived the horror and the pain of that last day over and over again until I though I would truly go insane. I lost all pleasure in life, I didn't deserve to feel joy when my baby was dead. Grief has no time limit, the severity may lessen in time, but it will never go away, you just learn to live with it. Until the day I was remembering her and realized that death had claimed two that day, not just one. And that finally became unacceptable because I knew how much she loved life, she lived every day to the absolute fullest, she found joy in the simple things and she tried to get me to know that too through her love. But I dwelt on her death, I made it more important than her life, and that should never be, her life was infinitely more important, death can never win. Just as I would want for her if I was the first to go, I would want for her to go on and find joy in life, none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, life is not to be spent in darkness and grief, it needs sunshine and love to bloom and go on. I know in my heart that is what that precious girl wants for me, because I would want the same.
Love is spiritual, so eternal. Your sweet boys tiny soul will be forever tied to your own through the bond that was forged link by link over the years. It seems like you are being punished, but that is your grief talking, not God's ways, you are punishing yourself for something that was never your intention, and you cannot hold blame with no intention. This is a part of your past now, it can not be changed. But the future is formed by what you are doing and feeling right now. Your precious boy is as close as your thoughts and prayers, so send him thoughts of love, not eternal sadness, he needs to know you are OK, he needs for you to feel the love and comfort he is sending and always will. Because that is what love is. Not something to cause such pain, but something to be held forever, to cherish and to use when we need it, because it will always be there. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and a soulmates love never will, it is a part of you.
Please know I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone, we will try to share your burden and make it lighter because we know what you are going through. Keep busy, try not to dwell on the sad, but concentrate on what sharing his life's journey for a little while brought to your own. Thank him for it. Know that opening your heart once more in the future will bring a distraction from your grief, will add on to what he left you and use what he taught you, what he left you. Like a mother with several children, each one is loved separately and uniquely, and brings joy unto all. It is not a betrayal to his love, it is a celebration of that love and helps his own to grow once more through you. Take care and come back anytime you need to talk, we will be here...... RIP sweet boy. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Thank you for such a beautiful message, I will try harder to remember my baby as the best thing that happened to me and not be as sad all the time.

 

[Kflowers]

Know that you are giving your kit a gift. You are the one who is bearing the grief so he doesn't have to. This is the second hardest gift you gave him. Accept your grief as a mark of your love. He is still with you. He still loves you, and, as di and bob said, he wants you to find peace, and in time joy.

God and your baby know the thought that it might be easier without him was your exhausted mind, not pushing your baby away, but strengthening your heart to give him the greatest of all gifts - peace, freedom from pain. It was your mind helping your heart to the hardest of all decisions, to give your baby the greatest gift that you could.

Grief takes as long as it takes to find it's quiet place. Neither run from it nor toward it, be with it. Know your baby wouldn't want you to feel guilt when you did all that could be done for him.

 

[Leomc123]

I know how you are feeling, on 3rd January 2019 , i had to put my cat down, and i couldn't even push myself to go with him and be there at the vet to be by his side when he was euthanized instead i told my dad to take him for me, now i wished i did only because he was by my side when i was sick and he was patient with me and was keeping me comfort every day. I was crying so much for 2 days before the 3rd on january and i am still breaking down every now and then, i feel empty, hollow, guilty, depressed and angry with myself that i chose this decision even though i know that in a months time he would be put down anyways because of his condition. The worst part of this is how he was laying on the ground in the backyard feeling good and was happy to see me and i patted him and told him i loved him and how sorry i was, and how he would always be in my heart, and i put him in his carrier and gave him to my dad and said good bye one last time, and they drove off, i couldnt breathe like i was having a panic attack, i was crying and jumped in the car 20 minutes later to drive to the vet to be by his side and i couldn't bring myself to do it, i just drove to the shop instead, cause i saw the time on the car clock and i thought i was too late i dont know why i reacted like this and i feel guilty and angry with myself , i should have been there with him cause i sent him there in the first place, and i should have been beside him to comfort him cause he was my buddy And now im crying again

 

[Maria Bayote]

Grief and guilt, are two very strong emotions and when felt at the same time, could really bring a person to an unbelievable low - like an abyss.

We each have our own bond with our animals, and we also wish that they live as long as we do. But that is not the case at most times. So we just have to find consolation that our dearly beloved pets are no longer in pain or suffering, but instead are running around in an endless field of grass - free to scratch and destroy all the heavenly furniture they could lay their paws on.

It is ok to grieve. Some people recover immediately, while some really don't. I lost my first childhood dog decades ago, and until now it hurts like hell each time I think of him (like now I am crying again!).

I suggest that you write about him. Make a compilation of his photos and make some sort of a scrapbook for him. Think of happy thoughts, as I am sure he also would not want you to be sad. He loved you. He loves you still. You gave him a good life. That is all that matters.

When the time comes when you are ready emotionally, you can drop by the nearest shelter and volunteer (if you still have not). Who knows, you might find your second soulmate waiting for you in there.

Happy thoughts.

 

[ioana]

Know that you are giving your kit a gift. You are the one who is bearing the grief so he doesn't have to. This is the second hardest gift you gave him. Accept your grief as a mark of your love. He is still with you. He still loves you, and, as di and bob said, he wants you to find peace, and in time joy.

God and your baby know the thought that it might be easier without him was your exhausted mind, not pushing your baby away, but strengthening your heart to give him the greatest of all gifts - peace, freedom from pain. It was your mind helping your heart to the hardest of all decisions, to give your baby the greatest gift that you could.

Grief takes as long as it takes to find it's quiet place. Neither run from it nor toward it, be with it. Know your baby wouldn't want you to feel guilt when you did all that could be done for him.

Thank you so much for your kind words, reading your messages makes me feel better.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello - maybe this will also help you;
Grieving

 

[misty8723]

ioana , I totally understand what you are going through. It's only been 3 months since I lost my soul mate Swanie, but I really don't feel like I'm ever going to "get over it" especially the way it happened. I know what it's like to be haunted by thoughts at night to the point of not being able to sleep. I wish I could offer you some advice, but it doesn't matter how many people tell me I didn't fail Swanie, I know I did, and I'll never get over that. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone or unusual for feeling the way you do, but I also hope you will find something that can give you some peace.

 

[Sleeps_With_Cats]

I can relate to what you're feeling. Six years ago, I lost my beloved 4-year-old cat to misdiagnosed congestive heart failure. He threw a clot (saddle thrombus) and although I rushed him to the emergency vet, it was too late. I felt the way I think you're feeling, but time has given me a little perspective.

Here's what I wish someone had said to me when I was overwhelmed with grief, guilt, and anger about my cat's death: It was not your fault. There was nothing more you could have done. Sometimes, things are just beyond your control. His death was not a punishment for random thoughts you had. And at the vet's, you were doing what any protective mom does for their baby when she can't fix things on her own: you were trying to get help. You did the best you could for your cat, and no one could expect more than that. I'm certain your cat knew he was loved, too. They always do.

I know how easy it is to spiral into negative thoughts when you're grieving. When you catch yourself starting to get lost in those negative thoughts, tell yourself to stop, and instead shift your focus to a memory of your cat that is a happy one, and imagine yourself in that happy moment. It sounds stupid but it was very helpful for me. I'd think of the first time my cat climbed up in bed with me and fell asleep, lying on my stomach. It's one of the sweetest memories I have of him, the way his warm breath puffed on my arm that was holding him, his little sleep-twitches and noises, the warm weight of him, the absolute trust he had in me, and how I thought my heart might just burst with love for him. Find a memory of your cat that is full of love, and focus on that instead.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and cut yourself a little slack. You've been through a major loss, and it will take time to come to terms with it. Grieving takes time, and everyone grieves differently.

I hope even a little of this helps you.

 

[ioana]

ioana , I totally understand what you are going through. It's only been 3 months since I lost my soul mate Swanie, but I really don't feel like I'm ever going to "get over it" especially the way it happened. I know what it's like to be haunted by thoughts at night to the point of not being able to sleep. I wish I could offer you some advice, but it doesn't matter how many people tell me I didn't fail Swanie, I know I did, and I'll never get over that. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone or unusual for feeling the way you do, but I also hope you will find something that can give you some peace.

Thank you so much for your message, it helps me a lot and gives me a bit of comfort when I feel so sad.

 

[ioana]

I know how you are feeling, on 3rd January 2019 , i had to put my cat down, and i couldn't even push myself to go with him and be there at the vet to be by his side when he was euthanized instead i told my dad to take him for me, now i wished i did only because he was by my side when i was sick and he was patient with me and was keeping me comfort every day. I was crying so much for 2 days before the 3rd on january and i am still breaking down every now and then, i feel empty, hollow, guilty, depressed and angry with myself that i chose this decision even though i know that in a months time he would be put down anyways because of his condition. The worst part of this is how he was laying on the ground in the backyard feeling good and was happy to see me and i patted him and told him i loved him and how sorry i was, and how he would always be in my heart, and i put him in his carrier and gave him to my dad and said good bye one last time, and they drove off, i couldnt breathe like i was having a panic attack, i was crying and jumped in the car 20 minutes later to drive to the vet to be by his side and i couldn't bring myself to do it, i just drove to the shop instead, cause i saw the time on the car clock and i thought i was too late i dont know why i reacted like this and i feel guilty and angry with myself , i should have been there with him cause i sent him there in the first place, and i should have been beside him to comfort him cause he was my buddy And now im crying again

I'm really sorry for what happened, I can only imagine what you are going through, I don't even know what to say to give you a bit of comfort but I am sure that your kitty knew how much you loved him.

 

[ioana]

I can relate to what you're feeling. Six years ago, I lost my beloved 4-year-old cat to misdiagnosed congestive heart failure. He threw a clot (saddle thrombus) and although I rushed him to the emergency vet, it was too late. I felt the way I think you're feeling, but time has given me a little perspective.

Here's what I wish someone had said to me when I was overwhelmed with grief, guilt, and anger about my cat's death: It was not your fault. There was nothing more you could have done. Sometimes, things are just beyond your control. His death was not a punishment for random thoughts you had. And at the vet's, you were doing what any protective mom does for their baby when she can't fix things on her own: you were trying to get help. You did the best you could for your cat, and no one could expect more than that. I'm certain your cat knew he was loved, too. They always do.

I know how easy it is to spiral into negative thoughts when you're grieving. When you catch yourself starting to get lost in those negative thoughts, tell yourself to stop, and instead shift your focus to a memory of your cat that is a happy one, and imagine yourself in that happy moment. It sounds stupid but it was very helpful for me. I'd think of the first time my cat climbed up in bed with me and fell asleep, lying on my stomach. It's one of the sweetest memories I have of him, the way his warm breath puffed on my arm that was holding him, his little sleep-twitches and noises, the warm weight of him, the absolute trust he had in me, and how I thought my heart might just burst with love for him. Find a memory of your cat that is full of love, and focus on that instead.

Please try to be kind to yourself, and cut yourself a little slack. You've been through a major loss, and it will take time to come to terms with it. Grieving takes time, and everyone grieves differently.

I hope even a little of this helps you.

I try my best to think of all the happiness he gave me, I think about him sleeping on my neck or next to me in bed and snoring and every time he would make me laugh but them my mi d goes to him at the vet with his little purple mouth and I should have hugged him, I hugged him to late but I have better days too, I just can't get that thought out of my head. I even dreamed with his yesterday, I dreamed that he was mad at me

 

[ioana]

Grief and guilt, are two very strong emotions and when felt at the same time, could really bring a person to an unbelievable low - like an abyss.

We each have our own bond with our animals, and we also wish that they live as long as we do. But that is not the case at most times. So we just have to find consolation that our dearly beloved pets are no longer in pain or suffering, but instead are running around in an endless field of grass - free to scratch and destroy all the heavenly furniture they could lay their paws on.

It is ok to grieve. Some people recover immediately, while some really don't. I lost my first childhood dog decades ago, and until now it hurts like hell each time I think of him (like now I am crying again!).

I suggest that you write about him. Make a compilation of his photos and make some sort of a scrapbook for him. Think of happy thoughts, as I am sure he also would not want you to be sad. He loved you. He loves you still. You gave him a good life. That is all that matters.

When the time comes when you are ready emotionally, you can drop by the nearest shelter and volunteer (if you still have not). Who knows, you might find your second soulmate waiting for you in there.

Happy thoughts.

I hope he does, I hope he is running in grass now and he is so happy doing so, I don't want him to even miss me because I don't want him to feel any kind of pain. Maybe in the future I'll be ready for another little soul next to me but for now I wouldn't be able to give anyone the love they need and deserve.

 

[Leomc123]

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Soul Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

For all your upset at the vet, your baby knows you loved him, and wanted what was best for him. And he knows, yes KNOWS, that you gave him that, and that the price of that gift was a piece of your own soul. He knows that you helped him shrug off that heavy coat of flesh and fur that could no longer support his loving heart and sweet spirit. Now, he dances on sunlight in a place where he is whole and healthy, and where eternity is the blink of an eye. He waits there, where time is not, for you (in the fullness of time) to join him in that joyous dance. Dance on, Sweet Boy, dance on.