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- Apr 1, 2021
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My 14 (almost 15) year old orange tabby Simon was diagnosed with a spinal tumor in November 2020. I've had him since he was just a year old and we've been through a lot together: he had megacolon surgery and one eye removed, among other things. Then just before last Thanksgiving his hind legs stopped working, from one day to the next, and he became lethargic. I took him to the emergency vet where they also had a neurologist and oncologist, but thought that it would be a slipped disc or maybe a blood clot, definitely did not expect cancer...
Unfortunately due to its location the tumor is inoperable, so he was put on prednisolone right away, which fixed his legs and helped him go into remission for a few months. We also did a round of radiation between December and January. In the good period that followed we took our first roadtrip to Florida to see my parents, which could have been the last time, since I was told in November that he had 6-9 months to live... He was never a traveler but he took the trip pretty well and spent most of the time sitting in my mother's window looking outside.
Unfortunately in March his hind legs stopped working again, so we started chemo, with the understanding that there was no guarantee it would help... Some people warned me against chemo but I wanted to try and not give up without a fight. After the first dose of Doxirubicin there were no side effects and his hind legs were working again for the most part. Then after about 10 days they stopped working again and he started dribbling pee everywhere. I had to get him diapers and put puppy pads down... it's been difficult to say the least, not just the amount of cleaning but seeing him like this. On the other hand his personality is still there, he still likes to cuddle and beg for food when I'm eating and follow me everywhere, even though he has to drag himself. The oncologist said the tumor was likely pushing on vital nerves and that's what's causing the issue with the legs and the incontinence. So I've been spoiling him rotten with treats and cuddles, as luckily I'm able to work from home most of the time.
This past Monday when I took him for his next chemo treatment (we switched to Lomustine), he was also badly constipated after not pooping for 4 days. After a day at the vet and multiple enemas I was told that he may not be able to poop on his own again due to the tumor... which would become a major quality of life issue of course. Then on Thursday I found fresh poop in the house a couple of times but I think he's lost that reflex now and has also been eating less. He's not using the litterbox at all, he just goes wherever he happens to be. So I also have to wash his backside daily now which he's not thrilled about. Yesterday he decided that he wanted to go down the stairs (which he always liked to do in the past) but that can only be done with assistance. When he sleeps next to me, I can feel him trembling at times - another neurological issue. The oncologist said that if the Lomustine doesn't help him, there is not much else we can do. Next week I will call him to touch base, since he said the Lomustine would take about a week to work.
As much as I am dreading the decision to have him put to sleep, I have already looked into in home euthanasia for him. He hates going to vets and I wouldn't want to put him (and myself) through that stress in such a situation. In home euthanasia just seems like the best fit, as I wouldn't want to be around a bunch of strangers in a waiting room or drive on the road, a total mess, after my cat just passed away... Part of me has already come to terms with the inevitable. The first shock really happened in November when I got the diagnosis. I cried a lot then and have been reading a lot about the topic ever since. My own emotions have been a roller coaster though, so please don't judge me for what I'm about to write. At times I wish he was gone already, to a better place. I know this sounds terrible but I can't help it. I feel helpless and tired and don't know how else I could take care of him. I would never hurt him or neglect him but we have tried everything and still no luck. Am I a terrible person for feeling this way? On the other hand I know I will feel guilty about putting him to sleep, because his personality still shines through the illness. He's funny, such a character... I will miss him. Sorry for the long post.
Unfortunately due to its location the tumor is inoperable, so he was put on prednisolone right away, which fixed his legs and helped him go into remission for a few months. We also did a round of radiation between December and January. In the good period that followed we took our first roadtrip to Florida to see my parents, which could have been the last time, since I was told in November that he had 6-9 months to live... He was never a traveler but he took the trip pretty well and spent most of the time sitting in my mother's window looking outside.
Unfortunately in March his hind legs stopped working again, so we started chemo, with the understanding that there was no guarantee it would help... Some people warned me against chemo but I wanted to try and not give up without a fight. After the first dose of Doxirubicin there were no side effects and his hind legs were working again for the most part. Then after about 10 days they stopped working again and he started dribbling pee everywhere. I had to get him diapers and put puppy pads down... it's been difficult to say the least, not just the amount of cleaning but seeing him like this. On the other hand his personality is still there, he still likes to cuddle and beg for food when I'm eating and follow me everywhere, even though he has to drag himself. The oncologist said the tumor was likely pushing on vital nerves and that's what's causing the issue with the legs and the incontinence. So I've been spoiling him rotten with treats and cuddles, as luckily I'm able to work from home most of the time.
This past Monday when I took him for his next chemo treatment (we switched to Lomustine), he was also badly constipated after not pooping for 4 days. After a day at the vet and multiple enemas I was told that he may not be able to poop on his own again due to the tumor... which would become a major quality of life issue of course. Then on Thursday I found fresh poop in the house a couple of times but I think he's lost that reflex now and has also been eating less. He's not using the litterbox at all, he just goes wherever he happens to be. So I also have to wash his backside daily now which he's not thrilled about. Yesterday he decided that he wanted to go down the stairs (which he always liked to do in the past) but that can only be done with assistance. When he sleeps next to me, I can feel him trembling at times - another neurological issue. The oncologist said that if the Lomustine doesn't help him, there is not much else we can do. Next week I will call him to touch base, since he said the Lomustine would take about a week to work.
As much as I am dreading the decision to have him put to sleep, I have already looked into in home euthanasia for him. He hates going to vets and I wouldn't want to put him (and myself) through that stress in such a situation. In home euthanasia just seems like the best fit, as I wouldn't want to be around a bunch of strangers in a waiting room or drive on the road, a total mess, after my cat just passed away... Part of me has already come to terms with the inevitable. The first shock really happened in November when I got the diagnosis. I cried a lot then and have been reading a lot about the topic ever since. My own emotions have been a roller coaster though, so please don't judge me for what I'm about to write. At times I wish he was gone already, to a better place. I know this sounds terrible but I can't help it. I feel helpless and tired and don't know how else I could take care of him. I would never hurt him or neglect him but we have tried everything and still no luck. Am I a terrible person for feeling this way? On the other hand I know I will feel guilty about putting him to sleep, because his personality still shines through the illness. He's funny, such a character... I will miss him. Sorry for the long post.
