Adoption regret. Please help.

[Anneshirley]

Hi. I am reaching out because I am really struggling with two new cats and if anyone can relate to the emotions I'm having, at least I won't feel alone.
In January I lost my 17 yr old cat Teddy. I was very attatched to him. He was a cuddling lap cat who just craved attention from anyone. I thought I wouldn't get a cat again soon, but a few weeks later I decided to visit a cat cafe with my husband for fun. One orange and white cat stood out because he jumped right up to my husband and sat on his chest. Aspen seemed so friendly and was purring like crazy, and very docile. I though he was great, but the manager showed us another new cat that was an adorable fluffy gray one, Kelvin. He was scared, but on a follow up visit, he was purring like crazy when we picked him up. They said Aspen got along with anyone, and since I couldn't decide on just one, I took both. They are both about 9 months old.
Aspen was chill from the start, and would come to my lap. I was so happy at the start. Kelvin took more time to come out from hiding.
It's been over a month. Kelvin shows some dominance (both are males), but they mostly play, chase, wrestle. They don't really snuggle up together, but there's been no hissing or meowing when they wrestle.
They sometimes sleep in the bed, but not close to us.
Lately Aspen hasn't come to my lap, and I realized that he doesn't head bump or rub up again our legs. He does seem happy to see me, follows me, purrs, but doesn't seem to crave attention. Kelvin does when he wants wet food. He seems to want to aways know what Aspen is doing. I dont really know Aspen's history, but I do this he was raised by humans.
So anyway, I know I might never have another Teddy, but now I'm devastated that even Aspen isn't a lap cat, or really want pets. I read him totally wrong. I knew Kelvin was an unknown, but was just so cute.
I know I can't expect too much from them, it's not fair to compare, and every cat is different, but I just miss the snuggles soooo much. I mean, other people's cats have come to my lap. I do play with them, and give treats to try to bond. I'm just heartbroken that they aren't what I hoped for and I think I wasn't ready for new cats. I should have done more research and found one that I knew would be a lap cat. I feel like I picked the wrong cats.
Please only respond if you have any encouragement or can at least relate to these feelings. Thanks.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
It sounds like you may have had an interaction or two with a cat group where things were less than helpful. I'm sorry for that. We don't judge here.

There have been posts in the past where people have had struggles with a new cat.

You might be jumping to a conclusion that's unwarranted, which is to say you may want to wait this out and see what transpires with them. Cats are cats, and since Aspen did utilize your lap, it is quite likely he will again.

It is possible that he was responding to your initial happiness, and that your sadness may have come back once that first joy dissipated a bit and things became a little more "usual". You might see if you can find things outside/away from the cats, going for walks, playing pickleball or tennis, golf, whatever, to really change your perspective so that your expectations are less and your grief can continue to work itself through its process.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. I am sorry for your loss of Teddy. It is true that Teddy can never really be replaced, but as you said yourself, you are trying to compare young kittens to a long term, elderly buddy. You already know that really isn't a feasible comparison.

These are still essentially kittens, so they have a lot of growing up to do! They also have each other to play with and at this stage of their lives that is much more important to them than cuddling with humans! Kind of like teenagers, if you will. Teenagers blossom into adults who generally cherish their parents once they reach a certain maturity. This is true, thankfully on a shorter timeline, of kittens.

Presuming you had Teddy for all/most of his life, can you remember back to when Teddy was young? Was he more rambunctious then? Did he cuddle as much? I am guessing the answers are no - even if he was an only-cat.

Continue to go through the grieving process for Teddy, you need to do that. But remember these kittens are your new lifelong buddies in the making!

 

[Mighty Orange]

My 2 new cats peanut butter and spotty have both taken over a year. You must earn the cat's trust, it takes time. Have patience, for the rewards will be much greater the longer it takes.

 

[furmonster mom]

Youth may be a factor.
My own observation over the years has been that younger cats are like teenagers who want their independence.
However, as they get older they tend to slow down a bit and look for those comfort moments a little more often.