A Sad Day

[jasonm]

My cat died today; I am in tears. I just buried her. I don't know the exact cause, but assume a combination of factors. There were many signs that she was seriously ill; she had stopped eating since a few days. It is strange how things can go, she walked through the garden this morning (although with great difficulty), later I found her death in her basket. I feel sad that I wasn't there when it happened, almost guilty I would say. But I think that I should remind myself that I was always there for her; I hope that she didn't suffer in her final moments.

I still cannot believe that she is no longer around, after almost 20 years. It feels totally surreal, like a nightmare. I was very close to her, she meant everything to me. I loved her personality, we were a perfect match. I knew her so well, just by looking at her for a second I could tell exactly what was going on. She helped me in difficult times and was always happy to see me. It seems hard to imagine that I'll ever get over this; I feel sick and shaky. I guess some of you went through the same process. Her sister died last years at 18, I still feel sad about this as well but I have to say that the presence of her sister (who died today) helped me a lot. Now I no longer have any cats. I am thinking whether getting new cats would help me get through the grieving process; although it feels a bit treacherous to think about new cats so soon already. It also feels difficult to imagine that you will ever feel so attached to other cats again, it will just never be the same again. Life can be so harsh...

 

[les26]

I am sorry that you lost your friend and her sister prior, but to live 18 and 20 years is a wonderful thing, but it does make it harder when we lose them after such a long time, it is losing a family member and we all here can relate and understand, You will feel many different emotions, just try to let them flow and take their course, holding them in will only delay the healing process. Feeling shaky and sick is just your nerves and emotions, it will settle down with time. When Simon died years ago I had stress attacks where I would not want to be in the dark or in enclosed places like the shower, I felt like I was going to suffocate, but that was my mind and body's way of dealing with it. No matter how long we have them it never seems enough, but you are doing something right if you had them that long, and don't feel guilty for not being there in the last moments, it happens, and I'm sure she passed peacefully and she knew you loved her so that's okay.

Hang in there, many well wishes will come your way soon from the "family" here, we are sorry, can understand and will help.

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....

 

[mightyboosh]

Bless her sweet little heart.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Little Girl, dream you deep. Play now with your sister at the Bridge.

One day, perhaps soon, perhaps later, you can think of bringing another cat into your home. To rescue a cat from a shelter would be a lovely tribute to your lost girls.

 

[di and bob]

If you can find comfort in having the distraction of a new little one in your house, I can think of nothing better that your sweet girl could want for the one she loved above all else. She taught you the meaning of love and you would bring honor to her name by passing on the legacy she left you. She is secure in knowing her place in your heart, like a mother with many children you can love each one as the precious unique individual they are. Let her guide you now to find that perfect addition to your home, you will know with your heart which one and when the time is right.
You gave your sweet girl what she wanted the most in the world, your love. Your care is evident by the almost twenty years she enjoyed here on this earth, her soul will be forever bonded to yours by the bonds of love. It is spiritual, so eternal. Her presence will be greatly missed, but the 'essence' that made her who she was will surround you until the end of time.
My heart goes out to you, please accept my sincere condolences. Take care.......RIP beautiful girl, the world is a little darker with your passing, but the skies blaze with the eternal light that shines forth from your new star in the summer sky. Goodnight, sleep tight, precious one!

 

[aradasky]

Jason,
It is so hard to lose a friend who was with you for so long. And her sister earlier as well. You were given the gift of so many years with both of them and they loved you every minute. You have the heart to allow cats to love you.

Their deaths are so hard right now. You will learn to live around your grief and eventually will realize that they opened a door in your heart to let a new friend in. They will still be there, but you have room in your heart for more than one friend to love.

I wish you peace.

 

[Antonio65]

When a special bond like yours is broken by the death it is always sad, no matter whether it happens after 20 days or 20 years or 40 years.
I'm so sad to read of the sudden death of your beautiful girl, but don't beat up yourself for not being there when she went away, she left you without giving you too much disturb, probably she wanted just that.
I'm crying for you

RIP beautiful Angel

 

[jasonm]

Thank you everyone for your kind replies and thoughts, very much appreciated!

I just send a message to someone about my grieving process during the last year, perhaps it could be of help to others so I thought I would share it here with you

"Yes, it has been over a year now since my cat died. I still think about her frequently and I do miss her a lot. I guess this is normal, given how much I loved her and the amount of time we spent together; it is like losing a close family member. I think that people that don't like pets will not understand this.

I adopted two young shelter cats about a month after her passing. Two sisters, like my previous two cats. I do believe that this has helped me deal with the grieving process. Of course, they have very different personalities and appearance than my previous ones; each cat is unique. I love them deeply, but it obviously takes time to get attached to them as much as I did to my previous cats, as I lived with them for 18 and 19 years. Sometimes I recognise certain similar traits in them, sometimes they will react very differently; their unique and strong personalities is what I like about cats.

In the initial months after my cat died last year I noticed a feeling of guilt as I wasn't right beside her when she died; when thinking about her I kept visualising her dead in her basket, the way I found her. I guess it was somewhat of a traumatising experience for me, although it was obvious that she was gravely ill. Sometimes I also had thoughts about things that could have gone better during her illness. Fortunately, over time I noticed that these feelings gradually subsided and when I think about her now, I tend (and try) to visualise her more like she really was for all of these years and not just in her final days.

Thoughts that have helped me:
- She lived a long, healthy and happy life as a cat. Not all cats are that lucky, I was fortunate to have her with me for so many years. I would even go as far as saying that she had a better life than I had for most of the time.
- I did the best I could given the circumstances, I provided anything for her that she ever needed and always took good care of her. She was fortunate to have me, too.
- I am not sure if cats grief but when her sister died the year before her, I did not notice any change in her behaviour at all. She ate, slept and did her daily routine as usual. Their relationship wasn't that great, and some cats will certainly react differently, but I somehow just like to think about this every now and then when thinking about her
- She died at her favourite place, her home. The last moment I saw her alive, I tried to stroke her but she didn't want me to; it was okay for me to leave her alone during these final moments.
- All good things will come to an end. Although her death feels like a tremendous loss, our companionship was a life experience that I certainly wouldn't have want to miss. I was lucky that our paths somehow crossed 20 years ago."


Have a good day everyone; and a lot of happiness with and without your beloved pets

 

[di and bob]

Thank you so much for your 'journal' of your grieving process. I believe it really helps others to see what you have went through and how you processed it. To know what you felt and how you dealt with it. I salute you for helping others!
I also know you still miss your two girls and always will. I pray you can use your precious memories for comfort and immerse yourself in the joy and happiness your new little ones are bringing to you now. Just as your sweet girls would want for the one they love so much! May the good Lord bless and keep them until you meet again.....

 

[Antonio65]

Fortunately, over time I noticed that these feelings gradually subsided and when I think about her now, I tend (and try) to visualise her more like she really was for all of these years and not just in her final days.

I couldn't believe it could happen to me, but it is what I'm experiencing lately.
I am starting remembering my sweet Lola in her good days rather than in her last and terrible days, though the two parts still overlap evry now and then.
Maybe one day the bad part will sit in the back on my memory...

Although her death feels like a tremendous loss, our companionship was a life experience that I certainly wouldn't have want to miss. I was lucky that our paths somehow crossed 20 years ago.

Yes! I, too, had the best experience of my life with my two cats, I do not regret a single minute spent with them, but I regret not having spent more time with them.
They gave me so much, they left me so much, more than I gave and left to them.
Thanks, my kitties!