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I think i found my real father

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
I wanted to post here real quick before i left to work. I am 20 years old and i dont know my real father, my whole family doesnt get along and the only thing they seem to agree on is how my mother got pregnant with me and its a crazy story. the other night my bf and i were talking about my uncle "bob" he isnt blood, but he used to date my aunt 20 years ago and they broke up around the time my mom got pregnant with me. my aunt wont tell me anything about who my father is neither will my mom. my mom used to be premiscious girl she got pregnant with me at 15. but when my bf and i were talking about uncle bob he said i bet a million dollars he is ur dad. when i ask my aunt why they broke up she just says things didnt work out. and when i talk to my aunt about my real dad she gets all defensive. I know someone in my family knows who he is, but why wont they tell me. my mom and uncle bob still talk to this day. when we lived in cali he even sent her money for us kids why would we do that if he wasnt blood ya know? i am going to see him to talk to his tomorrow i would just like some quick advice.....
post #2 of 10
Wow. I dont have any advice, but I hope you find what you are looking for. Its sad no one will be open with you about it. It would seem that if "uncle Bob" is truly your father, they could set asside a 20 year old conflict so you could know that it is him or not. But as always there may be much more to the story. Your Mom will not tell you who your Father is ? I would have a heart to heart sit down with her and let her know how much it means to you and perhaps she will open up to you. Good Luck !
post #3 of 10
I think thats really greedy of your mother and aunty to not tell you who your real father is, after all you are an adult and you have the right to know.
Did you real father sign the birth certificate?
post #4 of 10
I agree with Fwan that is is not right that you not be told who your real dad is, even just for a medical history. I hope this works out for you, and someone does the right thing and tells you.
post #5 of 10
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
I think thats really greedy of your mother and aunty to not tell you who your real father is, after all you are an adult and you have the right to know.
Did you real father sign the birth certificate?
That is a really good question! Let us know how it goes!
post #6 of 10
Sending {{{prayers and vibes}}} that you find the answer to the truth about your father - his people are your people, simple as that - your history is comprised of both sets of ancestors. However, maybe your mother just wants to protect you - after all, she knows what your real father is like. And it's probably just as well that you strike out on your own on this one; opening closed memories can reopen old wounds. I'm glad that you have a supportive bf and, of course, the rest of us here at TCS Please keep us posted on how it goes!
By the way, does "uncle bob" have any notion that you will be discussing this with him? Maybe you could open with something like, you'd be proud if he was your father, or something like that Not sure how to proceed, I come from a family that culturally places a huge importance on family - even if your parents are no good, then grandparents & elders become even more important
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
on my birth certificate for father it says unknown. when i was lil and i would ask my mom she said she would always tell me when i got older and when i got older she would just cry and say she didnt know. i personally think she is lying. i am going to see my uncle bob today and he doesnt know that i am coming to talk to him about this. i dont even know how to start the conversation my self. lol. i asked my mom about a week ago if she ever slept with him and she said oohh no he wanted to but i never did bc he slept with my sister. which i know wouldnt matter to her, and thats sad to say. but i know my mom every man that came across her she slept with. i understand about opening old wounds but i am 20 years old. i want answers!!! i love my bf to death and i want to marry him some day who is going to walk me down the asile? when we have children someday and they want to go fishing with grandpa what am i going to tell em? if i found out that it is uncle bob i know he will make up for lost years, hes a great guy. but if he isnt my father, im not going to stop looking, i know he is out there and some one knows something. also my mom lives in reno nevada and i live in new york, she cant remember much but im sure she will remember something if i tell her either she tells me or she cant be in my life. i know that sounds a lil harsh, but i just want to know his name, no one can even tell me that. and if i find him and its not uncle bob and he wants nothing to do with me, thats fine thats not my fault thats his!! also my mom says that my real father doesnt know about me, but i dont know if that is another lie. i am glad that i have a supportive boyfriend and i am so glad that i got all of you to support me as well!!! thank you all for the support i will keep you posted about how it goes tonight at uncle bobs
post #8 of 10
I hope you do find your dad.If its not your Uncle Bob. Then I would have a real heart to heart talk with your mon. And get across to her how important it is to you to know who your dad is.You have the right to know.Good luck...
post #9 of 10
Maybe you can start the conversation with, "Uncle Bob, no one is telling me anything...do you know who my father is?"

That way, you're not putting yourself in a situation of disappointment right off if he's NOT your father. And maybe, if he IS, he will tell you. If he says to ask your mom, tell him you have exhausted that route and she refuses, but that you are an adult and have a right to know.

Good luck!!
post #10 of 10
Great advice! Non-confrontational is best.

Good luck.
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