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post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
It's so nice that you all are here to "talk" to!

I'm making custom shirts for everyone in the wedding party and for both sets of parents, as a surprise.

My problem is with my Fiancé's Dad and his wife. Robert's mother died a little over two years ago and his dad remarried about a year later. She fills the "mother of the groom" spot, but she's not his mom and we don't even consider her a step mom, as we've only known her about a year and she's never done any mothering (and it would have been weird for her to do that anyway).

So what should her shirt say? Robert was very close to his mom and I think he would be really hurt to for her to have a shirt that said mother of the groom. and I think she would feel uncomfortable as well. But for the life of me I can't figure out what to call her! Wife of the Father of the Groom is just too long and weird!

And I can't ask anyone's opinion because this is a surprise!

Any ideas?

~Julia
post #2 of 13
Oh Julie.........that's a toughie...............
post #3 of 13
Could you just put her name ? ... I would think any reasonable person would understand that she is "new" and since there isnt an official title yet, except "father's wife", that she would understand.
post #4 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by kittylover4ever View Post
Oh Julie.........that's a toughie...............
Yeah..It sure is. I seen her reply and was like "yeah. It really is."
I'd just use her name. Or like "Mrs. Whatever the grooms fathers last name is"
post #5 of 13
That is tough! I know you said it was a surprise, but couldn't you talk to her in private and just tell her what your dilemna is (and swear her to secrecy of course) and ask her what she would prefer! She might be touched that you had cared enough to speak to her about it and ask, and that way she wouldn't be hurt if you chose the wrong thing!
post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilleah View Post
I'd just use her name. Or like "Mrs. Whatever the grooms fathers last name is"
I think that would be the best idea/safest idea.

It is still personal and who doesnt like clothes that say their last name!
post #7 of 13
Does she tell funny jokes or does she make really good... oh I don't know... apple pie? Is she really crafty? If there was something she did or was known for... she's crazy about art for example... maybe you could have her name have something to do with that.

I'm not sure if that would fit with the other names you are giving people... but maybe that would work?
post #8 of 13
I like the talking to her in private idea, or also the idea of "best Apple Pie Maker", how cute! Or you could make her an "honorary" something. "Honorary mother of the Groom".

Or you could be silly and say "future grandma" or "grandma of ____" your kitties' names - I'm sorry I can't remember, I'm PUIing.

I hope I'm not out of line here, but statistics show that when a person remarries (especially a man) very soon after a spouse dies, it means that they had a really great marriage. Just if that's a sore point. Hugs, Kim
post #9 of 13
Hmm, that is a toughy! "Honorary Mother of the Groom" sounds nice as it implies that with the start of your new marriage, you would like her to be a part of your lives. But also "Stepmother of the Groom", "One of the ____ Family" or "_____ Family Member" is nice too. That is tough but hopefully she will enjoy anything you give her! Good Luck!!
post #10 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by LokisMum View Post
That is tough! I know you said it was a surprise, but couldn't you talk to her in private and just tell her what your dilemna is (and swear her to secrecy of course) and ask her what she would prefer! She might be touched that you had cared enough to speak to her about it and ask, and that way she wouldn't be hurt if you chose the wrong thing!
I think it's touching and a special way to include her, especially as it's hard to know what to call her.
post #11 of 13
I agree. I think it would be a nice way to help her find her place in the family. She is probably just as worried as you about what will be on her shirt. Maybe you could consult a little with your husband, to find out if there would be anything other than the obvious that he would really object to. Then if necessary, you could steer her tactfully in another direction. If I were in her position, I would be grateful that you would be kind enough to be concerned about hurting her feelings.
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kluchetta View Post
I like the talking to her in private idea, or also the idea of "best Apple Pie Maker", how cute! Or you could make her an "honorary" something. "Honorary mother of the Groom".

Or you could be silly and say "future grandma" or "grandma of ____" your kitties' names - I'm sorry I can't remember, I'm PUIing.

I hope I'm not out of line here, but statistics show that when a person remarries (especially a man) very soon after a spouse dies, it means that they had a really great marriage. Just if that's a sore point. Hugs, Kim
Thanks for everyone's help! I do think that I'll try to ask her in private the next time I see her. I think she would be ok with either her first name, or Mrs. Hill.

I know that I couldn't ever use Mother or the groom or Step-mother of the groom. My fiancé would just be too upset that his mother couldn't be there, and really, he's too old to have a step-mom. He was 26 when his mom died and 27 when his dad remarried, and he has been living on his own since he was 18, so she's not his mom in any sense of the word.

But I think that asking her will be the right thing to do, and it also lets her in on the surprise that no one else knows about, so that may also help her to feel more included. Oh, and I can get my FIL's tshirt size from her!

~Julia
post #13 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlutgendorf View Post
I know that I couldn't ever use Mother or the groom or Step-mother of the groom. My fiancé would just be too upset that his mother couldn't be there, and really, he's too old to have a step-mom. He was 26 when his mom died and 27 when his dad remarried, and he has been living on his own since he was 18, so she's not his mom in any sense of the word.
~Julia
Have you thought about maybe placing some sort of tribute to your fiance's deceased mother on all of the shirts in addition to figuring out what his father's new wife wants to be known as?
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